_________________________________

12:30pm, back to the office.  ::sigh::  You know that weird post-lunch nap that you want to take?  I’m feeling it, but it’s time to meet a client so I slap a smile on my face & get down to business.

5:00pm, quitting time!  I race to pick up Harrison & we start our evening commute….

read more!

Kate Middleton

While I have kept a polite distance, shying away from tabloids & commemorative china collections, the pageantry of it all did sweep away the best of my sensibilities & I set my alarm for 5am EST this morning.  I clicked on the television just as Princesses Beatrice & Eugenie pulled up to the church, stepping out with fascinators that were…well, fascinating.  Really, the only other thing Eugenie could have done was put a bird on it.

read the rest on BlogHer…

As Jeanett so beautifully said about her own loss, “Because the truth is that once you see that second pink line…you set a place at the table for your baby.”  My heart ached when I read those words, because I understood.

Jeanett, I am so thankful for the cause you are supporting.

& p.s. I’m not THAT tall or blonde.  Okay, maybe I am THAT tall.

____________________________

Night after night, I sat down to my journal with a cup of tea, willing the words to come.  Willing my heart to pour hope & grace onto the page as I spoke of the baby I lost.  I wrote several drafts, only to scratch them out.  I felt tongue-tied & humbled.

….read more.

_________________________________

When my son was 13 weeks old, I slipped back into a black pencil skirt & three-inch stilettos to take my place in the corporate world once more.   Every day for the next year, I tearfully kissed my little boy goodbye & bitterly plowed through paperwork & client calls.   I hated being a working mother.  I was wracked with jealousy over my stay-at-home-mom friends when they held play dates & lunches.  I struggled with finding balance between work, marriage, motherhood, home, & myself.  News articles hounded home that the children of working mothers were fatter, sicker, & worse off than children of mothers who stayed home.  & it didn’t matter if Charlie Sheen himself wrote the study, I believed that I was failing my child by working.

Slowly, that cloud of despair has lifted as my postpartum depression healed & my little family settled into a comfortable routine.  I met a few fellow working momma friends that helped me feel less alone as we shared tips for managing it all.  & you know what?  I realized that it doesn’t suck.  Sure, being a working momma is HARD.  You’re “on” 24/7, not only meeting the demands of a family & toddler tyrant, but also the demands of clients, bosses, products, & everything in between.  But it definitely has its perks.

[find out what those perks are here]

I was floored.  Honored.  & honestly, kind of giddy like a school girl.  Syndication is something that every blogger wants & I had finally achieved it!  But…wait.  Was this the post I wanted to debut with?  This post, laying out all of my faults & opening up doors for even more people to hammer home what a wretched bitch I was?  Would strangers that never “followed” me before understand what I was trying to say?

Bullying in all forms is such a hot topic these days & it NEEDS to be discussed.  We hear so many stories from victims & they are heartbreaking.  But it’s also time to call a spade a spade & call out the bitches for what they are.   By one of their own, just to hammer it home & say, “Hey, Bully?  You’re an insecure asshole & I know it.”  & so I chewed my fingernails, closed my eyes, & pushed “publish” on my BlogHer page.

My only hope is that it strikes a chord.

http://www.blogher.com/diary-mean-girl

______________________________

Most of you probably know that I’ve been babysitting my nephew every weekday since January.   I usually have music playing for him when he’s awake (he loves to dance!), so Mom got him a CD of children’s songs a while ago.   Listening to this music with him one day, I realized that children’s songs suck.   I don’t mean that they get old after a while (though that’s true).   I mean that they’re not good for children.  Some of them teach entirely the wrong messages to kids, and others are just plain weird.  Like really disturbing.

As an aunt, I am concerned for the mental/emotional health of my nephews.  For this reason, I have compiled a list of songs that could jeopardize that and the reason for which they should be banned (we’ll just skip over the moose song, because I actually like that one).

Not all of them are bad.  ’Old MacDonald Had a Farm’ is great.  Learning animal sounds is important for children, and we can wait until they’re older to tell them that that happy cow on nice Mr. MacDonald’s farm is tomorrow night’s dinner.

But how about ‘Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?’  I’m not sure how singing about lost puppies is supposed to make children happy.  I suppose it works, because people keep singing it.  But as someone who has always loved animals, it just makes me want to cry.  Unless it’s Tucker that’s lost.  That might be alright.

