Remember how I’m in New York City?!?!
Sorry. I had to rub it in a little bit.
Anywho. LCW, or Lindsey for some of us, is the spice behind Waking Up Williams, where she & her husband JPW chronicle their life through parenting, being naked on the couch for vlogs, & running Japster, Inc. in an effort for wordpress.org world domination.
I luff her. I love her sass, I love her tweets, & everytime I think of LCW, I think of this picture that used to be up on this crazy message board we used to frequent where she was wearing her daughter in a Moby wrap. & y’all remember how much I loved my Moby. So we were pretty much instant friends, at least on my end.
LCW has been a total sugarcake & granted me the honor of posting here while I’m gone…just a little snapshot to get y’all talking, to stir some thoughts, to share advice…you know, about SEX. Because it’s one of my favorite gloves-off topics & LCW does an amazing job of confronting every parent’s worst nightmare.
No, not the terrible twos. Or diarrhea in the tub, although that is a close second. Too bad “close” only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades. But about what happens after the kid pops out. Where our libido goes, how to fix it, & how to not become “those people” that used to have a good sex life.
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I’m not going to lie, I totally 100% invited myself over to Blair’s blog. I didn’t think twice about hitting the send button the email that said, “Hey if you ever need a guest blogger, I’d love to help you out”. Help her out? She doesn’t need any help from me, but obviously I was feeling big and mighty that day and hit send regardless. Then I had a minor freak out….because she could have totally said, “No”. End of story, no further explanation and our internet friendship would have been tarnished forever. Ok, perhaps that’s a tad over dramatic, and she didn’t say no, in fact she said YES! So you’re stuck with me for the day. Blair said I could write about anything, except I had to include a bit about how unbelievably awesome she is, and really, she doesn’t need accolades from me. Most of you probably don’t even know me, or read my blog. I’m okay with that. But since I’m a woman of my word, I have channeled my inner second grader and wrote her a poem.
Frosting is sweet.
I hope BlogHer is fun,
please bring me a treat.
Blair’s posts on sex inspire me. They inspire me to talk more about it with the hubs and to do more of it. Some of you found her inspirational in starting your blog, I find her posts about sex absolutely hysterically, because everything about the post sounds pretty, it has pretty purple pictures of Grimace and she eloquently describes hot steamy moments, without sounding like a Madame. I wish I could be so descriptive, yet mysterious. I wish I could just let it all out on my own blog, but my mother in law reads it and then instead of commenting I get really long emails with her thoughts and comments. Oh and we’ve already been asked when we plan on having baby #2, translated: When do you plan on getting all down and dirty, throwing all birth control out the window and romping like rabbits to make a fetus. Noneyabusiness. That’s when.
So maybe I need to channel more Blair. I mean some of you use her blogging as a springboard for posts, I’m going to use her sex posts as a springboard for well, duh, more sex. Because the leg humping in the kitchen while I’m cooking dinner or rubbing my boobs in the car while I’m driving just doesn’t get me all hot and bothered, it really just bothers me and I think a little more zest is needed. And my husband is not totally to blame, obviously it takes two to tango, my attempts are lame as well. “Want to get naked?” I mean really, that’s not sexy or exciting at all. While it may be direct, it lacks any creativity and excitement.
And this is where I’m stumped both in the bedroom and on this post. So in an attempt to lift the writers block I skyped my husband asking for advice. He usually laughs at the posts that are meant to be comical. I thought he could offer me some support for my big writing debut on Heir to Blair; and among some of his ideas he came up with “Sex Life Slowdown” This is why I married him folks, he read my mind. I skyped him for help and he has the same topic on his mind. We’re in a sex life slowdown. And we only have ourselves to blame. Our baby goes to bed about 7, and although she’s up once at night, it’s well after any naked time would occur. We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, after a year of him traveling during the week, so that should make it easier. Hell, when we got pregnant, he was only home for the holidays and then back on the road again. It shouldn’t be this hard. He’s hot, fit and trim. He smells fantastic and knows how to rock a dress shirt.
So this is where you all chime in. How do we find more time for ourselves? What can I do? I’ve recently switched from nursing bras to my VS bras, maybe that’ll help a little. I wore make up twice last week and he’s spotted me naked while getting dressed. Sexy, right? He’s a good man for being so patient while I nap and clean on the weekends rather than rip his clothes off. What are your quick and easy ways to get me in the fast lane on our sex life slowdown? I’m begging you and my husband will be thanking you.
