Harrison starts daycare this week.
{It’s no mistake that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist the next day. I know my limits.}
I’ve been…apprehensive. It’s hard to put my finger on it. I KNOW he’ll be fine. I know this is an excellent chance for him to spread his wings, become more independent, & learn social skills. In my heart, I know it will be fine. More than fine. So why have I felt like gnawing off my toenails one by one in anxious fits all week? Why have I felt that cement lump in my throat? It’s not like childcare is a new territory for us – we’ve been rocking the working mom gig for over six months. But still…I worried. I worried that he would be afraid. That he would not get along with the other children. That he’d feel ignored, abandoned, or even resentful. After months of one-on-one nanny care with my sister, a daycare center is a HUGE move for him. In a desperate move to help calm my worry, I did what every obnoxious, over-bearing parent would do – I took him to daycare for an hour today. You know, to “introduce” him to the teachers, room, & see how he’d do with the other babies.
I KNOW, I HAVE BECOME THAT DOUCHEBAG PARENT.
But at least I still refuse to have stick figures on the back of my car.
Every other parent simply drops their kid off, like normal people. Me? CAN’T HANG WITH THE NORMAL FOLK. So I came by on my lunch break, nervously chewing on my lip & clasping Harrison to my hip. We walked back to the room with the director & I sat down on the mat with Harrison, preparing for him to cling to my side with uncertainty. Steeling myself for the separation & fear of a new environment. Instead, he stood up, toddled on over to the teacher, & gazed up at her with a big grin. He squealed with delight & made his way over to one of the cribs, reaching through the bars to the sleeping baby within. & seeing two babies sitting on the floor, he dropped to his knees & crawled between them.
I held my breath as he & another 9-month-old wrestled over a toy, waiting for tears to come & the momma bear in me to sheath her ugly claws. But as they struggled briefly, Harrison let go of the toy & moved on without any true trouble. My heart burst with pride – he was smart & social & displaying skills far above his age. All of my worries? Unfounded. & I realized while I sat in a puddle of baby drool on the floor of the center…
I’m the one that is clinging. Not Harrison.
He’s brave & self-assured & assertive & everything he should be. Whether it was the cheers when he fell, a kiss for no reason, an answer to every cry, I must have done something right as he learned to hold his head high & take on the world. He will be fine in daycare.
It’s his momma that has to learn to let go.
you are a great momma, Blair. i still haven’t taken my kid to the church nursery yet b/c i can’t let go. but Harrison sounds like he is doing wonderfully!
great post BA. It must bring you such pride & joy that you’ve done such a bang up job in raising him. Every day that I stay at home with Madison I worry that I’m actually doing her a disservice since I can’t seem to find a job yet. I want her to have all of that interaction and be independent. She clings to me now & while I love it, I really want her to get to spread her wings.
(()))) you wiill both be fine!
i find that im the one needing to let go in a lot of situations in life. funny how that happens.
“But at least I still refuse to have stick figures on the back of my car.”
Then you are not that douchebag parent!
You don’t have to let go just yet… you know what I mean :]
I bet having you there while Harrison tested things out helped him a lot. You were calm, so he was calm.
High five!
How about this one Blair? Our little guy has been in an in-home day care since he was 4 months old – he is now almost 2. We too wanted to spread his wings and decided to place him in a public daycare so he could learn new things, I had all the paperwork filled out, registration fee paid…and the next day backed out because I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him someplace he didnt know, with people he didnt know, thinking about how scared he would be (except he probably wouldn’t have been, I’m just a sally) – So bravo for moving forward – I don’t know how I’m going to handle pre-school in 2 years….
Sophia starts hourly care twice a week for a few hours at a time so that she can spend time getting all those social skills you mentioned (and maybe so I can manage a hair cut once and a while). I am so nervous and scares because for a year I have been it. Except for Sunday at church, and she’s known the women in there so this….this hourly care. Totally uncharted territory. I am scared. I don’t think she’ll have an issue after the playing starts….but me. My heart is pounding typing this because I am not ready for this.
as a former preschool teacher, current daycare provider + mama I think it’s great that you took him in to introduce him the first time. I did this with the nursery at church and my son has never freaked out when I leave in the 7 months he’s been going there.
