I need to talk to y’all about the post-baby pseudo-FUPA.
This is serious. Stop laughing.
If you’ve had a baby, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve had a baby & don’t know what a FUPA is, Google it & then you’ll know what I’m talking about. (I’m terrified of the spam & creepy followers I would receive if I explained what a FUPA is in great detail on here.) In short, it is this:
That delightful pudge of baby fat/skin LOW below your belly button that will not go away. & yes, I WENT THERE – that’s my bare after-baby belly at 10 months postpartum.
You know, the reason “mom jeans” were created.
PEOPLE. There is a reason that mom jeans exist.
It’s because THEY ARE AWESOME.
I was all, “I’m NEVER going to wear mom jeans” & swore off anything that came within two inches of my belly button starting at the tender age of 15. Britney Spears, I’m looking at you to thank blame for years of my ass crack hanging out. I celebrated the day that I finally fit back into my pre-baby jeans, twirling around in their hip-hugging glory, trying to convince myself that they looked just like they used to.
This. Is. A. Lie.
I may be under my pre-pregnancy weight & those jeans may technically fit & zipper, but the flap of fat & skin draping over the button is totally new.
Which gives me three options:
Option One: Pre-FUPA hip-baring ho jeans. Let the jeans button & zipper underneath your pudge, allowing it to drape gracefully over the zipper. Please note that jutting hip fat is inevitable. If you brave these, rock a flowing shirt. Please.
Option Two: Afraid to commit to mom jeans. You tried. You really, really tried & swallowed the pride you felt ten years ago to purchase a pair of jeans that creep slowly upward to the belly. But darlings…all this gets you is a spare tire & a Walmart belly when the button saws your gut in half & creates two pooches – one above & one under. Also? This hurts. I know from experience.
Option Three: Mom jeans. Look how slim! Look how glorious! All unnecessary residual pouches of fat are contained into one streamline look!
When I first fit into my (fake! gasp!) Sevens, they totally did Option One. Until I hiked them up, gave myself a camel-toe wedgie & somehow managed to pinch my organs in half with the belt band without causing internal bleeding for two hours. A MIRACLE.
Then I gave up. I accepted my reality & gave in to the dreaded mom jeans.
& you know, they’re really not that terrible. A little more spandex, a little higher rise & honestly, I can breathe.
FUPA contained. Mission accomplished.
Hi, I’m Blair. I’m 27 & I am a proud sporter of mom jeans.
edited to add:
My favorite mom jeans? Mirclebody jeans. I wear a size 14 in the Samantha bootleg style. I had no idea these even existed until I snagged a free pair as swag at Blogher & immediately became a convert.
Also, Miraclebody has no idea that I’m writing this post. They have no idea who I am, unless they remember the freakishly tall girl that tried on five pairs of jeans to find the right size & fit.
HAHA! Just don’t do the Mom make-up thing and I think we’ll be good (match your eyeshadow to your pants).
Can I just say how much I love the fact that you put your bare belly on the interwebz? Love it.
Love the honesty. Love the fact that you are loving your new body rather than making an appearance on peopleofwalmart.com just so you can say that you squeezed into pre-pregnancy jeans.
HAHA I am so with you, my son is a week younger than Harrison. What kind did you find to be your favorite? I have been on the hunt for months now but have not found anything I am super happy with.
I’m a 28-year old FTM to a 9-month old boy and am READY to give in to the mom jeans!!! What brand did you end up with?
Hooray for mom jeans!
I also LOVE them after swearing I would never wear them. I read something funny the other day… “If you can see your c-section scar, your jeans are too low.” 
Spanx deserve an honorable mention here! Without Spanx the FUPA would make a showing in the workplace!!!!
ok… so what brand are you sporting?
mom jeans scare me… seriously scare me… but you make me want to reconsider… (my son will be 1 this saturday…)
I am guilty of the second, my flab is cut in half, please please tell me where to find good jeans!
LOL!!! this made me laugh, cause it’s so true!!! mom jeans rock!!!