Next on my list is ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.’  I see two problems with this one.  First, who are we to think we can command nature?  That’s God’s job.  Then it says, “like a diamond in the sky.”  And you wonder why our culture is so materialistic.  ’Hush, Little Baby’ doesn’t help with that either.  It’s like nothing will ever be good enough for that kid.  What a brat.

‘Mary Had A Little Lamb.’  Sweet fluffy little sheep follows his owner to school.  Aww, how cute! Not really.  I think it’s kind of weird.  I don’t know if this little lamb just had separation anxiety or if he was some creepy stalker sheep, but for whatever reason, he just would not  leave her alone.   Stalking is not a topic for small children, nor is this next one:

My favorite, ‘Ring Around The Rosey!!’  Yay, Black Plague!!   You probably already know that that’s what this song is about, but did you ever think of the potentially devastating effects it could have on your kids?  This obsession with death is not good for children.  If your teen is wearing too much black and writing creepy poetry, it’s probably your fault for singing such morbid music to them in their early years.

Sorry, Blair & Nate.  Hope he turns out alright.

Sorry.  I had to rub it in a little bit.

Anywho.  LCW, or Lindsey for some of us, is the spice behind Waking Up Williams, where she & her husband JPW chronicle their life through parenting, being naked on the couch for vlogs, & running Japster, Inc. in an effort for wordpress.org world domination.

I luff her.  I love her sass, I love her tweets, & everytime I think of LCW, I think of this picture that used to be up on this crazy message board we used to frequent where she was wearing her daughter in a Moby wrap.  & y’all remember how much I loved my Moby.  So we were pretty much instant friends, at least on my end.

LCW has been a total sugarcake & granted me the honor of posting here while I’m gone…just a little snapshot to get y’all talking, to stir some thoughts, to share advice…you know, about SEX.  Because it’s one of my favorite gloves-off topics & LCW does an amazing job of confronting every parent’s worst nightmare.

No, not the terrible twos.  Or diarrhea in the tub, although that is a close second.  Too bad “close” only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades.  But about what happens after the kid pops out.  Where our libido goes, how to fix it, & how to not become “those people” that used to have a good sex life.

__________________________________

I’m not going to lie, I totally 100% invited myself over to Blair’s blog.  I didn’t think twice about hitting the send button the email that said, “Hey if you ever need a guest blogger, I’d love to help you out”.  Help her out?  She doesn’t need any help from me, but obviously I was feeling big and mighty that day and hit send regardless.  Then I had a minor freak out….because she could have totally said, “No”.  End of story, no further explanation and our internet friendship would have been tarnished forever.  Ok, perhaps that’s a tad over dramatic, and she didn’t say no, in fact she said YES!  So you’re stuck with me for the day.  Blair said I could write about anything, except I had to include a bit about how unbelievably awesome she is, and really, she doesn’t need accolades from me.  Most of you probably don’t even know me, or read my blog.  I’m okay with that.  But since I’m a woman of my word, I have  channeled  my inner second grader and wrote her a poem.

Blair’s posts on sex inspire me.  They inspire me to talk more about it with the hubs and to do more of it.  Some of you found her inspirational in starting your blog, I find her posts about sex absolutely hysterically, because everything about the post sounds pretty, it has pretty purple pictures of Grimace and she eloquently describes hot steamy moments, without sounding like a Madame.  I wish I could be so descriptive, yet mysterious.  I wish I could just let it all out on my own blog, but my mother in law reads it and then instead of commenting I get really long emails with her thoughts and comments.  Oh and we’ve already been asked when we plan on having baby #2, translated: When do you plan on getting all down and dirty, throwing all birth control out the window and romping like rabbits to make a fetus.   Noneyabusiness.  That’s when.

So maybe I need to channel more Blair.  I mean some of you use her blogging as a springboard for posts, I’m going to use her sex posts as a springboard for well, duh, more sex.  Because the leg humping in the kitchen while I’m cooking dinner or rubbing my boobs in the car while I’m driving just doesn’t get me all hot and bothered, it really just bothers me and I think a little more zest is needed.  And my husband is not totally to blame, obviously it takes two to tango, my attempts are lame as well.  “Want to get naked?”  I mean really, that’s not sexy or exciting at all.  While it may be direct, it lacks any creativity and excitement.

