title: I aced the test, now what?
note: I am not currently pregnant.
It was a September morning in 2008, too early for the sun to be fully up. I had a feeling but I’d had “that feeling” the month before when it had been a lie. Doug peeked through one eye & asked me if I was going to take a test. I shrugged & padded into the bathroom where I followed the instructions carefully – I still wasn’t that skilled at taking the test. Then I crawled back under the covers with him while the test sat on my bedside table & I watched it closely. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Nothing. I gave a wistful smile & Doug said, “I swear, I don’t know how anyone gets pregnant!” & I rolled my eyes because I’m usually the dramatic one in the relationship.
Then I looked over & saw two lines & my life changed in one flash, smaller than one second, shorter than one heartbeat. Suddenly, I had purpose & hope of things to come & I threw my arms around my husband in pure joy. We were having a baby. A baby! I grabbed a bagel & skipped the coffee since I already wasn’t feeling so hot (now I knew it was morning sickness, not the flu) & trotted into work with a secret smile on my face. I sat at my desk, flipped on my computer, & stared at my phone. It was a little after 8am & I needed to tell someone. Anyone. I wondered if the gal at the first floor nurse’s station could keep a secret.
Wait. Shouldn’t I call my OBGYN? When do I make an appointment? When do I get an ultrasound? What if they tell me I messed up the test & I’m not really pregnant? I nervously picked up the phone & punched in the numbers, biting my lips as it rang & the receptionist answered. “Hi,” I squeaked. “I think I need to come in because I think I’m pregnant. Actually, I am pregnant. I found out today. Do I need to come in? I don’t know what to do!” She laughed & congratulated me, taking my name & birthday. She scheduled the appointment four weeks out & I blurted “That long?!” She explained that the baby needed to be about 6-7 weeks to get a good picture on the ultrasound & hear a heartbeat. My shoulders dropped. That long? That long until I saw my baby? I ached to run over immediately & demand to see someone, to demand that they agree that yes! I was pregnant!
Instead, I hung up the phone & lovingly patted my invisible belly with the life inside. Then I leaned over & hurled up my bagel. Yep, I was pregnant.