• I’m late with this, which is kind of lame except we have had a ton of house showings this week, which means Harry & I keep getting (willingly) kicked out of the house at odd moments.  I need to start blogging on my iPad.  Anyone know of a good app for that?
• He sleeps!  The first night was rough with 2.5 hours of “Get back in bed” & the second night lasted a mere 25 minutes.  Friday night?  Slept through the night.  Last night?  Slept through the night.  WE ARE BRAND-NEW PEOPLE!  & I think I’ll be able to halt the coffee consumption at only 2 cups today!
• We spent a grand total of 30 minutes playing inside the house yesterday thanks to Harrison’s new toy.  I KNOW.  Just when you thought I couldn’t be a worse parent for locking my kid in his room, we bought him a trampoline.

For those that ask, it was $140 at Sam’s Club (& I hear they’re at BJ’s right now, too) which was a better price than anywhere on the web.  It was pretty easy to put together & everything is padded.  It is meant for toddlers & small kiddos, so there’s not much spring.

• Since we are Apple people at home, I’m borrowing my dad’s PC & there’s something on his computer that put a password on our router & nope, it wasn’t the default one on the bottom of the router.  It’s caused huge internet dramz & lots of tears from me.  Yes, I cry over internet.
• There is a difference between “tall” pants & “long” pants.  Tall pants have a higher rise & stride with the longer inseam, while long pants just have the longer inseam.  This is more a public service anouncement, but it explains why I wear a size smaller in “tall” sizes than “long” sizes. Kind of like how I wear a size smaller in tall shirts & dresses, because I’m not trying to create length.  It’s tough being 5’11″ sometimes.
• I get ridiculously excited talking about houses that are for sale.  Except mine, because I wish it wasn’t still for sale & for hells bells, can’t someone fall crazy in love with it soon?
• I’ve been moved from Newcomers Community Leader to the Writer’s Community Leader at Blissdom.  I’m flattered & in fantastic company.  (thank you, Oreck!  once again for sponsoring me to blissdom!)
• Finding balance between the kiddo & working from home is a challenge but one that seems to be working well for us.  The biggest issue is being home + working but making sure the house stays clean enough for showings.  Thankfully, the weather has been so nice (in the 60′s) so Harrison can play in the backyard & I just take the laptop or iPad out there.

It’s called a toddler that decided sleep is for the birds.

That was at 4am.  He finally conked out at 4:30am.

He has two nightlights.
It’s not night terrors (those have an entirely different cry).
He has loveys.
He’s not hungry or thirsty.
He really doesn’t need to drop his nap because he’s not napping 50% of the time anyway.

Basically?  He wants to eff with us.  Which might be a strong sentiment except I’ve only had one cup of coffee & four hours of sleep.

(also, the difference between a newborn being awake all hours &  a toddler being awake all hours is the amount of noise. when a newborn is awake, at least one parent can sleep.  when a toddler is awake, even folks in china hear him.)

It started innocently right around the time I lost my job & we feel for the little guy because it’s obvious he feels the stress in the house.  There have been a lot of changes in his wee world over the past few months & my heart goes out to him.  First Daddy was home a bit, then we were both at work, then Momma came home & he’s overjoyed but missing his Auntie & why isn’t anything the same anymore?!  But Momma needs her REM cycle back & more importantly, the kiddo does too.  After nights of rocking & rocking & rocking in the small hours of the day & Doug camping out on a pallet in his room, & purchasing a star turtle & giving him warm milk, we realized yesterday that it was time to pull out the big guns.  All three of us were at each other’s throats constantly from pure exhaustion.  I snapped at Harrison, something I very rarely do.  So Doug & I shook hands & decided that last night was the night.

We dusted off our Ferber book & got the stopwatch on my iPhone working.

We turned Harrison’s lock around so that we could lock him in, thereby taking back control of his ability to leave his room.  (shall I pause here & clarify that we still go to him, but it means homeboy can’t sneak out at 3am?  good.)

We took out his workbench & garbage trucks.

I turned off his light at the fan so that he can’t party all night long under a ceiling light.  (oh buddy, did that piss him off!)

& we hit the sack by 9pm.

I got a pretty awesome workout going back & forth to his room last night, calmly telling him to “Get back in bed, it’s night-night time.”  Tuck him in, give him a pat on the back, & close the door behind me.  I’m hoping that tonight it won’t take 2 1/2 hours for it to sink in that Momma ain’t fooling around.  Also, this is what we woke up to this morning:

I think it’s fair to say he was pretty ticked that Harrison Rave 2012 was thwarted.