And this is where I’m stumped both in the bedroom and on this post.  So in an attempt to lift the writers block I skyped my husband asking for advice. He usually laughs at the posts that are meant to be comical.  I thought he could offer me some support for my big writing debut on Heir to Blair; and among some of his ideas he came up with “Sex Life Slowdown”  This is why I married him folks, he read my mind. I skyped him for help and he has the same topic on his mind.  We’re in a sex life slowdown.  And we only have ourselves to blame. Our baby goes to bed about 7, and although she’s up once at night, it’s well after any naked time would occur.  We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, after a year of him traveling during the week, so that should make it easier. Hell, when we got pregnant, he was only home for the holidays and then back on the road again.  It shouldn’t be this hard.  He’s hot, fit and trim.  He smells fantastic and knows how to rock a dress shirt.

So this is where you all chime in.  How do we find more time for ourselves?  What can I do?  I’ve recently switched from nursing bras to my VS bras, maybe that’ll help  a little. I wore make up twice last week and he’s spotted me naked while getting dressed.  Sexy, right?  He’s a good man for being so patient while I nap and clean on the weekends rather than rip his clothes off.  What are your quick and easy ways to get me in the fast lane on our sex life slowdown?  I’m begging you and my husband will be thanking you.

___________________________________

When Mrs. Trophy Wife asked me if I would be lucky enough to guest blog for her, I immediately screamed “YES!” in all caps over Gmail.  Like, dotted with hearts & stars.  Because in so many respects, we are so similar.  Southern to our core.  Over-sharing is our love language.  We heart alcohol & Jesus.  Probably because we both have reflux babies.  & we’re sisters.

Sisters of Alpha Delta Pi.  Different schools, different years, but sisters nonetheless.

May you think we’re not really sisters & that our identical diamond badges don’t give us a bond.  Maybe you’re reflecting back to the drunken sororities of Hollywood.  Animal House, Van Wilder, House Bunny.  The stereotypes are out there.  Perhaps you think we “paid for our friends?”

If that is the case, I can gaurantee it was the best money I spent until paying Harrison’s hospital bill.  Because I gained a sisterhood.

A group of woman, sharing a bond of ritual & goals.  Striving for excellence academically, holding each other accountabe for responsiiblity & ethics.  We swore to protect, nurture, & defend each other.  To love, support, & cherish the ties that bound us in a quest for wisdom and a better life.

A sisterhood in every sense of the word.

Needless to say, I loved my sorority.  I served on the Executive Board for three years & my senior year, I had the honor of chapter President.  I loved the friendship, the camaraderie, the laughs & tears.  It taught me leadership, responsibility, & compassion that was tempered with humility.  & even as an adult 8 years after my first birthday, I still yearn & search for that feeling.  Because I love women & the fellowship women provide in the most heterosexual way EVER.  I LOVE WOMEN.  & I yearn for their friendship.

Which leads me to this…why can’t we mothers be our own sorority?  We already are – we just have to embrace it.  Ritual?  Pregnancy.  Check!  Initiation?  Childbirth.  Check!  So why do we fall flat on the remainder?  Why do we not swear to hold each other accountable with love, to protect & cherish the friendships we make?  Why do we not reach out to other moms, “recruit” them into our sisterhood (as in, befriend them.  not convince them to trick their husband’s into knocking them up.  LET ME BE DISTINCT ABOUT THAT.  the only way that ends is B-A-D).  I’ve been a “lion” in motherhood, holding myself up in arrogance & biting sarcasm that eat another mother in a flash.  I have been guilty in the past of not holding myself accountable as a mother, or cherishing other mothers.  Trust me – it is NOT the way to be.  I have also grown a lot in the past six months.  Birth changed me.  Motherhood & PPD continue to change me.

Mrs. Trophy Wife is still my sister.  She’s my sister in ADPi & she’s my sister in motherhood.  She’s my shoulder to cry on after a bad day of reflux or work.  She’s a warm voice over video or the phone telling me that I can make it one more day & reminding me that our lots are all tough.  She holds me accountable to be a better mother & I strive to be more like her in so many ways.

So, I challenge you…make a sister.  Make a sister in motherhood.  Make two.  Make two hundred.  & cherish the bond we share.

but I’ve got something cool coming your way this morning over here!

But I hope you love her.  & I hope we all heed her wisdom.  Because sometimes, it takes a village to raise a woman.

