That ain’t happening.  My sanity can’t take it & my Twitter stream cannot handle any more LOOK HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET HOME! that they had this past winter.

So to cut back the time by roughly an hour each way, Harrison & I will be living out of suitcases on work nights & then trudging back to our home for the weekends.  Doug will be doing a 50/50 dance of checking on the house & staying with us.  I’m not looking forward to being without my husband so much, but we know it’s temporary.

This is the room I’ll be staying in – one of the guest rooms that has zero of the personality it used to have with college banners & football trophies from when my brother lived in here.  I’ll be moving in my desk & computer & I switched out one of the nightstands for a bookcase (I love having my books close).  The Momma is clearing out space in the closet as I type.  But I’m at a loss as to what to do…I’ll be here 5 nights out of the week without my husband for who knows how long & I am wondering if I should try to bring a little of “us” to this room.  Bring pictures of our little family, use a bedspread from home.

I’ll need to remember to bring over Harry’s favorite bedtime books & toys for the evenings.  I’ll need to leave a post-it note reminding Doug to water the garden every night.  It’s going to be crazy-weird living under my parent’s roof again, except now I’m an adult & it’s so temporary.  Hopefully our house will sell this spring so that we can put all this nasty commuting mess behind us for good.

But for now, I guess I’m moving back to the homestead.

Y’all.

It was a hard morning, saying goodbye to our pup of sixteen years with a final scratch of the ears, knowing she was peaceful.

The Momma & I stood together outside the vet’s office, tears flowing freely in our sadness, & we wondered how to go on with our day & walk away from her. How we could pretend everything was normal, knowing that final goodbyes had just been said as an act of human selflessness, to let Missy go out of love?

It seemed natural to make a right out of the vet office towards our neighborhood Starbucks, where we ducked out of the drizzling rain & ordered our favorite blend.

Sitting at a small cafe table near the back, The Momma & I clicked our coffee cups to Missy & laughed about our sweetest memories of that little dog. Like the time we had to hose her out from under the deck with water or when she carried her pups in on Christmas morning by the scruff of their necks or how the vet thanked us that morning for giving her such a wonderful life.

The tears fell over our coffee cups, but they were tears of happiness, knowing we did the best we could over sixteen years.

So rather than a card with a scribbled note or a batch of brownies for the mourning, we shared our hearts over steaming cups & gave thanks for the little life that made such a big difference.

To our Missy & our family & the love we shared for sixteen years.

So that you may honor someone you love & pay tribute to joy in your life, I’m giving away one $100 gift card to Starbucks. That purchases roughly 25 grande lattes, which should make for a great girl’s morning out or keep you properly caffeinated for several months unless you have a serious addiction.

To be entered for a chance to win, simply tell me this: How do you pay tribute to those you love & the memories you share?

Sweepstakes Rules:
No duplicate comments.You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This sweepstakes is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from March 15th to April 1st 2012.

Be sure to visit the Promotions & Prizes page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ stories and find more chances to win!

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Raise a cup once more to the limited-time return of Starbucks Tribute Blend. It’s still just for you, and still because of you. Available for a limited time in whole bean and Starbucks VIA.

Tomorrow Missy will cross over the rainbow bridge, go to doggie Heaven, meet Jesus…any of those things we say to soften the blow but do no justice to the idea that come tomorrow morning, we won’t have our little girl anymore.  Tomorrow she will be just a memory, the kind we pull out at family dinners with a story of how she took a bite of The Momma’s sandwich one time with such a dainty bite.  We’ll laugh & talk about the day she joined our family, where we thought Daddy suprised The Momma with a mini doxie as a Christmas present & we named her “Mistletoe” because “Holly” was too obvious.

& then we called her Missy or Miss or even Fiest for the next sixteen years.

We’ll talk about that December 23rd at 11pm when she had a c-section & delivered 3 beautiful pups.  How we rubbed them like 101 Dalmations & they squeaked little barks & she nursed them so faithfully despite her scars.  There are pictures to remind us of the Christmas morning after the pups were born, where we opened presents with her in the middle because she never wanted to be without her family.

