But thank God I don’t wake up feeling like P. Diddy.
We mommas have internal clocks when it comes to our babes. (also? super-radar hearing) It’s like the moment I pushed him out, something inside me set to know that if we hold out on leaving the house just five more minutes, the kid will poop & then we won’t have to mess with that publically. It’s a gift, really.
Or how I know exactly how long I can lean my head back against the wall & close my eyes after lunch before the kid is at the door asking to go “outside” for the 50th billion time. It has been a really useful tool so far.
I am finding, however, that as Harrison grows, this internal clock is backfiring on me.
The part of the clock that realizes how fast time is speeding by, hurtling towards two years old & oh my, he does look more like a little boy this morning when I swear he was still a baby last night at 7pm. Moments like that are why I bury my face in his wet curls in the evening & whisper “Not yet” to Nate when he reaches for Harrison. Why the other night, with the dark closing in & a movie waiting, I did not mind sitting alone in the nursery, rocking back & forth. I thought back to his infancy & all those months where I prayed, prayed, prayed that he was finally asleep so I could sneak out to a book or my own bed. Almost two years later with his legs dangling off mine, I kiss his hair & think that it wouldn’t be so bad to be stuck there all night with him. Last night, I drew silly faces on the sidewalk with blue chalk, wiping sweat off my forehead & trying to capture the boy on camera as he ran through the grass.
He runs so fast these days.
Maybe it’s not that the clock isn’t failing me now, but that it failed me until now.
I know exactly what you mean friend. The infancy part almost swallowed me whole. Now? I embrace each minute with my monster.
gosh.. i dont know if its the way you write, or the fact that our boys are the same age.. but every deep post like this of yours gets me weepy. I feel the same way about my son Noah everyday.. time is slipping so fast.
I’m so happy that you can now enjoy your son, and that horrible time in your life is over.
I’m right there with ya, mama. I feel the same way as Kimberly … infancy was ROUGH but now? Time needs to just stand still for awhile.
Oh boy, do I agree. Well said. I was thinking as I drove to work with Little Dude today — I wish I could just hang out with him today. Time is precious.
ugh, now i’m sitting here crying. such true words, it’s amazing and devastating and awe-inspiring to watch them grow as time flies by.
it’s just way too early in the morning for me to be sitting here at my desk, crying…..
Thank you for making me cry this morning! Excellent post
My daughter is 9 months old. Every night when I nurse and rock her, I, too think back to those early days where I was like, PLEASE go to sleep so I can get on with my evening. It makes me feel guilty and terrible, but at least now I can recognize how precious those moments really are. Don’t you think it will be different with #2? I do. Now that I know what to expect (and I know that terrible not-sleeping phase doesn’t last forever), I think I will be much more appreciative of that time, even if it’s spent walking the halls at 2 a.m.
Well put – it’s amazing how fast time flies. If I think about it too much, it gets me all a mess. I wish I could freeze frame at 23 months, stop the clock a while before he grows into a full grown little boy.
Yeah I love children with all my heart, but I could never be able to write something like that. Maybe when I have kids of my own.
So true, so true! My “baby” girl turned 13 last May and the other turns 11 in a couple of weeks boy oh boy it is HARD watching them grow up and even HARDER having to let go! My last but not least little girl will be 2 in Sept. and a peice of me dreads that day
she will be a toddler a real toddler……..kinda sad
Sometimes I think you live in my head. Because Sam and I have been talking on this so much lately – how we couldn’t wait for Bella’s next stage or to get a little bigger. And now it’s going so fast. She used to lay on me and her toes would barely reach my stomach.
Who’d have thought I’d miss it – at all? Not me, especially in the middle of the newborn mess.
This post really touched my heart. I think back to the sleepless nights and prayers she would sleep – now I actually get excited when she wakes up in the middle of the night so I can cuddle with her. Time flies way too fast with little ones. I’m learning to just hold on to those small moments and hopefully remember them when she grows up and can’t stand to be around me.
I am right there with you. In fact, I’m writing my own post about this topic right now, but I’m struggling to get through it because I can’t quite find the words to describe how bittersweet it is to watch V leave her babyhood behind.
“They grow up so fast.” Ever noticed how cliches are cliche for a reason?
Lovely. Just perfectly written.
I’m going through the same mess of emotions right now with Ethan – going to turn 2 in 30 days (but who’s counting?). We’re starting potty training this weekend, I bought him little boy underwear, and these days he’s all “I-can-do-it-by-myself-but-I’ll-look-at-you-to-make-sure-I’m-ok” and every time he looks at me to make sure I’m still there, watching, I catch my breath, knowing it might be the last time he looks to check. Next time he might not need my approval.
I also have a 6 month-old, and we’re just now getting beyond the days of horror and moving into the fun age. Her early days have been rough, and there have been times I wished she was older…. Still, when she snuggles against my shoulder before I lay her down, I take a deep breath and soak it in.
My littlest is going to be two next week! She’s my last little baby and the biggest surprise of my life (I was on the pill when I got pregnant!).
She was also the most difficult of my three babies and I remember wishing the sleepless nights to be over.
Now I want to sit and snuggle as long as possible but like H. she runs so fast it’s hard to catch up and convince her to just stay small for a few minutes more.
ohh so true.
Yesterday I bought new shoes to my DD. I showed them to my DH and he said: “ohh no, this are girls shoes.. where is my baby. She can go to school with this ones. We need to make a baby soon, or we’ll forget how it is to take care of one”.. LOL.
it’s so sweet when we can still cuddle with our LOs..
I’ve been reading for a while. First time commenting.
I know what you mean, my daughter will be 4 in October and there’s nothing more bittersweet than watching your baby grow older.
I agree whole heartedly that toddlers are the best. I luckily didn’t have the PPD issues that you had, but I did have a very, very difficult colicky infant. It was just about survival. Now 18 months later it is about enjoying each minute. I think one is the right number for my family, but I so hear you! Keeping my fingers crossed for whenever you decide the time is right!
So true! What a great post.
Time has never moved fast than after I gave birth. Someone put it on fast forward. I’m about to have a 3-year-old. THREE.
I iz confused.
So very well said….made me tear up a little. I feel the same “not yet” feelings every time I have my little spitfire in my arms. She grew up so fast. And it’s just not fair. And I’m just not ready.
So true.
My Gracie is only a few weeks younger than Harry. It pains me to think that soon I’ll be planning her 2nd birthday party!!!
The days just seem to fly by with my sweet ones, especially now that I have a newborn. He’s getting big so fast. Time refuses to stand still!
Anyway, thanks for the post…precious.
So true, that internal clock IS a gift. And what a hard moment it is when you look at your baby and see…a kid…time goes by crazy fast.
I know. God do I know. I keep looking at him and can’t figure out where this BOY came from. I feel like the baby is gone and I’m so sad for that… but at the same time I LOVE this toddler and can’t imagine dealing with a baby again. *sigh* don’t tell my husband who wants another one like, PRONTO.
Ow. My heart. I was totally getting you (I have four little guys) and then that last line was POW right through my heart. Ow. So true. So sweet.
I’m in tears right now! I feel the same way. I remember all those nights where I couldn’t wait for him to give himself the ‘bottle’ and now he doesn’t even want my help :0( Almost 2 and pushing mommy away hurts.
Oh, I love this.
And thank you for the reminder to enjoy these baby days in the rocking chair (where I sit right now with a sleeping Sophie on my chest).
xo!