Ladies & Gents, I bring you an impromptu guest blogger for your Friday afternoon.   I would like to take credit for my sister’s unwavering wit, but fortunately for her, she gets to claim this all on her own.

______________________________

Most of you probably know that I’ve been babysitting my nephew every weekday since January.   I usually have music playing for him when he’s awake (he loves to dance!), so Mom got him a CD of children’s songs a while ago.   Listening to this music with him one day, I realized that children’s songs suck.   I don’t mean that they get old after a while (though that’s true).   I mean that they’re not good for children.  Some of them teach entirely the wrong messages to kids, and others are just plain weird.  Like really disturbing.

As an aunt, I am concerned for the mental/emotional health of my nephews.  For this reason, I have compiled a list of songs that could jeopardize that and the reason for which they should be banned (we’ll just skip over the moose song, because I actually like that one).

Not all of them are bad.  ’Old MacDonald Had a Farm’ is great.  Learning animal sounds is important for children, and we can wait until they’re older to tell them that that happy cow on nice Mr. MacDonald’s farm is tomorrow night’s dinner.

But how about ‘Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?’  I’m not sure how singing about lost puppies is supposed to make children happy.  I suppose it works, because people keep singing it.  But as someone who has always loved animals, it just makes me want to cry.  Unless it’s Tucker that’s lost.  That might be alright.

Next on my list is ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.’  I see two problems with this one.  First, who are we to think we can command nature?  That’s God’s job.  Then it says, “like a diamond in the sky.”  And you wonder why our culture is so materialistic.  ’Hush, Little Baby’ doesn’t help with that either.  It’s like nothing will ever be good enough for that kid.  What a brat.

‘Mary Had A Little Lamb.’  Sweet fluffy little sheep follows his owner to school.  Aww, how cute! Not really.  I think it’s kind of weird.  I don’t know if this little lamb just had separation anxiety or if he was some creepy stalker sheep, but for whatever reason, he just would not  leave her alone.   Stalking is not a topic for small children, nor is this next one:

My favorite, ‘Ring Around The Rosey!!’  Yay, Black Plague!!   You probably already know that that’s what this song is about, but did you ever think of the potentially devastating effects it could have on your kids?  This obsession with death is not good for children.  If your teen is wearing too much black and writing creepy poetry, it’s probably your fault for singing such morbid music to them in their early years.

Sorry, Blair & Nate.  Hope he turns out alright.