Oh, honey. I wish I had ideas for you. Our sex life is … fine (sigh), but who wants fine. I’m also famous for the “want to get naked” line, but I’m also famous for being asleep hours before my husband and out of bed before he wakes up.
But I will be back to check the comments section. Hope you (we) get some good advice.
My hubs loves morning sex. It’s not my favorite. So, I compromise. If I was too tired the night before, I surprise him with a little early morning romp in the sack. He is in a great mood for the rest of the day!
Do you have family nearby that can watch your baby for a weekend? If he is only home on the weekends, you should plan a romantic weekend at home. Candles, slutty clothes, plenty of strawberries and chocolate sauce in the fridge, you get the idea
I’m fresh out of new ideas too. With my husband working 14+ hours a day (including Saturdays), a 17 month old and a 2 month old, both of us having enough energy at the same time is a miracle. One thing that does work for us is laying down on the couch together to watch a tv show at night to relax. Being that close and still tends to help minds (and hands) wander where they should.
go outside the box. pull out your inner slut (seriously!).
Put on some thigh highs and high heels and answer the door sans clothes when he’s due home. Sound crazy? I know but just try it. It’s fun every once in awhile and your hubby will love it. It’s not always easy getting all “crazy” as some might call it but when your sex life seems like it’s getting boring you just have to spice it up a little. 
there is always time for nap time nooky. A nap quicky will leave time to clean the kitchen or take a nap if you want. My husband works A LOT during the week, and is not in town 50% of the time…so nap time on the weekends or the days he’s off is really our best bet.
So it might sound unexciting, but schedule it at least two times a week to start with. This will have you talking about it throughout the day and once you start doing it at least a couple times a week, you’ll think “why did we ever slow down?”
It’s kinda like working out…it’s hard to convince yourself to take the time to do it, but once you do, you wonder why the hell you don’t do it every single day?
My husband and I really try to keep things fun. We text during the day or we make sure to have date nights, even if that means the date starts at 10 pm. Sometimes our sleep is affected, but our sex life and relationship is amazing, so it’s worth it.
We have a little 11 week old baby and have still made time for sex at least 4 times a week…we both feel it’s important to make sure we still have “us” time and if that means you have to have your kid entertain himself for a little while or take a nap longer than you would have preferred, it’s worth it in the end.
Good luck!!
The timeliness of this post is eerie. Last night DH said he thinks we’re headed toward a sexless marriage. Breastfeeding for a year has rendered my libido non-existent. Something has to change.
I’m also a fan of quickies before/during the shower… often I will go that route if I’m not *really* in the mood but feeling like he deserves a little something… and then usually I find that it’s so hot, I end up in the mood! Which is good for later.
Also – don’t know how this works with babies, but there must be an equivalent – I don’t know about you, but when it’s time to actually get into bed, the last thing I want to do is get down and dirty… instead we usually go at it right when I get home. Hubs is already there, and is happy to help me change from work clothes into… well, nothing.
Hope that helps!
for us? it’s a matter of being ok with the quickie. it shouldn’t happen ALL the time, but sometimes, you just have to DO it. And if you’re ok with a 10-15 minute “let’s just get the job done” session every once in a while, it takes the pressure off when it’s already late and it’s a toss up between sleep and sex.
I like to think that the hubs and I have a great sex life…I mean, gettin naked 4-5 days a week is pretty good in my book! Now, my kid is 2, an dI guarantee we weren’t getting naked that much when she was younger. Try sleeping naked. That always worked for us.
As long as you’re both willing to work at it, it’ll work out.
Another note? I always like to get it on when we have houseguests…something about not wanting them to hear us just completely does something for me. Sorry, TMI.
Good luck!
“Because the leg humping in the kitchen while I’m cooking dinner or rubbing my boobs in the car while I’m driving just doesn’t get me all hot and bothered, it really just bothers me”
OMG did we marry the same person? bahaha
Good luck on your endeavor. We’re in a rut too. ::sigh::
My desire for sex is so low that if I said to my husband, “Let’s get naked” he’d be upstairs with all his clothes off while to word “naked” still hangs in the air. Like the road runner.
