I really do have the sweetest husband alive.
Last night, we crawled into bed. I wore a grungy old ADPi tshirt from college, a pair of his boxers, with zit cream & lime-green rollers in my hair (HEY, DON’T JUDGE MY NOD TO 1950, OKAY?!) & he leaned over to kiss me. “Babe,” he said. “You’re pretty.”
YOU’RE PRETTY.
I giggled, kissed him, & sat back thoughtfully for a moment. “Do you think other people find me attractive?” I asked. Nate looked confused. “Like, you are REQUIRED by law to worship my stretch marks & think my squinty left eye is kinda cute, but do you think other people look at me & say, ‘she’s pretty?’”
“Yeah,” he drawled. “I think so. Because you’re pretty.”
When I was 14, those were the only words I ever wanted to hear from a boy – YOU’RE PRETTY. I was three years into the hellacious torture that was puberty, but thankfully boys stopped telling me I was ugly to my face after middle school. But their words still rang in my ears throughout high school & all I wanted, even more than an actual boyfriend, was to hear the words “you’re pretty.” Like a verbal one night stand. I wanted validation that I didn’t belong in the dog house, that someone would eventually love & marry me, & that I might, just MIGHT get asked to Homecoming.
I was never asked to Homecoming. & I never heard the words “you’re pretty” from a boy. At least, not in high school.
I don’t know what the issue was – The Momma swears it was intimidation, but honestly, I think I just needed to grow into my own skin. My height embarrassed me, & even though I was slender, I still felt “fat” compared to my size 2 cheerleader counterparts. I didn’t feel pretty & I swore until a boy told me I was pretty, I wouldn’t feel it. Oh, the insecure heart of a 14-year-old girl.
I did eventually get a boyfriend. He was a great first boyfriend. (He would have been the worst last boyfriend ever.) & you know what? I can’t remember if he told me I was pretty. I’m sure he did. But by the time that boyfriend rolled around, it didn’t matter. I had moved past that insecurity & was growing into my role as business student, sorority president, & newly minted lover of 3-inch heels. I didn’t crave that verbal validation.
& I haven’t in years. But last night, feeling rather frumpy as a new mom with zit cream & hair rollers, I wanted to know that I was attractive. Flabby ass & grungy tshirt pajamas be damned. & thank God that now, I have a boy to tell me that he thinks I’m pretty. & then tackle me in the sack to prove it.
-
p.s. this is so not a fish for compliments post. but the letters to your younger self that everyone was writing yesterday made me think of this.
That's CUZ you are purdy.
I am disappointed there is not a picture to go along with the post. I am dying to see the lime-green rollers =)
That is the sweetest most wonderful thing. I love it. They say that when your significant other can tell you how fabulous you are in all your "everyday glory" that is true love and true beauty. Love it.
I love this. And I love that Nate loves you so much. One thing I'm working on? Actually accepting the complements that Andy gives me…I can be so insecure that I shoot down his kind words…but the truth is: i never want him to stop telling me those things!
so that's what i'mi working on….
muah!
I don't think it's a fish for compliments either. And yes, you are pretty! I remember feeling like that when I was younger too. But I was the fat kid that everyone liked being *just friends* with because she was funny. Eh, whatever. But hearing it from the person who has seen you at your most inglorious…well that is far more weighty than any compliment from any adolecent boy. Except you know, when its your kid that says it.
I think we all go through a stage were we wish someone else besides our parents will tell us we are pretty. Were we want someone else to validate that we deserve to have a husband/boyfriend. That we want someone else to recognize the potential in us as long term companion. And some of us deal with this still every day.. So with that said you are pretty…
I love that, my husband does the same thing. He thinks I'm prettiest in jammies and no makeup, with baby spit on my shoulder. It's a wonderful thing.
this was SUCH a sweet post. it made me smile from ear to ear! i had a similar experience and now it seems my hubs likes to tell me I am pretty when I feel least like it…which is perfect. oh, and you ARE pretty. there. compliment even though you weren't fishing
You hit the nail on the head…comfortable in your own skin! Every woman is beautiful, if we feel it within ourselves, we project it out to the world! Great post! And so was the creepy parent one hahahahaha!
My hubby told me I looked College girl hot this weekend and it was exactly what this new momma needed to hear. It's amazing how much a few little words can do for the soul.
I've made the mistake of laughing off my husband when he tells me that I look good/hot/pretty/whatever when I'm wearing my lounge clothes. But I need to appreciate that more and relish in the fact that when I'm feeling the most ugly, my husband finds me attractive. I love that man
And I'm glad yours appreciates the beautiful You too!
It's weird, but my husband told me he's more attractive to me now, after birthing our daughter, muffin top and all. I mean I had these things before getting preggers, but for some reason, after giving birth, he's like way more attracted…at least he's way more letting me know. And I heart it so much. He makes me want to put a bathing suit on and cute underwear even though the fall rolls are all over the place. Sometimes hearing those words, "you are pretty," is all you need b/c we all know that we women suck at this whole body image thing.
Um yeah. If you weren't pretty you wouldn't have been wearing that old ADPi shirt. Duh!
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BA! I SAID IT ON THE INTERNET! You don't need me to say it. You know we were the prettiest on campus
Okay, all silly shallowness aside…I remember when you came through recruitment. You were pretty. You still are. I'm proud we wore the same letters but, for so many more reasons than just the fact that you're pretty.
Amy
Aw, BA, I love this post! So sweet – and that last line – ziiing
you're awesome girlfriend! And you've got yourself one heck of a hubby 
I know exactly what you mean. Everyday I look down at my post-breastfeeding-throwback-to-6th grade-pancakes on my chest, along with the throwback-to-7th grade zits on my face and the pooch on my once relatively flat belly and I feel so ugly. My hubby says I look great but deep down I don't feel attractive at all.