We’ll have those pictures.  & those memories.  But we won’t have her.  Although we’re all ready & we know it’s time, it hurts so badly that right now, I don’t think I can breathe fully.

There was the year she was sick with cancer & I didn’t know how close I was to losing her, but I remember showing her my new plastic pony as she laid in a hospital bed & her telling me it was wonderful through the radiation burns.

There was the year I stubbornly refused to wear hair bows or open the car door to step into the ballet studio, & I know she felt like I was slipping away for the first time.  I remember that all I ever wanted in those days was her to simply love me.  & she did.

There were growing pains in college when I learned to stand independent from her, where I decided to drink beer too early & overdraft my account too often & be firm in my right to say “shit.”  Those years were charged with emotion & forgiveness on both ends, but we shifted from mother & daughter to the best of friends.

 She reminds me to wear lipstick & I’ve taught her that even the smallest babies matter forever, & she has remained the first person I call, only second to my husband.

Yesterday, we took vacation & drove to the outlet malls where we tried on blouses & fussed over jewelry & shared a cotton candy milkshake.  At the end of the day, I kissed her cheek & silently thanked God for making her my momma.

& when my heart yearns for another boy & the rough & tumble of being the queen of a pack, a little piece of me flips inside at the thought that if I don’t have a little girl, I won’t share the magic of a momma & daughter when my own momma is gone.

If I should smile with sweet surprise
It’s just that you’ve grown up before my very eyes
You’ve turned into the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen
Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen.
~Neil Diamond

The Momma’s pup is sixteen years old.  SIXTEEN.  We love that ol’ girl.

Also, the best way to feel like the poser douche of the century is to roll into Whole Foods in your Subaru with your Kate Spade & iPhone, then clack into the store where you order a $20 organic cake FOR YOUR DOG.

Then realize that the only cake available is already decorated with skulls, which is so inappropriately ironic that you point it out to the cashier & remind her that it’s for your geriatric dog & she starts telling you how she has birthday parties for her four cats every year.  & then you wonder if you’ll ever get to be a crazy cat lady in your old age after you just don’t give a shit anymore & weight 500 lbs at the age of 80.

Really, I don’t know why I don’t have my own reality show.

Back when I first started planning Harrison’s second birthday party (you know, the day after his first birthday party), there was nothing greater in his heart than Curious George.  Of course, Lightning McQueen & Simba came later, but the little curious monkey was our go-to for entertainment in both books & film for many months.  So it only made sense for Curious George to be the inspiration for his birthday party.  Red & yellow with splashes of aqua, mostly digging on monkeys & bananas rather than actually splashing George’s face everywhere.

Last year, I spent hours in the kitchen hand-making dips & pies when the Pillsbury sugar cookies were the first to disappear off the table.  This year, I decided to cater to the toddlers by ordering $5.00 pizzas from Little Caesar’s & filling a bowl with goldfish.  Harrison’s smallest guests sipped on watered-down apple juice while the parents enjoyed water.  & of course, I did the ever-popular pigs n’ blankets – best part of the story was when I asked a grocery store worker where he kept his “little weiners.”  That was awkward.

Cupcake toppers from the Etsy seller, ClassyAndSimple.  As Harrison’s best gal has a serious peanut allergy, the cupcakes needed to be made from home.  I mixed up a box yellow cake, then The Momma helped decorate them with cream cheese icing & sugar sprinkles.  There is something wonderfully old school about homemade baked goods at a party, you know?

I’ve got a thing for paper lanterns.  They just give a little “pop” to the decor, so we hung them from tree branches.

A lot of the details were handmade, either by me or people with far more talent.  Like Erika from Bird E. Studios, who made the gorgeous pennant that will now go in Harry’s room.  I made the rag wreath at night while we watched Mad Men & Vampire Diaries (I have a rather eclectic taste in entertainment), & sewed the poms to a red tablecloth on Thursday evening, along with whipping up the red checked backdrop for our “photo booth.”