I second the nap time snooky on weekends! If time is short I ask my hubby if he wants to “make out” and sometimes we just kiss and sometimes more. Also, I’m always up early on the weekends so he loves it if I wake him before the baby is up. It takes a conscious effort to make time for it but it’s needed to stay close.
let me know if you figure it out! between the iud induced spotting, pumping for a year and general post partum hormones, i have ZERO libido. and it wasn’t so hot to begin with. bless my hubby for staying with me.
even beer just makes me tired, not horny. sad.
No excuses just do it!!
“My desire for sex is so low that if I said to my husband, “Let’s get naked” he’d be upstairs with all his clothes off while to word “naked” still hangs in the air. Like the road runner.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I have been told that scheduling sex (as romantic and sexy as that sounds) is a great way to kick start a sex-a-thon. Or regular sex.
Watch a porn together.
Dress up like a school girl.
Get HIM to dress up like a Police Officer
Drink some margarita’s tonight and do it at your in-laws??
We go through ups and downs–after 6 years of marriage, I’m not surprised. When we are in a slump we just commit to making the time for each other. Sleeping naked helps too.
Good luck…and have fun! 
ok clearly? jp and my h are the same guy. My leg gets humped. “wanna get naked” gets asked in my house. and waiting. waiting for sex happens here too. we did it the other night and couldn’t remember when we had done it before that, and couldn’t figure out why we don’t do it more often. sigh…
Here’s my dirty little secret as a mother of a 3 year old & a 10 month old (oh and pregnant with our 3rd) … Some nights I like to have a little drink. Shh, don’t judge. Not a big one just a small little one. Just enough to get my girl bits tingly and wanting to be touched. Just enough to loosen my tongue to the point where it can say “You, Husband. Naked. Bed. NOW”. Just enough to turn the tired to fired (up).
After 10 years my husband is the sexiest man I know. But chasing around lil’ ones and washing his skivvies day after day … sometimes a little nip helps!
I LOVE THIS POST! Thank you Blair for introducing me to LCW and after I type this comment I am going to pop on by to her blog and subscribe.
What can I offer except to say that after our first baby we were REALLY in a “slowdown”. I remember one day when my husband had just worked nights and was sleeping in the basement and I put the baby down for a nap and put some lingerie on leftover from our honeymoon. I creeped downstairs, happy things weren’t hanging out too badly, and I couldn’t even wake him up. He sort of rolled over and said “I’m tired” and didn’t even open his eyes to see what I was wearing.
I was so hurt I still haven’t worn lingerie since (that was 6 years ago!).
NOW – however, after 3 babies there is no slowdown at all. Sex is better than it has ever been.
The truth is that after three babies we are desperate for some time just the two of us and have grown together in that part of our lives like every other part and sex is way better and a lot more fun.
I think at the beginning I was sometimes forcing myself through the sometimes pain, but usually the sheer exhaustion, because I wanted to feel close to my husband.
I think that helped.
Also, your nursing bra comment is hillarious! Once I stopped wearring nursing bras to bed (after I was done nursing of course) things got MUCH steamier.
Thanks again Blair for the introduction!
Maija
Umm, don’t have any more kids…sex life becomes nonexistent
I’m kidding (sort of) but seriously the hubs and I try to take a night away every once in a while and get a hotel room. It’s exciting and comfortable and we don’t have to worry about a certain 3yr old barging in on us to crawl in our bed…oh yes, it has happened 
Ok so date night is always great of course. Don’t feel bad abt the get naked comment totally better then my ” wanna do it?” line! I actually talked to my ob abt my horrible libido after baby#1 and he gave me scream cream. OMG!! Ahmahzing! You put it in ur clit (cannot believe I just wrote clit) 10-15 min before any doing it time. It gets you hot and bothered in a big way and makes the big o huge! Think of those ky commercials where the whole world explodes! Lastly if you guys can swing it, use condoms or the first year and no other birth control. I am doing this with my 2nd and I have noticed a huge difference from the first baby. Even if it’s a slow month you can count on mother nature to turn you into a ravenous horndong when you’re ovulating. Seriously like 3 times a day horndog. Good luck. It does get better I promise!
What I’ve been doing seems to work for me, it is really me that has the issue with being “in the mood” however, if I take a shower, do my hair all up & just feel sexy then I want to do it, but if I look all frumpy it just isn’t good for anyone. My suggestion is if you husband approaches you for sex, but you are exhausted or have another excuse, stop yourself, say give me 10-15 minutes….go & freshen yourself up, put on make up, fix ur hair, put on something you feel pretty in, add jewelry etc if you feel good it in & bam 10-15 later you feel like you want to jump ur hubby asap
Talk yourself into it instead of out of it.
