You know when you stumble across a blog post that completely rocks your world? & it’s sweet because the owner of said blog probably doesn’t even comprehend the magnitude at which she may or may not have just changed your life. By a few paragraphs, a few thoughts, & penning it all down on the internet. It happened to me the other day when Chrisa wrote this.
About falling in love with your own reality.
How often do I wish for a different reality? I play these mind games so often:
“I wish I was a better mother. It’s because I work. I wish I could change my work hours or schedule or commute so I could be a better mom. I would cook more & clean better & interact more. I bet our house would even be cuter because I would have more time to think about pillows. & curtains. Maybe I could join a mom’s group! That’s all it would take.”
“I hate our house because of how far away it is from everything. & we can’t sell it because of this stupid economy. When we can sell our house, I’ll be so much happier. In our new house, I will decorate it even better. & the yard will be immaculate. I’ll have more friends! Because they’ll live closer & we will entertain more!”
“I wish I were thinner. I hate being fat. I’ll be thin for the beach next year. Next year, I’ll wear a bikini. Next year, I’ll be happier frolicking on the beach instead of worrying about ass flab scooting out of my briefs. One year to get into shape – I can totally do it.”
This is just so….UNFAIR to myself. & it’s a miserable way to live, always wishing for something else, therefore making everything unobtainable. Why torture myself? Why cause hurt & resentment & grief when the answer is so simple?
Love my reality.
What if I completely put aside all the self-entitled wishes for the future, & simply decided to accept what life really held in the moment? Would it keep me from jealousy & resentment? Would it keep me living in the moment, rather than seeing each moment as an opportunity? & without any jealousy & resentment & seeing life as each breath rather than anticipation…would I be happier?
(Not settling. Don’t misread this to mean that I simply throw up my hands, drown myself in peanut butter M&M’s – zomg, that would be so awesome - & never strive for anything great ever again.)
But enjoying. Really, really enjoying the life I live down to my fingertips & toes. Go ahead & plan a football party & know that only two couples may come because of the distance – but enjoy the small group instead of wishing to be Hostess of the Year. Buy a one-piece that flatters my body, rather than stuffing it into a bikini that makes me feel uncomfortable, just because I feel like I should be in a bikini. Take those moments with Harrison to teach & instruct, rather than get frustrated in the discipline process. Realize that I don’t have the time & money to spend at a fancy gym, but instead be satisfied in 20 minutes with Jillian Michaels’ because it is the best I can do & it’s what my reality affords. Yes, I have to work for regular bills, but I can take pleasure in also being able to afford activities for Harrison & maybe help him through college down the road.
Fall in love with what is & what will be, rather than what I wish for.
Because y’all? My reality is pretty awesome. I’ve just needed to embrace it.
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edited to add: i swear, i wasn’t trying to be a douchecup & say that stay at home mom’s sit around & dream about curtains. promise. i simply meant that i’d be in my house more, therefore surrounded by it, therefore having it on my mind more. ::headdesk:: i is a genius.
edited again to add: twitter has decided that it is totally normal to dream about curtains. normal & socially acceptable. especially with windows staring you down over a cup of coffee & a dining room table that desperately needs to be dusted on a saturday morning.
& twitter never lies.