If we are going there… The mom jeans and all nine west carry a lovey mom Jean of sorts with a slimming panel for the lose skin aka deflated airbag. I quite enjoy containing the bulge and lack of ass crack as I scoop up the babe. Yet another defeat to foot and mouth disease.
dude. I hear ya. I have “fit” into my favorite jeans for months now but I can’t wear them because they are TOO FREAKING LOW. I’m constantly trying to pull them up and make them mom jeans which just looks…. unfortunate. Honestly? I went to Old Navy and got a pair of their “flirt” jeans which have a mid-rise, are slimming and ridiculously comfortable.
love the graphic! I went there too. I wear mom jeans.
girl, this is you and everyone else that just had a baby!
i’m a 29 y/o ftm to an almost 8 month old, 10 lbs away from my pre-baby weight and i’m having this problem like crazy.
so, pray do tell… you have to share what brand of jeans you got and where you bought them. don’t leave our fupa’s hanging!
I love your drawing! And I love your honesty!
Nice! I have been rockin mom jeans for awhile now, I have twins and imagine the FUPA that you acquire with two fetuses up in here… big time FUPA and stretch marks… sooo unless I want to world to see it if my shirt rides up… then I’m stuck swallowing my pride and wearing MOM jeans!
Oh gosh, this had me rolling, especially your drawings. I was so effing excited when high-waisted pants were in a couple years ago, because then i could be stylish AND not have a frontlump.
There are actually some really cute mom jeans now. Retailers understand that moms are their most desirable demographic, and they don’t want masses of angry FUPA-having mothers swarming their headquarters with torches and piles of lowrise jeans, ready to start a bonfire.
WHERE did you get your mom jeans? I need some!! I’m giving in too!
I would love to know what kind you love. Just bought Loft jeans which are pretty good but still have a little FUPA. Please share!
OMG. This is the best.post.ever. Just promise to not tuck your button up shirt into your mom jeans while sporting a brown leather braided belt.
::runs to nearest sears because she is sure they carry the coveted mom jeans::
Hahaa! It’s funny cuz it’s TRUE!
But seriously though… I’m a little confused as to what’s so great about waistbands in general. I think we should carry over the awesomeness that were maternity bands and do away with buttons and real waists forever! Oh… that’s lazy, you say? Well YOU’RE WRONG! Real waists are overrated, people!
This post is adorable!
I may sound slightly crazy when I say this, but my favorite pair of jeans right now is a pair of jeggings haha. Ummm I did buy them in the juniors department, but I swear they sit just below my belly button and have enough spandex to make me feel sucked in all over. Another plus: they lift my now-flat bum up so it looks a little perkier…everyone is a winner
What kind did you get. I’m looking into getting a good pair of mom jeans for myself?
I’m with Ashley – totally guilty of #2, but don’t know where to get Mom jeans! I’m afraid I’m going to have to get some that go right up to my ribcage!
All the jeans out there are ‘low rise’ and intended for 14-year-olds. Help! Where are the mom jeans?????
PS THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS OUT LOUD.
hahahhahahahhahahhaha!! I LOVE THIS!
+ i love my pre-mom-mom-jeans.
I know I will only love them even MORE!
I have been totally rocking the FUPA in my hiphuggers the past four months and it is NOT pretty. I keep trying to convince myself that no one notices but I remember noticing everyone else’s so obviously people are noticing mine:( Must submit myself to Mom jeans….
sorry dude, but I’ll sooner die. I wear spanx and I admit, I wear something from target called ” control fit underwear”
yes, they tuck up under my boobs, but they are just really tight, tall underwear that hide all that shit in. I will sooner die then wear fucking mom jeans. No one looks good in them. NO ONE
dear blair,
thank you for posting a pic of your bare belly and letting me take a sigh of relief that i am not the only mom whos sporting stretch marks that are STILL RED 10 months later. i love you infinitely. you look rockin mom jeans or not. you have balls to post this. amen to the mom jeans.
Way to go! It’s about time someone sported the mom jeans. Unfortunately I’m still stuck on #1, except I don’t have that much pudge. Needless to say, more belly supporting jeans are in my future, unless I can get off of my lazy arse and work out.
LOL – I love love love mom jeans!!
