I have this thing where people don’t sit next to me if given the choice.
No, really. Just ask my husband or college friends or ol’ Lusher. It’s been happening for years – at church, on the bus, at weddings, work functions, training seminars…you name it. There can be empty seats on either side of me, but someone will make the choice to remain standing.
Take for example, lunch at Blissdom. I somehow got separated from every single person I knew & after standing awkwardly at the edge of the ballroom for a minute, I took a deep breath & plowed forward into the room. I stopped at a table where two other girls sat & smiled. “May I sit here?” I asked politely. I sat down & attempted conversation, but for the most part, these gals were hooked into Twitter. Not that I blame them – it was a blog conference & the one place where it’s socially acceptable to be plugged in 24/7. I figured that with such a huge table, other ladies would fill in the empty spaces around our 12-person table.
But nope. Every other table was slammed full of laughter & fun but I sat alone & bewildered, feeling pretty much like I had just been launched back into seventh grade.
The seats around me stayed empty, even though girls poured into the room. I finished my lunch in quick silence & stood up, taking my trash over to the wait staff. I looked back at the table just in time to see a gaggle of girls flock to the empty seats & sit. I can’t lie – I was kind of crushed in the spirit & that feels so insecure & petty to admit, but I was really hurt that nobody sat near me. I’m friendly. Even funny at times. & I don’t smell. Near tears, I called Doug for reassurance. “It’s just because you’re tall, babe. That’s intimidating,” came his customary answer. “I was sitting down!” I wailed.
The whole thing utterly perplexed me until I saw this photo on the Blissdom Flickr page, taken by the talented Heather Durdil.
I’M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE ROOM NOT SMILING.
The worst part? I’m pretty sure this is what was running through my head:
“Okay, BA. You’ve totally got this. Look pleasant & unassuming & kind. Yes, that’s it. Smile with your eyes. Turn up the corners of your mouth. I bet your cheeks even look rosy! Oh, my. The demure girl-next-door that everyone wants to be BFF with! That’s the look! Wait…why are people ignoring you? Why are you alone? Nobody ignores the girl-next-door BFF. Nobody puts Baby in a corner, either. Mother effers. I’M BEING PLEASANT, DAMN IT.”
Note to self: Nobody likes to sit next to bitch-face.
Well, sweetie you are THE Heir to Blair. A wee bit intimidating in and of itself. Add bitch face and that explains a lot.
But, i promise if my blog ever gets enough followers to make attending a conference not so laughable, I’ll brave sitting by you.
Even if you are rocking bitch face!
Ha! I can totally relate. People used to ask me all the time, “what’s wrong?” and hint, “you should smile more” which always annoyed me and pissed me off. That advice when all I was trying to do was look neutral and go about my business. I guess I should try harder.
Ok, I can totally relate to this, and tell Nate, I’m not above average tall…I think I just let off some weird “don’t sit near me” scent. Either way, after I looked at your pictures, I thought maybe I do the same thing, I try to look inviting, but maybe I’m bitch smiling, or crossing my arms cause I’m cold and it reads STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM ME, OR I’LL CLAW YOUR FACE. ::SIGH:: I should work on this. Thanks for making me laugh though…
Well, Blair. You DO look awfully cranky in that photo.
jk lol haha bbq lmao
Seriously though, it’s definitely because you’re tall.
cue the haterade even though this is {so obviously} 1000000000% scarcasm
I know, right?? I look so cranky! & I promise, I was in a really good mood that day.
OMG I spelled it SCARcasm.
I need a nap. I have now been SCARred for life.
Had I gone, and had I seen you sitting there almost by your lonesome (bitch face and all) I totally would have sat down right next to you all moon faced because I was sitting next to blog royalty! I still love ya even when those other girls were totally missing out!!
