I’M GETTING MOTHER EFFING STRETCHMARKS ON MY MOTHER EFFING FEET. This is where I draw the line. I am proud of my belly stretchies. I can deal with the ones on my knees & calves. BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT FEET. fwiw, my foot looks AWESOME in this picture after hoisting it above my [...]
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I got “The Talk.” No, not the birds & the bees. I think it’s obvious that I know the basics of penis meets vagina, given the current “no vacancy” sign on my uterus. No, I got the weight talk. From the doctor. Unfortunately, not the kind where he tells me to shove my face with [...]
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Really, folks. It’s far too cutesy. Regardless, Nate & I are off to Charleston for four days to celebrate a) three years of wedded bliss b) the kid I’m currently incubating and c) my swollen left ankle. Because that shiz is IMPRESSIVE. That’s 9:30am, folks. I seriously might cry because you could GO SWIMMING IN [...]
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You know what, Mr. Braxton Hicks? I effing hate you. I hate you & your little “false” contractions that wake me up at 6:30am on MY DAY OFF. Eff you & your smug diagnosis of my body practicing for labor. I DON’T CARE. I JUST WANT SLEEP. Oh, and that wee bit about them not [...]
Filed under: Pregnancy Side-effects, Suzie Homemaker | Comments Off
Sometimes snail trail can act as glue between your thong & your ass cheeks. I am traumatized & officially switching to “grannie panties.”
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for my sciatic nerve as Nate & I embark on a 12-hour car ride to God’s Waiting Room, aka Florida. I shall return next week, potentially with a belly that is precariously close to “popping”
Filed under: I share DNA with these folks, Life in General, Pregnancy Side-effects | Comments Off
All. The. Time.
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Many smoochies to one of my besties, Meredith, for lending me her dopplar. This morning, I had the most hateful cramping in my ute area, plus a pressure in my back that had me rubbing it in pain by 8:30am. I try not to give into paranoia, but some days are more tough than other [...]
Filed under: Fears, Pregnancy Side-effects | Comments Off
I was regaling my girlfriends with a fantastic poop story this weekend, & I realized that I never posted it on here. Mostly because it is borderline degrading to my digestive system, but after their encouragement, I concede to sharing it with the masses. The other week, prior to The Plauge that emptied my colon [...]
Filed under: Blair is effing crazy, Pregnancy Side-effects, Pregnancy is not always glamorous., Who's body is this? | Comments Off
I had an entire post planned out, plus a letter to HJ, but it turns out that my body has been tag-teamed by both intestinal outlets & I have spent the past 15 hours begging God for mercy. Just fyi, spaghetti is not easy to clean up when you expel it into a bathtub. & Gatorade changes [...]
Filed under: Fears, Pregnancy Side-effects, Ralph isn't just a name | Comments Off
