I went to the Masters…well, okay. Tuesday’s practice round of the Masters. I wasn’t all *jazz hands!* about going, but it made my husband happier than a blow job. So we splurged on the tickets, stayed at a cute Bed & Breakfast in Columbia, South Carolina, & pulled into Augusta National at 8am on Tuesday morning.
I mean, really. He’s like a pig rolling in mud.
& I have no idea where I got those sunglasses, but they’re all I could find.
While the picture above is out of focus & suspiciously inappropriate, it highlights just how freakin’ cold it was when we started our day. We were thankful for the sunshine, but when the wind started whipping at the top of the hill, it was all I could do to not scream.
On the other hand, Augusta is pretty much all that & a bag of chips. This is Amen Corner, which is one of the most famous scenes in golf. I think because it’s pretty.
I think they must toss some steroids on the azaleas to make them bloom perfectly for Tiger Woods & Co. Rumor has it that there is an underground water & cooling system for all the greens, which just blows my mind that golf requires that kind of technology. Golf just isn’t supposed to be that interesting.
Then again, these guys found it to pretty pretty stoke-worthy.
The Big Fellas (aka Mickelson & Woods) weren’t slated to be there on Tuesday, so when rumors started flying that Ernie Els would be on the 11th hole, men broke into runs.
I kid you not. Check out this dude to the left, FLYING up the hill at a run. Like a kid in a freakin’ candy shop & the best part? He had about 10 followers behind him doing the exact same thing.
We decided to check out Els & got a choice spot right behind the tee box. Els walked up & I swear, I was not prepared for his behemeth size compared to the spry dudes whacking balls. I leaned over to Nate & whispered, “WOW! He’s a big bastard!” except I think I lost my inside-voice somewhere in the fourth grade, so everyone around me heard.
Including Ernie. FAIL.
Ernie Els, the back of your head is ridiculous.
“Martin Kaymer, you’re #1.” ~me
“No, baby. YOU’RE the best.” ~Kaymer & his caddy
No really, dude. You’re ranked number one in the world. Soak that shit up for now because I heard Mickelson is cousins with Chuck Norris. (not really)
& THEY’RE AFTER YOU. (not really)
Then the Saga of the Pimento Cheese Sandwich. According to everyone & their mom, you can’t go to the Masters without eating a pimento cheese sandwich. We walked past them at 8am, not quite ready to dive in before having coffee, but at lunchtime, there were NONE to be found. Apparently the storms in Georgia the night before had knocked out the power, thus rendering the Masters sans pimento cheese & egg salad. I moped around for a bit but right before we left, I spotted someone munching on a suspiciously orange filling.
PIMENTO CHEESE. Sure enough, the kitchens had been hard at work & the sandwiches were re-stocked.
But don’t worry – I worked off that sandwich. Augusta National is this incredible menagerie (my new favorite word after reading Water for Elephants on the trip) of azaleas, hills, people, & trees. Walking it is like being on a stair-stepper for 6+ hours.
So today my boss walks in my office & is like, “Hey! Feeling better?” & I nod & he’s all, “Stomach virus?” I sit & debate for a second & figure the gloves might as well come off. “Actually,” I explain slowly. “I couldn’t walk yesterday because I went to the Master’s on Tuesday & OH MY GOD, my legs still burn.”
& he sat there for a minute, looking at me as if I had five heads until he burst out laughing. I got all sulky behind my desk in my ugly flats because it’s just not fair to have calves-on-fire & a middle-aged boss laughing at you.
All in all, a stellar trip. I’m so glad that we took the plunge when the tickets became available because it was just perfect to get away from the office & spend a day in the sunshine. The course was so perfectly quiet & peaceful & spending undivided time with my husband was….well, enter every single cheesy cliche possible here.
But we missed Harrison so much that we high-tailed it back to North Carolina that same day. We’re turning into those parents.
“On the other hand, Augusta is pretty much all that & a bag of chips.”
After having spent waaaaaay too much time traveling to the town of Augusta for work, I must clarify something. Augusta National (the golf course) is all that & a bag of chips. Augusta the city is a total sh!thole.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now I want a bologna and pimento cheese sandwich in the worst way.
No lie? They pipe in cold water on the azaleas until the week before Masters so that they are blooming for the week. It’s ridiculous how crazy they are about that course.
shut. up. I KNEW something fishy was going on with the azaleas.
Love this! What a great wife, you deserve a medal. I honestly don’t know if I could have done it (golf bores me to tears). And how great was “Water for Elephants”? I just finished it this past weekend. Can’t wait for the movie!
LOVED Water for Elephants.
I thought the first half of the book was fantastic & felt it lost steam towards the end, but still really enjoyed it!
Hey! How did you sneak in a camera??? Or are they only forbidden once the rounds start?
They’re allowed during practice rounds! (but no video cameras!)
So glad you had a good time even though it was a golf-related trip! Love the close-up of the cheese sandwich, too.
I love this. Like truly love, I’ve been jealous of you all week. So the pimento cheese, was it good pimento cheese?
It was really, really good! Not spicy at all, which is how I like it
“happier than a blowjob” LOL! Yeah, my husband is like that about golf too.
Ah, men at golf courses. I worked at a pretty posh one for a couple summers, it was quite entertaining to see them all acting like children. Especially when they were sauced off their asses
And Mr. Els came to the course one day, he is indeed ginormous!
Glad you had fun!
So glad to hear you had a great time! And so glad to hear that I’m not the only momma who has become less ready, willing, and able to leave the babe. When he was three months old, I was all “Sitter’s here, we’re OUT!” For the last few months, whenever we’ve had a sitter I had to make sure MG was fast asleep before I left and we kinda scurried home…
These little (and big) boys really do tug on your heart, don’t they!?!?!
I have absolutely no idea who those two famous golf guys are, but that caddy is super cute. I’d happily follow him all around Augusta National, sore legs be damned.
And now I feel like a dirty old cougar.
Ok, I’m totally gonna be a total nerd for a minute…
First, you were totally in Columbia, and I’m so glad I didn’t know, because I may have stalked you.
Second, that is really no lie about the azaleas…they spend gobs of money on technology to make sure that those babies are blooming during the tournament. It is insane. And seriously, they bring in full grown trees…no joke, go one year, no tree, go the next year, there is a giant pine tree there. Augusta National is full of magic elves and fairies, I swear.
And third, so glad you got to enjoy the beauty of the place…and the beauty of the oh-so-yummy and yet-still-quite-affordable pimento cheese. So glad you and Nate had a wonderful time!
I can’t wait to go! I so need the workout!
Look at you Skinny-Minnie! You look awesome, and it is wonderful to see you both having an amazing time together!!!!!!!
I am cracking up at you that you couldn’t do the overnight. LMAO! awesome trip!
Glad you had a good trip! It’s good to get away from it all once in a while.
Nate looks so happy in the first photo! Glad y’all had such a great time.
This is the first I’m seen upclose your hair color in the sun. I’m a fan! Looking forward to seeing it (& you) in person Monday night.
I’ve never had pimento cheese… apparently it’s that good? Maybe growing up in Cleveland puts priority on kielbasa and sauerkraut or something.
Also, does Nate have many of those hats or does he wear that one All the Time?
I love the Masters – and the Pimento Cheese sandwiches! I grew up in Aiken, just across the SC line from Augusta, and love this time of year down there. I will always have azaleas in my yard in honor of that golf course. Glad you had a good trip!!
Ok, totally unrelated to your Master’s post, but your new hair color is great! So flattering on you!
BA I dig the new hair color!
Did you love Water For Elephants? I thought it was great…can’t wait to see the movie!