Last night, I woke up to pee.
I know. That is exactly what you were hoping to read from me today, wasn’t it? I bet you even thought to yourself, “Self, it has been a long time since Blair talked about her bodily functions.” & I bet you even considered emailing me about it, but you refrained because the only thing second to asking a woman her age on the Things You Do Not Ask list is asking her if she’s clogged any industrial toilets lately. (the answer is no. that seems to just be an accomplishment of pregnancy.)
Anywho. Back to me peeing. I drank a ton of water yesterday because I really am trying to be better at that & I paid for it in the middle of the night. All bleary-eyed, I went about my business & before crawling in bed, I peered over my bedside table.
2am.
WHAT AN UNGODLY MOTHER-EFFING HOUR.
Which struck me as comical at all the roles 2am has played in my life.
2am: High School
I’m sneaking on to the computer, hoping that the static & loud buzz of dial-up doesn’t wake up my parents. Or the suspicious glow from the computer in the bonus room. Because oh em gee, if I don’t, like, talk to my boyfriend one more time on AIM, I’m, like, not going to be able to sleep.
2am: College
I’m MOTHER EFFING WASTED!!!!! oh, shit. Final call.
2am: Honeymoon
Don’t come a’knockin when the bedroom is a’rockin. Because we’re on Round 3 & this could go alllllllllllllllll niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, baby.
2am: Motherhood
Oh, God. Is that the baby again? ::yawn:: Warm bottle, change diaper, pace living room. Re-acquaint yourself with all the Friends in their glorious early-morning syndication.
2am: Racing Towards 30
HOLY UNGODLY HOUR, BATMAN.
So true, So true!
P.S. I absolutely loathe having to get up in the middle of the night to pee. So much so, that I pee like 5 times before going to bed. (I know you were just dying for that bit information too)
Wow, your high school 2am makes me feel very old.
Well, you don’t have to worry about not naming it after that song, because that song is named “3am”
But soooo true!
oh, my God.
You are so right.
See? That only proves how little I pay attention to them. & is it Matchbox 20? Or Matchbox Twenty?
Bwahaha! You know, I think it was both? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sad that I even know that might be the case!
Hehehe, you missed one!
2am: Pregnancy
Holy freaking goodness, this is the FIFTH TIME I’VE GOTTEN UP TO PEE!
I figured someone would catch it already, but the song is 3AM.
Who cares if you effed up the song title–it’s a stupid song and I hate Rob Thomas too. But you my friend? You I love. You crack me up. You had me at “pee”.
I almost always have to pee in the middle of the night. It’s so annoying. I’ve finally learned to just get up and get it over with, rather than fight it for 20 minutes.
Last night I refused to get up and I was worried I might pee the bed. ALSO, I just stopped Lily’s 2am feeding and I could hear her stirring so I was scared she might wake up….and really, I would rather pee the bed then have that happen.
Maybe it’s just me, but I had to reread that 3rd paragraph a few times. I KEPT reading, I peed over my bedside table. I was really worried about ya! I haven’t heard a story like that since college! Glad to finally figure out you were just peering, not peeing!
Oh BA…you crack me up. I loathe 2 am pee calls. So annoying. The worst part is I bet that you thought “I have to get up in a few more hours. I can hold it” and that only prolongs the torture. Its a no win situation.
Is it pathetic that that’s how I feel about 11pm now?
Ah yes … I’m totally with you on this one!! One of my coworkers is in her very early 20′s and just got out of college and she said something about coming home at 1am the other night. On a weeknight. I caught myself giving her this look, like, WTH were you doing up at that hour? And you made it to work the next day? Then I realized … at her age, I could pull off barely sleeping and still function. Not anymore. 25 passed and 28 arrived and viola – I’m going to bed at 9pm and 11pm is like staying up all night! Dinner is at 5pm and waking up at 8am is seriously sleeping in on a saturday. wow!
I am at 2 am motherhood right now and 12 am and 4 am and 6 am. Will my baby EVER SLEEP?
Soooooo true!!
I’m so cracking up that you had AIM and internet when you were in high school! LMAO! I feel so effing geriatric right now.
