So today, I hit up the dentist because HELLO, insurance runs out in one week & I’m making all the popular pit stops. Dentist, eye doctor, birth control, & of course, the psychiatrist who desperately needs me to bitch on her couch for an hour. I dropped Harrison off with his auntie for two hours while I got my teeth scrubbed (he had been asking for her & considering she was a daily fixture in his life for two years, he needs some Auntie time). Then we hit up the craft store because a) it’s time to get my Pinterest on & b) The Momma’s birthday is coming up & I’m on a budget.
Let me just say that I can stand in a board room or jet across the country, but I turn into a complete wuss once I step through Michaels. All those women with glue stick burns on their fingers, willing to cut a bitch over the last vial of Martha Stewart glitter? THEY TERRIFY ME. Same thing with fabric stores. Also, the strangest thing happens that once I hit the first aisle, I completely forget what I was there for. Confidence takes a crash & burn so I stand there in the aisles, completely overwhelmed by the choices in felt.
In short:
Before Michaels: BIG SPARKLY INSPIRATIONAL UNICORNS OF HAPPINESS!
After Michaels: I WILL NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE.
yeah.
I’m standing in line with Harry in the push cart & a matronly lady turns to me.
“Is your mother’s name Karen?” she asks.
“No,” I say politely.
“You look like my friend Karen, so I figured you must be her daughter,” she explains. I shrug. Raleigh is a pretty decent-sized city.
“With two children, I figured you had to be her,” she persists.
Is this lady drunk? I only have one child in the seat & I’m pretty sure the firstborn’s that were traded for Christmas Cricuts weren’t eligible for the 40% off coupon. Like I said, I’m on a budget so if it’s not on sale, it’s not in my cart.
“You know,” she says. ”With your boy & the one on the way.”
oh.
shit.
Awkward silence abounds.
Does this lady not know Rules of Feminism #253: Don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless the fetus is 75% down the birth canal with a hand waving?
holy shit.
wowza girl! I would have totally said something to that crazy lady. WHO DOES THAT!?
but so …. what did you say?? I think I would feel worse about having to tell the person I wasn’t pregnant and making them feel inevitably TERRIBLE than I would that she asked me. I want to know how you handled it!
DAMN. Her only excuse is if she’s over 70 years old. Otherwise…unacceptable!!! There is NO way you could pass for preggers! Unless, you know…you have something else to tell us.
JK JK JK!!!
Oh girl. I think that has happened to me about a bajillion times. Because even though I’m not super heavy, and I’ve lost all the baby weight and it’s 2 years later? I still look like I am cooking one large 20 week old fetus. Wtf mother nature! Can’t a girl catch a break?! And it is always old ladies. Must be some kind of payback for “all them youngins” cutting them off in traffic……:) lol.
Wow. Whatever happened to boundaries? Filter, people!
That’s awful…but your rule #253 is awesome and I really did LOL!
No she did-ent!
I’m a Michaels wuss to btw. I send the husband. I figure it’s kinda like Home Depot…
**throat punch**
That is beyond unacceptable!!!! Hope your week goes better
People can be so rude sometimes! I never got the pregnant comments when I wasn’t, but I got plenty of rude comments when I was about 8-9 months pregnant…comments like, “Lord you’re huge!” and “Are you having twins??!!” and the like. I so want to know what you said to her
I am offended on your behalf. I really hope you bitch-slapped her. That is unacceptable and mean on so many levels!
Sorry, I’m all rage-y today.
OOF. Who says that anymore? Unless there is a baby coming out of someone, I NEVER comment. You just never know. Baby or burrito?
fuck that bitch.
I couldn’t have said it better!
Beth Anne I have two for you….
I was working at LANE BRYANT (yes….Lane Bryant) this chick comes up to me and was like awww where did you get that adorable maternity dress? Congrats!!!! how far along are you???” uhhhhh im not, and its from torrid upstairs but dont tell them i told you that……
I was working as a secretary at a behavioral school while getting my masters, and I was talking to one of the sweetest, loving foster mothers we had…and she goes “lovie…..are you pregnant? or just fat like meee??” and she was either Jamaican or from Africa, so imagine this sweet little old lady Jamaican accent asking you that…..i died laughing.
Ugh! Been there. So awkward! Clearly she was senile because you definitely do not look pregnant!
That is not rule #253…it is rule #1!
I was thinking the EXACT same thing as Janelle. I thought all women abide by this rule.
Oldies are so mean some times. And Michaels too.
Hang in there BA!!!!!
This has happened to me multiple times since the boys were born. I feel so skinny!
Oh noooo seriously?? What a nutter!
Even though I draw, I am NOT crafty. Seems like every year my husband suggests I make necklaces as gifts for Christmas, and like an idiot I go back to the bead store every year. The bead store is where I have a total self-confidence meltdown. EVERY. YEAR. The bead store ladies glare at me like I look every bit as stupid as I feel. I browse through every aisle of stupid beads and stupid wire gauges and stupid clasps and stupid little tools and then I run out with my head down in shame. Good times. See you next Christmas bead store ladies!!!
My MIL thought my belly pudge was baby bump. I was about to tell her my sister was pregnant and she said “I thought maybe you were…” I cut her off with a “oh hell no, not me!” and really the only reason she would have thought it was my fluffier than before size. Hello awkward!!
It is like the universe is seeing how big of a sense of humor you have.
OH!!! kick a girl while she’s down!!!! brutal!!!
(also, i’ve seen your pics…and…unless you’ve either edited the sh*t out of them – or were standing in line with a micheal’s pillow up your shirt….i can’t really see where this crazy would get the prego thing)
Michaels and Joanns are like the bane of my existents! Seriously, Michaels like you explained, full of crazies. Joanns is the only store that can take 40 minutes to check out 3 people in front of me. My silent revolt? Its the one store I set the kid on the ground and let him ruin all there ugly displays while I say “oh honey…..”
