I don’t talk about my medication a lot on here.
Mostly, because everyone is different. & just because Zoloft is working for me, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. & just because 80 mg of Celexa made me certifiably batshitcrazy, it may not do the same for you. So I tend to shy away from it because it is simply not a universal topic.
But I’m not embarrassed that I need medication. & since May, I’ve been on a medication called Risperdal, which is your standard a-typical antipsychotic/mood stabilizer. In short? It keeps me from seeing demons & hearing imaginary babies cry. It’s pretty powerful stuff. I have been thankful for everything it has done for me, but it’s had some pretty terrible side effects – facial ticks, speech slurring, weight gain.
The nasty side-effects have been worth it, but my doctor thinks it is time to come off. & I trust her opinion. So for the past two months, we have been tapering down before weaning completely.
On Monday night, I took my last Risperdal.
Yesterday, the withdrawal began. Because of the taper, I should not be experiencing this, but I am. & as the pharmicist said, it just “really sucks.” Extreme nausea, feeling like I have a hatchet sticking out of my head, cold sweats, dizziness. I had to cancel an appointment with a client yesterday because I simply could not function at work. & I thanked my sister profusely for staying to take care of Harrison while I crawled in bed, thrashed around from nauseau & managed to sleep until 5pm.
I’m not saying all of this for y’all to feel sorry for me. I’m actually so thrilled at weaning & the progress & hard work it has taken to get me here. I’m proud of myself. & I am even more eternally thankful that my stint at UNC led me to my amazing doctor that has such an incredible knowledge of the medication that is available.
But I’m feeling quite dead at the moment. I have fall decorations & bathtub pictures to blog about. I have pictures & stories to tell. I had an entire Thankful on Thursday post planned out in my head for yesterday, but all I could do was lie on the couch last night & Tweet feebly from my iPod. I have a PPD Strollerthon tomorrow & Nate’s high school reunion this weekend. But right now, it’s about all I can do to sit up straight at my desk & not dry heave.
& hope that this passes quickly.
p.s. are y’all sure there’s not a hatchet sticking out of my head?
Remember what Winston Churchill said:
“When you’re going through Hell, keep going.”
You’ve been to Hell and back. You can do this, BA. You can do this.
Also, a hatchet would make for a rockin’ Halloween costume, no?
Yikes..this is miserable. While I have never come off this particular medication, I have come off others and it sucks..Do what you gottta do to get through it.. It just goes to show you how strong you are and how far you have come that you are ready to come off this medication..THAT is amazing!
ba – sorry about the hatchet… (it’s not visible from this side of the computer screen…) kidding aside – so sorry you are going thru this, but thanks again for hitting publish. thanks for sharing your story. thanks for blogging it out… you’re inspirational.
virutal hugs…
~liz
You poor thing! When they switched my fibro meds, I had to come off Effexor XR to switch to Savella and the withdrawal effects were pure HELL so I feel ya. I hope they pass quickly!!! ((Hugs))
That does not sound fun! You sound like a very strong person. Good Luck and have a great weekend this weekend.
I definitely feel for you! Had the same experience coming off anti-depressants a couple years ago and it’s HELL. Pure hell. But, once you get to other side of this hill (or possibly mountain) it will all be worth it. I felt like a brand new person and you will too. Hang in there!
Hang in there darlin’. Loads of prayers for you that this passes soon. XOXO
Hang in there! It’ll take a bit, maybe like a week or so (it took me 2 weeks to stop having withdrawal effects from stopping Lexapro). But when it’s all over and done with, it’ll all be worth it
You are a super champ! I’m really impressed that you’re even at work — hope you’ve got some kick-ass co-workers to bring you a nice to bring you tea
Ugh! Hope the symptoms lessen soon!
Man that sounds rough! It’s amazing that medications are so powerful. Great when you need them but still the power must be so overwhelming. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing great despite the yuck.
Hopefully the worst is over, or at least will soon be over. ::hugs:: friend…You are a rock star.
Ouch. That sounds dreadful.
I can’t imagine how awful you feel. Hang in there!
Ive never come off of that medicine, but I did have a nasty withdrawal from my antidepressants. You are going through hell right now…you will come out of it! Keep on truckin’!
Poor thing. But YAY for getting off the meds!!! Hang in there darlin’, it will get better.
I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad, hopefully it’ll get better everyday though. Will be praying for the nausea to cease!
ooo, withdrawl does suck. Went through it by accident last year. That’s when I ticked and jerked and shook uncontrollably. Hope the tummy feels better as the day passes and you can enjoy your weekend. It must feel GREAT to be coming off a med!! Congrats — way to go on the hard work!!
I went on Prozac shortly before Duncan’s birth. I stayed on it after his death, and through Erin’s pregnancy.
About two months ago, I thought it was time to self-wean.
bad idea. (duh)
I’m back on it, and feeling much more okay with needing it.
All that to say, the withdrawl did suck. And I’m not looking forward to doing it again, when the time will be really right (according to my drs).
Thinking of you, hon.
That does sound terrible – did they say how long you should be experiencing the withdraw? I hope you get back to feeling normal soon. Your sister is pretty darn awesome too for watching the babe while you took care of you. Again, so glad you have such an amazing support system!
I’m a new reader to your blog, and I think I’m in E-love with you. Throughout everything you’ve endured, you keep writing and sharing your story, usually with a huge dose of humor. I just wanted to say thank you for letting us in, and I hope to read more about you in the future. Your family is beautiful and your writing is moving. I hope this phase of withdrawal passes soon and you find yourself feeling on top of the world in no time!