______________________________________

When Blair and I first corresponded about a guest post for her blog, I was trying to think about what would best suit you.

First, my name is Sarah Baron, and I am a member of Anonymous8.  The Anonymous8 is a group of real women, ages 35-50 who talk about everything, and I DO mean everything.  That’s why we’ve chosen to stay anonymous.

We actually spoke about what to write this past weekend during a girl’s night out.  Here are 8 things (8 being our favorite number) that we wish someone had advised us when our kids were real little (they are older now).  And these 8 things are going to be about you and your other (and not your kids, because they will grow up despite what we all do to them).  Remember that we are sharing this because we did not do these things so well ourselves; we wish someone had reminded us to do them.

1.      Don’t forget to take care of yourself.  So many blogs talk about their beautiful kids so much that I worry as an outsider about how much they have time to do things for themselves.  I don’t mean spend hours a day taking care of yourself at the expense of your children. However, treat yourself to something nice on a regular basis, whether that is a bath or a spa day. Your children are much happier when their mom is centered.  If this means a walk alone or time alone or a massage once a month, consider this an investment in your mental well-being.
2.      Don’t forget your husband.  Before you had the ability to produce milk, your husband was the center of your world. Now, those little things with sticky fingers have an awful lot of your attention. Also, when the kids are small, things can be lonely for you. When your husband gets home (assuming you are a SAHM), sometimes you can be pissed that he had a perfectly civilized day and even managed to go to lunch. BEFORE you toss the kids at him when he walks in the door, make sure you pay good attention to him.  This may mean listening to him unconditionally (even though you are exploding with things to tell him) when he gets home for a little while before you spill every detail of your toddler’s day and his diaper sagas.  Also, a simple email or text telling him that he is your man and that you love him can make a huge difference. Finally, make sure you tell him that you wish you had more time together and make the best of the time that you do have together. http://anonymous8.com/relationship-advice/the-biggest-mistake-wives-make/
3.     Your husband needs physical intimacy. Translate – he needs sex. Like you may need a bath or a walk or to talk, he needs that.  On a regular bais. http://anonymous8.com/all-about-sex/intimacy-in-marriage/one-mans-view-of-intimacy/
4.      Pick your friends carefully. This one is IMPORTANT.  A lot of people make their lifelong best friends from their kids’ kindergarten friends and their families. If your friends bash their husbands, you will too. If they work on their marriages, you will also.  If they talk about how to spice up their intimate lives, you will try that as well. Friends are really influential, like they were in high school.  That never changes.
5.      Go out on dates with your husband without the kids (this reinforces 2 and 3). I don’t care if it is after the kids are asleep and you play strip-wii or strip poker or have a picnic on the carpet.  You can also go bowling or visit the art museum or go to the parade of homes. http://anonymous8.com/date-night-ideas/ask-a8-keeping-romance/
6.      Don’t let the kids take control of your bed for years.  BAD idea. We all agreed on this. This is a killer of intimacy.  I know there is all this theory on family beds and I get that, but your marital health is the most important thing for your child.  They want to see you smile at each other. Period.
7.      Your personal grooming – there are some things that you should do while you’re younger and before you get some grey hairs, like any laser hair removal, especially on your hair down there. Here’s the specifics.  Laser does NOT work on grey hair.  Therefore, when you begin to grey down there, and you will when you grey on top, you will have just spent a fortune only for it to work 99% of the way. For a complete series on Hair Down There, click here. http://anonymous8.com/category/women-body/
8.      Do something creative for him in the bedroom at least once a month to give your intimate life a little (it doesn’t need something different every day)  variety.  Yes, many of us did not start doing this until we were older – thinking outside the box. It shows that you care and he will be delighted. It’s like we became more sure of ourselves once we hit about 38.  Wish we had done this earlier – come out of our skins a little. Some examples of this would be strip wii, forgetting to wear underwear on a date night and casually mentioning it at dinner, and making a jar of desires.  More thorough descriptions can be found here. http://anonymous8.com/category/all-about-sex/fun-tip-tuesdays/

So, that’s our top 8 recommendations and thoughts for those of you in the little kid trenches. You will survive.

Signing out,
Sarah Baron and the Women of Anonymous8

PS  Feel free to join in the discussions any time.  That’s what we are all about.  Helping each other out and promoting healthy and irreverent progress for you and your other.