Letters To Harpie | Heir to Blair

10 Month Letter.

14 Aug posted by heirtoblair

Dear Harrison,

Today you are 10 months old. This morning, you piped up a little too early for my taste, but in all honesty, I was ready to start the day the moment I saw your face peering over the rails of the crib. We made a quick run to the grocery store & when you grinned & shouted “NANA!” at the bananas, I knew there has never been a smarter child than you. Right now, you’re sitting on the floor with Daddy, pretending to make phone calls on your toy phone & the sight of it simply warms me through my soul. Harrison, I feel like I’m finally understanding the sweetness of motherhood, the inexplicable overflowing of love, & it’s all because of you. It’s because of these small moments where I watch you crawl over Daddy, blowing raspberries & giggling. It’s because of your growing vocabulary, shouting out “CRACKER!” at lunch. & because of the end of the day, when you’re curled up in my arms & we rock slowly, even though your legs now drape over mine & off the chair.

Harrison, you’re growing up too fast & I’m pretty sure that I’m going to blink & you’ll be changing my diapers in a nursing home after I’ve become the crazy cat lady. Time is simply flying by too quickly & you’re turning into a little, independent boy in front of my eyes.

A week ago when I returned from my trip, you looked at me, grinned, & let go of Daddy’s hands. YOU LET GO, Harrison. & took about ten precious, tiny, sure steps in my direction. In that moment, I don’t know who felt more pride – me or you. Your face looked like Christmas morning as you toddled towards me, arms outstretched. Like everything good & whole & perfect in this world. & I burst into tears from the magic of it all.

Harrison, I hope you always chase after your goals & dreams with the same tenacity that you’ve grasped walking. Take a deep breath, a quick prayer, & LET GO. Let go & step forward. Let go & be sure in your way. Let go & achieve.

& you’ll never go wrong.

I love you forever.

Love,

Momma

4890171907 0eefd015cf 10 Month Letter.

Harrison, 10 months.

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Filed Under: Letters to Harpie, Milestones

9 month letter.

14 Jul posted by heirtoblair

Dear Harrison,

This is typically the place where I should say something cliche & cheesy like, “Oh, you’ve been out as long as you’ve been in!” but we all know that would be a lie. BECAUSE YOU TOOK FOREVER TO COOK, KID. & you don’t get to hold that honor of even baking on both sides of the uterus until a few weeks from now. But still, when I say “nine months,” I literally have to suck in my breath & will myself to breathe that yes, the past nine months have occurred. All the wonderful & trying…it all occurred because of you. & I cannot believe that it has been a full nine months since I first held you & listened to your first cry.

I also cannot believe it is only three months until your first birthday.

But I can’t think about that or else I will cry.

In nine short months, you have come so far. On that first day, I wondered who you would be, what you would do, & how we would survive. (& believe it or not, we have survived!) You are sweet. You are strong. You are independent, rarely up for a good snuggle, & always on the move. You took steps by nine months, but still grin with a gummy, tooth-less smile. You love bananas & chocolate Cheerios & above all, oatmeal. You talk. Loudly. You laugh. Even louder, & like your momma. You chase balls around the room, pushing them away & the crawling with lightening speed. Like baby soccer. & I’m so tempted to pull out my vuvuzela just to sound to the world HOW FREAKIN’ AWESOME you are. Because baby, you are REALLY FREAKIN’ AWESOME. & I’m so thankful that I can say that with such resounding truth in my own heart, to claim you as mine, & mean it down to my toes that I don’t care how long it took us to get here.

& tonight, when we rocked with my nose on your cheek, inhaling your sweet baby scent, I closed my eyes & simply breathed in the smell & sounds of the rocking chair & bottle & felt morphed back nine months. To a hospital room with a hot little bundle, to a tiny bottle & sweet sucking noises with tiny fingers wrapped around my pinky. It’s not so different these days, when I simply close my eyes.

I love you always.

Love,

Momma

DSC 0068 2 1024x685 9 month letter.

Harrison, 9 months.

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Filed Under: Letters to Harpie

8 months.

14 Jun posted by heirtoblair

I know that we can be so amazing
& baby, your love is gonna change me
& now I can see every possibility…
~Micheal Buble

Dear Harrison,

Three-fourths two thirds of a year have flown by & I can barely believe it. They say that time speeds up as you grow older & believe me, IT DOES. One moment, you’re sixteen & in the car with your best friends on the way to Bojangles & the leaves are falling & the sun is shining & you’re thinking, it doesn’t get better than this, & the next thing you know, a decade later you’re writing a letter to your very own baby about how he stood on his own for the first time yesterday.

Harrison…YOU STOOD ON YOUR OWN. Pulled up holding onto my fingers, which is your favorite game & instead of sitting back down with a chuckle, YOU LET GO. As if to say, “Momma, I got this.” You let go for two seconds. Stood on wobbly legs. & then fell on your butt with a grin.

Ch-ch-ch-changes, they are a-coming.

