You know those moments in life that you hope you never, ever forget?
I’ve had a few. The first moment I ever truly felt pretty, right before the senior Winterfest dance. The moment that I opened that sweater from Abercrombie that I knew had been purchased full-price. What Nate said on one knee at sunset on August 10, 2005. The way our kiss at the alter felt on my lips & the sea of familiar faces we faced afterward. The brutal crack of labor (okay, I do hope I forget that one). The tears that streamed down my cheeks as Harrison took steps towards me for the first time, his toothless grin lighting up my day.
& tonight. The simplicity of rocking my boy in his nursery. His damp hair in the crook of my arm, his toddler legs draped over my lap. He greedily sucks on the bottle. ”Harrison,” I smile. ”You know you have to give this up soon. You can’t have the bottle forever.” I know I have to give it up, too. This last bit of babyhood we both cling to. As the last ounce drained, he bites the nipple & I gently tug on the bottle. He giggles & I tug playfully. A game of sorts, but one we have been playing for almost his entire life. He finally lets go & I tap the bottle on his lips until he grins & giggles. Tap, tap, tap. Peals of giggles. Tap, tap, tap.
His eyelids are drooping, but we’re simply not ready to say good-bye to each other yet.
I lean over him & offer my cheek. ”Give Momma a kiss?” I ask. & he reaches up to press his face against my cheek. I wonder if he’s memorizing the scent of my makeup & perfume the way I always know my own mother’s. & then I return the kiss with fervor on his own pudgy cheek.
He leans his chin back & says, “ahhhhhhhhhh.” I know this game, too. I lean down & blow a raspberry on his neck while he squeals in delight. I pull back, he grins, & throws his head back again with “ahhhhhhh.” I nom under his chin & cheeks again until he’s laughing so hard that….
he farts.
I bust out laughing. This sweet, gentle moment of motherhood that I imagined for so long, now punctuated with gastrointestinal fireworks. Even further proof at how imperfectly perfect motherhood can be. Harrison laughs even harder & farts again. Which has me almost bent over with hilarity until we both laugh from the gut & his chuckles are punctuated by rips from the pants.
Perfectly imperfect.
As the giggles die down, I slowly rock back & forth. I smile down into those big blue eyes, thankful that they were there to stare back at me. Isn’t it wonderful how babies don’t know it’s rude to stare? His hand reaches up to rub his eyes & he squirms in my arms. I stand up & walk over to his crib. Bending way down over the rails, even though a year ago it was only a short reach, I place him on his back. ”Here’s your monkey,” I say softly, like I do every night. & like every night, I press a stuffed monkey into his grasp & cover him with a blanket.
There isn’t much better than that night time routine and bond. It’s my favorite time.
I have followed for a while now and I am so happy for you and this journey you have gone on! Nate seems like a great guy and Harrison is lucky to have you for his momma.
You’re a wonderful Mama. Well done. Not easily done, but well done. <3
Sigh…I wish we had those moments still. My son won’t cuddle like that anymore. I can’t carry him to bed because of my back so we lay in my bed then walk together to his room. What I wouldn’t give to be able to let him fall asleep and then swaddle him and carry him to his bed. Sniff. Sniff. I should put him on a diet…kidding kidding
Ahhhhhh yes – sounds so familiar. It is wonderfullness!
I’ve read your last two posts, and just want to say I have had a similar weekend – just gazing at my family, and the ordinary things we did this weekend and felt so full, so happy, so grateful.
And don’t worry about rushing to get rid of that nighttime bottle – he is still a baby and he’ll let you know when he’s ready, and slowly you’ll be ready too.
I am right there with you dear…my little cupcake turns one next week and I am savoring those moments myself. Breathing in her scent, twirling her soft hair…the list goes on and on. I can remember my own mother’s perfume trailing in the air as she left to go shopping and the scent of her Lancome-powdered skin. So soft. Enjoy these precious moments. Rock on sweet mama
Good Grief… I was reading this… About to cry because of the way the you’re describing beautiful moments in your life then…
He farts.
I laughed until I snorted. This was beautiful.
Bedtime is such a sweet time. Henry sleeps with a monkey, too. Tim the Chimp – so I cover him with his blanket and say “here’s Tim.”