How life changes!
wait…wait. dial up in high school? damn dude. I didn’t have email until college…and even then I could only email people AT COLLEGE.
2 am? psh. Girl, I feel that way about 11pm now.
Just wait ’till the other side of 30 hits. At 9:30 pm I’m lucky if I’m not half dead on the couch wondering were the day went.
We must be the same age, because that high school one hit home for me!
And I agree with another commenter – you left out pregnancy 2am. For me, though, instead of peeing five times by then, I would wake up at 2am and be awake until 5:30. Miserable.
HA! That is SO true!! I also hate getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I’m 26 weeks pregnant right now and can no longer convince my body that it can wait a few more hours. Sigh.
At first when you said you ‘woke up to pee’ I thought you meant you wet the bed. lol SO glad to see that wasn’t the case.
It is almost a nightly thing for me. If it is me, it’s one of the dogs. I suppose it’s good training, right?
The only thing I enjoy about waking up at 2am to pee is the fact that I still have 5 hours left to sleep. I love that feeling. Its so nice to crawl back into your warm bed knowing its not time to get up yet!
Oh the memories of 2 am’s! Hope your water habit doesn’t keep you up every night!
this is hilarious, you really crack me up!! instead of AIM in high school, we had ICQ, but i think it was an eastern NC thing. i hope you sleep peacefully without interruptions tonight
This was my laugh for the morning. So true! In my case 2am in university meant it was time to leave the bar and head to china town for authentic food we could never pronounce and illicit beer served in teapots.
Now after 3 children if I ONLY got up at 2am I would be in heaven. I usually pee 2-3 times/night or if you look at it another way one pee/child.
Thanks for the luagh and the memories.
You and I must be around the same age so i’m wondering now what we think 2am will look like when we’re 40 or 50?
I ALWAYS have to pee in the middle of the night and like Krista I go compulsively before bed but it never works, it has gotten to where I can pretty much sleep walk in there and get back in bed without waking up at all.
to those (like me) who feel old from the AIM reference, at least it was dial up. If you’d said it was high speed or wireless I would have just submitted my social security papers today BA
OMG – so totally true. I feel old now.
Dying. This is sooooooo true!
I remember my first year out of college, we’d start getting ready at 10 or 11 to go out for the night… now it’s a late night if I start getting ready (…for bed…) at 10 or 11.
So true, dear friend.
Also? I can’t wait to see McFatty Monday back up and running!!! You could do a post on what everyone is doing in the new year, talk about different plans, etc. What you’re doing.
Just a thought. I’m all sorts of in that moment. Ya know?
My boy is not even 7 months and I’ve already forgotten about how comforting/tiring 2am used to be. For a while I got used to it and enjoyed the peace, and now? You said it best, holy ungodly hour!
glad to know i’m not the only one who had toilet problems during my pregnancy…. which was not even the point of this post…. i’m often up at 2 am. so i’m unfazed by that…
Totally agree. I think you can actually track the progress of your life by how you view those wee hours. Is it late night or early morning? Depends on your age!
For me? It’s early morning. But it used to be Frat Late Night party
I’m dying about the dial up reference. We’re the same age so I TOTALLY remember sneaking down to the computer silently praying the weird static noises wouldn’t wake my parents so I could talk to my boyfriend JUST ONE MORE TIME or I would DIE!
As I’m reminded every night, the 2am feeding isn’t really that bad. It’s the 4:30 one that’s really brutal.
4:30am is really the loneliest hour of the day. & then do you go back to bed or just stay up? It’s brutal, as you say!
2 a.m. internet dial-up…I am an old hag. High school for me was take cordless phone into my room without my mom hearing and page my boyfriend. We had pagers. And none of us were doctors. We had codes and shi& for things like “I love you” and “I miss you.”
Or later in high school, tiptoe back in the house, as not to wake up mom who fell asleep and doesn’t know I missed curfew.
Ahhh..those days were fun! But I wouldn’t want them back in a heartbeat.
I also read it as peed over my bedside table the first time I read it.
I was glad to see I read it wrong the first time!
Do you know what you’ve done?! You have managed to make me feel very, very old. Dammit. Feel like I should plop my dentures in a glass of that fizzy crap and go to bed.