You know when you stumble across a blog post that completely rocks your world? & it’s sweet because the owner of said blog probably doesn’t even comprehend the magnitude at which she may or may not have just changed your life. By a few paragraphs, a few thoughts, & penning it all down on the internet. It happened to me the other day when Chrisa wrote this.
About falling in love with your own reality.
How often do I wish for a different reality? I play these mind games so often:
“I wish I was a better mother. It’s because I work. I wish I could change my work hours or schedule or commute so I could be a better mom. I would cook more & clean better & interact more. I bet our house would even be cuter because I would have more time to think about pillows. & curtains. Maybe I could join a mom’s group! That’s all it would take.”
“I hate our house because of how far away it is from everything. & we can’t sell it because of this stupid economy. When we can sell our house, I’ll be so much happier. In our new house, I will decorate it even better. & the yard will be immaculate. I’ll have more friends! Because they’ll live closer & we will entertain more!”
“I wish I were thinner. I hate being fat. I’ll be thin for the beach next year. Next year, I’ll wear a bikini. Next year, I’ll be happier frolicking on the beach instead of worrying about ass flab scooting out of my briefs. One year to get into shape – I can totally do it.”
This is just so….UNFAIR to myself. & it’s a miserable way to live, always wishing for something else, therefore making everything unobtainable. Why torture myself? Why cause hurt & resentment & grief when the answer is so simple?
Love my reality.
What if I completely put aside all the self-entitled wishes for the future, & simply decided to accept what life really held in the moment? Would it keep me from jealousy & resentment? Would it keep me living in the moment, rather than seeing each moment as an opportunity? & without any jealousy & resentment & seeing life as each breath rather than anticipation…would I be happier?
(Not settling. Don’t misread this to mean that I simply throw up my hands, drown myself in peanut butter M&M’s – zomg, that would be so awesome - & never strive for anything great ever again.)
But enjoying. Really, really enjoying the life I live down to my fingertips & toes. Go ahead & plan a football party & know that only two couples may come because of the distance – but enjoy the small group instead of wishing to be Hostess of the Year. Buy a one-piece that flatters my body, rather than stuffing it into a bikini that makes me feel uncomfortable, just because I feel like I should be in a bikini. Take those moments with Harrison to teach & instruct, rather than get frustrated in the discipline process. Realize that I don’t have the time & money to spend at a fancy gym, but instead be satisfied in 20 minutes with Jillian Michaels’ because it is the best I can do & it’s what my reality affords. Yes, I have to work for regular bills, but I can take pleasure in also being able to afford activities for Harrison & maybe help him through college down the road.
Fall in love with what is & what will be, rather than what I wish for.
Because y’all? My reality is pretty awesome. I’ve just needed to embrace it.
____________
edited to add: i swear, i wasn’t trying to be a douchecup & say that stay at home mom’s sit around & dream about curtains. promise. i simply meant that i’d be in my house more, therefore surrounded by it, therefore having it on my mind more. ::headdesk:: i is a genius.
edited again to add: twitter has decided that it is totally normal to dream about curtains. normal & socially acceptable. especially with windows staring you down over a cup of coffee & a dining room table that desperately needs to be dusted on a saturday morning.
& twitter never lies.
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing! I am needing to work on this myself!
Great post B!! It’s so true and we all need to embrace our now!! I can totally relate about the work and if only I didn’t work….or how can I rearrange my hours…..
Let’s all embrace our now and enjoy every moment with our LOs!!!
I needed to read this so thanks for posting. I’ve been feeling SO stuck and blah and just not happy with where I am. I needed a wake up call to realize that my life is pretty great after all!
FWIW, I stay at home and have loads of time to think about curtains and pillows, but can’t buy them because of our tight budget!
OMG, Saz…you made me realize that my comment may have sounded completely douche-tastic, like I think SAHM’s sit around & dream of curtains. TOTALLY not what I was saying.
My mind just snowballs like that. ::headdesk::
Tearing up because I need to get to this place… professionally anyway, I need a serious attitude adjustment and I to do exactly what you’ve said. It shouldn’t be this hard.
I can’t love my reality right now; I still have 20 more pounds to lose…oh wait…what?! I so fail this on all fronts.
What a great post and a wonderful reminder to appreciate everything that IS in your life instead of everything that you dream your life would be.
I completely know what you mean. I am always waiting for the something better.
Totally agree! Love this!
I try and maintain this attitude every day, but some days; with 8 hours straight work and 2 hours of a commute, and a husband that has worked the 3 past weekends and worked until 2am last night (and until 10pm almost every night the past 3 weeks), it’s hard to remember. Thanks for the reminder, today I needed it.
Really needed this today. As in, really. Thank you.
Also yes it is perfectly normal to dream about curtains and may I also add paint and pillows to that list? Awesome, thanks.
I am working on this, but I suck at it. I constantly obsess over what life would be like if our basement was finished. Or our bedrooms carpeted. Or if we lived in a low cost of living area and I wouldn’t have to work. It’s all so superficial, but it drives me up a wall.