Oh Blair, I have the same face too. I call it frown face syndrome and I’m really hoping babyjoe is not afflicted with the same problem. I’ve had complete strangers in WalMart look me in the eye reassuringly and say, “It’ll be okay! Things are gonna get better!!” and I’ve been in a fabulous mood. Then I see pictures of myself and I’m shocked at how morose and melancholy I look. I’M A HAPPY PERSON DAMMIT!!! I would have sat next to you in a heartbeat!!
If you’d like, you could pay me to come sit next to you at future conferences. I’ll even sit ON you for the right price.
::unladylike snort of laughter::
Oh my gosh, this is the story of my life. I am the queen of bitchface without even knowing it. People regularly ask me, “What’s wrong?” And I’m like, “huh? Something’s wrong? Oh shit, what’s wrong?” And they’re like, “No, you just look like something’s wrong.” And I have to admit… “Nope, this is how I ALWAYS look. It’s natural.” =/
YES. It’s natural.
That’s the worst part about it!
I am laughing so hard I am crying. For serious.
I will sit next to you at BlogHer. I swear. We can scowl together.
I have two wrinkles in between my eyebrows that formed early due to too much scowling. It’s a bad habit.
And p.s. I would LOVE to be tall. I’m short and I hate it. That’s why I will probably be wearing 4 inch heels to the conferences. Being short makes me feel so unimportant.
oh man… that sucks. i can’t help but laugh because i’m the same way too. like you know how in high school or college, you take those pictures of yourself for fb (well, back then it was myspace or xanga) and you try to be all sexy and serious… um yeah, i ALWAYS looked pissed. like i have two facial expressions in photos, smiling (usually fake) or angry. i take it back… the third is when i look like a spaz.
anyway, if i were cool enough to go to blissdom, i would come look for you and sit right by you.
I am with Mrs. Knip, it’s because you are Blair. Like, BLAIR. As in THE Heir to Blair, Blair. You are pretty much a big deal!
The day you decided to follow me back on Twitter, I called my bestie and was all
“Ok so I know you do not twitter or blog or anything but I just got a notification that Blair is following me on twitter and oh em gee its Blair and I know you don’t know who Blair is but just act excited for me because this is a BIG deal” ::breathes:: Yeah. It was like that.
OMG i thought i was the only one who suffered from Natural bitch face syndrome….LOL…..I must work on that!
Oh my word! I do the same thing! I totally have that face and never even mean it! Does anyone have a cure?!
I’ll sit by your deary! Sometimes a person’s natural state isn’t with a smile plastered on one’s face. I too suffer from natural-bitch-face-syndrome. Is there a support group for that?
OMG, I go through the same thing at conferences and I’m tall too…I guess that explains it! If I get to go to BlogHer, I will find you and us giant-esses can sit together with our bitch faces on. We’ll be the coolest ones for sure (well, I would be cool by association but you would be cool ‘cuz you’re BA from The Heir to Blair!!)
I’m in the same boat. People are always asking me what’s wrong. I even got in a fight with a guy at a bar once who kept asking me why I don’t smile. Because I don’t f-in want to, loser. So yea – evidently, I never smile and therefore, I’m not approachable.
According to my family – I always look miserable. sweet.
oh mah gah, shut up! you’re scaring me for blogher! i’m prepping myself for that same moment i find myself alone without anyone i know. must be brave, must be brave…
i would sit by your bitchface, i would.
In college people were constantly asking me what was wrong. I was like what are you talking about? And the customary answer was, you look really pissed. My customary response was to punch them in the neck and steal their power bar.
Hahaha, I SO relate to this. I always have a total bitch face and I don’t even mean to. Also? I kind of laughed out loud when your hubs told you it’s because you’re tall…I love husbands.
I know exactly how you feel. It happens to me at all work functions/meetings/work lunches and any social gatherings. I always tell my husband it’s because I’m Asian and people probably look at me and think, “she probably can’t speak English”. I tell myself that’s their excuse for not talking to me.
And if I’m not smiling (just rocking my regular causal face) it looks like I have a bitch face.
