I have this thing where people don’t sit next to me if given the choice.

No, really.  Just ask my husband or college friends or ol’ Lusher.  It’s been happening for years – at church, on the bus, at weddings, work functions, training seminars…you name it.  There can be empty seats on either side of me, but someone will make the choice to remain standing.

Take for example, lunch at Blissdom.  I somehow got separated from every single person I knew & after standing awkwardly at the edge of the ballroom for a minute, I took a deep breath & plowed forward into the room.  I stopped at a table where two other girls sat & smiled.  “May I sit here?” I asked politely.  I sat down & attempted conversation, but for the most part, these gals were hooked into Twitter.  Not that I blame them – it was a blog conference & the one place where it’s socially acceptable to be plugged in 24/7.  I figured that with such a huge table, other ladies would fill in the empty spaces around our 12-person table.

But nope.  Every other table was slammed full of laughter & fun but I sat alone & bewildered, feeling pretty much like I had just been launched back into seventh grade.

The seats around me stayed empty, even though girls poured into the room.  I finished my lunch in quick silence & stood up, taking my trash over to the wait staff.  I looked back at the table just in time to see a gaggle of girls flock to the empty seats & sit.  I can’t lie – I was kind of crushed in the spirit & that feels so insecure & petty to admit, but I was really hurt that nobody sat near me.  I’m friendly.  Even funny at times.  & I don’t smell.  Near tears, I called Doug for reassurance.  “It’s just because you’re tall, babe.  That’s intimidating,” came his customary answer.  “I was sitting down!” I wailed.

The whole thing utterly perplexed me until I saw this photo on the Blissdom Flickr page, taken by the talented Heather Durdil.

I’M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE ROOM NOT SMILING.

The worst part?  I’m pretty sure this is what was running through my head:

“Okay, BA.  You’ve totally got this.  Look pleasant & unassuming & kind.  Yes, that’s it.  Smile with your eyes.  Turn up the corners of your mouth.  I bet your cheeks even look rosy!  Oh, my.  The demure girl-next-door that everyone wants to be BFF with!  That’s the look!  Wait…why are people ignoring you?  Why are you alone?  Nobody ignores the girl-next-door BFF.  Nobody puts Baby in a corner, either.  Mother effers.  I’M BEING PLEASANT, DAMN IT.”

Note to self:  Nobody likes to sit next to bitch-face.