Pass The Unisom | Heir to Blair

There was no sleep & then there was good news.

1 Feb posted by heirtoblair

If you’re following me on Twitter, you know the personal hell our family of three has been facing for the last two weeks:

It’s called a toddler that decided sleep is for the birds.

That was at 4am. He finally conked out at 4:30am.

He has two nightlights.
It’s not night terrors (those have an entirely different cry).
He has loveys.
He’s not hungry or thirsty.
He really doesn’t need to drop his nap because he’s not napping 50% of the time anyway.

Basically? He wants to eff with us. Which might be a strong sentiment except I’ve only had one cup of coffee & four hours of sleep.

(also, the difference between a newborn being awake all hours & a toddler being awake all hours is the amount of noise. when a newborn is awake, at least one parent can sleep. when a toddler is awake, even folks in china hear him.)

It started innocently right around the time I lost my job & we feel for the little guy because it’s obvious he feels the stress in the house. There have been a lot of changes in his wee world over the past few months & my heart goes out to him. First Daddy was home a bit, then we were both at work, then Momma came home & he’s overjoyed but missing his Auntie & why isn’t anything the same anymore?! But Momma needs her REM cycle back & more importantly, the kiddo does too. After nights of rocking & rocking & rocking in the small hours of the day & Doug camping out on a pallet in his room, & purchasing a star turtle & giving him warm milk, we realized yesterday that it was time to pull out the big guns. All three of us were at each other’s throats constantly from pure exhaustion. I snapped at Harrison, something I very rarely do. So Doug & I shook hands & decided that last night was the night.

We dusted off our Ferber book & got the stopwatch on my iPhone working.

We turned Harrison’s lock around so that we could lock him in, thereby taking back control of his ability to leave his room. (shall I pause here & clarify that we still go to him, but it means homeboy can’t sneak out at 3am? good.)

We took out his workbench & garbage trucks.

I turned off his light at the fan so that he can’t party all night long under a ceiling light. (oh buddy, did that piss him off!)

& we hit the sack by 9pm.

I got a pretty awesome workout going back & forth to his room last night, calmly telling him to “Get back in bed, it’s night-night time.” Tuck him in, give him a pat on the back, & close the door behind me. I’m hoping that tonight it won’t take 2 1/2 hours for it to sink in that Momma ain’t fooling around. Also, this is what we woke up to this morning:

I think it’s fair to say he was pretty ticked that Harrison Rave 2012 was thwarted.

____________________________

& in good news, the reason that Momma can’t hang at 4am anymore is because I got an offer from Microsoft as a contract for their marketing department.

SAY WHAT?!

It’s a contract so I’m still on the hunt for a full-time job with bennies. The great news is that the contract is on my terms as far as how many hours I work per week & when the contract ends & they fully understand that I am still looking for a job. So Harry is with his Auntie a few hours per week so I can log in some hours at home & take conference calls & keep interviewing with other companies. What’s that you say, Charlie? WINNING.

Photo 3 There was no sleep & then there was good news.

Remember how you didn't want me as an admin? That's cool. Microsoft thinks I'm worth bringing in to their marketing department. So have a seat, please.

HeirtoBlair500x150 v41 There was no sleep & then there was good news.

109 Comments
Filed Under: FAIL, Harry in General, I wish parenting came with a manual, Life in General, My kid hates me, Pass the Unisom, Potential for Doocing, Sorta Staying Home, Things that aren't perfect despite my best efforts, Toddlers eat your brains, Unpopular opinions

I probably should pull out the old baby monitor & start using it as a walkie-talkie.

26 Jan posted by heirtoblair

901a8c6c456611e1a87612313804ec91 7 300x300 I probably should pull out the old baby monitor & start using it as a walkie talkie. I try to be all badass Super Nanny but this crazy thing happened once I got all healed & whole & less twisty inside – I cannot bear to hear my child cry. & not in the way that sent me screaming for the shower every night at six months postpartum, but that it feels like my gut has been ripped out & flipped over my head & I’m wading knee-deep in my uterus. THAT is what it feels like when my child cries for me.