Been there…all the time. I think we are naturally predisposed to looking snotty and bitchy. I’m not sure if its because we really ARE all that *wink* or because we are insecure somewhere deep down..or both…but I totally get you.
I probably wouldn’t have sat next to you. I probably would have gone back to my room and felt sorry for myself if I had been there by myself. Because I totally suck at making friends.
Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to sit next to you
I am just not as outgoing as I wish I were.
What is important here is the big Good For You for making the attempt!
I was all excited to tell you that you’re not the only one who does that, but I think everyone else pretty much has that covered.
Glad to hear that I’m not the only one who’s natural default expression is bitch face!
Wow, I didn’t know there were so many of us out there! People with bitch-face, I mean. I go through the exact. same. mental process. “Smile with my eyes. That means I’m full of fun! Look *ready* to smile, but don’t smile for no reason, that’s idiotic.” And so on. And? I have eleventy billion photos of myself making a face just like yours in that photo. I’m not sure I ever connected myself making that face in a photo with the bitch-face mental process. Do you think that telling ourselves how to mimic what seems to come naturally to other people means we’re sociopathic? *finger on counselor’s speed-dial button*
Ooh! Everyone should send in their bitch-face photos so we can have a hilarious and collectively uninviting collage.
I have total natural bitch face too! I can be in the best mood, and my husband will come home and ask me what happened, or if he did something wrong. Thankfully he’s learning that it’s just the way my face is. When (if) I’m ever popular enough to show my face at a conference, we’ll have to have a bitch face table.
I have the same problem!! I am 5’11″ and I think people are intimidated by my height. I also come across as very bitchy. I have had several people tell my husband after meeting me why I am such a bitch. It’s not that I’m a bitch, I’m just very shy and I guess silence=bitchiness.
I am pretty sure I have a bitch face, too. Also, I never talk back to people. Mainly, because I am hard of hearing so I can never understand what anyone is saying. But also because I hate talking to people. So, in high school, I never smiled just to keep people away.
I’m totally LOL-ing at “Nobody likes to sit next to bitch-face” right now. I love the internal monologue too…don’t you just love how real life is exactly like junior high?
I have natural sad-face (lovely). People are always all “are you okay?” and I’m like “huh?? What’re you talking about?” and then it does actually piss me off that someone thought I looked THAT sad. Whatevs.
@Samantha me too!!! I do this thing where I’m not listening or can’t hear well what someone is saying so I just nod and smile at them but they’ll be asking me a question and I’m just nodding and smiling. Happens at restaurants a lot.
Server: what would like to drink ma’am?
Me: ::nods and smiles::
Babahahahahhahahaha!!!
I only laugh BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SAME LIFE.
I can smile in pictures when I know they’re taking place, but if someone snaps my picture unexpectedly, I totally have bitchface. And i HATE IT.
I’m generally a happy person! I too, am pretty funny at times.
All throughout college I sat by myself. In chapel. At lunch. In class. Unless I was with specific friends who would sit by me.
Have you ever seen that Honesty Box on facebook? I had NUMEROUS comments telling me that I had a great personality but that I was just to sour looking and stuck up to let people in. I AM THE LEAST STUCK UP PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE! Apparently I just looked pissy and uninviting.
I promise, if I ever make it to a blogging conference, we can sit together with our uber-tallness (5’11!) and scare everyone off together!
That’s funny shit.
I’m sorry.
That photo just was so damn funny.
Too bad I wsan’t there – you would have never been alone. I totally stalk you.
I have a somewhat bitchy expression on my face most of the time… but I swear I’m nice! I just can’t see anything, so I have to squint and it makes me look angry. And I wear contacts!! With a really terrible perscription! And I still can’t see!
So really, people should pity me and sit next to me to narrate what’s going on, since I CAN’T SEE!
I think we may have the same problem. My life has always been like that, then I found out people constantly think I’m giving them mean looks and always look pissed…OOPS. I just never smile unless I have a reason.
