The next few weeks are busy for me, but not in an awful way.
More in the sense that we’re taking a ton of trips to the park & finding a strawberry farm to go berry picking. Plus a lot of packing & deep-scrubbing the house so that when it does sell & I’m back in the office, I will have quite a bit done & panic less.
So if I’m “quiet” over the next few weeks, have no fear. It’s just that we are busy as bees.
If I’m posting more than normal, have no fear. It’s just life is spilling over.
The phone rang on Tuesday while Harrison played trains and I tapped out email responses. It was a job offer from SAS, a six-month contract as a digital marketing specialist with an excellent chance to turn permanent. I took a deep breath, negotiated a start date, & said “yes.”
I’m going back to work in a month! Full time, outside of the home!
interview BA, complete with black blazer & nervous face.
I am very excited for the opportunity, for the company, for the doors that are opening. I’ll get to be on the back-end of all the front-end things I do – instead of creating content, I’ll be administering the content & the nerd in me couldn’t be more pumped. The company I’ll be working for (not SAS the shoe company) has M&M’s in the break room & walking trails. I’ll wear jeans to the office. If I do get on permanently, the benefits are out of this world.
Needless to say, I’ve been walking around with JAZZ HANDS! for the past 24 hours out of pure happiness. I’ve been secretly applying there for the past five years for various positions, so I’m still in “pinch me” mode. (I’m about to get all motivational speaker & point out that in January, I thought life had kicked me flat on my ass. I was terrified & nervous but it has flung open doors I never dreamed of before. So that really piss-poor circumstance in life can turn out to be the greatest blessing with a little bit of time.)
But that underlying tone of pause? That’s me feeling like the end of maternity leave all over again. Three solid months of Momma + Harry eating pancakes in the morning & going for walks & grocery shopping mid-day. Working in yoga pants, sitting on a blanket in the backyard. I am thankful for the time we’ve had together & it’s been very good for us. We knew it wasn’t forever.
Instead, this could be the new forever. We’ll just have to wait & see.
We’re getting pretty good at the “wait & see” aspect of life these days.
Harry is sick, the really terrible kind of sick where there is nothing to do but ride it out with extra-deep warm baths & a humidifier. Although this explains his turd-tastic behavior last weekend, I feel awful for the tiny guy when he’s sobbing in bed because he can’t breathe & it’s all “croup-y” according to the nurse line.
I think the worst part of motherhood so far is telling a two-year-old that we can’t go to the park or see his friends because he’s sick. Then listen to him bark-cry, which only makes him feel worse which makes him bark more which makes him cry more & it’s an awful, viscious cycle.
His momma also caught the sicks, so we’re watching Disney movies & fort-building. Basically, we’re laying low in the trenches & we’ll see you back in the land of the healthy hopefully in a few days.
1) I dare not breathe, turn on the television, anything above a conference call whisper & key tapping….anything that gives away my direct location.
2) I lock myself in the bedroom/office & he physically attempts to beat down the door to get to me. Wails of torture from both parties ensue.
3) He uses intimidation & manipulation to prey on my weakness, all in hopes of getting me to open the door for a direct attack. This includes cries of “MOMMA!” & shoving Matchbox cars under the door.
4) Out of food & toilet paper, I must make the decision – open the door for a run to the kitchen & risk being spotted, or wither without supplies for the rest of the day?
5) Should I open the door, any moment could be the end of my existance workday.
ahhhhh, he got me!
The hardest part about a “life change” is finding a new routine.
Figuring out what works, what doesn’t, re-setting priorities & deciding new goals. Maybe it’s just me, but changes tend to dump me on my head & I spend about 3-4 weeks spinning in circles freaking the hell out, but then I buckle down & settle in.
The first few weeks home, I kept Harrison with me alone & worked while he played in the backyard or napped. Then my sister moved in with us during weekdays to help with childcare but I found myself working on our bed in the master bedroom, alone & isolated for 5-9 hours per day. Just me & my laptop & some movie as background noise. I emerged for lunch but had this nagging feeling that I was getting lazier & fatter & more depressed by the moment. I was rocking second & third-day hair on the regular & staying in my pajamas until 3pm. (also? girl scout cookie season. no further explanation necessary.)
This week, I decided to start our days with a walk – the kind where Harrison is bundled in the stroller & his momma burns calories. I thought he’d hate it & fight the stroller because he’s such an independent guy, but I think he likes being able to just chill out. It’s just thirty minutes but I feel so much better & focused for it. I worked better, more efficiently, even planned dinner & put on lipstick. (well, Revlon lip butter. Seriously, check that stuff out because it’s magic.)
Last night, I went out with my girlfriends for our monthly Girls Night Out & when asked how I was, I said “Happy. Really, really happy. The kind where everything that comes out of my mouth is rainbows! & sparkles! & unicorns!” I’m even annoying the shit out of myself with it, but I can’t help it. I don’t know whether it’s the sunshine or the exercise endorphins or the seeing my kid every day or the Zoloft, but this feeling rocks all around.
 |
 |
So not a HUGE difference from last week, … [Read More...]