I think you are doing a great job, don’t beat yourself up about those things.
(oh and we also refuse to put the stick figure people on our car!)
I felt the EXACT same way. We visited for two hours and again for two more hours before I would leave my baby boy. He started at 6 months and I was proud I was able to stay home with him for 6 months but I think that actually made the separation worse. For me. He was FINE! He has been there a month and LOVES it. Loves playing with the other babies, loves the attention of all the teachers, loves the new toys. EVERYTHING!
I panicked for months before we started. I cried. I pouted. But it has been remarkably easy. HONESTLY! My husband does the drop off (and I’d suggest that for you too) but I get to do pick-up and he’s always happy, smiling, clean, and ready to go!
Good luck! You CAN do it
I haven’t taken Mungee to the daycare at my gym yet … I kind of use the excuse that their hours don’t jive with Mungee’s nap and feeding schedule. I kind of a little bit think she wouldn’t adjust well though. Maybe it’s time for me to let go a little too.
Ahhh, and the truth is, that as mommas we are going to have to learn how to let go over and over and over again until they are self sufficeint adults.
Change is always tougher on the parents than it is on the kids. He’ll have good days and clingy days, but the good will outnumber the tough ones and eventually you’ll both love going to school!
Bless your heart. I am sure you’re terrified! He will be okay, as scary as it is. I’m sure he’ll LOVE being able to play with other babies, and you’ll be amazed at the milestones he achieves.
Still, bless your heart. I totally feel for you, mama.
I work in childcare and I wanted you to know that we actually ENCOURAGE families to visit with their children as much as they can before they come to school for reals. We even offer home visits for families so that the kids and families can meet us in their “safe space”, their homes. It’s such an easier transition for everyone, including mamas, if you are all comfortable. So you’re not a douchebag parent. Promise.
What a big step! Good luck, I bet he’s going to love it
And YOU are in good company!
ugh, I feel ya. Daycare is so hard, but you are right, it’s harder for us. good luck!!
I’m not sure how visiting the room together makes one a douchebag – we did the same and I didn’t feel weird about it at all. Our center encourages making a family connection with the teachers and other families, and treating the center as am extension of home, so visiting is actually expected. I still hang around as much as possible in the mornings and at pickup to chat with the teachers and other parents, to play a little with the other kids.
I would do the exact same thing as you if my daughter was going to daycare. You are not a douchebag parent you are a Mama that loves loves loves her son and wants only the best for him!
Just wanted to let you know that we are required to be THAT parent at our day care center – they have a scheduled “transition” period for the week before you start back, starting with one hour spent with the baby in the classroom, leading up to leaving them there a few hours alone. I don’t know if I’d want to do it any other way. Granted my son was 10 weeks when I first left him, but I think at any age it would make them feel more secure to have a gradual transition. Anyway, I’m too tired to form more coherent thoughts about this; just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and are in no way a douchebag.
Ugh, we start in-home child care on Wednesday and I totally feel your pain! And believe me, I was also the parent who did a trial run where we came and checked out the place. It’s so much more scary for us. Believe me you really aren’t alone. I think all parents who put their children in child care go through these emotions.
Hey BA~
Great post! i just want to say your doing well with the daycare situation! Its understandable that you would have these feelings, since hes either been cared for by you the hubs or the family. Its a whole new experience for everyone. Trust me every mother has these same doubts,fears and feelings. I have 3 boys and i felt the same way each time i put them in daycare or left them with someone. I still feel that way when i leave them with someone new( as we moved cross country so we are hunting for all new child care) and the youngest two are 7 and 4. It never gets easier, you just know how to deal with it better. keep on keepin on and your doing great! Dont doubt it for a second, you can see it in the way that you talk about harry and in the pics you post of the two of you. love and hugs
I’m so glad you took him for an hour. I don’t think that makes you “that parent” at all. I would have done the same thing. If nothing else, you will feel better about him going for full days knowing that he is playing, being social and having a good time making friends. And that, is worth feeling like “that parent.”