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That picture is hilarious. I’m still sorry you had to eat lunch alone… but the manicures and massages afterwards made up for it, right?
oh, you know it.
oh that face? that’s nothing! i just call that the thinking face. you just look thoughtful, not bitchy.
i would have loved to have sat next to you at blissdom. i mean, if i had been there.
Blair, I don’t think you look bitchy, I think you look sad
I think I would have sat by you and made inappropriate comments about you being THE Blair me .. . not. And cracked myself up. 
I’m the same way! I’m always way happier than I look.
hehe! so funny. i can totally relate. people are always “intimidated” by me… that’s a nice way of saying I look like a bitch before you get to know me.
Lovely.
Ah precious BA. I too suffer from the bitchface. If I’m not consciously FORCING what feels like a rediculous cheese across my face people ask me what the eff my problem is. And my answer is always the same. “Oh nothing. Thats just my face.” *sigh*
That is so crazy and I can totally relate. Most people tell me after we become friendly that they thought I was a total bitch when they first met me, just in the way that I carry myself. I guess I am not the most bubbly person and to some people that comes off bitchy. It is something that I am definitely trying to work on, and I have the same loop of advice that you had going through your head, going through mine. Oh well, guess it teaches us not judge other people so quickly.
I am the same way, I call it my ‘default face’. I look like a bitch when not thinking anything.
I have bitch face down pat. In fact, random passersby often implore me to smile. Even a homeless man told me to smile.
::dead at the homeless guy::
Aww my heart aches after reading that! People always ask me if something is wrong or that I look sad. I guess it’s just my face :/
:: internet BFF fist bump:: right back atcha
I would totally sit next to you!! Plus your face is a definite ‘lam listening intently and totally understand everything you’re saying’. Now I on the other hand, would probably have the cheesy big smile on my face because I really would have no idea what’s going on but don’t want anyone else to know!
Mommy would sit next to you. She’d probably awkwardly follow you around for a while, too.
Oh, wait, she did that at BlogHer… Sorry about that!
Wow total lightbulb moment for me! I have apparently been rocking the bitchface unknowingly for years. I never really questioned why ppl don’t sit by me. Probably do to a serious case of narcissism lol anyways I was just pointing out to my hubby that my mouth naturally turns down at the corners and I don’t know why. I thought maybe I didn’t have a happy enough childhood
but now I know its because my smile has been hijacked by the bitchface! Crap on a cracker I had no idea. You my dear friend are highly informative! 
bahahahaha! i laughed out loud SO HARD at this post.
if i saw you, i’d be all OHEMGEE it’s BLAIR! so i have no idea why people wouldn’t want to sit with you.
even though that is quite a grump face.
Don’t let it bother you too much! I’m one of those people who perpetually smile as my “natural” expression and as a result 30% of people I meet think I’m “fake nice” and another 30% think I’m dumb. ::shrugs:: Whatchya gonna do? You’re fabulous the way you are!
I actually had someone tell me I was always making a mean face so they were scared of me…..
I was squinting because I needed glasses and couldn’t see. The poor person though I was across the room GLARING at them!!
Yup. Nice huh.
im sorry. i shouldnt be laughing but i kinda am. you are too cute. I am certain it is just because you are THE Heir to Blair.
im short & give off the ‘dont talk to me’ vibe i think — so it cant be your height ♥
I so relate to you! This exact same thing happens to me. I even met some old co-workers who were like “so, are you smiling?” I tell them yes, and their response “a real smile? You give off bitch vibes!” AGHH! I don’t mean too…..But I agree, I’d be like “OMG, that is THE Heir to Blair and she’s so cool, I totally can’t sit next to her” but only because you’re amusing and immensely talented
u so don’t look like that IRL – at least not when I met ya on Sunday, having never met you before
you’re lovely, nice, n’ approachable, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
It could be worse. You could be the person who standing in line minding her own business gets stopped by strangers so we can talk about their sexual/emotional/health related problems. I wind up spending up to an hour with random strangers (sometimes with my husband and son in tow). I really need to develop bitch face stat.
