This essentially sums up our weekend.
That’s mud. The only shit in this picture is the ‘tude sported by the toddler. By the way, I finally understand why some animals eat their young. I’m kidding.
(kind of.)
I feel disloyal complaining about Harrison being two or a toddler or all boy because 90% of the time, he is an absolute joy & my BFF. Fomer difficult baby = supreme awesome toddler. But then there’s the occasional day where he wakes up with a rabid bee up his ass & it’s like he did lines of pixie sticks & rage.
Saturday was that day. He woke up piss-angry at the universe & with Doug playing in a golf tournament all day, it was ALL MOMMA ALL THE TIME. He’s all NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ANYONE BUT THE LADY WITH THE BIRTH CANAL & LOUD LAUGH. I made him pancakes for breakfast – he threw them on the floor. I turned on Curious George – he screamed for Bob the Builder. He begged to go outside – it was pouring rain. We had a showing so I scrambled to straighten before heading out the door, sweating & looking a hot damn mess. We hit up Chick Fil A, his favorite sliding spot but since it was 10:30, there were no other “babies” there. Cue more you-killed-my-puppy-&-served-it-as-stir-fry tears. Came home & put the kid in bed where he threw the most epic rebellion since the American Revolution & 5 minutes after he finally quieted, God decided it was an awesome time to play a joke on me.
So it thundered.
Long story short, I opened a beer at 5pm on the nose & had the kid in bed by 7:30pm. When Doug got home late (thanks to the rain), I was pretty much drooling into a pillow with rat nest hair. But that’s just motherhood some days…it’s a freaking war zone & you come out with as few scars as possible & praise God that you’re still alive.
& that you didn’t serve toddler with sides of green beans & biscuits.
(Then I’m mid-writing this all down but he begs to be rocked before bed & I ask him if he wants Momma to tell him a story so he says, “yeah, cool” into the crook of my neck & my heart putters out. I’m totally ready to do this all over again tomorrow.)
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This was me all last week. Multiple posts on trying to maintain a positive attitude ensued.
I mean seriously… reading your blog is like seeing my life flash before me, lol.
I wish I could say this post left me scratching my head. But yes, pixie sticks and rage sums up the toddler mood some days…as does the perfect moment they melt into you and make you remember how snuggly sweet they can be.
It happens to my youngest many times! I’m so fed up sometimes and just ignore him, and let him do what he wants. Maybe because he gets more attention from us, since he is the youngest, that’s why.
I’m right there with you. My hubby is out of town until Tuesday and I have a two year old and a 5 mos old. My daughter threw a fit at the science center. In the goat corral. And fell out in a pile of goat poo. Then again in the parking lot when I made her take off her poo smelling Curious George shirt. Nothing like strapping a half naked screaming toddler into their seat for an audience! Hang in there, tomorrow is another day!
“Yeah cool” So sweet.
These days rocking my 1yo is like rocking a 27lb bag of snakes. Also, that’s not acne scars on my chin, it’s from where she scratched me trying to say “mouf.”
But yeah. TIME FOR ANOTHER (beer that is).
This is the summary of some of our almost 2.5 year old toddler days also! We’re there with you say hang in there! Sounds like you were a champ though and good call for the beer at 5. You definitely earned it!
My hubby and I both enjoyed your post. I can totally relate! (and we have a girl) 
Dude…you totally nailed it. Now throw in an overly dramatic 6 month old drama queen and you have my life and probably a pretty good reality show most days. Sigh…
“Back in the day” (50 years ago), we called them the Terrible Twos and the main vocabulary word was “no.” The cure was the kid turning three.
That’s motherhood….. the good, the bad and the ugly! Ha!
Sounds like our Saturday. My husband literally said he didn’t know if he could handle a second kid if H keeps behaving like this!
did you sling the mudpie at him? because after 4 years of working in daycare & 10 years of babysitting with half of my brains eaten by toddlers, i’d totally be on your side if you said yes.
this is so true. Get the book “The New Strong Willed Child”…it hasn’t cured all of our “terrible twos”, but it has helped shorten the “crazies” which is when my daughter is having one of those days. My husband will ask, “How’s Sarah” and he just knows what I mean when I say, “she’s got a case of the crazies today” hahaha
Hang in there!
Pretty much. Except I have the opposite issue-perfect baby, increasingly difficult hulk smash mood swing toddler. But I’ll try again in the morning.
I feel this way so much right now, being 30 weeks preggers with a 5 year old and 2 year old. I cried all the way home from my parents today because I was losing it. And well my family was laughing at me saying she having another!! I hate that. I know they are just busting my chops but talk about kicking a girlwhile she’s down!!
And they say the “threes” are worse…thank goodness we just got to the twos. But, we’re like you. Most days are spectacular, melt your heart, why didn’t we have kids sooner kinda days, but those other days – whew!
Love this post! As the mom of a 2.5 year old and a 16 month old there are definitely days that I feel like God is laughing at me. Like you, I worked full time for a long time before staying home and it is no joke that this motherhood gig is the hardest one out there
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You have such a knack for putting all our insane ass mommy thoughts into words! I swear I have at least one of these days every week ….mainly with my daughter and shes 4 already! My 2 r old is now starting this too! Lord help me!
Not to deflect from the hilarity, but make sure the boy isn’t getting sick. Both my kids went from happy go luckies to satans spawn in under 48 hours this weekend and today they both woke up with a cough, vending machine mystery goo green snot and crankiness.
Otherwise, we pretty much had the same weekend without the rain, just a drastic (like 40 degree) drop in temperature overnight which turned all of our moods and immune systems sour.
hmmm saturday must have been a day for evil children from hell. My 3 had me sobbing by the time my husband got off work- complete with broken picture frames, eaten neosporing and a disaster zone that was my livingroom. we didnt go anywhere so we totally skipped the daily bath, just took our vitamins and brushed teeth, read a story and went to bed. and i’m sobbing when hubby gets home about how i dont think i do this again with a fourth child…saturday=epic mom fail.
The picture is epic. My common phrase to my almost 3 year old son, “That’ll do donkey, that’ll do.”
i LOVE the title of this post and i will be using it. bella was a tough cookie early on too-she was very demanding, fought sleep and screamed. a lot. but as a real person (aka-age 1+) she has been the coolest kid ever! only lately has she caught on to the pixie/rage combination of toddler madness. it’s like someone reminded her she is two and has a God given right to torment me on the daily. but i too feel bad complaining, because she is such a sweet kid usually.
This is probably the most epic of epic. I love the phrase “A rabid bee up his ass” thats probably the best description of toddler PMS ever (Pissed at Mom Syndrome)
“pissed at mom syndrome” is the GREATEST.
You waited until 5 to crack a beer on a Saturday?! You’re a better woman than I. I was under the impression that any time after noon on a Saturday was damn near close enough.
I think this is my favorite post you’ve ever written. I was laughing and nodding my head the entire time
I have a 2 year old. “lines of pixie sticks and rage” is the best description ever!
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