Hahah you said douchecup
No really though, this is a great post! Made me think about how much I put down instead of embracing. Thanks for this!
Great post. But ironic because I just posted a list of things that I wish for….
But it’s true that while it’s nice to vent once in awhile, writing that list and posting it did not make me feel better. While living in the moment and loving your reality is hard, it’s something worthwhile to work towards. Thank you for reminding me.
My curtains totally suck and I wish someone would take care of them. Also? What about that hallway? Who’s gonna paint that. Hmm, that garden needs to be weeded. Do I really need to see that broken light for one more day? I have no idea what you are talking about.
Great post, I fully agree!!
It’s totally possible to have love where you are at the moment AND have goals for future improvement. I needed this reminder today!! THANKS!!!
Oh dear, I have been on this journey of living intentionally for several weeks and I can honestly say it has started to effect every aspect of my healthy, mind, body & spirit. It’s all about our perspective.
remember when you first posted you had PPD and had those moments where you had to scream STOP?
Remember when I said, ” try being present in the moment. Use all 5 senses and appreciate what IS, right now, not what could have been, could be, or should be. The smells, sounds, feelings all around you. because those things that are happening right now are way more important and significant than anything you could drift off into”
yeah, well this is what I meant. You have to be present and in the moment. I think it’s the only way to truly enjoy life rather than wallow in it.
I am a SAHM and I think of having a job and my own life away from dreaming of curtins whare I have grown up conversations and get to think about things other then poopy diapers and house cleaning. The grass is not always greener. Thanks for this post.
Needed this post today as I stay at home with a sick baby stressing out because I’m on a deadline at work. Eh, screw the deadline…this is my reality.
I’m at that point in my life right now – wishing for the future because I think things will be better. I need to take a lesson from this post.
Oh Blair, you have taken the words right out of my mouth. This is something that I have struggled with my entire life (along with my weight). I think that we just need to come to the realization that “I will be happier when…” is a death sentence. In the end there will always be something that makes you happier, but if you don’t truly appreciate what you have now, you might as well just pack it in. (Sorry if that sounded morbid) Maybe one day I will take my own advice…lol
ITA with “thais.” I too am a SAHM and I dream of lunch breaks to run errands without 2 kids in tow, and my house is soooo much messier now bc there are 3 of us at home every day tearing up what I work so hard the night before to clean. The grass is definitely always greener on the other side. Great post about just embracing your own reality, whatever it is.
I needed this. I struggle with this and I feel like I am missing out! NO more!
Awesome. Taking this post to read to my therapist. I need to try and start loving my reality. My reality is a working mom, who wants (at least a chance) to be a sahm.
Thanks Blair.
Well, if twitter declares it to be normal…then it must be true!
I’m a SAHM and I dream about pillows and curtains all the time! So no offense taken.
I figure I need to “love the space I’m in” since I’m in it all the time.
Great post, by the way.
thank you! Once again – you got me. This is totally relatable, and I wish I could do a better job of telling myself that my reality is pretty damn good.
I really struggle with the fact that I have to work, and I have a crappy commute – giving me about 2 hours per day with my son. But he is totally happy at home with my mom or grandmom. It’s me that needs to think about what is best for him, and realize that we’re being good parents. I still miss him like crazy, though. but I’m sure that will never go away.
have you read The Happiness Project? It changed my life. Well, that and the therapy I was religiously attending.
I was having a conversation with my sister this morning trying to justify the ‘rainbows and puppies’ writing I share on our family blog. In the midst of telling her “of course its not all rainbows and puppies” I realized, it kind of IS. Sure, my husband and I fight. Sure, I am exhausted, overextended, and feel inadequate. But I have a beautiful son and an fantastic husband. A soft, sweet dog. A career. A home. Family. Friendships with incredible, generous, loving people.
I could focus on my inadequacies. The miscarriage we had 2 months ago. My genuinely MEAN mother-in-law. The relentless traffic. But I refuse.
I’ll save my tears, my sadness, frustration, for the things that really deserve them. And if I focus on my rainbows mentality, far fewer of those awful things seem to happen. Crazy, right?
This is a great post! You made reference to this yesterday, and “fall in love with your reality” really struck home with me! I immediately wrote it on a post-it and put it in front of my computer at work so I would see it every day. I decided yesterday that this would be my new motto for living my life. Like you, I tend to get caught up in what I don’t have, how I wish things were, what I want to do different, etc, and not really enjoying and appreciating the here and now. But, I made a vow to change that. Like you said, I’ve got a pretty great life and I need to make the most of it. Thanks for reminding me of that!
Very awesome post! I couldn’t agree more!
Oh, thank you so much for thinking these thoughts and writing this post. I think I need to hear something like this EVERY DAY. There is so much truth and rich life in it.
I didn’t read that blog post but I recently had a “love your reality” moment as well. We were all set to rent our house and be able to move onto a bigger and BETTER house. I was excited. So much so that I forgot about the HUGE financial risk we were taking by taking on two mortgages.
Enter husband. He finally came out with it and told me that we would not be renting our current house out. I’m not gonna lie. I cried big fat ugly tears. We’re stuck. I allowed myself one night to sulk like the big baby I am.
