2010 August 02 | Heir to Blair

Because y’all? This day has the full-on recipe to suck.

Nate threw out his back. Which meant we had to carpool in, even though our days of carpooling were supposed to end today. I spilled something oily on my dress, which makes it look like I dripped water, except it’s totally dry. & since we carpooled & Nate took the Subaru, I had to borrow my sister’s car, which is so old that it was used when I drove it over 10 years ago. It smells like the moon roof hasn’t been closed in 3 years. Because it hasn’t. Which is all fine & dandy, except it didn’t start. So I was running late. Also? I got a call reminding me that I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.

I know my life doesn’t suck. But I could have really used more of this today:

portcity Im getting all sniffly & sentimental.

Except I don’t have a car today. Which means I have no hope of getting more coffee or taking my shoes to the shoe-repairman-who-probably-has-a-more-glorified-title-than-shoe-repairman.

Anyway. Back to my life kinda sucking except not really sucking at all because if a dirty dress is the worst of my problems, then girlfriend, I HAVE GOT IT MADE.

I was full prepared & braced for today’s McFatty. Fully prepared for somebody to be an asshole. Because even though yes, I’m putting it out there & yes, I ask for whatever comes my way as a blogger, I think I’ve developed a low-lying form of PTSD when it comes to asshole commentors. & I was terrified what someone would have to say about the fact that I gained, I lost, I gained more, I slowly lost, but not really & here I am frustrated.

& then, of course, I would be forced to seriously contemplate buying out the Twix in the vending machine because in my post-adolescent angst I will swear that I SHALL NEVER BE SKINNY AGAIN a la Scarlet O’Hara, & then do another 10 giveaways in a span of 24 hours just to annoy everyone on the planet, & then my head would explode.

& it never came. Instead, I had very sweet comments. Encouragement. Nutrisystem putting me in touch with their dietary folk (::fistbump::). About how I could do this, I’m an inspiration, I’ve come so far.

Y’all, I apologize. I underestimated how AMAZINGLY AWESOME you are. I promise, I’ll never do it again.

HeirtoBlair500x150 v41 Im getting all sniffly & sentimental.

Honesty. Frustration. More coffee, please.

Picture 2 Honesty. Frustration. More coffee, please.

So here we are – as of this morning, I am at 199 lbs, with a total weight loss of 25 lbs. I’m frustrated. I can’t lie – I’m very, very frustrated. My weight has been up, down, up up up, down…I know that the weight gain was in part of medicine & I’d rather be carrying those 10 lbs & be able to enjoy my son. But it doesn’t stop bouts of frustration over how much harder it is right now to lose the weight. I don’t know if my meds are messing with my metabolism, only that one major side-effect is weight gain.

It’s hard. Because I make goals, I try so hard to stick to them, & I’m not really seeing any fruits of the labor. But I’m sticking to it & maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a breakthrough. Or at the very least, be ever-so-thankful that I’m not gaining. I’m back on the right path, when you look at the entire chart as a whole:

Picture 3 Honesty. Frustration. More coffee, please.

See how it’s going back down?

side note: some of those recent higher weights were taken at night. because sometimes I weigh myself too often.

I keep telling myself to look at the big picture – the baby weight is off. I’ve lost 25 lbs. I’m happy with my son. I’m sticking to my plan. I’m under 200 lbs. Things are moving in the right direction. I should be happy with my success….but I’m not. Not right now. I’m frustrated. & I’m very frustrated at what a difference those 10 lbs between 189lbs and 199lbs make. They make an entire dress size. A big difference in my arms.

I’m sorry. I’m totally bumming y’all out right now, aren’t I?

I should shut up. & just show you what I eat for dinner, or something frivolous like that:

DSC 0020 2 1024x685 Honesty. Frustration. More coffee, please.

I know, it doesn’t look like much, does it? That’s a) because I had already swiped some of my veggies before remembering to take the picture & b) because our perceptions of portions are so blown out of the water. It is hard for me to reconcile that I’m not SUPPOSED to knock back half a large pizza on my own – that what I see on my plate is the pizza I’m supposed to eat. A slice. Or two.

Not to be chased down with a cupcake.

In McFatty news, I’m VERY excited to attend a session on fitness/weight-loss blogging & motivation at Blogher. VERY excited, all caps necessary. I cannot wait to pick the brains of people that have this down pat, that know how to motivate & be interesting & actually do correct yoga poses. & hopefully it will make McFatty more enjoyable for everyone.

meh. There I go being all Eeyore again. Can you tell that I spilled something down my dress this morning & didn’t get enough coffee? Because I can.

::pours cup of coffee & slaps self across the face::

required disclaimer: i am being supplied with nutrisystem food by nutrisystem, free of cost to me. sweet, right? but i assure you, i began nutrisystem on my own in january, spent my own money for 4 months, & fully endorse the program. i’m just thankful that they’ll be helping me out on my last leg of the journey! to join me on the Nutrisystem program and to receive a special offer, call 1-877-704-0597 or click here.