Nate & I have realized pretty quickly that we’re nearing that time. That time when nothing we say is sacred or safe. That time when Harrison begins repeating everything. He has “hey” down pat. Along with nana, momma, dada, & some form of “no” for Tuck (ha!) & it won’t be too long until “arsehole” is added to that repertoire if we don’t start watching our language.
Or even worse, “effing arsehole.”
It’s not that we’re the world’s worst potty-mouths. I promise. But Nate & I have both been known to drop bombs even in casual conversation & not only is it unladylike & ignorant-sounding, but I’m also pretty sure that Jesus wouldn’t approve. Granted, most of my cursing includes the word’s “damn” & “ass,” which can both be found in the Bible. & I’m certain that Jesus has enough to think about other than my occasional profanity, given the state of nuclear weapons in this world.
& I’m pretty sure that Jesus would be happy to sit on an ass & drink a glass of merlot with me & discuss the sins that REALLY matter, like how I used to get really, really drunk in college or that time I called that girl from high school a walking STD.
But it’s not like it’s my fault she was dripping gonorrhea & Forever 21.
ANYWAY.
So this past week, we’ve come up with a system – $1.00 into Harrison’s piggy bank every time we curse. Nate was all like, “Baby, that sounds pretty steep” & I’m all, “Darling, this is our child’s FUTURE we are talking about, let’s set the stakes high.” So we shook on it & promised our child that from now on, nothing but lilting lovely sounds of harmony will reach his innocent little ears.
That lasted thirty minutes. Because someone (me) hadn’t gone to the store to fulfill someone’s (me again) duty of purchasing coffee for our Keurig & so we were forced to wait in line at Dunkin Donuts because a) the line to McDonald’s is far too long & b) I have to have coffee by 7am to function. We pull out of Dunkin Donuts, coffee in hand, no donut for me….& hit school traffic.
Nate y elled out the F-dash-dash-dash word. You know the one.
I gasped.
& we started a talley.
By the end of yesterday, Nate had 9 offenses. I had 4. We bumped it down to $0.25 per offense. Because that shit’s getting expensive.
::sighs & marks the talley sheet::
We so need a system like that. My hubby keeps teasing me that it’s only a matter of time before DD says something that rhymes w/duck. LOL I have a total potty mouth, and just can’t seem to control it, even with a toddler in the house.
I love it! My husband was the worse but once DD#1 started talking he was pretty quick to stop. Sounds like your son will have a good downpayment on a house by the time you’re through.
LOL- we worked on this before Mason got here just for that reason. It’s not an easy habit to kick!
That’s a fantastic idea. My grandmother hated the word shutup when we used it as young kids. Loathed it, in fact. So when my brother or I used the word we paid her $0.25, it took a while for us to learn, but in the meantime, damn was she rich! haha. I think she gave the money to my mom to save for us. My gram is a kind awesome teacher!
Have I mentioned lately that I love you?
::whispers::
i love you.
bahaha.. i love that you marked it down. i have actually gotten pretty good about not swearing.. but i say efff this and eff that like no other. but i bet i dont even notice how many times i do swear cuz its just partof my vocab ha.
LOL – yeah, I tried to do this with a vacation fund awhile back and decided pretty quickly that I could have a trip around the world if I wasn’t bankrupting myself.
We can’t afford to stop cussing.
Haha, that’s funny! We have a beagle who is ALWAYS barking. Our daughter (15 months) has taken to trying to say “Shut up, Abby!” Whoops….gotta get that line out of my everyday vocab!
We keep saying that we need to stop now before the kid even gets here but it’s the hardest habit to break for the both of us. Good luck and hopefully you won’t have his college paid off at the end of this year.
we started the SAME THING! .25 for each offense! I was still up to a few bucks by the end of the first day. We actually QUIT putting money in because we just couldn’t stop swearing.
shit.
HAHA…that sounds like a great plan…I’ll have to run that one by the husband who dropped the F-bomb like four times yesterday after curbing the new car. Mr. Potty Mouth.
“dripping gonorrhea & Forever 21″ Hilarious.
I heart it!
Omg, I love it. I would def. also put it around the .25 cent mark, sadly- I curse like a sailor.
I can only imagine dropping my child off in the nursery at church & then him proceeding to start babbling a string of profanitys. Yikes. Good idea!!
Thank you for trying to stop. We know so many people who drop the f bomb around their toddlers and in turn, they repeat it constantly. I think it is so sad to hear such innocent people using such harsh words.
Hilarious! I too have troubles with bad words escaping my mouth far too often. My excuse used to be that the kids are too young, they really have no clue…until one of them uttered the S word when we got stopped for a train to cross!
Good luck breaking this habit…I am rooting for ya!
lol Love this! My husband and I just had a similar conversation the other night. I love the piggy bank idea!
