So today, I hit up the dentist because HELLO, insurance runs out in one week & I’m making all the popular pit stops. Dentist, eye doctor, birth control, & of course, the psychiatrist who desperately needs me to bitch on her couch for an hour. I dropped Harrison off with his auntie for two hours while I got my teeth scrubbed (he had been asking for her & considering she was a daily fixture in his life for two years, he needs some Auntie time). Then we hit up the craft store because a) it’s time to get my Pinterest on & b) The Momma’s birthday is coming up & I’m on a budget.
Let me just say that I can stand in a board room or jet across the country, but I turn into a complete wuss once I step through Michaels. All those women with glue stick burns on their fingers, willing to cut a bitch over the last vial of Martha Stewart glitter? THEY TERRIFY ME. Same thing with fabric stores. Also, the strangest thing happens that once I hit the first aisle, I completely forget what I was there for. Confidence takes a crash & burn so I stand there in the aisles, completely overwhelmed by the choices in felt.
In short:
Before Michaels: BIG SPARKLY INSPIRATIONAL UNICORNS OF HAPPINESS!
After Michaels: I WILL NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE.
yeah.
I’m standing in line with Harry in the push cart & a matronly lady turns to me.
“Is your mother’s name Karen?” she asks.
“No,” I say politely.
“You look like my friend Karen, so I figured you must be her daughter,” she explains. I shrug. Raleigh is a pretty decent-sized city.
“With two children, I figured you had to be her,” she persists.
Is this lady drunk? I only have one child in the seat & I’m pretty sure the firstborn’s that were traded for Christmas Cricuts weren’t eligible for the 40% off coupon. Like I said, I’m on a budget so if it’s not on sale, it’s not in my cart.
“You know,” she says. ”With your boy & the one on the way.”
oh.
shit.
Awkward silence abounds.
Does this lady not know Rules of Feminism #253: Don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless the fetus is 75% down the birth canal with a hand waving?