You’re not a “douchebag parent” for visiting. I did the same thing, twice in fact, before my girls started. And they were way more anxious than Harrison!
He’ll love it and you’ll be ok!
Awww Blair I feel for you! I never did the daycare thing but had a SAHM who watched my kids before. I only made it 2 months and bumped down to part time I was a wreck and couldn’t do it. I wonder what would have happened if I did stick to it but I just couldn’t. I went without full benefits and scrimped on money and at the time I thought “I’m sacrificing for my kid” I look back and know I think that that wasn’t a very good idea at all. I never dealt with the guilt. I labeled myself as strong and never anticipated my feelings and for that I regret. I should have prepared more and I know I would have dealt with it much better. I think that your preparing well, taking a good perspective on this transition and your support system at home will get you through! All my best this week love!
As I’m sure you’ve been forewarned, anticipate more than separation anxiety, more than tears, more than fights over who gets the tub of building blocks, for Harrison to spend the majority of the next year sick. Runny nose, constant cough, ear infections, stomach bugs, you name it.
I thought daycare would take a toll on me emotionally, and it did.. but more so it was difficult to always see my child getting sick.
Rest assured, it’s the first year ( school year, everyone is miraculously healthy all summer)
kids are so resilient! Solo boy just started preschool a week ago. he’s the youngest in the class and i felt soo protective. he’s doing great though! Harry will rock his new social life – i know it!
Aww, I hope those first few days are easy for you. He’ll be fine and you will too!
And, thank goodness for no stick figures on the back of your car! Those stickers might make me want to vomit…
Hey! Our daughter just started daycare yesterday too. We actually did 2 “trial” runs last week. OUr center actually tells you too. They have orientation, where you play with your little one with the other kids etc. Than you go a second time and leave your child alone for a bit. I think they both helped prepare her for being by herself all day Monday! Good Luck!
Yeah, at least you don’t have those stick figures
Despite everything, Harrison has been loved and raised exactly how he was meant to be. Moments like these are always toughest on us as parents. I’m so glad you’ve found a place you are comfortable with and that he likes too! The first day leaving Hailey was horrible, but it’s been fine ever since then (7 months and counting). You’re going to be alright BA!
It’s always so much harder on us to let go. Good for Harrison!
Don’t worry Blair…H is going to do great…expect to cry hysterically after you drop him off but know that he is probably excited about all the new things he’ll get to do! You’re a good mama and he knows it!
And I’m so proud that you have not smacked the stick figures on your car.
Technically children don’t need socialization with other children until about the age of 3. A lot of the behavior issues associated with daycare children are because children come to take their behavioral cues from other children. Until the age of 3 or 4 the parent or adult figure needs to be the behavioral model for a child.
I’m not bashing on daycare, I am correcting the misconception that a child needs daycare to socialize. Daycare is a perfectly good thing, but I think people are too quick to use socialization as a reason for doing daycare. You are allowed to say that you work and that for you daycare is the best option and not have to find some reason other than it is the best for you.
And really in the end, what is good for you is good for your child and family.
You’re such a great mom BA. I can feel your new found joy in your recent posts. Welcome back m’dear. XOXO
My LO started in June. He was also being taken care of by a nanny before daycare. I was on a waiting list for the best daycare in our area, o when we got in – he went. I cried my eyes out, but he LOVES it. He gets so excited when we pull up every morning. He loves his teacher and all of the other babies – there’s only 3 other “babies” in his room. I’m sure your little guy is going to love it too.
Wow we’re in the EXACT same position…my little girl starts tomorrow!!
I’m excited for her to go because I think there are so many positive factors that she’ll gain from it eventually. And the selfish side of me is even excited to have some quiet occasionally. On the other hand, I know I’m going to miss her desperately.