Thanks for the heads up! I’d never heard of the term mom jeans before but they look great and I’m definitely going to look into them!
this post needs a “like” button. and your paint skills are perfection. agree with everything 150%!
I love you. And this post.
BA, I think you are the funniest person I have ever met. And I think we need to move closer together so we can celebrate a lack of FUPAs and a love of Mom Jeans.
I’m twenty-four, and I’m totally rocking some mom jeans. And I’m okay with that.
And?
I love you.
and FWIW, even with stretch marks your stomach looks great.
Mine has shrunk so much after birthing an 11 and then 9 pounder, that once it did shrink the stretch marks faded, but turned into puckered, wrinkled skin.
This is hilarious and sooo true. I love it. I too tried pulling my darn pants up to hide the fat and felt them ride up in my crotch LOL. I kind of wish they had maternity like pants with the band to suck in the fat… but for moms. oooh a new invention.
Did you know that the “FUPA” actually has a name when it refers to post-baby belly?
It’s called the “Mother’s Apron.”
HOW EFFING DISGUSTING IS THAT???
I rock #2 sometimes only because I am broke and cannot afford to buy more jeans that fit. But the pair of skinnies that I have from Old Navy? HEAVEN.
Thanks for “baring all” for the internet. I am not that brave.
My belly looks like a deflated scrotal sac.
Awesome.
Are these jeans long enough??? I’m a tall girl like you and I’m really hoping these come in talls!
Yes, they are long enough!! I’m 5’11″ & have no problem with them. I don’t know about smaller sizes, though…
This is THE FUNNIEST POST EVER. Evar!!!!!
Hilarious post…yet so true. Thanks for the recommendation. I’m heading over to their site now!
I. NEED. THESE. JEANS.
So, I must admit that I think you were writing this blog to me…. “Katie… seriously… give up the old jeans… your kid is 4.. yes 4! and if things arent back in place THEY ARE NOT GOING BACK….. :hangs head: yes, I am the middle diagram…. off to buy my first pair of mom jeans….
Those? Are not mom jeans. Those are jeans that every woman above the age of 18 should be wearing. Super light-washed jeans should also be avoided by anyone over 18.
The low-cut, hip hugger jeans aren’t cut for a woman’s body. I’m 23, never had a kid, don’t dress like a loser, and where jeans that hit just below my belly button (mid-rise) all the time. I get them at LOFT, own a couple Paper Denim & Cloth, or Seven for All Mankind.
These? Are mom jeans.
http://chrisabraham.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/mom-jeans.jpg
Tapered leg. Nasty wash. Baggy at the hips. No shape.
So don’t go labeling yourself as a loser, mmk?
I feel like I did little to prove I actually have solid sense of fashion haha…
What an awesome post! You are so brave and funny. I’m on baby #3 and I just don’t think the FUPA is going away. I admit that I’ve been sporting style #2 but just try not to look in the mirror. I just need to get over it and get me some mom jeans. Thanks for helping me feel not alone.
It’s official. This is my most favorite post ever. EVER.
The illustrations were my most favorite, and the hearts? ::dies::
I don’t consider those mom jeans at all, they’re properly fitting jeans. Mom jeans are the ones that make your butt look like a giant upside down heart, usually paired with a printed t-shirt and white tennis shoes. Fanny pack optional.
(Did not know of this thing called that FUPA. Once Urban Dictionary corrected that, I realized it’s what my ex-boyfriend referred to as the “woman hump”.)
oh yeah, and Urban Dictionary “mom jeans”
“Usually accompanied by a sexy cardigan boasting birds or wildlife”
i LOVE the visual aids! my muffin top may’ve been there before (when i doubt, blame the baby), but now it has stretch marks. yuck.
i don’t need my crack hanging out. but i’m not lame enough for “mom jeans”. (no really, i swear!)
This post was just what I needed after a very rough day. You never fail to make me laugh my ass off.
You rock those mom jeans! I know I do!!
i just laughed SO HARD at your drawing. sigh. i just wish it weren’t so gd true.
have you seen this? you must!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/10333/saturday-night-live-mom-jeans
thanks so much for being so brave. sometimes i’d swear either all my friends have perfect skin or i’m the only person willing to admit i have stretch marks. you just made me feel a whole lot better about myself. and honey, i have a whole lot more than you do!