This is a typical family photo with a two-year-old.

I purchased six yards of cotton gingham cloth, on sale for $1.97 per yard, then cut it in half & stitched the two halves together.  I didn’t worry about hemming on the edges, but did fold over the top with a quick stitch to fit a rod or ribbon through that would hold it to the fence.

Harrison had a WONDERFUL time & was a fantastic host.   Did I mention that he did not want to wear a shirt?  Within thirty minutes of the party starting, Harry was shirtless & his friend Holden was dancing on the table.  So basically, the party was amazing.

p.s. be sure to take a favor before you leave!

What started out as an, “aww, darn! momma’s outside my room again” turned into her being a security blanket.  Momma’s outside my door, everything’s okay.   If I was sick or hurting, she sat quietly with her shadow thrown onto the carpet of my bedroom, telling me to close my eyes.

I guess it’s why last night, with my little guy coughing & running a low fever, I sat down quietly on the floor outside his room.  I heard him whimper as he tried to suck his thumb despite a stuffy nose & my heart twisted.  Doug looked at me with raised eyebrow & I said, “I just want to sit until he falls asleep.  It’s the only thing I can really do, you know?”

So I sat until the hum of the humidifier was the only sound I heard.  & I wondered if The Momma felt the same way on the nights she sat for me.

p.s. childhood friends, please raise your hand if you attended a sleepover where the momma sat outside the playroom & told us to settle down.  & then we giggled.

Talking sweet tea & my recipe over at Pickles & Paisleys today…join me & share your own recipe that speaks tradition?

A typical Saturday morning growing up – staying in pajamas & making forts with my brothers in our playroom.

p.s. i’ve been saving top sheets for future forts with harrison. bring it on!

____________________________

I’ll be back soon with nonintelligent ramblings & more than photo bombs soon.  It’s just been one of “those weeks.”  I appreciate you hanging in there with me.

East Coasters, please stay safe from the ol’ skank Irene.  We’re supposed to just have high winds & rain, so my girlfriends & I are stirring up Sangria & camping out with the kiddos.  It’s like Neverland – we just refuse to grow up.  (but not the michael jackson kind with court dates & the kid from home alone, i’m talking peter pan)

oh, & wine.  LOTS OF WINE.  I needed vacation in the worst way possible & while it crossed my mind to set up guest posts or write ahead, I was more focused on making sure that I packed beach towels & Harrison’s stuffed monkey.  We pulled over the sound bridge on Saturday afternoon & I felt myself exhale as I tucked my phone into my pocket & pointed out the ocean to the boy in the backseat.  We quickly threw on our suits & headed to the sand while waiting for the rest of my family to arrive.

The toddler woke with the sun every morning & we quietly snuck out for a walk to search for shells & quiet moments with our family of three.  He giggled as Nate hoisted him over broad shoulders & I gave way to a game of chase.  I took in a deep breath, commenting that on a normal day, we’d be facing the rat race.  This slower pace of life was welcomed.

On the tiny island of North Carolina, we put down planners & live without watches.  I prefer to spend every afternoon with a book under the canopy or diving through waves.  I intended to write during naps, but found myself curled up with an iced coffee & a blanket rather than a laptop.

Harrison, of course, tackled the beach with his typical fearless smile.  He begged to be taken into the water & when his daddy & uncle swam too far, he stood at the edge of the water & cried.  My boy is ready to be a teenager already.

& since I’ve stopped sobbing over my lack of Britney Spears abs or trying to develop melanoma, my beach vacation has become exponentially more relaxing.  I slather 30+ SPF all over, slip into a one-piece, & settle into a chair with a book.  My goal is not to brown – my goal is to slip away from the every day & allow myself to really breathe.

(I never really breathe when I’m away from the ocean.  Do you have a place that helps you breathe?)

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