For those who are trying to find their own daycares, I did a post on things I looked for when searching around…hope this helps!
http://happilyalawmama.blogspot.com/search/label/daycare
You are NOT “That Parent” by taking him in for “try-outs!” At my old daycare? They just short of required the parents to bring the kids and leave them for an hour the week before they started. They said it was good for the parents and helped split the tears between two days.
You’ll be fine, promise. It is so hard on us… but they love it.
I agree with what many people have already said. You are not “that parent”. Our 11 month old son just started day care for the first time. I was able to stay home with him for much of the first year, and he also had a part time nanny that gave him one-on-one attention. I felt the same way you do. Just worried about leaving him in a strange place with people he didn’t know. So we spent an hour there with him 2x. And then he went part-time just for 3 hours a dayfor the first week.
He was a trooper. Didn’t cry at all when I left him there for the first couple of times. Ran away from me in fact to play with the other kids. However after that first week he did cry, because he knew what to expect. So don’t feel bad if he starts to get upset in a week or two. It’s just the adjustment process. I didn’t know that would happen, since I thought he was doing so well, so I was quite upset. Just wanted to let you know, since it took me by surprise. Hopefully for Harrison it wont be like that (maybe because he was already in full-time care before, my son wasn’t so it was probably a huge adjustment for him).
I say good job mama! I think what they say is true. It’s harder on us than it is on them.
Aw that is so awesome – I’m thrilled he’s already off to a great start. I think it was a SMART move to spend an hour there todya with him – it was probably nice for him to get the hang of it while knowing his momma was still there just in case.
And good for you too so you know how he would react and what his “thoughts” on this whole deal will be. You’re doing awesome -he’s doing awesome. You’re a great mom – don’t ever call yourself otherwise.
these little people that we are blessed with are so very awesome. & i bet that harrison will continue to surprise you day after day. best wishes this week.
and you’re right, he will be fine. but it’s ok to worry about it too. promise.
don’t worry to much about being the douchey parent. at my son’s daycare they insisted that I bring him in for a bit to get the lay of the land. and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go because I was all confident and carefree… no. I didn’t want to go because I knew I was going to be the one crying like a baby in front of everyone! I think most moms and daycare providers know that hour is more for us than it is for them! Good luck! it’ll be ok.
Ugh the first time we too Mackenzie to daycare she didn’t even notice we left. To this day she still doesn’t pay any attention when we drop her off. I looked at all the parents taking their kids in the first week and wondered how they are all so okay with this…but now I’m that mom! Harrison is a great little boy and you’re doing an amazing job as his mom!
Agreed! I think it’s a great idea to have a little tryout to get eased into the school thing. So, if you are “that mother,” than I am, too
We’re taking Sadie to her first day of school today (it’s actually only an hour long speech therapy at school, but it’s still school in my mind), so I totally feel you on this. My nerves are totally shot!
Good luck!
Daycare is a huge adjustment on moms…the first day, even though I had no sleep the night before was so sad and loney. It was our “trail” day, and it was by far the hardest day of my life. But it gets better. Andrew has been in daycare since he was 10 weeks old, and i still go about two or three time a week to visit during lunch. He loves the kids and his teacher, and it is nice for me to get a chance to play or feed him during my break. The big thing I tell all my new mommies is to work at your timing. Breakfast time (8-9) is the hardest because everybody is hungry or tired ready for a nap (when they were younger…Andrew is 10 months). So try to go in a little earier so their isn’t so much noise or crying to upset you. Once we figured that out, daycare was smooth sailing.
Best wishes!
we as mamas needing to learn to let go… you hit on a darn important lesson today, lady, that we will all have to KEEP learning over and over as the wee ones grow.
well done to you both today, you did so well.
much love.
Um, I think most parents visit daycares and do trial runs before the first day. Not douchebags. FYI
Oh do I know about this. Our daycare is in the home of my friend and I STILL took Eddie for a look around with me before he started going.
And we do not have stick figures on the car either. blech.