The pressure to have & do it all.
I put (most) of my life out there on the interwebs for people to see & judge. Because I’m a shameless attention whore. While it’s my platform, it is still a public platform & I have always tried to cultivate a community where people can politely state their opinion. & boy, do people like to have a say about how I spend my time.
If everyone else in my life had their way, my family would eat family meals from-scratch free-range organic takes-a-poop-daily cow & chicken. I would wash my clothes & children in homemade soap to avoid all those carcinogens in the stuff you buy at the store, then I would line-dry them all. Including the kid. Harrison would rear-face until he was 16 & then we’d STILL try to figure out a way to get him to drive facing backwards. I would run marathons on the weekend because I work out an hour each night in the gym. I might have a housekeeper, but either way, my floors better be sparkling with something that won’t kill the dog when she licks her paws. I would get home at night & focus solely on Harrison, then put him to bed & good dinner, exercise, blog, guest post, love my husband, clean up the house, & still make it to bed by 9:30pm. In my spare time, I would practice flash cards with Harrison to give him a leg up on a Harvard education. We would shop locally for in-season veggies every weekend as a family & we’d move so that I wouldn’t have an hour-long commute & I would have Girls Night Out to keep my sanity, but only if I had really, really earned it. By being the most selfless mother in the entire world. But still maintain MYSELF because I am more than a mother.
You know, if everyone else ran my world.
If I live up to that, I might be a robot. Which means I should probably stay out of the swimming pool this summer so not to rust. Or I might be Superwoman, but if that’s the case, why the hell am I not on the cover of Time?
Individually, we cannot be this perfect mother. A year ago when I was in the darkest times of my life & wretched over working, my friend Sarah counseled me – “You can having everything. You just can’t have it all at the same time.”
Her point? Bake the cake now. Frost it tomorrow. Add sprinkles & candles next week. Eat it later.
I only have a set amount of hours in the day & it’s likely that things will be sacrificed either by quantity or quality. If it’s a night to scrub floors, I will probably throw a frozen meal in the oven (that may or may not be homemade). If it’s a night to exercise, I probably won’t blog. Kind of like how I can’t have that Kate Spade bag I want because I have a mortgage.
*this post is sponsored as a member of momAgenda’s COMM team.
love this.
love you.
love cake.
that is all
You have a very wise and good friend in Sarah.
Hell you may need to freeze that cake but that’s okay too!
Sounds like you’ve got it:) I am decidedly one of the procrastinators of the world.. And im a firm believer in short-cuts. Wont kill anyone to eat a frozen meal or two.. Although I must admit that if i do eat frozen meals ive put them in the freezer myself, cause Sweden is darned expensive!!!
Better yet, BUY the cake, hide in the closet and eat the whole thing! … oh, wait… maybe that’s just me.
Wow. Talk about good timing. Thank you for so eloquently stating the current story of my life. I don’t have children (yet- working on that!) but I am currently balancing a husband, a marriage, a dog, studying for the bar exam, moving, job searching, maintaining long distance relationships with friends and both families, cooking, cleaning, working out, and my own health. While I know I have it easier than some, it can seem like too much if I try to have my cake all the time all at once. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Or incapable of having it all. I can have it all. And I will. Just maybe not today.
I love this.
I know a few of those Stepford Wives…I’m glad I’m not one of them!
And I like Damsel’s idea
I love what you write and how you write it. I have gotten so much encouragement to persevere with all the daily obstacles that come with being a stay-at-home mom with an almost one-year-old and being pregnant as well. I feel like you’re my bestfriend who totally understands everything I go through. I appreciate the time you spend blogging about your life, holding nothing back, and sharing all the ups and downs that come with it. In short, thank you for what you are doing and keep up the awesomeness. You rock so much more than you know.
Dude, I have to do this and I’m NOT even a mother (believe me, I give myself enough guilt about this, too – when I should probably be, you know, scrubbing my floors). I have an hour-long commute, I don’t cook involved meals on the nights I have other stuff do to, etc., and I DO NOT REPEAT DO NOT clean anything (other than dishes) during the week. I seriously do not know how mothers do it. I love the way your friend Sarah phrased her advice.
Love, love, LOVE this post. Thank you for posting exactly how I feel. I appreciate the honesty in your posts. Sarah had some awesome advice!