I just went jeans shopping, clipped the tags this morning and am wearing my new ones (I won’t tell you the size) and am now wishing I had waited a bit so I could swap them for those Miraclebody ones! Although, mine were $21 (I don’t do designer anything), so maybe not.
Dying. Laughing.
I hate stupid skinny hip-bearing moms. ROCK YOUR MOM JEANS BA!!! ROCK THEM!
I love my mom jeans. You can find them here: http://www.jjill.com I wear a tall. What size, I’m not saying.
I just thought of this while I put them on. Blair & all other women looking for good yoga pants, look at the Victoria’s Secret high waisted pants. They are perfect. Perfection Im tellin ya.
Yaaaaaaaay Blair! You are hilarious. and so true.
Hi, I’m Diane, I’m 26 and I’m a proud supporter of Mom Jeans! I hate how high they are sometimes, but you can’t beat the coverage. And let’s be honest, we’re not exactly 18 any more…
You are awesome, what more can I say?
One word. Spanx!
Girl, I’ve been rockin’ the mom jeans since I was TWENTY. I don’t feel sorry for you. There is nothing worse than being a single mom, at 20, trying to make out with a guy you’re dating and realizing you have on a) mom jeans and b) spanx. Talk about bathroom-dash.
Hun, those aren’t mom jeans! Those look great. And to be honest, I haven’t had a child (yet) and I wear higher rise jeans whenever possible. They are just more flattering than the show-your-ass-crack jeans from, say, Hollister. (although I do own a few of those, too).
You look great, your stomach is glorious!
Oh, and Urban Outfitters BDG line has some great higher waisted pants w/o the mom jean look. They’re my favorite, along w/Express’s jeans.
I am a sz 4 and I am short so I have no idea about tall lengths and all that jazz but check them out if you wanna!
Haha hey at least you can’t tell they’re mom jeans with longer shirts. They look great on your legs so why not rock them?
You crack me up Blair. Thank you for your honesty. While I don’t have children yet, I love that thanks to you I feel totally prepared.
Thanks for keepin it real
Try the Bootheel Trading Company jeans – they are great and come long enough as well. They don’t look like Mom Jeans but fit really well.
girl. i loved this post. as a young woman wanting to transition into mommyhood soon, this is #1 what i’m afraid of: my body being destroyed and feeling ugly. but you just made me get over that fear & i’m starting to prepare myself for embracing that! thank you.
also, i worked at a boutique that sold “it” jeans….they came up higher and were for curvy girls. check em out! they’re great.
OMG. I was just thinking about posting something mom jean related on my blog this morning.
Only mine was more of a warm, fuzzy, “I’m part of a special ugly jean wearing club that you non-moms aren’t” sort of post.
Funny. Lol.
So beautifully real. My belly looks similar except my strechies are fresher since Silas is only 3 months old. I just wrote something on Jaci’s last post regarding that post-baby belly. I’ve been struggling with body acceptance lately but seeing this post helps me realize this is just how it is.
Note: I emailed a friend of mine who has a rockin’ bod (and TWO kids) asking her how the hell she does it. She said lots of running, lots of spanx, and accepting her new body. Even someone I would think should be fine with her body says she has to deal with the strechies and flappies
After reading this post, I feel a lot better. I wear mom shorts. I feel weird sometimes but I would rather feel weird than look weird. Anyway, I think your tummy looks great at 10 months postpartum. Keep it up!
This is freakin' awesome. Good for you for being so open – and blunt – and real. I must admit that I didn't know what FUPA was, but I now know that I have it. 7 months after the birth of my son and my tummy is not even in the same area code that my old one was. Blah.
This is hysterical! I am 20 months postpartum, 20 pounds lighter than I was when I became pregnant, and still have this. It's depressing. But it's life. Don't even get me started on my post nursing breasts!
And btw, you look great!
haaaa- nice. at least they don’t look like mom jeans on your ass- right?
No, they look good on my ass! Promise!
