Motherhood.
It’s different in different stages.
Nothing ever stays the same. Ch-ch-ch-changes.
I’m tired.
Hell, I don’t know what to write. When Sarah & Kit & I began discussing a progressive post, aka a post that started in one blog & continued in the others, I got tingles down to my toes about the possibilities & fun & prompt to stretch my writing wings. Making me think! Reach into my creative side! Relationships & connections! & now that the eve of such an event is upon me, I have no idea what to write regarding motherhood & infancy. I feel absolutely inadequate to describe motherhood in this stage, to define it, mold it, & fit it into a post that is roughly 5 paragraphs long & will hold your attention longer than 3.5 seconds.
& as I write, I realize that it is the very description of mothering infancy – it’s too broad & complicated to smash down, too general to be specific, too specific to be general. It’s a thankless, physical job – I mean, all mothering is thankless in most regards. But at this stage, I never actually hear the words “thank you,” much less “I love you” or even a simple, yet gratifying, “Momma.” I’m spit on, peed on, pooped on, vomited on. In some instances, these acts would be degrading to humanity yet society upholds these rights of passage as noble parenthood. I’ve never cried this much, laughed this hard, felt this discouraged, or beamed with such pride.
It’s a damn roller coaster, I tell you.
One moment, I’m blissfully beaming over JUST HOW SMART my kid is & how he’s pretty much a genius guaranteed of a Harvard degree by the time he’s twelve & the next moment I’m fretting over whether or not he can actually impale himself on that little knob pointing out from his toy. One minute he’s screaming bloody murder into my ear until my skin feels on fire & the next, we’re curled up into a rocking chair, sweetly gazing at each other as if time, space, & the entire existence of mankind does not exist outside of ourselves. & when I think I finally have this kid down pat, when I finally know what makes him tick & finally catch up with his own growth, he changes. AGAIN. & I’m left in the dust running to catch up while simultaneously beaming with pride over his accomplishments.
Up. Down. Up. Down. Vomit.
See? Roller coaster.
But just when I think I can’t handle it anymore – just when I can’t handle anymore dirty diapers, spit food, or screaming, or I think the worry over vaccines or daycare or food allergies will cripple me – he does something that lights up my world.
Like taking his first steps Sunday morning between my husband & I, making me feel like Heaven opened itself up for just a moment.
______________________________ check out the rest of our progressive posting by visiting Kit, who’s talking about mothering little rascals, & then Sarah, who muses over wrangling teenagers.
I love when you sneak a really awesome milestone like that into the end of a post. A very ninja move.
Love this post, especially that very last line!
Also glad that you're not sick! When I saw "vomit," I was all, oh crap now we can't meet for cupcakes today! Because it's all about me (and cupcakes), right? ha!
And here I thought the post was going to be about Harrison's reflux BUT IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER!! Yay for a walking baby and the emotional highs you feel as a mother.
Wonderful! And so so very true. Congrats on a very fun milestone
So did he walk from Nate to you, or each of you held his hands and he stepped? How is it they grow up so freaking fast?
In total agreement about this roller coaster called Motherhood! No way to sum up what it is and isn't because it changes on a daily basis!
aww yay his first steps! So exciting!
I love this post. What a great Idea! I am so excited for you that Harrison is walking, a co-worker of mine always tells me when Parker starts that I'll need roller skates to keep up with him!
Krista
http://www.kristaswearingen.blogspot.com
Motherhood is a lesson in change. Its ever changing and never consistent with the previous day. Your child is growing and learning and as long as there alive it will always be changing. I love the instability of it all.
It's just one of those things,where you don't really "get it" until you're in it.
Hurray for 1st steps and impending toddlerhood!
Oh, his first steps!
All I can say is that your description, by the way it twists and turns and is confused, is the perfect description…
Thanks for doing this. Can't wait to see how it all turns out…
Sarah
A rollercoaster is the best way to describe it! Yesterday we definetely experienced the "bloody murder" to "gazing" into each others eyes. And the thing I like best is HOW QUICKLY you forget that they were screaming like crazy…you live your life for that short moment where they're completely content and you just get to look at each other. And somehow, those little kids, already outsmarted us and have us wrapped around their pinky. But oh gosh darn it, isn't that pinky the cutest thing you've ever seen? ; )
I LOVE this post! I love the line "it’s too broad & complicated to smash down, too general to be specific, too specific to be general".
And the rest of it, but that line describes exactly how I feel when I try to explain motherhood to someone without children.
Congrats on the first steps! The visual of my son's first steps will be forever ingrained in my brain.
Wow congratulations on the 1st steps. I teared up a bit when I read that. My son is 1 month younger than Harrison and seems to be reaching all of his milestones at the same time Harrison does. I don't think I'm ready for him to be walking in another month!
Oh the ups and downs, we know them well around here. We're getting first steps now, too (so exciting, congrats to our babes!). Monday was one of those blissfully "perfect" days of new walking and new words and smiles that had us grinning and laughing so hard we cried with joy. Yesterday, baby seemed pissed at the world and nothing we could do seemed right, and had us watching the clock waiting for bedtime and a break.
I think one of the biggest adjustments I'm making in my new mama role is learning how to define happiness, and it's coming on a much longer scale than before. Instant gratification, immediate joy type happiness seems scarcer but more intense than before, replaced by purpose driven, meaning of life type happiness.
If you haven't read Jennifer Senior's recent article "All Joy and No Fun" in New York Magazine, it's definitely worth a read. It's really had me thinking lately (clearly!). I'd be very interested to hear your response.
I love hearing about Harrison's progress, my Henry was born a day earlier and our first steps are just around the corner. Sometimes i feel like the roller coaster is going to go right off the tracks i get a feeling of calm knowing other people feel the same way.
Hooray for first steps! And I love the post. How the hell are you supposed to distill "everything" into some kind of explainable experience?
Sweet! Go Harrison! I'm still waiting on Lila to get over her laziness.
She can do it. She just think it's easir to crawl. ::Sigh::
First steps at nine months! Wow! H really is a genius! Way to go, Little Man!