Henry doesn’t take a bottle anymore but he does still use a pacifier at night and for naps, and our daycare lady keeps urging us to make the break. Even though I know it’s nearly time, I really, really don’t want to take his nuk away yet, as I feel it’s really the last thing tying us to babyhood. I’m not ready for him to not be a baby anymore!
I love this post so much. So beautifully written and the farting part made me laugh. I miss those little moments when my 4 year old was that age.
I felt that loss of babyhood when we got rid of our son’s paci. I mourned his babyhood just like he mourned poising his paci. I was so sad. I love those nighttime cuddles they are the best. Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend.
I don’t think that there is anything better that what you described. I seriously want to go get my munchkin out of bed right now and just squeeeeeze her.
It is very rare that I tear up at a blog post… but I totally teared up at this one. And then laughed.
A lot.
Love to you and your gorgeous family and looking forward to seeing you in January!
“Isn’t it wonderful how babies don’t know it’s rude to stare?”
YES. It is wonderful. I love this about little ones. What a wonderful (& funny) moment.
This is a beautiful post, and one I WISH I could relate to. DS turned one a few weeks ago and has still never slept through the night. Last night he was up 4 or 5 times. I’m starting to lose my mind from lack of sleep (I also work full-time). I might as well still have a newborn. So there’s one more blessing you can appreciate in your own good-night routine! And I appreciate how good you are at focusing on the best moments, even after such a rough year. I need to work harder to do the same.
Oh I love this! What a beautiful moment!
Sounds like Wesley and Harry could be related…we have almost the exact same nighttime routine…right down to the giggle-induced farts. LOL.
happy sighs! love this post from you. Prob b/c unexpected little baby toots are one of my FAVORITE things :> For the record this is a perfectly acceptable mommma thing to enjoy so no side eyes at me.
I find myself wishing that I was part robot and had a built in camera in my eyes to capture and hold on to all those sweet moments. I keep hoping I’ll never forget them. I know they’ll fade but they’re so sweet I’m sure they’ll still be sweet in 50 years.
That was written so PERFECTLY.. I have those same exact feeling right now. Perfectly imperfect… Well said!
This made me giggle and have tears in my eyes at the same time! So precious. I love our bedtime routine and snuggling up in the recliner before laying her in her crib. She may not remember but I certainly will.
That weekend sounds delicious. I work 40 hours M-Th, and have Fridays alone with my little lady. I love strapping her in the Ergo, vacuuming, dusting, etc, and baking while she naps. Sometimes, I nap with her. Ahhhhh…
Bonus if we have the white noise of the diswasher or laundry machine in the background. It’s the simple pleasures in life that I love.
Only, instead of a monkey, we prefer the seahorse in our home:)
Ahhh, so SWEET!!!
Outstanding story it is actually. My father has been looking for this update.
Yep. Got teary and then laughed out loud.
Love those moments
Crying my eyes out at work…thanks for that! Love this Blair!
OK maybe it’s the hormones (or not), but totally cried. Then I laughed at the fart. Ugh – it’s so amazing. and those routines will never get old. I don’t want them to.
LOVE! I love, love, love this post!!! I love how such super sweetness – or rather bittersweetness – is universal.
This was beautiful!!! You write so well that I can just picture this all perfectly.
And there are always those constant reminders that motherhood is imperfectly perfect.
I. Loved. This.
Mrs. P
dectron7.blogspot.com
i felt tears of joy as i am sitting here at work remebering last nights routine and then tears of laughter because it’s true, nothing is funnier than when my baby farts. thank you for letting us peer into your moments…
ahhhh- that gave me a great big mommy-sigh of nostalgia, happiness and a twinge of sadness for my babies that seem to be growing all too quickly!! I know everyone says it….but it does go WAY too fast. My oldest-who turns 12 in 5 days-blew me a kiss the other day like he did when he was little. I melted into a weepy, whimpering ball of crying-mommy! Darn those kiddos they have my heart wrapped around their fingers!
Have a Merry Christmas!!
So glad you are having these moments. These are the most wonderful parts of having a baby/toddler and I am feeling them with my little girl, too, these days. You deserve this feeling after the battle with PPD you had. Soak it up!
Oh what a sweet story!
Crying my eyes out at work…thanks for that! Love this Blair!