Please, please, PLEASE promise me that they at least have back pockets. I hope our generation never gives in to the no-back-pocket-make-your-ass-look-like-it-goes-from-your-shoulderblades-to-your-knees-mom jeans! That is just not okay.
they have back pockets!!
This is my favorite.post.EVER!!!!
Oh my, I am so the first option in my cords and second option in my jeans… after seeing it that way I think it’s time to give in!
I had been wondering how to refer to, er, it. Have yet to get mom jeans myself, but that’s just ‘cuz I’m still gathering my courage.
Thank you for posting this. Although I’m a complete jackass who did need to rely on google (DH laughed it up at that one). I’m totally putting this on my post pardum wishlist. After twins +1 in less than 2 years, I need some major help.
Uh, my belly and your belly have the same stretch marks. Almost. Also? I’m happy to finally have a name for the OBNOXIOUS HUNK OF FLESH UNDER MY BELLY BUTTON. F YOU, FUPA! Ergh.
You are a rock star! And quite the artist, I must say. Love the informative diagrams.
And, thanks for the tip on which jeans to buy. Def going to check it out!
BEST. GRAPHIC. EVER.
I’m hoping my trusty spanx will do the trick, Im surprised I am not wearing them pregnant! Hahahahaa! Any-who, if they dont, Ill be sporting the very same Mom Jeans!
I am so glad that they make things for mommies like us.
Hi. Just found your blog via Top Mommy Blogs. Well done with the jeans. Please come by and check out my blog. http://www.jamarahcraftycreations.blogspot.com
Sarah
This post had me CRYING I was laughing so hard. And yeah, and the ripe age of 23, I can totally relate! Thanks for being so relatable, I LOVE IT!
Great post! In Canada, Reitmans has an awesome line of jeans called their “Comfort Fit” jeans. No button, no zipper…kind of like a maternity waistband. Holds all your jiggly parts in nice & snug. I have 4 pair, and I love love love every one of them!!
laughed out loud at this post and just had to comment–such a funny, honest description of what it’s like to have a post-baby body! thanks for putting it all out there
you know what i miss? when my belly button was actually A CIRCLE…..now it is just a weird slit thing with a stretch mark coming out of it.
ewwwwwwwwwwwww
Comparing FUPAs with you in our hotel room at BlogHer remains one of my fondest memories of this entire summer. Because you made me feel normal and not fat and still hot, because I know that you are all of those things and yet you have the lovely FUPA just like I do. And MiracleBody jeans rock my face off. Love this post.
OMG this is so true. SO very true. I used to wear hip-huggers like a champ and always thought they were the most comfortable jeans. Now… POST baby hip-huggers are the most annoying and most UN-comfortable thing. Yes… I am 26 and sport the Mom jeans AND my son is almost 3….
I read a comment above about wearing something from target, some spandex crap to tuck it all in… YEA… that crap don’t work… that is unless you either want to have strangulation rings around your rib cage, right under your damn boobs OR back fat poking out the top of that spandex crap because as we all know [spandex] are tight as hell… I’ll stick with Mom jeans. No one notices you are wearing them, but they *will* notice that lovely looking spandex your wearing when you bend over/kneel down. Ya… that ain’t cute.
So, so sad … and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I still try to fight it, but really: you’re right. It looks better when you just bite the bullet & strap it all down and go on with your day, fully containing the FUPA within your mom jeans
Blair
you are awesome!
OMG I didn’t knew about the FUPA, neither knew about mom jeans.. but oh my there are pricey…
thanks for being you
smooches
fantastic. love it! in fact, i JUST posted about the wearing of spanx to deal with the dreaded post-baby flabdomen:
http://www.chillmamachill.com/busting-out-the-spanx/
yep. oh and for the record: i’m under my pre-preggo weight, stay active physically, eat right and yet? my lower tummy is still an issue for me. those poor muscles just don’t seem to want to snap back, and i have some seriously gnarly, still-dark, jagged stretch marks up in that bidness. mom jeans are so totally my friend – no freaking WAY i’ll be sporting low-rise jeans anytime soon!
not that anyone should. because they are tacky as fuck even on the size zero chicks.
wait, what?
xoxo!