But Harry, those changes are good. & I’m so excited for you when I think of all the things you are learning & accomplishing these days. Your daddy often marvels that every single day is different & therefore, he doesn’t want to miss one beat. You’re feeding yourself crackers & puffs, pulling up on everything, & it seems that every day you have a new consonant that you talk back to us with. “Ya ya ya” you said this morning, a precursor to all the eye-rolls & “yeah, yeah, yeah, WHATEV MOM” ‘s that are in our future.

Harrison, I’ve thought a lot about change today – changes in you, changes in me, changes in our life. There are a ton going on right now but for the first time, I feel like they are all good, positive changes in our life. & although they are a result of things going haywire in the past, these changes feel so good for our family. I want you to always know & be strong enough to recognize when change needs to happen, & be brave enough to embrace it. Own up to it. & then celebrate in it. Whether it’s standing on your own, getting back to your basics as a person, or watching a tomato turn red in your garden as summer unfolds. Embrace change.

For you are changing, growing, & turning into a little person that I am so proud to call “mine.” I hope that you will one day be proud to call me yours.

& no matter what changes, my love for you will never end.

love,
Momma

dsc 0046 8 months.

Harrison, 8 months.

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Filed Under: Letters to Harpie, Uncategorized

7 Months…a week late.

25 May posted by heirtoblair

Dear Harrison,

I struggle to begin this letter because all I want it to say is “I love you. & everything I do, I do it for you.” But a) that’s too cheesy & b) I’m pretty sure Bryan Adams would take issue on a copyright rampage. Harrison, sometimes it breaks my heart knowing how much of your life I have already missed, thanks to PPD, work, & hospitilization. I feel an overwhelming sense of grief & anger at how fast the time flies, but then I look down at your sweet face & know how steadfast & resilient you are (just like your Daddy) & I know that everything will be okay.

Baby, I know I’ve told you this before, but what has happened to me is NOT YOUR FAULT. I will tell you all about it one day, or you may read this, but know that while the past week has been hard on your little heart that’s only been beating a little over a year, I did this out of love, keeping my promise that I will do anything to keep you safe, happy, & to have a mother that can give you 150% of her being.

Because, Harry, I love you. & everything I do, I do it for you.

Love,

Momma

7months 685x1024 7 Months...a week late.

Harrison, 7 months.

p.s. you amaze me every day. you’re crawling, pulling up, & even CRUISING on furniture at times until i want to knock you down & say “not so fast, buster!” but instead, i’m cheering you on with open arms & a cheesy smile, glowing with pride at your ability to crawl & say “babababababa” at the same time.

p.p.s. when i’m 99.9 ears old & crawling around while gurgling “bababababa,” i hope you return the favor & cheer me on with pride.

p.s.p.s. (or whatever the next thing is after p.p.s.) you’re still allergic to dairy. damn it.

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Filed Under: Letters to Harpie

6 Months.

14 Apr posted by heirtoblair

all the ups & downs & all the in-between
it’s not perfect but it’s everything i dreamed of
~joy williams

Dear Harrison,

Six months. Half a year. Where has the time flown? & if it flew by this quickly, then I might as well pull out the banners because it feels like tomorrow will be your first birthday. It sounds so cliche, but I truly cannot believe it has been six months since we first came shattering into each other’s lives. Some days when I’m rocking you at night, because you have just learned the loveliness that is rocking, I imagine you are fresh home from the hospital as I close my eyes & sniff behind your ear to inhale that baby scent. But then I realize that you’re legs are already draping down into my lap, your hand is curled around the back of my neck, & while you are still my little boy, you simply are not a fresh newborn anymore.

Which is a relatively new occurrence. Two weeks ago, you still laid around like an adorable lump with a dimpled smile that cooed occasionally & barfed a lot. Then on March 27, you sat up independently for the first time & BAM! you became this little man that could wear button-down shirts & is off to Harvard Law like, next week. Sitting up opened your entire world & this incredible personality flooded out of this tiny, 16-lb body. Harrison, you are such a sweet little man. In some ways, it is hard for Momma to say that after all we’ve been through together, but you turning into such a sweet, content boy. Your face lights up when you see those in your “Circle of Trust,” but you are quick to side-eye anyone you do not recognize. “Who the hell are you & did I give you permission to exist?” your intense gaze seems to question them.

(Daddy & I are very proud of this particular feature as we believe it makes you a kindred spirit to Stewie Griffen of Family Guy.)

Harrison, my new favorite discovery of you is how FUNNY you are. Your laughter is absolutely infectious – a deep belly laugh from the soul, mixed with peals of delight. Every night before bath time, we play our favorite game – I hold you while Daddy sneaks up & tickles your side. You shriek with joy, giggle, & then throw your arms around my neck as if to playfully say, “Save me, Momma!”

But Harrison…YOU are the one that saves me. Weekly. Daily. Hourly. On my good days, you are my motivation to succeed at everything I do at work, home, & in my marriage. On the bad days, you give me reason to survive until the next good day. Until the next day that your smile will fill my heart with warmth & you squeal for me, knowing that in that moment, I’ll be ready to “save” you.

Have the past six months been perfect? Absolutely not. Has it been a classic fairytale of mother & baby? No. But it’s our fairytale, Harrison. & you will always be my little knight in shining armor that saved me.

I love you, for the next six months and the next six hundred years.

Love,
Momma

DSC 38902 6 Months.