____________________________

& in good news, the reason that Momma can’t hang at 4am anymore is because I got an offer from Microsoft as a contract for their marketing department.

SAY WHAT?!

It’s a contract so I’m still on the hunt for a full-time job with bennies.  The great news is that the contract is on my terms as far as how many hours I work per week & when the contract ends & they fully understand that I am still looking for a job.  So Harry is with his Auntie a few hours per week so I can log in some hours at home & take conference calls & keep interviewing with other companies.  What’s that you say, Charlie?  WINNING.

Remember how you didn't want me as an admin? That's cool. Microsoft thinks I'm worth bringing in to their marketing department. So have a seat, please.

I tell you what, this new gig of mine is really tough stuff.

My new boss keeps a firm hand on quality of work around here.

At least we get regular breaks for meals.

& my coworker is totally hot.  I think I might have to seduce him in the copy laundry room.

It’s so super-easy to make & she LOVED it.

Get a vine wreath from your local craft store (they usually sell for $4.99 + 40% off coupon) & some plain wooden letters (these were $2.99 apiece).  Paint the letters in school colors using one of those $0.30 foam brushes then make the polka dots with a qtip (it took three coats of each color using basic craft paint).  Tie a coordinating ribbon to the top.  I used two different colored ribbons to really set the colors off & create more detail.  Secure the letters with hot glue or wire – I used wire that I had leftover from an old project because I thought it might hold up better in the elements.

The whole project cost roughly $12.00.

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So when Harrison starts screaming at bedtime & I’ve told him firmly to get back in bed three separate times, he stares up at me with tears falling & says, “Up!!”  oh, my heart.

I find myself all sternly inner-dialoguing how I’m setting us up for failure when he’s three as I make my way to the rocking chair.  But then I remember how I’m knee-deep in my uterus & how soon, Harry will be going to sleepovers where he will be embarrassed to ever admit he was rocked to sleep & I can’t help myself.  I sit & I rock & tell him stories about the man on the moon until he’s calm.  His heartbeat slows & his breathing steadies & I know he’s asleep because that’s the kind of thing that mother’s just know.

He’s drooling on my shoulder.  It’s time to put the kiddo to bed, but in his earlier rage, all blankets & pillows ended in a pile on the floor.  Which means that I have to get up from the chair & put the bedding back together with 30 lbs of live ammunition on my shoulder.  Doug to the nursery, I think into the universe.  I wait a few minutes.  Hey, buddy.  To the nursery for pillow recon.

I contemplate the length of my legs, wondering if I can grab the pillow corner with my toes & toss it into the bed.  If I can do that, then I’ll have a legit excuse to run away with the circus.  I feel the drool seeping through my jammies.  The kid stirs & I freeze & send imaginary red flares into the sky. & I’m all WHY IS HE NOT READING MY ESP?!  DOUG TO THE NURSERY!  DOUG TO THE NURSERY!

What good is being married almost six years if he can’t read my mind?

Let me just say that I can stand in a board room or jet across the country, but I turn into a complete wuss once I step through Michaels.  All those women with glue stick burns on their fingers, willing to cut a bitch over the last vial of Martha Stewart glitter?  THEY TERRIFY ME.  Same thing with fabric stores.  Also, the strangest thing happens that once I hit the first aisle, I completely forget what I was there for.  Confidence takes a crash & burn so I stand there in the aisles, completely overwhelmed by the choices in felt.

In short:
Before Michaels:  BIG SPARKLY INSPIRATIONAL UNICORNS OF HAPPINESS!

After Michaels:  I WILL NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE.

yeah.

I’m standing in line with Harry in the push cart & a matronly lady turns to me.

“Is your mother’s name Karen?” she asks.

“No,” I say politely.

“You look like my friend Karen, so I figured you must be her daughter,” she explains.  I shrug.  Raleigh is a pretty decent-sized city.

“With two children, I figured you had to be her,” she persists.

Is this lady drunk?  I only have one child in the seat & I’m pretty sure the firstborn’s that were traded for Christmas Cricuts weren’t eligible for the 40% off coupon.  Like I said, I’m on a budget so if it’s not on sale, it’s not in my cart.

“You know,” she says.  ”With your boy & the one on the way.”

oh.

shit.

Awkward silence abounds.

Does this lady not know Rules of Feminism #253: Don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless the fetus is 75% down the birth canal with a hand waving?