I think it is a great idea that you both are trying to stop cursing when he’s still young enough to not really grasp on to the words yet. My son just turned 2 and he is such a little mimic, he repeats EVERYTHING I say lol! I was a total potty mouth before I got pregnant, every other word was a curse word, but I really cleaned up my language when he was born. But yesterday we came home and discovered that our power was out and before I realized what I was doing, I started saying “Crap crap crap!” Next thing I know, I hear this little voice next to me saying it over and over again… oops! Good luck!
My son says “Fuk -ups” for “Flip-Flops” and “Fuk” for frog and “Fuk it” for “Fix it”….oh and “Shit” for “shirt”
Try lugging that potty mouth to the grocery store when he drops his flip flop.
“Uh oh Momma. Fuk up! I fuk it”
Doesn’t go well with the seniors.
Dripping the gono… eww….
I can stash the potty mouth away when I the occasion arises. You know- job interviews, conversations with nuns, and the like. But the problem with babies is that it’s too easy to forget they’re listening. All the time. Like Big Brother- only cuter.
We have totally talked about doing the same thing. I have threatened my hubby, too. If Brayden gets sent home from preschool for swearing, Brandon is going to get him. Not me.
Heck yeah! And who has $9 laying around? I don’t even carry cash and I can’t write checks to my kid’s cussing fund.
I’m pretty good. Except when I screamed ASS! at someone who cut me off the other day when I had my precious cargo in the car. Oops. I don’t want her thinking mommy drives like a maniac. Other than that I’m good.
But I might have to add crackhead to the naughty word list…
Yeah, I tried. My kid is 8 and I still swear – I just tell her she can’t – double standard much? Yeah, I know.
Ohh the last two sentences are why I adore you. You write so well. You really always know how to pull it all together.
The hubs and I thought about doing this…mostly for the hubs, not me (I’m all innocent like that) and it didn’t last too long.
But I do think it’s funny that the babe is already saying “huh?”. I think this is because the hubs says it ALL THE TIME.
“Honey, take out the trash.” “Huh?”
“Babe, where’s that bottle opener?” “Huh?”
“Can you come here, I’ve got a blowout situation!” “Huh?”
Haha! Well at least you’ll have his college fund paid soon!
LOVE that quote! I say it all the time!
Very funny…good luck with that!
Good investment!
I’m part of a young adult Bible study group and we also have a jar. Ours is for curse words, gossip and making fun of people.
I am naturally a sarcastic person. And one person in the group is just so stinkin’ easy to mock. I’ve started putting money in the jar before I even open my mouth. I keep a running tab going.
We learned real quick once Big Roo started saying “shit.” Oopsie! We’re pretty good now but we say “stupid” a lot and he always scolds us “don’t say stupid. It’s a potty word.”
You can really learn alot about yourself by what your kid repeats. =)
Ha! Yea, the Spawn is the same age as Harrison and we (well, I) need to start watching what we say. Because I heard too many funny stories about me and my parents and my vocabulary that now sound like horror stories. My parents were in college when they had me, and while my grandma warned them I would start to pick up the vulgar language too, they didn’t want to listen. As a result I can proudly say that one of my firsts words was the F word. You know, the one that rhymes with truck… And my very first word was boob.
Watch us all get to heaven and God drops the F bomb. HA! Here we have been thinking its a sin. What would he care since its a word we made up, he’s all about intentions so what if you drop the casual F*** to describe the state of your kitchen after Thanksgiving. Its different if your describing your neighbor. Yes I do agree with you though and a preschooler, appropriately using the F bomb or damn-it is not very cute and will not win them a sticker for the day! Good luck with you swearing and bettering yourself.
hahaha your last sentence literally had me laughing out loud. Oh man your writing is hilarious. I think it’s a great motivation though to put money in your sons piggy bank!
I need to start watching it in the car – I think I have a minor case of road rage. I’m so afraid that B is going to go to the sitter’s and tell her he has a dog named Fat Bastard or that the guy in the red car on the way to town was an a$$hole.
When I got pregnant with my first son, my husband immediately started saying, “Stop cussing around the baby” whenever I cursed. I would look at him like he had 2 heads because DUH, the baby wasn’t on the outside yet. Did it really matter?
But that man is a smart one . . . because it really took that long to nip it in the bud. Our son really does repeat every word we say at the age of 2. Just make it a plan to stop or use “replacement” words by that time because yeah, your child will repeat them
Ha! Hang in there!
My sister is about 7 and 1/2 years younger than I am and when she was two, maybe three we were in the car with my dad and someone cut him off causing him to slam on the brakes. He was REALLY proud of himself for not saying anything and then all of a sudden from the backseat she pipes up, “daddy, that man’s an asshole isn’t he?”
