I’M GETTING MOTHER EFFING STRETCHMARKS ON MY MOTHER EFFING FEET. This is where I draw the line. I am proud of my belly stretchies. I can deal with the ones on my knees & calves. BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT FEET. fwiw, my foot looks AWESOME in this picture after hoisting it above my [...]
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When God said to go forth & multiply, Phyllis thought that included her as well. These are her disciples.
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Carpal, that is. My fingers are so swollen that I cannot straighten them. Or bend them more than a few twitches. I can’t hold a pen. Or an eating utensil. I wanted a baked potato & salad for lunch, but realized I couldn’t hold the fork. So I got a sandwich. I want to cry. [...]
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I know, I know…it gets worse. IT GETS WORSE. JUST YOU WAIT. Be thankful that you are not covered in rashes, hemmoroids that would rival Mt. Everest, oozing stretch marks, & unable to leave the toilet because your child dropped kicked you straight in the bladder, BECAUSE IT’S COMING. Right? I believe that’s the protocol, [...]
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“So, I was going to tell you that you were all pregnant & glowing yesterday. But then I realized it was probably just sweat.” Only a true friend could say this to me, make me laugh so hard I almost peed myself for 5 minutes, then live to tell the tale. With a heat index [...]
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She has arrived just in time to celebrate the final two months until Harrison’s arrival!
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Really, folks. It’s far too cutesy. Regardless, Nate & I are off to Charleston for four days to celebrate a) three years of wedded bliss b) the kid I’m currently incubating and c) my swollen left ankle. Because that shiz is IMPRESSIVE. That’s 9:30am, folks. I seriously might cry because you could GO SWIMMING IN [...]
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I have new stretchies! They were not there yesterday morning…but they were there last night! 12 hours is all it takes to be marked, my friends. Right on my ass. Vertical. On each cheek, to balance out the universe. I shall call the ones on the left side The Jonas Brothers & the ones on [...]
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NOT ME. Yes, that is my right hip in all of it’s blubbery, pasty Irish glory. & the guests of honor, of course — my stretch marks! I chuckle when pregnant women run screaming to their local Target, ravishing the cream isles at the first sign of a pink line on their hips or belly. [...]
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Things that suck: pulling & cramping a muscle while trying to poop torrents of rain falling as I dash between daycare centers sans umbrella Realizing that childcare + our mortgage will potentially eat up 65% of our combined income The bossman currently ditching my proposal to drop to four days watching my well-laid plans spin [...]
Filed under: Mo money mo problems, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Potential for Doocing, Pregnancy is not always glamorous., Random | Comments Off