Oh girlie, I totally feel ya on this one. I, too, have a natural bitch face. I can’t help it. And when I’m socially uncomfortable, I come off as an even bigger bitch. I always have… well, that or a cracked out chihuahua. Either way, I’m pretty sure I scare people.
Maybe there was some sort of joke and they were just all getting it at the same time. You probably laughed first because you’re super smart.
I have natural bitchface, too. Mine is like AGGRESSIVE bitchface, too. Not just a blank look, but a genuine, “Kick a bitch’s ass” look. It’s bad.
But Amber was QUICK to sit by you at lunch on Saturday!
Ha ha! I chuckled when I read this. Mostly because I AM THE ONE that usually has “the bitch face” going on. The corners of my mouth naturally turn down and people tell me that when they first met me they thought I was mean and stuck up! I have started smiling a lot on purpose to counteract the bitchiness…and do you know how much my face hurts after smiling ON PURPOSE all day? Gah!
My husband rocks the bitch-face too girl. Always looks pissed, even in pics I have to pinch his butt to get a smile. He claims he is just thinking. He would sit with you.
I on the other hand have constant nothingness dewiddling about in my head, and in crowds always rock the awkward crazy-girl smile. You know the one…plastered on, twitches at the corners, laughs at inappropriate musings in my head when the room is silent.
i heart u blair, bitch face or no bitch face
you still rock!
I totally would have sat next to you. I know someone you eat lunch with on occasion and I am so jealous that she gets to eat lunch with you.
Ok, now I sound like a stalker. But really I am not. Really. I just think we could be friends. We have a lot of things in common.
You always talk about being worried that no one will like you or that no one will sit next to you, and all I can think is, “Wow. I guess even the pretty, popular girls feel insecure.” I would totally be your BFF, and we could share stories of our boys, who are exactly two weeks apart. It would be glorious.
Except, I will *never* be cool enough to even attend those conferences, so I’m stuck here, thinking about my imaginary BFF. I am so lame. Sorry to hijack your comments. It’s a side-effect of lameness.
OH MY GOD! I have the same problem! I have been told by NUMEROUS people that they never talked to me before because I look so mean, when really, I have this awful “concentration face” that makes me look like the biggest douche on the planet.
In reality I’m the shyest, nicest person who is dying for someone to talk to her, haha. I feel your pain!
I’ve also gotten the “smile” comments on numerous occasions. Or the “look like you’re enjoying this” comment while I’m working.
Damn concentration face.
OMFG I am ON THE FLOOR at this post! Blair this is the best right here! LMAO!
I’d sit next to you, fo sho
Honestly, you’re a pretty lady and with or without the “bitch face”, I wouldn’t have a problem sitting next to you.
I think the real problem lies in that you left only one seat to either side of you. You should have sat directly next to someone or left two or three seats between you so that as more people came in, they would fill it in. Generally, if someone comes in alone, they do as you did and leave one open on each side. When 2 or more come in, they look for two seats next to each other.
See, it’s not you, at all!! Don’t let your insecurities get to you. I think we are all secretly walking around with them. I soooo relate!!
I have chronic bitch face too. At work people would always be telling me to smile, but I’ve always insisted that my natural relaxed face is just less smiley then most. And I stll stand by that!
My hubby & I have the same thing! If we’re at a wedding reception and there are designated seats, we may be the first to sit down, but we’ll be all by ourselves all night— every time! Or, sometimes some really sweet old couple will sit with us… taking one for the team, I suppose.
This is hilarious! I had a boyfriend once who told me that when no one was looking? I just looked mad. ALL THE TIME. My concentration face/thoughtful look apparently = bitch.
My hubs says the same thing about when I am on the computer or watching tv. bitch face.
today at a bridal shower? I got there EARLY and sat on a COUCH so people could sit next to me.
