Week one on My Fitness Pal.

Here’s good news:

Created by MyFitnessPal – Free Weight Loss Tools

Looks like tracking calories actually works!  Who’da thunk it?

(to answer questions from last week, My Fitness Pal was the one that told me to log around 1200-1300 calories per day.  so I’m going with them.)

It’s really not as hard as I thought it would be because My Fitness Pal (now known as MFP) has everything under the sun in their calorie counter, down to the difference between Market Pantry & Good Value frozen waffles.   I can even add “favorites” so that I don’t have to calculate my coffee & creamer every morning, which makes it easy.  & I like easy.

Another thing I like:

I really dig visuals.

I’m trying to learn how to incorporate more “whole” foods in my diet, but that’s more of a learning process & shedding the habits I’ve had since high school.   My goal this week is to actually cook dinner rather than tossing something frozen in the oven or whipping up a bowl of soup with a grilled cheese.  There’s so much I want to be & to get done & I think if I can just get organized & focused, there’s no reason that I can’t do it.

There’s no reason for me to not cook dinner.
There’s no reason for me to not wear a size 10.
There’s no reason for me to not be able to run a 5K.
There’s no reason for me to not keep healthy snacks at my desk.
There’s no reason that I can’t develop healthy habits for my family.
There’s no reason that I can’t be Taylor Swift’s best friend.

I’m adding this to the list of motivations that I now keep in my pocket to read before every meal.

What reasons do you give for holding yourself back?  When you look at them, are they really valid reasons?

Reasons to slim down:

• Wear that stack of size 10 dresses I just can’t seem to let go of.
• Wear jeans comfortably.
• Take boudoir pictures.
• Wear shorts in the summer.
• Not feel like I have to cover my arms with a cardigan.
• Be able to play sports with Harry as he grows.
• Feel sexier in the bedroom.
• My high school reunion in October.
• Not weigh more than my husband.
• Lower my risk of Type II Diabetes.
• So I won’t be the “fat roommate” at BlogHer.
• Set a good example for my children.
• Start the next pregnancy off thinner, for better health & to be a cute pregnant lady next time.
• Get rid of the FUPA.
• To stop struggling with weight.

[Read more...]

It sounds tongue-in-cheek.  It may even sound disrespectful.  But it’s the best way I know how to describe what I’m going through.

You know how anorexics distort their body to see themselves as larger than they really are?  I do that in reverse.

In my head, I feel like I still look like I do on the left in the red bathing suit.  When in reality, the picture on the right was taken Saturday afternoon.

The majority of the week, I feel slim & attractive.  I pass by the mirror & thinking, “Lookin’ good, BA!”  I tell myself that the size 16 in my pants isn’t really a 16 & in all honesty, I could fit into my 14′s if I wanted to (that’s a lie).  I tell myself that my Seven jeans don’t fit because they got dried in the dryer & just need to be stretched a bit (another lie).  I tell myself that the glass of wine has no calories, that Chick-fil-A is the healthiest fast food around, that the scale is up 10 lbs from August because of water weight & if I just chugged water, it would all melt off in 3 days.  That I still have the metabolism of my 16-year-old self & that I don’t need to think twice about indulging in a cupcake.  That I could run a mile if I wanted to.  That Zumba one night per week & Nutrisystem for lunch will take it all off for me in a jiffy.  I whine that I’m doing my very gosh-darn best to lose weight.

Lies, all of it.

Because when I step on the scale on Monday morning & then squeeze into shapewear just so my skirt will zip, I’m faced with a harsh reality – the weight has to come off.  & I’m too busy lying to myself about the reality of it to really do anything.

Does anyone else do this? Trick yourself into thinking you’re thinner, then when you’re faced with photos & video & the size in your jeans, it’s like getting slapped in the face every. single. time?  It’s a wretched yo-yo of ego & self-loathing.

I need this week to really think about how to change this, tackle it, come to grips with it & turn it around in my head.  I know that I don’t do well without a specific plan – by the time we were in April last year, I’d lost 30 lbs since January with Nutrisystem.  At this point I’ve lost 4 trying to rough it on my own.  Something’s got to give.

The scale said that I gained 4 lbs this week, despite going on two runs, Zumba, a Just Dance 2 dance-off, & watching what I eat.  & my skinny jeans still fit.

I give the scale a skeptical side-eye this week.

o

So I bought this gorgeous chocolate brown dress from J. Crew back in January.  It was crazy on sale ($30.00 for the dress & free shipping) but that meant no returns.  I have the same dress in the exact same cut but a different fabric & that dress is a size too big, so I went down a size when I ordered the chocolate dress &…FAIL.  But Nate’s pal is getting married towards the end of May & I’d really like this bad boy to fit for the matrimonial festivities.

oy.  Maybe I should shoot for my 10-year reunion in October instead.

p.s. more insightful mcfatty to come next week.  i’m rushing around trying to pack for the masters, clean the house, finish some work emails, & trying to soak in quality time with harry before i have to miss him for two days.  it’s just crazy-sauce around here right now.

I have no idea what I weigh today because I’m going by a different measure – my jeans fit!  I’m talking about my “mom jeans,” aka the Miracle Body lovers that I picked up at BlogHer & wore until my fat tush could no longer squeeze into them.  Sometime in the fall, I folded them away sadly, promising to return.  Back in January, I tried to yank them on, but couldn’t get them to button.  On Saturday, I slid them up over my hips, held my breath…& buttoned.  & then I hung out in them the entire weekend, quite comfortably, I might add.

I took a picture of me wearing them, but the coloring’s all wrong & the pictures are kind of fuzzy & I was wearing flip-flops & a sweatshirt because we were making a Sonic Happy Hour run (unsweet cranberry tea, thank you!) & the overall effect was pretty much homeless.  So I decided to take the high-road for my self-respect & for once, not post a bad picture on the internet.

You’re welcome.

This week was a first for basically blowing exercise.  On Monday, Harrison took a backwards dive over the arm of my parents very high couch, landing head-first on their hardwood floors.  Needless to say, it was rather harrowing for all involved & between having to keep him up to make sure there was no concussion & then having to wake him to make sure he could be woken, I decided to bail on Zumba.  Nate would have been perfectly fine to handle it on his own, but it was just one of those momma things where I couldn’t bear to be more than a room away from the kiddo that night.

The worst part was, Monday night felt all wrong when I went to bed & I realized that I missed the endorphin-rush & relaxation that exercise brought after the first day of the week.  I felt all wound up.  I’m definitely looking forward to it this week!

How else do you measure your success?  Do you have a certain pair of pants or dress that needs to fit?  Or feeling more energetic?