I run around in a supermom cape. It has holes in it but I hope its bright red color distracts from the fact that my hair hasn’t been washed in 2 days, my children are eating off the floor, and there’s a nastygram sitting in my inbox from the bossman about the such-and-such thing I overlooked.
Maybe I should retire the cape. I don’t think it’s really fooling anyone…
ps. You rule.
Um…people think you’re not doing a good job as a mother and wife?
Damn, they are going to hate me. Oh, well.
Damn. Sometimes you are really, really smart. You forgot to throw that into the list. And people tell you that crap? Wow.
Come on, Blair- you can’t work out at the gym, it’s owned and run by THE MAN. Greedy corporate bastards. And the horror of the chemicals they use to clean the machines! Try hiking and enjoying the outdoors, and better yet, do it with Harry on your back! Win-win.
Just kidding- you know you’re a great mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee. Eff the haters.Eff ‘em.
Sing it!
I think you should post this weekly. <3 this. <3 you. Really <3 cake.
Thank you for this
On a whole new discussion……why is none of this crap ever a MAN’s responsibility? Go to any mans blog and there are sports scores and beer. Not a peep about ‘managing the household’ and ‘getting it all done’. Not. Fair.
One of my biggest obstacles as a mom/person in general is thinking I have to do it all, and this was a nice reminder that I don’t have to feel guilty about simply doing the best that I can!
And… Boom.
Well if it’s a cuppycake that someone else made, there’s always a spare minute for that. I’m pretty sure I could figure out a way to have a cupcake and clean floors at the same time if I REALLY had to.
Cake on the other hand…
It’s all about balance. Some days it’s easy, some days its a huge struggle, and I just want to take a soul nap. You’re finding your own mamaself, and what works for you. Screw what everyone else thinks
Rock your own world. That’s all that matters!!
Preach, yo.
And share the cake.
I love it. This post made me laugh, feel good about myself and love you even more. Thanks!
I need to post the cake mantra around my house. In the laundry room:
Gather clothes today. Wash tomorrow. Fold them later. Put them away eventually.
I always enjoy your posts. Thanks!
I’m constantly getting the pressure to be that woman you described (aside from the full time job part!). From other SAHM’s, from my family, from my husband. I don’t want to be her. And I want that cake too
Oh thank you. You are fabulous for writing this.
Love the advice your friend gave! It is so true.
I love this post ,the part about rear-facing until he was 16 made me laugh. Corbin is 20 months and we are thinking about turning him around. I mentioned it on Facebook and from the comments you would of thought it was the end of the world.
Love this, and I love your blog, and the fact that you are not a mom robot.
OMG! I LOVE that advice! Something I will try to remember. Great post (as usual).
Thanks for this post. I needed it this week.
I think we all attempt to be everything to everyone or at least I did after becoming a mother. It wasnt my family or friends that pressured me, it was me…. thinking I had to be perfect in all the various hats I wear. AND being Bipolar, this was a horrible strategy. I hit my wall in May after not sleeping for 2 weeks and realizing that I was well on my way to full blown mania. Still learning how to take (make) time just for me but I am getting better.
Thank you for putting yourself out there! You make me laugh, cry and fight for a better tomorrow. BA you have also led me to some pretty cool & inspirational ladies like moosh in indy! Ignore those negative nelly’s because the majority of us adore you. I would be your bestie any day.
Amen, sister.
Love love love this post…..and cake, too.
i love the “you can have it all, just not all at once” advise. best. advise. ever. and i had a really cool woman say the same thing to me back in jan. a woman who DOES have it all.
in case you like to read crappy blogs in your non-existent free time, here is the link to my post about that encounter
http://mylifeasprose.blogspot.com/2011/01/no-oz-never-did-give-nothing-to-tin-man.html
suffice it to say, i feel you, friend.
I just saw a segment on motherhood and Christiane Amanpour basically said that exact quote – admitting she could be a kick ass female all around bad ass journalist and great mom but not do all of them at the same time. I find that to be true. RIght now my career has taken a back seat to being a SAHM and I know I will pay a price for that but it’s ok. I hate when people act like you SHOULD have it all, all at once. That’s ridiculous. As far as the pressure from the outside? F it. If anybody has a problem w/ my kid eating food off the dirty kitchen floor they are welcome to come over and effing mop for me. Unless that’s their offer, they can shut up.
