I find myself tongue-tied in regards to Blissdom this year.
There’s this wild, wonderful heart-song that has been beating through me ever since I boarded a plane for Nashville & I have not quite found a way to piece it all together.
When I went to Blissdom, I found myself at an awful crossroads in my career. I lost a job & gained contract work, but nothing felt secure. I spent nights lying awake, ticking away the 18 months of COBRA coverage & worrying how I would find another job. How we would get insurance or a home loan. The anxiety crept up to my throat & I sat on the couch in my doctor’s office & she asked me to define the problem.
“I don’t know!” I wailed. The control freak in my clashed & battled war on my spirit & everything inside me wound tight for no reason. Why couldn’t I let go when I finally had everything I ever hoped for?
I have a job I love. It pays well. I am home with my son. I am writing successfully. I have insurance coverage for 18 months. We won’t be homeless.
Four days of wild creativity, of hearing lectures where I was told to admit that I’m a writer, to think of goals & pathways & to be okay reaching for them. To sit with others & hear that sometimes, they feel split one thousand different ways & they worry about the uncertainty of free-lancing, but oh, isn’t the free part of free-lancing so wonderful? Yes, it is. Jon Acuff spoke of the “reverse Superman” of changing into business suits from conference clothes & my heart hurt at my own memories of soul-blackening work & somewhere in Tsh Oxenreider’s session about growing with quality, a wave of awesome slapped me upside the face.
Really, there’s no other way to describe it.
I have a job I love. It pays well. I am home with my son. I am writing successfully. I have insurance coverage for 18 months. We won’t be homeless.
I’M GOING TO OWN THIS SHIT.
Finding myself writing for a living didn’t happen the way I thought it would, but then again, I never dreamed of an @microsoft email address either. Potentially growing our family on COBRA isn’t something I would have ever considered before but being home with my littles is something I have considered often. Selling our house & getting a home loan on Doug’s salary wasn’t our idea, but we will learn to live simply & install floors on our own & that will be just one more adventure to take on together.
When my friends ask me what Blissdom is, I smile. It’s fashion shows in the bathroom with a friend that lives an entire country apart & a photo shoot in downtown at night & the words “I am a writer” scrawled across my journal with other notes but mostly, Blissdom is where I come alive.
I am so happy you had this opportunity, that things are working out not how you expected but working out nonetheless. It’s hard sometimes to realize that what we want IS actually happening, just maybe not in our imagined cookie cutter version. Rock this shit.
Just remember, Jen Lancaster wouldn’t be a best selling author is she hadn’t been laid off! Sounds like you’re making the best of it!
That was amazing. Yes, own it!!
And now I’m even more sad that I missed it! I need to be inspired. I am so uninspired right now and have no idea where to go with my thoughts and my words.
You’ll be fine. Just keep telling yourself you’ll be fine.
Come to the other side!!! I swear it’s not as bad as it seems, although it will take some adjustment. We are a family of 4 (a 3.5 yr old & almost 2 year old) living on The Hubs’ meager salary (under 35k/year) in 1200 sq. ft., & I have no health insurance. Yet, it’s working out. We have no consumer debt (only our mortgage), have a nice chunk of savings, and are relatively happy. If we can do it, I know you can too!
BA, you are going to rock this shit like you’ve rocked everything else in your life: with grace, integrity and perseverance. Much love to you!
I have read a lot of blogging conference recaps in my blogtravels and I have to say, this might be the best advertisement for Blissdom ever.
I have no doubt you will totally own this.
Thanks, lady!
You know, I’ve been to other conferences & come back convicted to keep blogging because I love it, but this was really the first time I thought, “Hey. I can do this. I am doing this.” & decided to just go with the flow. I think finally getting to talk to other people that have gone through this was a game-changer for me.
Very cool. I love it. The message rings true. The little snippet seen on your notebook. “stop chasing…” is what I try to tell myself and BELIEVE. Who says happiness has to come on our schedule and our prearranged plans. Living in the moment and realizing that this is exactly how it was meant to be, and it’s pretty damn awesome… is the best feeling (if I can just remember to embrace it!).
Rock on.
By the way… so random. i don’t read all that many blogs but I use to love Morgan’s and read it while we were pregnant at around the same time. cool chic
I need to e-mail you, because I don’t need to be all sappy in your comments. I know we only hung out briefly, but meeting you and “hearing” your writing voice come out of your mouth? It changed things for me. I am thrilled for you that you got what you got out of the weekend.
YOU were such a highlight of the weekend for me. Some of the best laughs I had all weekend were with you & Morgan. xoxo.
I am so happy that this conference gave you exactly what you needed. You’re an amazing writer and I know you will do wonderful things!
more people need to learn to live on what they have, you can get a good 4 bedroom house in a good neighborhood that needs fixed up (not talking a crack house here, but something with good bones and potential) for a lot less than you can get a fancy fixed up 4 bedroom in the same neighborhood. elbow grease, sweat, tears and time will make good bones into something even more beautiful because you didnt just pick it out, you did that work- its yours- you own it. we picked up a nice little 4bd 2bth in a good nieghborhood with an excellent elementary close by on a forclosure sale $75K, (that makes our house payment $575 a month if you’re wondering) we are slowly as we can afford to fixing it up. its been washed painted shampoo’d had the flooring ripped out of 3 bedrooms and the dinning room (seriously who puts carpet in a room where people eat and spill?!) and replaced with laminant flooring. the other rooms will get it too eventually and the kitchen and baths will get some new things too, but it works for my family of almost 6. my kids dont care that its a work in progress, all they know is that its clean and bigger than the last place we lived- they are super happy to have thier own “playroom” thats just for them. i say if its something you want- go for it!
I feel ya on the soul-blackening work, that’s my life M-F. I can only imagine the freedom that comes with doing a job you are actually passionate about. *sigh* one day I hope I’ll be there too.
And on a slightly unrelated topic, I have to say that I love your handwriting. So pretty.
I grew my family under Cobra and it worked out just fine
and I have “preexisting” conditions and was able to get an a private insurance policy afterwards…even though I have to pay a little more because it is guarantee issue…it is a regular healthcare plan and it isn’t as much as our cobra was. So there are options out there even after Cobra!! Just do your research a head of time if the 18 months is coming to an end. Don’t make yourself worry about that!
You are an amazing writer. Don’t sell yourself short. You know what you want and you are reaching your goals. Things are going to work out! and you are very smart and resourceful. You are going to be fine!
This was beautiful. I am so glad you are finding happiness in all you do
I love how so often Blissdom does give us exactly what we need. I wonder if it’s that the environment is so prime for us to center ourselves, the sessions and speakers and even little conversations, speak to us of things we aren’t normally open to. Great recap and glad to hear from your heart
It sounds a little scary but a lot thrilling. The way the best and most meaningful changes in life are. Rock on!
BA This post made my day! I’ve been following you for a long time. My heart aches for you and cheers and feels proud as well.
This is the first post I read where I feel you are happy and not arguing with yourself. You totally have the skills for being a writer and deserve a pay for it. YOU CAN DO IT GIRL!
Also, Tsh is awesome. She has the right words to inspire and motivate us. I’m you happy you are also blessed by her.
<3 <3 <3
I loved reading this.
GOOD for you. GOOD FOR YOU. You absolutely CAN do this.
I love reading about various blogging conferences; I attended BlogHer for the first time last year (met you, roomed with jamie from TheGrumbles) and it was great but not AMAZING… It sounds like Blissdom is.
Hmm…
But back to you — YOU can DO THIS. I love it.