-dK
Thank you for sharing your story, the good, the bad, and the ugly (hatchets and all) You really are inspirational to all of the women suffering from PPD, and those who waffled back and forth on whether or not to get help–that includes me. So hang in there, and it will all be worth it in the end!
That sucks, I’m sorry. My husband went through extreme withdraw when he went off of Celexa, and it was awful. I hope it goes quickly for you!
I can’t say I’ve experienced this or anything like it. But I wanted to say that I enjoy reading your blog, I wish the best for you. And I hope things get better.
Sounds like you have some fun weekend plans. I hope you get to enjoy them.
Saying some prayers that you begin to feel better soon!
My mom is coming off of the same stuff-it was hard to watch her be on it, it is hard to watch come off of it, it’s hard to watch her struggle with depression-it’s just all hard.
Hope you get to being better soon-especially for how busy you are!
@Jamie– what do you think of Savella??? I’m on 50mg 2x/day. You can email me at ficklewhitewoman@gmaill.com if you don’t want to talk about it here.
I had the worst case of mono my doctor had ever seen in 2006 (his words, not mine). A year later, it caused the onset of fibromyalgia, wihich went undiagnosed for another year. Finally, they put me on Cymbalta in winter 2009 and it was a miracel for a year. I felt so much better, had zero pain, zero insomnia, etc.
And then there must have been a full moon or something because this past winter I gradually turned into a raging lunatic who was literally on the verge of being committed to the psychiatric unit. I was so enraged 24/7, everything the kids did I wanted to scream, I’d literally have to leave the room and cool off before I could deal with them so I wouldn’t lose my job and scare the livin’ daylights out of them. It was horrible. And I’d throw temper tantrums like a 12 year old and contemplate suicide.
I started weaning myself off cymbalta and made an appointment to see my doc. I was switched to Savella, but holy hell, the withdrawal from Cymbalta. Omg. No words. I’m pretty sure coming off of heroine isn’t as bad. The headache. The nausea. The sweats, shakes. Plus my fibro symptoms were back in full force so my entire body felt like pins and needles and I wanted to amputate my back. I’ve been on and off anti-depressants for years, but never had a withdrawal until Cymbalta.
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a similar experience. Mine lasted over 2 weeks, so God-willing, your’s is nowhere near that long.
I am really happy that you’re gradually able to return to a level of normalcy in your life. I can tell a difference in how you feel just by the way your posts are more full of love for life (again), and now you’re coming off the anti-psychotics. I’m really, really happy for you BA.
But dude, you shoulda told me in the email what was up. I would’ve quit harrassing you!!
I have come off many many meds while dealing with mental illness during the past 17 years. It is never ever fun. I just came off zoloft in August and even then I was dizzy and felt sick for an entire month.
I honestly thought I was pregnant again (kill me now, please).
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough go of it with the tapering. Just keep going. One day you’ll wake up and the symptoms will be gone. I pray it’s soon
i’m tapering off a med right now too and went thru a rough spot not too long ago because i took it too fast. So maybe take it even slower? i’m sure your doc knows what he/she is doing!!!
hang in there. this too shall pass.
hugs xoxo
I feel out of place commenting, however it’s not out of place of me to tell you that just like the battle you’ve already fought you too will fight this one and come out on top. Hang in there and I look forward to fall decoration and bath tub posts.
(Also, my email subscription didnt work for this post, weird).
Um. There’s something sticking out of your head. Kinda looks like a hatchet.
Maybe it’s just me.
And no, I am not one of the angry readers who says this out of jealousy because they hope you will stop blogging. It’s because you need to take care of you. Your posts like this always have a list of responsibilities that you need to do – but Blair seems to be way down on the priority list. When you do put yourself first, then you beat yourself up for it.
We love you and want to you feel better. Even if that means we have to go without for a few days – and you are guilt free about it.
<3
can they give you anything for the nausea or headaches?
you can do it lady. this too shall pass!
best wishes!!! be strong!
Coming off of Effexor after it sent me into hypomania was hell. It felt like my brain had come alive and it actually felt like it was shivering and quivering. God awful. Hang in there you can do this!!
I have been there girl. I was on Paxil (the devil in pill form) a while back and hated it. Coming off of it was TORTURE. When I tried cutting my doses in half over time, I would just feel awful.
The only way I could avoid horrible side effects was to start by taking most of a pill by nibbling off and spitting out a bit to the point where I was taking just a nibble of a 1/4 of a pill. And then taking a nibble every other day, then every few days, until I eventually didn’t need it. It took a while but it worked for me.
Good luck with it all and feel better!
I’m so in awe of you. I’ve been talking to my doc about weaning off of Prozac for months, but every time I get good into the one-day-on-one-day-off phase, i get batshitcrazy and end up back on every-day status. Hang tough, the bad will be over before you know it.
Feel better and good luck!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
I’m glad you posted this. I’ve been wondering whether it would be awkward to ask you what meds you were on, just because I had been considering starting them up until recently. I hope you feel better. I love love love your blog. Harrison is such a cutie! And I really admire you for putting yourself out there. I know it has definitely helped me to read what you’ve experienced–the good & the bad.
sorry to hear your feeling so shitty…it does suck
thanks for continuing to be so open and honest. i love your blog when you’re talking about being a mom, weight loss, battle with PPD, really anything. you are a gifted writer.
i look forward to reading more and more.
Dude, that sucks. Also: I can’t believe you were able to walk the StrollerThon. THANK YOU for being there, especially when I couldn’t be.
I’m so proud of you for writing about PPD, and I hope you’re getting the catharsis you so deserve. I can only imagine the new moms you’re helping by sharing your story. Rock on, girlfriend.