Outsourcing Parenting Skills

Pass the wine coolers.

18 May posted by heirtoblair

This week has been kind of funk-tacular for me. I think it has to do with the four days of clouds we’ve had in a row & that really messes with my brain.

Harrison is entering this stage where he’s kind of a punk & I mean that with all the love in my heart. But as I said before, it’s like he did lines of pixie sticks & rage. My voice is worn from saying “Do not bite!” & “Knees or bottom!” or “Do not spit!” & then having him laugh hysterically & then do EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ASKED. This phase stole my obedient baby from me. While daycare is having some incredible benefits, it’s also forcing us to realize how sheltered he was for over two years. He’s learned to say “mine!” & unfortunately doesn’t realize yet that while it’s okay to stand up to his peers over who gets to play with the toy firetruck next, standing up to Momma & Daddy is not okay. So when I say “Harrison, it is bathtime. Would you like a bath or shower?” & he stands stiff & screams “NO!!!!!!!!” at me & I swear to God that I want to drown myself in a bottle of tequila. Because that’s after he’s spit ravioli & been asked to leave the table & then kicked over his trains & chased the dog with his toy lawnmower.

The biggest problem is that my parents aren’t huge drinkers, which means they keep their Merlot in the fridge & I’ve had to drink berry wine coolers all week.

On the other hand, I’ve found that toddlers are a lot like dogs. If they start disobeying, just take them out for a walk where they are burning that aggressive energy but being forced to obey. I don’t put a leash on Harrison…yet.

We’re going to Carowinds tomorrow, courtesy of BlogHer, so I assume my Twitter feed will either be “THIS IS AMAZING!” or “SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL!” depending on Harrison’s mood tomorrow. I’m hoping it’s the former because Doug loves theme parks & I’m really looking forward to a family day together.

These are my friends who are pretty & sarcastic. They took me out for a beer to save me from the wine coolers.

friends Pass the wine coolers.

HeirtoBlair500x150 v41 Pass the wine coolers.

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Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Things I didn't understand until I birthed a child, Toddlers eat your brains

I’m teaching life skills here, people. Pay attention.

27 Apr posted by heirtoblair

I’m one week into my new gig & really enjoying it. The work feels very intuitive, so it’s challenging but coming naturally. Not to mention that wearing jeans to the office & having M&Ms in the breakroom really helps, although I’ve been taking daily walks on the trails to get some sunshine & burn some calories. I’ve been training all week so there’s really not much to say except that it’s been a much easier transition from home back to the office than I thought it would be.
I miss the kidlet, but he is really thriving in daycare. We get a daily report & he’s doing an awesome job participating, especially in art. I used to adore art class as a kid, so it’s really no surprise that it’s his favorite too.
The hardest part of this transition is being away from Doug at night, but we were able to go on a date night last night for dinner & American Reunion.

017399a2901311e1989612313815112c 7 Im teaching life skills here, people. Pay attention.

p.s. if you’re not following me on Instagram, my user name is bethanneballance on there.
Do I sound all “meh?” I don’t mean to. I’m just very tired, mostly mentally from soaking in all the new information for the job & finding our new routine in life.
Last night I had to pull a tick off Tucker – Doug said he’s so thankful I had ten years of Girl Scouting because there’s no way he could have done that. (The best way to remove a tick is to strike a match & then blow it out. Place the hot end of the match on the tick’s back, which will make it pull it’s head out. Then grab it with tweezers, yank it off & flush it down the toilet. Works on dogs, humans, etc.) Needless to say, she’s going for a “spa day” for a tick dip, bath, & toenail clipping. I’ll tell her it’s for her sixth birthday, which is next week.
Thank you so much for your encouragement & sympathetic MARKET HULKSMASH from the house selling post. We had showings #44 & #45 last night, but no feedback yet. I’m still feeling pretty darn discouraged but brainstorming some tricks for it’s re-listing next week.
I get to decorate my office any way that I like – does anyone have any links to a favorite Etsy seller that makes prints? I don’t know what I’m looking for, just something fun to brighten up the space.
Could I sound more redneck in this post for telling you how to pull off a tick? Southern life skills, my friends.

How’s your week going? I miss y’all. I feel like I’ve been so out of the loop this week. Anything cool happening?

33 Comments
Filed Under: Friday Dump, Harry in General, Life in General, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Potential for Doocing

Moving back to the homestead.

18 Apr posted by heirtoblair

Starting Monday, I will be living at my parent’s house during the weekdays. My new job (so freaking excited & nervous!) is even further from our for-the-love-of-God-please-sell-already house, which means that Harrison & I would need to leave the house by 6:30am to begin a roughly 2-hour commute including daycare drop-off.

That ain’t happening. My sanity can’t take it & my Twitter stream cannot handle any more LOOK HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET HOME! that they had this past winter.