Love this post and your blog! I can’t get over the fact that mothers put all of these expectations on one another. It really blows my mind! You are doing a great job and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I think maybe the blog world makes all of this even worse but yet I still keep reading and then feel guilty if I’m not measuring up!
LOVE.
This post was perfect. Thank you so much for blogging your heart out. Outside of God and my hubby, you are what gets me through my crazy working mama weeks in one piece. 99% of my friends are SAHM’s so I feel like you are the gal pal that really gets what it’s all about. So thanks for being a totally rad eFriend
Love!
Your mentioning of laundry and hanging Harrison out on the line made me wonder if you’re still use the cloth diapers at night. Did the cloth help or did you go back to disposables?
Hi Blair,
I´ve been reading your blog for a while and always thought it was funny and clever and sassy… FOR A MOM! (Please don’t hate, I´ll explain further I promise)
I´ve always been an overachiever, which means that I have a Phd, speak three languages fluently, graduated top of my class, got my fitness instructor certificate, own my own house, help homeless animals etc etc My life to this point has been: Better, faster, stronger… you know with all the things that carries along: depression, anxiety and of course loneliness. Don’t get me wrong it has also being a blast so far! But it is kind of difficult being a woman in a country that kind of looks down on women. Anyway…
About 5 years ago I got together with my boyfriend who is a great person, absolutely adores me and has the good heart to listen to my rants when everything isn´t perfect. I knew he was the right man for me and we decided to start talking about having kids.
Here´s the thing: I´M pregnant! It was semi planned since well, we talked about it right? hehehe and the thing is I am absolutely terrified because will my braincells melt away as the bump starts growing? will I be one of “those” moms? I just wanted to tell you that you, your blog and particularly this post have been a ray of light for me since I know that I don´t have to be perfect, it is ok “just” being me and having fun in the process.
Thank you.
Love!! Why even bother baking the cake when you can buy it….preservatives and all
indeed. and since i am such a perfect mother, i am too tired to say anything else. ha.
You always need some time to chill out and relax. And like physics, nothing can be perfect.
reading all that totally stressed me out. I can’t imagine living life like that. You’re doing an awesome job, You’re doing what’s best for your family and that’s all that matters. Everyone else and their dream land comments can suck it.
PS. My cakes never make it to the point where they get decorated with sprinkles. As soon as that frosting is on, it’s all mine.
As always, thank you for such a great, honest post. I wish everyone would understand the pressure we as moms put on our own selves and let us parent the way we feel is best! We all have our own opinions of what we think is best for our kids, but that’s just what it is–an opinion for our children, not others. In the end, does organic really matter? Does having a spotless house or home cooked food every night for dinner matter? Nope. We do the best we can and hope we raise healthy, happy, well adjusted children. And you, like so many moms out there, ARE super moms!!!
I’m currently trying to bust my ass studying for the Nursing Entrance exam, all while balancing the two boys, two dogs, a home, & a husband who is in the Military & rarely home- so I feel your pain. You do what you can, when you can, & EAT THE EFFING CAKE before it cools.
So true! I wish I could be “super mom”, but that isn’t realistic, and honestly I don’t need my daughter growing up to feel like she needs to be “super mom” either. Just do what you can when you can, and as long as you are doing it with love it will be enough!
… and keep your nails done & hair done to a T. & never wear anything but lingerie to bed and wake up looking like you just got ready … I really need to stop projecting my life on to yours. haha! Just kidding. I’m actually wearing undies I tie-died & an old football shirt from bed so yeah. but my nails are done! So I guess maybe the cake is made?
Come on, go Stepford get with the program! You’re not a robot? Geeeeeze what a a disappointment!
You’re still a super mom in my opinion
Love, Love, Love. You just stick to listening to all the positive people in your life and kick the negative to the curb!!!!!
I really should have read this on 6/10 BEFORE I was crying the morning of 6/11 while trying to pull off my DD’s 1st birthday party on my own. Why exactly did I need to be superwoman and bake her own special cake with 3 different layers and homemade frosting and fondant decorations?
Sometimes I am my own worst enemy trying to live up to my own (and others?) expectations.
I really love this. We all need to forgive ourselves a little! I always try to remind myself – “we’ll do our best, and that’s the best we can do.”
Thanks for this lovely dose of honesty and for letting all moms know that perfection isn’t possible and isn’t even that fun.