God damned pinterest
this so reminds me of a friends wedding reception, at which his mother asked if i was expecting, and when i answered ‘no’, she proceeded to ask if i had taken ‘the test’ because i certainly looked like i was starting to show….she just kept going on and on…and i quickly donated that dress to goodwill the following week!
Yikes…I hate when that happens. The last time someone asked me if I was pregnant though, I had just miscarried…talk about a kick in the gonads (at least, that’s what I think it would feel like if I had them). Why is it that some people just have no filter?
Ughhh!!! I’ve been there! Did you just let the awkward silence wash over her? Did she realize her mistake? I’m punching her for you in my head!
LOL! And I totally feel the same way when I walk into Michaels!!
I have the same experience every time I step into a Michael’s! Totally craft-defeated!
total bitch slap. and at that point i would have said listen lady i dont know karen, i have one child, i am not pregnant, i just lost my job. go away seriously and learn some manners!
My gas station attendant I see weekly pulled that crap…and I’ve never even had a baby. Granted I was wearing a lot of winter layers as I’m sure you were…but still, it sucked. What. A. Bitz. At least mine was a guy who maybe, just maybe, might not know better.
My MIL comments about my stomach all of the time. But she begs me on a regular basis to give her another grand baby, so it’s just her imagining my stomach getting bigger. Definitely not a confidence booster.
The Joann’s in Cary frightens me so. You walk in and the woman at the counter rolls her eyes at you and growls “Did you take a number?!?!” Most of the time there isn’t anyone else in line!
I hope you told her it was an enormous inoperable tumor, but thanks for pointing it out.. you’d almost forgotten about it… for today…
Ha!
I don’t comment much either (even though I read all the time!) and also wanted to say how I’m sorry that this happened… thank you for sharing all your ups and downs with the rest of us! thinking of you during this time!
I want to know where these crazy old ladies were when I *was* pregnant. I remember one time when I was 7 months pregnant, trying to get past a really fat dude who apparently just thought I was also really fat, because he wouldn’t move his chair. I finally *painfully* squeezed past him then was so angry I muttered “What kind of an asshole doesn’t get up for a pregnant lady?”
He apparently actually asked my husband “Is she really pregnant?” My husband (who is 6’4″) replied “Yes, and it’s my huge kid in there so…” The idiot goes “Oh I feel kind of bad”.
KIND OF? Jerk.
Anyway. I used to work at Joanns and I still feel overwhelmed when I go in there. I don’t even bother with Michaels or Hobby Lobby because I can’t find stuff and I hate the Hobby Lobby checkout lines. I only really bother with Joanns because I like fabric.
So, I normally never comment, although I enjoy reading and your blog is seriously awesome. I just moved to Raleigh and am unemployed (thank you relocation) so I completely understand your desire to put jeans on and look “presentable,” despite knowing that nobody will see you. If you ever need someone to hang out with and not spend money I’m always around. Oh yea, and try not to go into those craft stores, they make me sweat just walking by them. Good luck with whatever Pinterest inspiration you have! Thanks for writing, your posts are always appreciated.
Um, yeah. I don’t make any reference to size of or potential to be baby belly even when I know for sure someone’s pregnant. I got the “sure it’s not twins?” remark constantly when I was pregnant. I think someone once asked if I was having triplets. People need to learn to keep their mouths shut.
Clearly Karen’s friend’s judgement seems to be a little off. I suspect her vision is, too.
As far as craft stores go? Thank GOD you agree. I go in there and feel sooo out of place. I end up either putting everything back and leaving in shame or I buy way more than I planned to feel/look like I know what I’m doing. Most of the time, the combination of my purchases make zero sense. Thus why I have a drawer full of miscellaneous crap I picked up at Joann’s.
This has happened to me a few times (and probably will happen even more often now that Lizzy is constantly running around the house saying ‘Mama having a baby!’ even though I’m not). It sucks every time. BOO.
Every time I walk into a craft store I just know those ladies think “Here comes a wanna be”
I once witnessed my mother ask a lady at church when she was due… I was about 12 and I knew then NEVER ASK!!
OMG. You should have had Harry bite her.
::facebook thumbs up::
can you pick up your husbands insurance? this is considered a ‘change of life’ so you do not need to wait until open enrollment for his company.
Unfortunately, his company does not offer benefits.
Not only is it rude to make “pregnancy predictions”…but why is it that you are the one left feeling awkward and embarrassed???? I absolutely cringe….
Why are women dumb?
It will never cease to amaze me the number of people out there who continue to voice their assumptions that a woman is pregnant without verbal confirmation from said woman. It seems like such common sense, but apparently not.
Also? I’m the same way when I enter Michael’s. And fabric stores make my brain explode.
Some people lack brains… gah. This happened to me. I’m 6 months pregnant now, but before I got pregnant, I had a lady ask me when I was due (mind you, I’m like 5″7 & 130lbs…) I told her my pasta salad I just ate was due to make it’s exit in the morning.. Her blank stare made me think she didn’t get it, but I hope she did and felt morbidly embarrased.
SERIOUSLY? How dumb can people be?
Are you kidding right now? Seriously?! Wait… yes… people are that manner challenged sometimes. Grrrrrr. Whatever. Stay the course. Sounds like great projects that will be fulfilling.
They should totally have craft stylists who listen to project ideas and then act as our personal shoppers and organizers. RIGHT?!
oh honey NOOOOOOOOO. I’m sorry, I laughed out loud at that one. Priceless. and what an asshat.
Oh, and a fabric store? I can’t even make myself go in, I can’t walk in, my knees knock too insanely.