They PILED on the other couch. It was so awkward.
I got you on this. If I see your mad face? I will sit my mad face next to it.
hahahahha i so have bitch face as well. people are constantly asking what is wrong. umm why the hell would i smile to just smile?
I LOVE this! Oh my, it is just so me! I can totally relate, but you know, their loss.
hahahaha!! Nobody sits by me either! What’s the deal. I actually tell the hubby all the time, he thinks I’m crazy. I just say I’m observant! I try to put of the friendly vibe, but it’s not working for me either! Let me know when you get it figured out!
By the time I finally ended up with you at MY table
the bitch-face was long gone. You were perfectly adorable.
And fyi? I’d sit next to you regardless.
You are made of win.
–S.S.
Clearly all women have the bitch face huh? I thought it was just me that got the cold shoulder among females, later to hear that I was “too intimidating”. Lame!
(The permanent wrinkles between the brows do not help my case, though.)
Mmm. Apparently I have some sort of opposite problem but rather than attracting nice, funny, NORMAL people, I’m a magnet for weirdos. Empty seats in the movie theater all around….some weirdo sits right next to me. Guaranteed to happen every time.
Moral of the story for all of y’all bitch faces is don’t take it for granted, it can be a useful tool!
oooh I like the “speak” button – is that new?
Blair, I don’t see a bitch face. I see someone who is listening to every word. I probably would’ve had the same expression on my face. And I bet the others saw the camera so they smiled.
I’m pretty sure I sat my ass down next to you at blogher. Well then they started to do all this talking and I think I had to get up. BUT I did sit first. And? You ARE tall.
Well… even with the bitch face, you still got over 80 comments on this post which totally impresses me. Wow! That definitely says something about you. That’s something many bloggers would be jealous of.
the blonde lady in the back is totally doing bitch face too… with a little side-eye going on as well… You are just focused on what is going on!
omg blair.. I have bitch face all.the.time. I can’t help it. It’s just what my face looks like.
Haha! I’m 5’8, 5’10 in heels, so I too am intimidating. When people don’t want to approach me, my first thought is “meh..bitches be jealous..”..and go on my merry way.
I am so jealous of you! I’m the type of person that people always sit by… and I mean always. I always get asked directions and people want to chat it up with me, gets so old. If we ever run into each other (small chance) then I’ll sit by you so people don’t want to sit by me… hehe… or maybe that’d blow up in my face as people would then still sit by me… but you’d be happy. huh…
All I know is I always think I’m unapproachable, but it never seems to fail… I must have some helpful smile look I’m giving off and don’t know it.
Funny how these things work!
Next time I am totally sitting RIGHT next to you!! I’m sad that there’s someone between us actually. And I’m sure you started smiling right after the pic was taken, right?
You’re too funny…
I totally would NOT have sat next to you. I just KNOW my fears of you finding out that I kidnapped your kid in my dream would have resurfaced and I would have been traumatized for LIFE
hi sweet thing,
a friend of mine saw me in your post/pic and sent me a link, so i came over.
i have a bitch face, too. only it’s showing in my body language. I’m the girl all the way on the left in the plain black sweater w/ goofy grin on her face. and that is not all—-i have my FEET on the chair next to me. because one of my roomies (elaine/@elainea) was on the other side of me and i was worried someone i wouldn’t know would sit there.
i felt lost and alone many moments at blissdom. i wish i would have found you that moment when you felt so shunned at the table.
p.s. also? i haven’t posted about blissdom since blissdom. and i just started a brand new blog and am feeling all alone and nervous and scared.
anyway….just thought i’d come over, introduce myself, and say i wish we’d met at the conference!
HUGS,
erin
@ErinMargolin
http://www.erinmargolin.com
:: laughing out loud ::
You are seriously too funny. And, dude, you could whip out bitch face when you don’t want company … like in the movie theater or on some sort of public transportation. Use it like the kick-ass weapon it is, my friend.