The next day I found myself wandering around Target thinking about how cute a shared room for my two boys might actually be. I decided to EMBRACE my cute little two bedroom house. The house that I fell in love with a mere 3.5 years ago. The house that I was overwhelmed with excitement to move into 3.5 years ago. Where did all that excitement and happiness go? We own a beautiful little home. It’s ours and I am going to fall in love with it again.
Instead of always planning for the future I decided to accept reality. Not only that but I decided to ENJOY it. I am much less stressed now than I was two weeks ago. And my boys are gonna LOVE sharing the room I am creating for them.
Thanks, BA, for always bringing it back to reality.
Thank you for once again inspiring me to live in the now.
I think living in the moment and embracing one’s realit, is not mean the absence of negative emotions, but embracing them in that moment and loving life anyway!
I needed this post. I feel like a lot of my adult life has been waiting for and planning things – buying a house, planning a wedding, having our daughter, having our son, etc. It’s difficult not to always think about what’s around the corner that will make me happy, but instead to embrace the things I have right now that are perfect. Our kids are healthy and happy, and my husband and I are healthy and happy, and I need to let the other details slide.
I had the same thought last week (two weeks ago? eek, time, where do you go?) – about how I have been “Wishing away a good thing.” The here and now baby, time to embrace it! That has been my goal since the epiphany, glad to have you on board
I’m just sitting here and I’m nodding my head and I’m going “Yep. Yep…Uh-huh…yep” because this is TOTALLY ME.
I do need to embrace my reality. To love my life NOW. As I am LIVING IT.
Because guess what?
I’m freaking LIVING it, you know?
Are there bad days? Crippling moments? You bet your sweet ass.
But mostly? Mostly I’m living. And that’s something worth being excited about.
Get. Out. Of. My. Head! Seriously. I have had the same thoughts lately (seriously, the SAHM thing, the house thing, the weight…). I really do need to just embrace it. Now, if only I could figure out how to fit more than 12 people in our house for the baby’s first b-day party…
So many people lately have been talking about “living in the now”. It has inspired me. So many times I find myself making excuses. Not dealing with my reality. It’s time to change. Time to live for the now.
Thanks so much for the post today! It feels good that I’m not the only one.
Amazing post! I’m definitely constantly waiting on the future to happen. For things to get better. Then I’ll be happier. It’s amazing when I stop and think about everything I have in my life, all the blessings…how happy I could be if I could live in the moment with them.
Thanks so much for this post!
Mrs. O
I stay at home, and I can tell you that I actually HAVE been dreaming of curtains for the past few weeks…it really is because I see my windows all of the time, so it makes it hard to ignore that they will be needing some attention soon.
But really, I love this post. This is something that we all need to work on, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking a lot lately that I wish I could just slow down and enjoy all of the amazing things in my life, and not spend so much time focusing on what I feel like I’m lacking.
Great post, B, and very timely
I do want curtains too… just saying.
But this is something that I’ve been working on as well. Because, now that we are in our house (which we swore would be soooo much better than our apartment – and it totally is), we have so much more to take care of and find ourselves already saying, well in our next house this, this, and this will be “better”. Turns our happiness is exactly where you make it. Great post!
easier said than done, but i think we all know that. i think sometimes we all TRY to accept our realities. the problem is that we still strive for more, better, etc. and we should! it’s that fine line of pushing ourselves to be improve our reality without being disappointed that our fantasy wishes are not our realities.
I love this post & it’s just what I needed. Thank you. Not to mention, I’m not even a mom.
I think you should take some advice from your own post. You should start living your reality instead of this fake life you post on your blog.
I wonder if anyone has the perfect balance? I’m a real estate broker with a new baby. The idea was that since I work from home I could have the best of both worlds… professionally satisfied while adoring my little one. Ummmm…not so much. This is tough!!! Fighting the good fight, but not really finding a way to do both so far, even though hubby also works from home 2-3 days per week. Can’t decide whether it will get harder or easier as he gets older, but I kinda have a guess… Anyway…
Live your dream and enjoy every minute!
Blair thank you so very much for referencing my post. I completely geeked out when I saw it because I truly look up to you and your blog. And its true, I didn’t have any idea that it effected you and that is what is so amazing about these blogs. I’ve laughed and cried so many times reading yours so its nice to know that you got something from mine.
You are the best!
Chrisa
okay, so i am going to share this post on fb ok? bc it rocks my world. kthx!
LOVE IT!!! Very inspiring, thank you. It’s time for me to follow suit.
Yes! Thank you! Absolutely! After having one of the worst weekends ever last weekend (having to go to a wedding and discovering that nothing, NOTHING, fits my post-baby body, yelling at DH wondering why he married such a fat pig, and storming out of the house to buy a new outfit), I really needed this post. I need to accept things more and just be happy for the many things that I do have.
now i know why we are dreaming of curtains on twitter. and yes, i have these thoughts all the time too…i think it’s the curse of the working mom. I like this post. I too have to embrace my reality and love what I have. right now. in this moment.