On Tuesday morning, I was screaming to the universe HOW CAN IT ONLY BE TUESDAY?!?  NO, REALLY.  THROW ME A FRICKIN’ BONE, UNIVERSE.    & thankfully, that passed & now it’s Thursday night, my leg muscles are that fabulous aching exhaustion that comes from a good run, & I have a hot cup of tea to sip.

1.  Did I mention that it is Thursday?  Which means tomorrow is Friday.  Which means that in 24 hours, I’ll be over three hours into a long weekend with my boys.

2.  A long weekend of zero plans other than some sewing projects, long walks, & napping.

3.  Tomatoes.  These were pulled fresh from the garden tonight & are delicious.

4.  Tonight.  Tonight, I lapped up every moment playing with my son.  When I clapped because he knocked over blocks, I meant it with my whole heart.  I giggled when he splashed me up to my elbows in the bath.  I felt fulfilled.  & while Nate worked out in the yard, I put our son to bed by myself, which is honestly a HUGE step for me.  MASSIVE.  & while I rocked Harrison & sang “Baby Mine,” I figured that I am finally understanding what every mother is supposed to feel about motherhood.

A short list tonight, but a worthy one.  Best to you as we wind down the week.

Okay, I know I shouldn’t brag but FOR SERIOUS, how cute is my kid?!  I simply die at this picture.  (I know, that’s so obnoxiously typical of a mother)

Which is nice, because this week has been one of those very-bad-no-good kind of weeks for the most part, but I’m trying to focus on the amazing aspects of this week.  Because y’all, some really amazing stuff happened – like house showings, a delicious salad for lunch today, & a case of triplets in a ute (that is not mine).

So curl up in a comfy chair with a laptop & a good book, maybe a cup of tea or decaf coffee.  & reflect back on how sometimes, the small amazing moments in life can make up for a week of suck.

1.  Did I mention that one of my best friends is HAVING TRIPLETS?!!

2.  Harry in a seersucker hat with a grin on his face.

3.  Butter toffee coffee.  I also like how it rhymes.  Toffee Coffee, Toffee Coffee…

4.  For my hot piece of ass husband.  Y’all…he’s a hot piece of ass.  I love him, but I also still wallow in pools of lust over this man after (almost) four years of marriage.  RAWR.

5.  Boys & their dog.  & dreaming of the years ahead full of scrapes, dirt, wrestling, & wild boy cries mixed in with the happy yaps of a good pup.

look – Tuck’s tail is blurry, she’s wagging it so hard!  ha!

6.  At the same time, dreaming of an office all of my own with pink walls & flower prints & a vintage, romantic feel.  A wingback chair to curl up in with a throw.  Fabric swatches & scribbled journals & loved paperback books.

7.  Etsy.  Need I say more?

8.  Surviving something today that could have been BAD NEWS BEARS, but I managed it by myself.  With some hard-core Cognitive Behavioral Therapy & a little medicinal assistance.  I couldn’t feel my face, but I also didn’t have a mental breakdown so we’ll count it as a score in the opponent’s goal.  BA – 1.  PPD – 0.  SUCK ON IT.

9.  Meeting new friends over beet bruschetta & loaded tater tots (the latter I did not participate in although I did have 2 beat & goat cheese slices, yummmm…)

10.  In less than 48 hours, we’ll be doing this:

but not this:

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

(or maybe not-so-obvious:  she’s knocked up & i’m on meds that don’t really skip down the yellow brick road of happiness with alcohol)

Thursday?!  Already??

This week has flown by for me & I hope it has for you, too.  Even though sometimes, I wish life would go at a slower pace – especially now that Harrison is practically standing on his own.  Walking may be in just a few short months & it seems like it was just yesterday that we could sit on the couch with him snuggled in a pile of blankets.  Now, sitting?  You must be kidding.  We’re on the MOVE with this boy constantly!  So it so sweet to, as always, heat up a cup of tea & take a moment.

1.  HUNDREDS of birthday wishes. Y’all are amazing & THANK YOU!  I read each & every one & appreciated them all.  It was one of the BEST birthday’s I’ve had in ages.

2.  Cute Ikea lamps.

3.  Redbox movies since we don’t have cable.

4.  Namesakes from folks who are family, if only in spirit.

5.  My workstation.  I LOVE IT.  I love the little space of my own, the colored pencils, the sweet quotes & organization.  & it’s mine.

6. HI, PENGUIN.

7.  Birthday dinners with cute dresses & super-high red heels.  With silly dog gates as backdrops.

8.  Tattoos that peek out from under sloppy summer pony-tails.

9.  Feeling a little more inspired to actually write.

On a serious note…what I’ve been writing is “fluff” lately.  I know it.  I’m embracing it.  I hope you will, too.  I had a long chat over coffee with another PPD Survivor about the blog, it’s therapeutic ability, etc.  & this is what I’m comfy with.  I switched psychiatrist’s & she also knows about the blog & says that to keep going as long as it makes me happy.  & it makes me so, so happy.  I’m writing “fluff” because for now, that’s what feels good.  I’m not ready to write about the psychosis in-depth.  I’m not ready to write too detailed about the hospital.  I don’t know if I ever will be.  So for now, it’s “fluff.”  It’s Thankful on Thursdays, & babies puking in my mouth, & cute new shoes.  It’s tips on what to carry in your diaper bag, giveaways, & potentially a lot of bitching if we do decide to cut our commute by moving closer in.

I don’t know why I’m writing that.  Maybe to defend myself against the handful that tell me to stop?  Maybe to stick my tongue & middle finger out at the nay-sayers?  Because they don’t see how cozy I am in this office chair as Nate does a deal on golf clubs & Harry sleeps.  They don’t see how my face lights up over “business” coffee.  They don’t know that my psychiatrist has the blog address & thinks it is awesome.  Or how Blogher is one of the few things I have looked forward to in a long time, aside from seeing that dimple on Harrison’s cheek every morning.

Maybe to show you that the old me is still in there, fighting her way back to the top.  & maybe that’s what I am most thankful for today.