True Story: When I was about 3 years old, I was sitting on the bottom of the stairs attempting to put on my shoes by myself. Unsuccessful, I began to get frustrated and when my Dad proceeded to ask me what was wrong I said, “I can’t get these f*ckers on!” Needless to say, my parents cut the swearing from that day forward (most of the time…)
We may have to start doing something like this… because it’s going to be a freakin hard habit to break! And woh $1…. we would be in so much (more) debt than we already are! Good luck to you guys….
Oh, you guys aren’t going to substitute “funny” words for your swear words, are you? Cuz I have a horrible memory of my mom yelling out “peanut butter” when I was younger and it just doesn’t do the situation justice most of the time. Just sayin’
At 13 offenses per day at $1 per offense, you could totally have his college fund saved by the time he begins kindegarten. At least now, at $0.25, you’re looking more at like…middle school.
This is a really good idea and I hope that you are not too late. One of my boys started saying “shit” about two weeks before his baptism. We were sweating during the ceremony.
Haha, love it! I’ll have to give this a try. My husband tends to cuss a lot more than I do. But you’re right, we are getting to a point where our daughter is going to start repeating everything we do or say. Hope it works!
The money thing wouldn’t work here! haha…but what we do is if we let one slip…we immediately yell “PEANUT BUTTER” and then Ethan (my 2 year old) will repeat “Peanut Butter” instead of the swear word!
Trust me–this is THE most effective idea I’ve ever heard! You could use it along with the money thing too!
Good luck!
LOL. We were thinking of using a similar system ourselves. Good to start with a more realistic $ value on our sailor talk.
I love it. Have you ever heard Rick & Bubba and their “oompaloompa” story. It’s hilarious and about saying things we shouldn’t in front of other people.
you should hear my son spit this one out
” if that fweaking dog doesn’t stop bawking I go god damn nuts”
Ok, I came over from The Outdoor Wife and I just can’t stop reading your blog. Not that I have time. But here I am anyway. Just wanted to say hello and I’ll be back soon.
(By the way, I don’t have children yet but a few years ago I realized that when I did I’d have to stop shouting profanities at people while I’m driving…I tried whispering, I tried substituting “friend” for “jackass,” I even learned some phrases in other languages…none of them has stuck in its entirety, but I have to confess I’m sort of looking forward to the day when, traveling in France, my child whispers to someone jostling her in line, “Look, FRIEND, if you’re going to get on top of me, go ahead and sucez mon trou de cul.” I think maybe it will be magical.
Does that make me a bad future parent?)
oh, man. we’re going to be poor(er than we already are). but you’re so right
Hahaha. We definitely need a system like that. I have the worlds worst potty mouth and my husband isn’t much better. Luckily our daughter is only 8 months old, but if we don’t start watching ourselves her first word is going to be shit. I like your system, but I’m afraid we would go broke … Seriously.
I have never posted before, but this one really hit home. When my (now 4 year old) daughter was somewhere close to 2, I learned the hard way that they hear EVERYTHING!! We were driving away from my mother in law’s and from the back seat I heard “Shit, we forgot the movies”, I said, “What did you say?!” trying to stifle the giggles that were coming on! She repeated it and I told her, “Sweetie, we don’t say that word. It isn’t very nice. Where did you hear that word?” She answered back, “From you, Mommy” OOPS!!! And I honestly don’t even swear, but that is my word
! About 15 minutes later, she says, “I am sad, Mommy” “Why honey?” “Because I can’t say shit anymore”…seriously?! Fast forward to a few weeks later, we are in the grocery store and I am a few yards away from her looking for something. Out of the blue she yells to me, “Mommy, shit isn’t a nice word, right?” And I replied “No Baby, it isn’t” as I had troops of moms laughing at me because they had all been there at one time or other!!
We’ve stopped cussing, and man, it’s so hard in the beginning! You don’t realize how often you drop those f-bombs until you try to stop. After about a week, you’ll really be able to catch yourself doing it, then at about the two week point, you start to realize how much everyone around you cusses once you’re not doing it anymore. It’s a great thing to do, good luck!
LOVE this idea. I believe my hubs and I will start it up even though I’m not even knocked up. Maybe we’ll have enough for Harvard one day.
Also? You crack me up.
ahhhh hahahahaha. I’m exhausted + waiting for my redeye home tonight….but I just laughed OUT LOUD. at the airport. and everyone thinks i’m crazy.
ahahahhahha. sorry – i’m just picturing it all.
and dying. of laughter.
That’s hilarious!
Not the first time that a topic covered on Allison’s “O My Family” blog just days previously makes a coincidental appearance on this blog.
I can’t fault you for finding inspiration from others’ thoughts. But it sure is boring to read copycat posts…
I think it’s awful that you swear in front of your kid and laugh about it. I would be embarrassed.