When you look at dating versus marriage, it really all comes down to butt paste.

Okay, fellow mommas.  How many of you have swiped the butt paste?

Come on.  I KNOW YOU HAVE.

(oh.  you haven’t?  It’s just me?  I’m the weirdo?  okay, then.)

I don’t know what’s going on with my butt lately, but I think it’s my thong the fact that my ass has grown so large definitely my thong.  You know that upper part of your butt cheek region above your tailbone?  It was just…uncomfy.  & I figured if Aveeno can work magic under a diaper, then surely it can help under a pair of Jockeys.

I hop out of the shower as Nate hops in & I ask, “Are we going to have sex tonight?”  I’m pretty matter-of-fact about it & Nate’s like, “Uhh, sure.  It’s Valentine’s Day.  Why?”

I take a deep sigh & wave goodbye to romance as it sails out the window.  “Because,” I explain slowly.  “I need to know whether I should put on the butt paste now, or wait until later if we’re going to do it.”

silence.

more silence.

deafening silence.

“This is the difference between marriage & dating,” Nate finally says from behind the shower curtain.  “Butt paste.”  I nod miserably in agreement.

HeirtoBlair500x150 v41 When you look at dating versus marriage, it really all comes down to butt paste.

Pillow Covers: Just another form of toddler-proofing the house. (tutorial)

As I said last week (was it last week?  two weeks ago? the days are really flying lately), we’ve run into a slight problem with peanut butter on the silk throw pillows & other disasters of that nature.  & as Harrison grows older & we’ve spent more time up in the loft with his toys, I’ve come to realize that the mature “golf” theme of the former man-room needs to be changed.  I’m really not into spending a ton of money to re-do this room, so I’m trying to change it with a few sewing projects & new wall art.  The room is not quite ready to be revealed, but I did the majority of the sewing this past weekend, including pillow covers for the loft.

I made very simple envelope-style pillow covers with a few yards of fabric & a basic Singer sewing machine.  I’m sure there are tons of tutorials out there with better lines, embellishments, trim, zippers…but we all know I don’t have the patience for that.  I like to just wing it.  I also don’t like to actually measure things, which is bad because I actually really suck at spatial relations.  (p.s. if I can figure out a sewing machine, anybody can figure out a sewing machine.  I am a total box of rocks when it comes to creative talent, so you know that you’ve got this one in the bag.)

First, pick out fabric.  I wanted something bright that could be fun but still relevant to adults.  It also needed to be sturdy & machine-washable.

DSC 0023 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Remember, I don’t like to measure.  So I plop the old heavy adult-fabric pillow on top & give it a few inches on the sides.  Ask your husband where the scissors are.  Cut the material.

squares Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Then cut another big square exactly like the first.  Then cut that square in half – this will create your “envelope” on the back of the pillow.

DSC 0025 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

On your smaller envelope pieces, fold down one long side on each envelope about an inch & pin it.  You want the pretty side of the fabric to be on top of the fold.  Sew a straight stitch along this to sew the fold down.  Remove the pins.

DSC 0018 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

oh, be sure to test out the fabric for cuddle-ability.  This is key.  A toddler is an excellent judge of this, & I have a blonde one for hire.  $1,000,000.00 per hour but he does quality work.

DSC 0029 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Lay down the big square pretty-side up.  Then lay the two envelope pieces on it, pretty side down.  The envelope pieces should overlap a little bit.  Pin around the square.  Occasionally yelp out in pain when you stab yourself, then tell the amused toddler to never say such a dirty word.

stitches1 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Sew around all four edges.  You’re doing sew great! (ha, cheesy pun time) Be sure to remove all the pins so that nobody gets stabbed when they settle down into the couch.

DSC 0033 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Flip the cover right-side so that the pretty stuff is on the outside.  & be sure to get your fingers into the corners & push out the fabric.  (oh, look!  someone fixed her camera settings!)

finished Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Stuff your pillow into the cover.  This is where measuring could honestly come in handy – I had one cover that was WAY too big, so I simply flipped the cover back to being inside-out & re-sewed the edges closer in to make it smaller.

DSC 0037 1024x685 Pillow Covers:  Just another form of toddler proofing the house. (tutorial)

Yep, you’re done!  Easy, right?  These pillows took 1.5 yards for two, so roughly $12.00 for two “new” pillows that can be washed.  Not shabby!

p.s. the pups are a bigger floor pillow, but same technique.

Stealing is for losers. Copyright 2008-2012 Beth Anne Ballance