So when Harrison starts screaming at bedtime & I’ve told him firmly to get back in bed three separate times, he stares up at me with tears falling & says, “Up!!” oh, my heart.

I find myself all sternly inner-dialoguing how I’m setting us up for failure when he’s three as I make my way to the rocking chair. But then I remember how I’m knee-deep in my uterus & how soon, Harry will be going to sleepovers where he will be embarrassed to ever admit he was rocked to sleep & I can’t help myself. I sit & I rock & tell him stories about the man on the moon until he’s calm. His heartbeat slows & his breathing steadies & I know he’s asleep because that’s the kind of thing that mother’s just know.

He’s drooling on my shoulder. It’s time to put the kiddo to bed, but in his earlier rage, all blankets & pillows ended in a pile on the floor. Which means that I have to get up from the chair & put the bedding back together with 30 lbs of live ammunition on my shoulder. Doug to the nursery, I think into the universe. I wait a few minutes. Hey, buddy. To the nursery for pillow recon.

I contemplate the length of my legs, wondering if I can grab the pillow corner with my toes & toss it into the bed. If I can do that, then I’ll have a legit excuse to run away with the circus. I feel the drool seeping through my jammies. The kid stirs & I freeze & send imaginary red flares into the sky. & I’m all WHY IS HE NOT READING MY ESP?! DOUG TO THE NURSERY! DOUG TO THE NURSERY!

What good is being married almost six years if he can’t read my mind?

30 Comments
Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, Never Have I Ever, Pass the Unisom, The I Do's, Things I didn't understand until I birthed a child, Things that aren't perfect despite my best efforts, Toddlers eat your brains, Unpopular opinions

An ode to the dog, after the demotion of the dog.

11 Jan posted by heirtoblair

I feel like I should say something really nice about Tucker. She gets a lot of flack for being all bossy & smelly & annoying, but the deal is that I love that little mutt.

Especially how velvety her ears are. I’m a firm believer that all that is bad in the world could be made right if we would all just rub a pup’s ears while discussing religion, politics, & the Cry It Out method.

She is so good to Harrison. She stayed by my side throughout the flu. She’s my co-pilot on our awful commutes (since the house is on the market, she stays at The Momma’s house during the day).

Plus, she’s really coming into her own these days. She’ll be six in May, so it’s about time the ol’ girl showed some maturity to match the greying on her muzzle.

tucker An ode to the dog, after the demotion of the dog.

Since it is cold outside & she began sleeping in past 5:30am, we let her back in the bedroom. She took that as an invite to make herself comfy.

Granted, I’d appreciate it if she’d stop freaking the eff out whenever she sees the leash. Despite what the trainer said, I have proof that a dog can still properly freak the eff out with it’s rump firmly planted on the ground.

4 Comments
Filed Under: BFFs, Life in General, Never Have I Ever, Pass the Unisom, Unpopular opinions

To infinity & beyond.

11 Nov posted by heirtoblair

The nursery door rattles & I hear whimpers; a glance over to the clock tells me it is 9:30pm & Harrison is awake. I open his door gently, knowing he’s on the other side & little arms reach for me. A bad dream, maybe? A thump that woke him up? I don’t know, but I give him a hug & help him lay back in bed, snug under blankets.

I kneel beside his bed, tracing the fire trucks printed on his jammie’s as I feel him relax; it’s just one more way to know he’s mine, when a sweet hand on a warm cheek is an expression of devotion. His eyes flutter & I notice the matchbox car still grasped in his hand & I smile. A flicker of his lashes catches my smile & he returns it sleepily. I press my mouth to the edge of his bed rail to stifle my giggle; there’s something about it all that made me feel like I just took a swig of warm cider & it’s home & love sliding all the way down.

I love everything about him, from the blonde curls to the little snores & my heart swells & I think it might burst, but it simply grows & I think that’s the beauty of a mother’s heart – the infinite ability to love.

15 Comments
Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, nablopomo, Pass the Unisom, Perfection, Toddlers eat your brains