I used to sing in the car.
It didn’t matter what was on the radio – Carrie Underwood, Britney Spears, Steppenwolf, Michael Buble, Jay-Z. I even have Moses Hogan CD’s that I popped in, just to belt out Elijah Rock (don’t know what that is? youtube it. you won’t regret it, I promise). It was a free-for all for harmony. Except Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. & speaking of harmony? I had it. I could sing a third or a fifth with pretty much any song, thanks to four years in high school chorus. I was that nerd that belted out show tunes, using hands for gestures, completely oblivious to the stares from other drivers. I had no shame. No worry. Just pure exhilaration.
About eight months ago, I stopped singing.
& I didn’t even realize it.
Sometimes, it’s those little things that make me realize how sick I was this past year. I stopped singing. I stopped finding joy, searching for joy, or even wanting joy in my life. The little things that made me who I am, that made me happy…they all slipped away. Little parts of my soul that made up my quirks & character. I became a shell of a person.
The other day, I put in an old Relient K album, turned up the volume. Without a care in the world, I took in a deep breath & began belting it out with the band. It didn’t matter that I sounded like a strangled cat in a garbage disposal. It only mattered that the windows were down & a little boy was happily chirping in the backseat. It struck me as odd & a little uncomfortable, which confused me…until I thought, “I haven’t done this in so long.” I had not felt that free, that light, or that searching of little joys in the day.
But these days, I’m singing again.
me & mrs. lusher, belting out kelly clarkson.
Yay for singing again! It’s one of my favorite shameless pasttimes. Husband and I always argue over the volume – I like it loud so I can sing along. He wants it low – conversation level. Seriously, what’s the point in having music in the car if you can’t hear it?
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and though I can’t fully understand what you have gone through, it’s so wonderful to hear these bits of everyday life where happiness seems to be making its way back in. Congratulations on bringing back a little bit more of the happy.
woot to singing! I sing too…loudly. and off key. that is what all those years of BAND will do for me.
also? Nickelback? Sucks so hard I can’t even find the words.
ELIJAH ROCK!! Oh sweet Lord. I die.
I’m a choir nerd too – four years in high school and three in college…love it!
This made me happy.
Sing away my dear!
Keep singing!
I love to read this! It’s wonderful to realize these little lights of YOU shining through! For me, it was REALLY laughing, hard, again….and it felt great!
umm I just have to say the two of you and your gorgeous hair in that picture can shove it …. in the most loving way.
I am right there with you. I LOVE singing and I think if I ever lost that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I am so glad that you found your voice again.
I am so glad that you are singing again! Yay Blair!
You go, Blair! There truly is freedom and joy to be found in a song that can be belted out. Or danced to.
Yall look so cute! Glad you’re having fun & singing!
I love it. It doesn’t matter what kind of cat you sound like, I say take joy where you can find it.
Would you stop reading my mind already!!
Shheeesh. It’s getting a little freaky. I did this last week when I went to run an errand by myself – no baby. It was sunset, I rolled down the windows and just sang and i realized it had been forever since I had done that. I had forgotten how much I loved it.
Singing = YAY Blair! So happy!
Your whole post not coming up in my reader = SAD Triathmama. Don’t go to the darkside Blair! Give me all the goods so I can read it at work!
Glad you found your voice again. What’s Harrison think of your vocal stylings?
We are the same. SAME.
Singing in the car? check.
Hatred of Nickleback? double check.
Realizing that you really really miss singing and deciding to do it more often? Me too.
Only I sing along to the Glee soundtracks, which I *highly* recommend.
I am SO glad I’m not the only one who performs showtunes complete with dance moves while driving.
It’s a funny thing we do to ourselves, giving up the things that bring us joy and we don’t even realize it. If we had, would the former misery melted away sooner? Who knows. But I too am glad you’ve got your voice back!
Mrs. O
Aw, how I heart Relient K and have been caught many a time singing into my cell phone going down the road. Might I add, May the Horse Be With You!
That’s exactly how I know what kind of day I’m having. If I’m able to sing along to the radio, I know it’s going to be a good day. It’s sad when you realize that you haven’t been able to sing for any stretch of time. But it feels great to get that back.
Well, that’s a really good sign.
And you know this is where my blog name came from . . . Singing at a Stoplight. You ought to go read my “about the blog” post. You should be able to relate.