So to cut back the time by roughly an hour each way, Harrison & I will be living out of suitcases on work nights & then trudging back to our home for the weekends. Doug will be doing a 50/50 dance of checking on the house & staying with us. I’m not looking forward to being without my husband so much, but we know it’s temporary.

This is the room I’ll be staying in – one of the guest rooms that has zero of the personality it used to have with college banners & football trophies from when my brother lived in here. I’ll be moving in my desk & computer & I switched out one of the nightstands for a bookcase (I love having my books close). The Momma is clearing out space in the closet as I type. But I’m at a loss as to what to do…I’ll be here 5 nights out of the week without my husband for who knows how long & I am wondering if I should try to bring a little of “us” to this room. Bring pictures of our little family, use a bedspread from home.

I’ll need to remember to bring over Harry’s favorite bedtime books & toys for the evenings. I’ll need to leave a post-it note reminding Doug to water the garden every night. It’s going to be crazy-weird living under my parent’s roof again, except now I’m an adult & it’s so temporary. Hopefully our house will sell this spring so that we can put all this nasty commuting mess behind us for good.

But for now, I guess I’m moving back to the homestead.

Y’all.

23 Comments
Filed Under: Adult Club, All about BA, Finding Balance, I share DNA with these folks, Life in General, Moving on up, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Potential for Doocing, The I Do's, Things that aren't perfect despite my best efforts

Wait…what did I do again today?

4 Apr posted by heirtoblair

Monday was one of those days where Doug walked through the front door & I just shrugged.

There was no dinner in the oven, the child was shoeless & filthy, toddler bedding was strewn across the living room floor, & my hair was in a top knot with a bandana holding back my bangs. In short? We were a hot, hot mess. If Doug had asked me what I did all day (you know, if he wanted to have his balls for dinner), then I would have simply said that I kept his kid alive for one more day.

Oh, sure. I had plenty of aspirations including homemade chicken pot pie for dinner & dessert in the oven for the basketball championship game. When I woke up that morning, I imagined booking an extra hour while the boys did their nightly game of chase in the backyard. Then reality took over – Harrison slept in a little bit, I took him out for breakfast before we went grocery shopping & he was perfectly behaved the entire morning. Then he dumped tomato soup on his head & needed a mid-day bath, my laptop battery died, & I found two molars blistering through his gums all before naptime. We spent the rest of the day “camping” in a Thomas the Train tent & coloring (only making it into the coloring book 50% of the time, RIP Melissa & Doug puzzle).

Nothing that mothers don’t deal with on a regular basis. Nothing that I didn’t face in the office with other work. Nothing to complain about or make a fuss over, but just the little things that take away from the moments in the day & I look up & oh my, how is it 5:30pm already?! I haven’t worked or made dinner or cleaned the house or done anything that leaves a tangible response.

I called my mother the next morning & she reassured me that in her many years at home, she had days like that where the clock flew faster than the to-do list. & that there were many times where “Honey! The children are still alive!” was worth celebrating.

23 Comments
Filed Under: FAIL, Finding Balance, Harry in General, Life in General, Never Have I Ever, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Sorta Staying Home, Things I didn't understand until I birthed a child, Things that aren't perfect despite my best efforts, Toddlers eat your brains

When life feeds fear & the spillover runs bone dry.

9 Jan posted by heirtoblair

I’m really busy these days.

It hits me when I lay down at night & my hips ache so badly & I wonder why I’m so tired. I’m busy.

& I feel like I’m losing out on life.

Dramatic much? But I spend 9 hours a day behind a computer, trying to make sense of my project manager & the boss man’s travel schedule. I spend 2-3 hours per day in my car, trapped in bumper-to-bumper traffic. I get home & throw on dinner, try to soak up time with Harrison, but the moment he is in pajamas I am back the the grind of taking out trash, picking up toys, & making the house presentable just in case they schedule a showing. Just in case.

My one outlet, writing & sharing my thoughts & capturing them on film (albeit roughly), feels bone dry & I can’t help but fear if my lack of inspiration comes from lack of living. My friend Nish often describes her blog as the spill-over of life & I’ve always felt the same – my blog holds all of the emotions & thought processes that I cannot keep to myself. But these days, I feel like I’m on autopilot.

We race out the door every morning; my hair is flying & 75% of the time I have forgotten makeup, so I have yet to capture my attempt at growing my style.

The sun is down when I get home, so every night is a game of chase through the living room or vrooming cars around my ankles while I cook.

We did not take a winter long weekend to the mountains this year due to finances.

I see my friends grow & inspire & be viral & I shake my head at the emptiness of my own journal notes. I’m being left behind.

I have no idea what’s happening with Zooey Dash-a-whatever or the other Kar-dash-a-whatever’s because I don’t have cable. I have now been demoted to Former Pop Culture Princess.

I order clothes & Christmas presents & hell, even groceries online.

Some mothers ache for more interaction & more rigid schedule, but I long for days of a lazier pace & more sunshine with my tiny guy.

I just don’t know how to find it quite yet.