Toddlers Eat Your Brains

Memory.

21 May posted by heirtoblair

Tonight I sat on the screened porch with Doug & a glass of wine, watching The Momma & Harrison water the flowers in the backyard. He brings over his big dump truck & tries to fill it & then he grabs the nozzle & sprays his Gram & she laughs & jumps back.

I wonder if it will be his first memory.

I wonder if his first memory has already happened & I pray it’s something wonderful.

Like mine, a Christmas morning when I’m 2 1/2 & in my grandmother’s house with the wood paneling on the living room walls. When I close my eyes, I still see everything at eye level even though I’ve been in that house since with it’s new owners & painted walls.

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Filed Under: All about BA, Flashback Friday, Harry in General, Life in General, Perfection, Toddlers eat your brains

Walking the dog slash toddler.

21 May posted by heirtoblair

walk2 Walking the dog slash toddler.

We thought we’d give him a “task,” so he’s walking Tuck.

Don’t worry, I have a firm hold on her leash at the base.

But he was very proud of himself & it gave him an excellent distraction
from attempting to bomb dive off the couch.

walk1 Walking the dog slash toddler.

These people wish there were no open container laws.

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Filed Under: BFFs, Harry in General, Life in General, My kid hates me, Never Have I Ever, Toddlers eat your brains

Pass the wine coolers.

18 May posted by heirtoblair

This week has been kind of funk-tacular for me. I think it has to do with the four days of clouds we’ve had in a row & that really messes with my brain.

Harrison is entering this stage where he’s kind of a punk & I mean that with all the love in my heart. But as I said before, it’s like he did lines of pixie sticks & rage. My voice is worn from saying “Do not bite!” & “Knees or bottom!” or “Do not spit!” & then having him laugh hysterically & then do EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ASKED. This phase stole my obedient baby from me. While daycare is having some incredible benefits, it’s also forcing us to realize how sheltered he was for over two years. He’s learned to say “mine!” & unfortunately doesn’t realize yet that while it’s okay to stand up to his peers over who gets to play with the toy firetruck next, standing up to Momma & Daddy is not okay. So when I say “Harrison, it is bathtime. Would you like a bath or shower?” & he stands stiff & screams “NO!!!!!!!!” at me & I swear to God that I want to drown myself in a bottle of tequila. Because that’s after he’s spit ravioli & been asked to leave the table & then kicked over his trains & chased the dog with his toy lawnmower.

The biggest problem is that my parents aren’t huge drinkers, which means they keep their Merlot in the fridge & I’ve had to drink berry wine coolers all week.

On the other hand, I’ve found that toddlers are a lot like dogs. If they start disobeying, just take them out for a walk where they are burning that aggressive energy but being forced to obey. I don’t put a leash on Harrison…yet.

We’re going to Carowinds tomorrow, courtesy of BlogHer, so I assume my Twitter feed will either be “THIS IS AMAZING!” or “SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL!” depending on Harrison’s mood tomorrow. I’m hoping it’s the former because Doug loves theme parks & I’m really looking forward to a family day together.

These are my friends who are pretty & sarcastic. They took me out for a beer to save me from the wine coolers.

friends Pass the wine coolers.

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Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, Outsourcing Parenting Skills, Things I didn't understand until I birthed a child, Toddlers eat your brains

At least he was polite about it.

11 May posted by heirtoblair

Sometimes I think Tucker has IBS because the moment she finishes eating, homegirl needs to go outside thatminuteorshewilldie. Or at least, that’s how she makes it seem as she scarfs down the last bite & then starts prancing like a show pony on meth at the back door.

IMG 0170 1024x768 At least he was polite about it.

In the kitchen this morning, Tuck was finishing her (second! damn dog for acting like I hadn’t fed her!) breakfast & Harrison walks over to her, points & says “Tuck! Poop!”

Except when he says “Tuck” it sounds like “touch” & it’s really darling.

So I asked him if he needed to poop & he shakes his head no & says, “Tuck, poop!”

So I shrug & ask him if Tuck needs to poop & he says, “Yes. Tuck, poop please!”

Maybe it’s one of those things where you had to be there to find it roll-on-the-ground funny, but I was still laughing two hours later.

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Filed Under: BA's a nerd, BFFs, Dirty Harry, Harry in General, Life in General, Toddlers eat your brains

Another generation.

30 Apr posted by heirtoblair

golf Another generation.

If you ask Doug if he’s a good golfer, he’ll blush & tell you he’s not that great. (hint: he’s lying)

Golf is almost religion for him, the greens his home away from home where the weight of the world falls off his shoulders. For years, he & my father-in-law bonded over wooden tees & flags until they are the memories he thinks of most. When we drive by a course, a little grin lights up his face & I know he’s thinking of the days when it will be him & Harrison.

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Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, Perfection, Toddlers eat your brains