You’re gettin’ there hon. Getting through depression takes time.
Will you get out of my head please? One day I was driving around with Hubs and my daughter, Journey came on and I turned up the volume and started belting out the song. My Hubby looked at me and said “I know you are getting better because you are being goofy again”.
It’s horrible what PPD/PPA takes from you, but it’s so beautiful when those bits of you return. Glad you are doing so much better BA!
How did I not know you were a choir nerd? I was too! Soulsies.
Good for you! I sing along all the time except that my kids all ask me not to. And by “ask” I mean “yell at me to STOP!” Just wait until you’re singing along to Imagination Movers…and you’re ALONE in the car.
So glad to hear you’re singing again.
And I was a band nerd. Does that trump choir nerd? Or are they equally as nerdy?
YAY! I’m happy for you. Singing in the car is the best. My fav
Did you ever listen to the Relient K song “Sadies Hawkins Dance”? That was my jam in high school lol
I have to vote that choir nerd so trumps band nerd. I was a total choir nerd myself.
Keep on singing girl! It’s the little things in life….
Yay for the singing again~and another reason I think you are cool~the hatred of Nickelback! ~I can’t stand them, don’t know why, don’t have a reason, but I don’t need one!
Me too! I don’t think I realized how much of a postpartum “funk” I was in until I came out of it. So glad we’ve made it outta the fog – glad you’re SINGING!
Here’s to singing again!!! Yay for that!
You look great!
I love your blog. I love your story. I love you and Harrison! I especially love it when I haven’t visited your blog in awhile because I get to read more than one post. Your blog is like watching a favorite tv show, or reading a great book. I just can’t wait for the next episode or next chapter. That’s how I feel about your posts. They are the perfect little getaway when I’m ready to relax from a long day. I laugh, cry, smile, frown and relate. I love your blog.
I’ve never commented on your blog before although I read every day, but I can completely relate to this story. I’ve been sick this summer (we’ve finally figured it out and it’s nothing serious, thank God!) and the first thing to go was singing in the car. Or anywhere for that matter.
And I missed it so much. I didn’t even realize I stopped singing until a month or so afterward when my favorite song came on the radio and I opened my mouth to sing and nothing came out. What’s worse, I didn’t care.
It took me two months to get singing again (though I know this is nothing compared to your lack of singing for eight months), and it’s fabulous.
I’m so happy you have that back. The little things really do matter so much.
Go girl! Sing your heart out!
holy shit. i’m so old. Who the hell is Reliant K? Anyone? Anyone?
Theyre a christian band, lol. Maybe that’s why you don’t know them??
They’re a Christian band, but less Backstreet Boy music for Jesus & more random singing about Sadie Hawkins Dances & plays on words. It’s just fun, feel-good music.
:::::::::faint::::::::::::
hi! I’m a new reader. I’m glad you’re singing again and Kelly Clarkson is one of the best for belting in the car!
http://pearlsandgreentea.blogspot.com/
I was singing in the car today too! And I love Relient K! I might see them next weekend at Rock the Universe…speaking of…am I too old for that? hehe
I’m still fainting. Someone catch me. Before I start banging on a tambourine and speaking in tongues.
Isn’t it sad and yet exhilerating when you rediscover yourself like this? I found that I stopped tickling my children, kissing them goodnight and dancing. Then one day I tickled them and they could not get enough. Later I cried, realizing what I’d missed for so long, but also knowing that I won’t forget it again. Sing away girl!
Singing in the car is one of my favorite stress relievers. I’m so glad you are singing again!
wow.
I just realized I haven’t been singing in the car. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I even turned on the radio.
Damn.
yay singing! and i’m totally with you on Elijah Rock (sang it in college chamber singers… i was a music major, so it’s totally okay that i was that nerdy.)
you need a like button – i likey
i totally noticed the same thing a little while ago. now i try and make sure to turn it up and sing, especially with LO in the car. i want her to remember singing with mommy in the car. i’m SO glad you are getting so much better, Blair. i’ve been on the road with you this whole time. and success is just around the corner.
YAY!!!! I am glad you are singing again. For the past year I take public transportation to work….before that I use to sing all the way to work and all the way home. It was a stress relief of some sort I guess. I however LOVE Nickelback.