Does your mind never shut off? Are you always planning the next day? Always waiting for a kid to wake up? Are you ME?!?? LOL
The only thing that works for me is convincing myself to get started. Yep, I sure do like me some sex, so if I can just talk myself INTO it when my hot ass of a hubby rolls over…I surely do enjoy the outcome:)
Good luck!
Thank you all for the comments. I laughed, I winced and laughed again. Come by the blog and look for an update! Haha. JPW says thank you too!
Your sex life sounds like mine, down to the boob grabbing while I’m driving (literally, happened yesterday). It doesn’t help that I’ve got a 10 month old AND I’m also 19 weeks pregnant. I’m never really “in the mood”. I don’t feel like doing it, so we do it less, so I feel like doing it less, so we do it even less.
If you want my dirty, raunchy, cant-believe-I-admitted-this advice, I suggest romance novels. And not the fluffy Danielle Steele kind; I’m talking the raunchy kind. For realz erotic literature. Just be sure your husband is available because when the mood strikes you have to take advantage of it RIGHT THEN (my husband calls it the 3 minute window).
Hey JCW nice to see you over here! As for your question I used to think I was a sex goddess and I’m pretty sure I was but then some black hole of sexual funk happened and I can’t see my way out or even care I’m okay in my sex-less hole just knitting and reading, in fact that may be the problem. I don’t know when I’ll get back “on it” but it needs to be soon. I fear the sexless marriage!
I visited http://www.sensovi.com, created an account, took the free quiz, and confronted some truths about how our situation had changed as we navigate parenthood, changing bodies, expectations, & busy lives. DH & I are still learning, but the program has helped create positive change in our bedroom.
I say fake it ’til ya make it. It’s hard to be in the mood for sex when you’re tired at the end of the day, but I find that if I fake it at first it always ends well for both of us (if you know what I”m sayin). I always feel closer to my husband when we take time to be intimate with each other.
Oh my. This is tough stuff. Honestly, my baby is 9 months old and I still have ZERO desire to make love to my husband. I blame it on breastfeeding. (is that a thing? Or, did I just make it up?). However, we still “do it” at least 3 or 4 times a week. I just remind myself that I am his Playboy, I am his girlfriend, I am his wife, I am his one and only sexual partner, so I am thrilled to please him. Is that old fashioned? Even so, that’s my way.
Basically, I just suck it up and pray that someday my libido will come back:).
(Was that a total downer or what?)
After reading through this post, I think that Cristina’s response hits the nail on the head…honestly sex after kids (4 to be exact) is just tedious. It’s not magical or mysterious, there are no more secrets or discoveries BUT!!! That actually turns out to be really intimate and incredible. Schedule sex and make it a very important priority…the more you have it, the more you’ll be thinking about having it, and the more you’ll want it!
—so you don’t have to search for Cristina’s post I pasted it
I hope things get back on track!
Cristina, on August 6th, 2010 at 10:26 am Said:
So it might sound unexciting, but schedule it at least two times a week to start with. This will have you talking about it throughout the day and once you start doing it at least a couple times a week, you’ll think “why did we ever slow down?”
It’s kinda like working out…it’s hard to convince yourself to take the time to do it, but once you do, you wonder why the hell you don’t do it every single day?
My husband and I really try to keep things fun. We text during the day or we make sure to have date nights, even if that means the date starts at 10 pm. Sometimes our sleep is affected, but our sex life and relationship is amazing, so it’s worth it.
We have a little 11 week old baby and have still made time for sex at least 4 times a week…we both feel it’s important to make sure we still have “us” time and if that means you have to have your kid entertain himself for a little while or take a nap longer than you would have preferred, it’s worth it in the end.
Good luck!!
Well I wish I had the same problem the majority of you do (low libido) I would take it on a daily basis but my husband has a low libido
always has unfortunately. Ummm, we could trade hubbies?! I kid, I kid. That’s why they make toys… and hands!
Book recommendations:
Love in the time of colic: A new parent’s guide to getting it on again by Ian Kerner and Heidi Raykeil
Hot Monogamy by Dr. Patricia Love
We have been going through the same exact stuff everyone here has written. These books have been very helpful, especially to me because I am always ‘in my head’ when it comes time for sex. The books gave me some new ‘dialogue’ that is more pro-sex than anti-sex, so things have improved. Not perfect – but improved.