I knew if I stayed in bed, we’d have a repeat of Friday where I was in pajamas at 4pm with no shower & pretty much a sorry state of affairs.

So I got up, poured a cup of coffee & popped muffins in the oven.  Straightened my hair & rubbed a dash of perfume under my jeans & light sweater.  I felt silly at first – who would see me?  I looked at the silk tops & pencil skirts & lined slacks hanging in my closet.  I’m going to need more jeans.  Will I ever wear that purple silk shift again?  I’m going to need a hat & gloves that aren’t dressy.  Should I just have a “shop my closet” sale?  I’m going to need more Zoloft.

I typed out words & listened to the quiet, finding thankfulness in not having to commute.  That bumper-to-bumper traffic was really fraying my nerves & patience.  The oven dings – muffins are ready.  I make a second cup of coffee & wonder if the new kitchen chairs will be delivered soon.  I wonder if I should send them back, even though they were purchased with Christmas money.

An hour later, Harry stood at the top of the stairs, bleary-eyed & hugging his stuffed monkey.

& so this new journey begins, the journey with an unexpected start & no set end.

• There is nothing better than freshly cleaned carpets in a home.  It might be sad that I own two different types of steam cleaners but y’all, I enjoy lying on the carpet without having an asthma attack.
• I’m having a serious love affair with pennant banners these days.  I could decorate my entire house with them.
• A lot of folks have been asking me about my red lipstick, & the name has rubbed off on the tube but it is Clinique.  My best advice for finding a good red is to ditch the drugstore & see a makeup person.  I just feel like red lipstick should be taken seriously, you know?  Get your pink at Walgreens.  Get your red at a department store.  I tried on about 5 different shades before landing on “the one.”
• I’m so digging Taylor Swift’s new song “Ours.”  I’m a shameless T-Swift fan but the lyrics are so sweet & wonderful.  Just listen to a preview on iTunes & I promise, you’ll be swaying happily a wee bit.
• Harrison has started screaming every night when it’s bath time.  The crazy thing is, he LOVES a bath or shower.  I think it is him realizing that bath = end of the day & he doesn’t want the fun to end.
• As part of being “pretty” in 2012, I ordered two new pairs of pajamas.  So long, wearing ratty tshirts & cheer shorts to bed.  Hello, cozy & matching jammies.  They honestly help me feel more confident going to bed & getting up in the morning.  Weird, right?

Did you brain dump this week?  Lemme see!

 I look to 2012 & what I wish to accomplish, all I see is a desire to grow.  Personally, by selling our house & buying a new home where we can expand our family.  Creating a super-fun new series for everyone to laugh & be themselves.  Developing a new skill, maybe taking structured sewing lessons.  I’d like to take where I am now in life, push against the walls until my arms are shaking & my voice feels tired, but everything around me expands.

When I try to pin one word to 2012, I am suprised that my initial reaction is not “grow,” but HOW I wish to grow.  How I wish to expand & breathe deeply & where to exhale my heart.

PRETTY.

A surprising word to shape a year around, no?

I look to delight in life in 2012.  To soak in new books & pretty words, to paint walls & furniture.  To iron pretty shirts & wear red lipstick & take care of myself both inside & out.  For the home to be clean, but full of laughter & sunshine & Matchbox cars strewn across the floor.  To live the abundant life & a beautiful life, to feel worth of feeling pretty all around me.

I think “pretty” can be bone-deep joy & thankfulness.

The pretty found in the muck & trenches of life.  Seeking God, but feeding souls by passing bread rather than Bible quotes.  To let faith become a life-altering beat in my heart to where prayer is not whispered on knees, but servitude with dirty hands that scrub away years of doubting myself.

I’d like to put my heart back on my sleeve.

I’d like to share all of those things on here.

Do you have a word for the year?  Something to strive toward? 

(You know how I like to jump the gun.)

I spend my free time perusing the houses available in the neighborhoods we love, calculating mortgages & downpayments, wishing that our house would sell RIGHT THIS INSTANT BECAUSE DOUG! COME LOOK AT THIS HOUSE!  & then I hop on Pinterest & decorate the entire thing in my head.

Of course, my head doesn’t have a budget in mind which is a very lovely thing when I’m pinning Anthropologie & Amy Butler fabrics.

I’m in this awful stage right now of having so many ideas & dreams for decorating, but not wanting to “waste” them on the house we are selling.  Especially since the goal is to keep our current house as sparkling clean & sparse as possible. 

Sell, house.  Sell!