Every morning, I lay in the dark with my face buried in my pillow, begging for just 5 more minutes of sleep while I plan out what I”m going to wear in my head. What’s the weather like? What fits? Will I be on my feet today or behind the desk? Grey slacks. Camisole. Purple argyle sweater. Black flats. Okay, let’s do this.
I trudge out of bed & stand in front of the mirror, turning sideways & pinching the belly, stretched by motherhood. sigh. It pretty much looks like a deflated balloon that’s been mauled by a bear, as my friend Lala says. Ugly, my heart says. The reason for it sleeps in the next room & for that, it is beautiful, my head argues. I squeeze on some shape wear, just so the waistband of my grey slacks will fit more comfortably. I tug a sweater over my head. Not too bad for a mom, my heart rationalizes. It’s getting a little snug, my head debates. I pat concealer under my eyes, sweep my hair off to the side with a clip. Nate walks in & wraps his arms around me & says, “You look pretty, sweet.” My heart soars at his compliment but I scoff, “Even more proof that love is blind.”
A constant debate of self-esteem & body image.
I struggle with loving my body despite the extra pudge. Feeling confident in my curves & embracing them as who I am. I fight perfectionism & try to give my life-producing body the affection it deserves. I will never be stick-thin & leggings will never be a good look for me, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a positive body image. Love me? Love my love handles.
On the flip side, I struggle with not becoming complacent in my body. I want to embrace my curves & accept the hips that could put J. Lo to shame, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse to the let the size in my jeans slowly crawl upwards. & so I struggle to find balance between positive body image but not settling.
Do you struggle with this? Any words of affirmation that you tell yourself in the mornings?
p.s. McFatty Monday is the most tongue-in-cheek title ever. I’m not calling me fat, you fat, & I’m not even saying that your dog is a fatty. It’s a community of encouragement through weight loss, body image, & healthy choices. We love it here. Join us?