I was the same way. I totally thought I would never fall in love, never get married and never EVER find someone who thought I was pretty.
It's such a warm and cozy feeling to find where you belong, isn't it?
men don't actually tell the women they love that they are pretty enough. i don't think B actually knows how much i need to hear those words sometimes. i KNOW he thinks i'm pretty (or i hope, anyway), but sometimes i want to hear it!
My husband calls me sexy when I'm wearing my cropped sweats and ratty old tank top around the house. Makes me blush every time!
You are pretty – both inside & out. I think people who possess both beauties are the true beautiful people of the world.
Awe, your husband is sweet.
*Looks longly at one's own husband, bating eyelashes and fishing for compliments.*
I so relate to this one….I was 5'10" by 4th grade, so I always just felt MONSTROUS growing up. Even though I wasn't fat, I just felt huge compared to most of my 5'2" friends.
And I was never asked to homecoming either.
I used to feel the same way about my height. Being called the "Jolly Green Giant" when you're already self-conscious about your height doesn't help much, either! But, like you, I eventually learned to embrace it and now, I love being tall.
Its funny how God always provides you with exactly what you need – like a husband who tells you you're pretty.
i can completely relate. growing up, i thought i was ugly. i remember a boy in 6th grade gave me a valentine's day card (since we had to give one to every one in our class) and the standard message said, "Will you be my valentine?" and he had added "psyke!" (sp?). i always looked for boys to find me attractive too. they didn't really until college, and then i got taken advantage of. thankfully i married someone who appreciated me for who i was, and not just how i looked. i'm glad you have an amazing husband too!
Oh, I swear I could have written that post myself! I felt the same way growing up. All I wanted was a "you're pretty" and to look like the cheerleader counter parts. Eventually, I went in the complete opposite direction with tattoos and piercings and I felt comfortable that way…and that's when I started getting complimented. So I really think that being confident & comfortable with yourself has a HUGE impact on how other people (especially the boys) view you!
In middle school my nickname was "dog". I had huge friz hair and huge teeth, oh and freckles all over. Also? I was like 3 ft tall and everyone else was normal …I have since grown into my features and when people from high school/middle school see me they always have to ask who I am.. then they ask me out! Ha! Kind of funny how that works…. hm.
Um, you have a squinty left eye? I never noticed!
And my nickname in middle school was "flatty". These DDD's didn't pop up until well after high school.
What a great post! I totally know how you feel. Last night FF not only complimented me while I was wearing his least favorite color paired with some heinous pj pants but he also told me how proud of me he was for all the hard work I've been doing for my health. There are no words for how much I love that boy. And BA…I think you're gorgeous (no lie!)
I really think I could have written this. I never got asked to homecoming, either. I went to my junior prom…BY MYSELF (maybe intimidation WAS my problem). I had to grow into myself as well. Sure, puberty is rough on everyone. And most women have insecurities – be they mental or physical. But I'm not sure everyone understands how hard it was to not be one of the "it" girls.
I attended my cousin's wedding last month. His fiancee (now wife) works with an "it" girl who I went to high school with (I graduated 20(!) years ago. OY!). She snubbed me at the bridal shower…and I felt 15 again. Even though I was there with my beautiful daughters and I have a happy, loving family to call my own…and she doesn't. I got over it MUCH more quickly than I would have 20+ years ago, but still it was unkind. Some people change for the better. And some don't.
Sister, you don't have to fish for compliments. You deserve them! Go you!
HA! Love this post. Love your descriptions, nod to 1950–hahahha! What mom can relate to feeling frumpy. One of the many reasons why I enjoy your blog. Gotta love the kind validating words of a husband–kind words are so needed.
it doesn’t sound like a fish for compliments post at all! It sounds like you have a great husband who thinks your pretty… and TELLS you. I think a lot of times we get caught up in assuming your partner knows all the wonderful you think about them but it is oh so nice to hear them.
Doesn't it feel so good to hear those words? What a sweet man you have there BA!
While reading your post I tried to remember if any past boyfriends ever told me I was pretty. And I can not remember. But I do remember and know my husbands said/says it. That's all that matters. Especially when I am in my ratty old sweats.
That is so sweet! It does feel amazing to hear those words. And loved your nod to 1950 comment
This is so sweet. You're not fishing for compliments at all, you're just bragging on what a sweet guy your hubby is! My husband tells me he thinks I'm pretty on days when I feel so frumpy and ugly…it's amazing ha-ha. I love it and it is so nice to hear!
I'm so jelous of you! My husband tells me "no, you look great" after I've stared at myself in the mirror, smoothing stretch-mark skin back into place or sucking in my stomach to pretend I don't have a post-baby pooch. I think he feels obligated. He expects me to feel sexy and jump him like we did before babies, but he never does or says anything to make me FEEL sexy. I don't think he gets that I have to feel it to want to do it. Aren't you a lucky girl that you have a husband that makes you feel that way, zit cream, rollers and all!
OMG That was SO me when I was younger. I remember the boys making fun of my acne on my forehead- on even made the remark that 'those three make a triangle there', and im high school it was very (un)kindly mentioned to me that everyone thought my sister was pretty by asking me 'what went wrong' (meaning, what happened to you, that your sister got all the looks)…Never asked to homecoming or prom either. But you know what…I grew into myself and who I am in college, and now I LOVE me! (not at all meant to sound like a narcissist, but I hope ya'll get it)
Soooo adorable. My hubby told me I looked beautiful when my vagina was hanging down to my knees right after I gave birth… now that's love. We have good guys!
Such a sweet post. I really enjoyed it & it is almost comforting to know that other women have felt the same as me. Ghaaa, it is so difficult to be teenage girl that hasn't yet blossomed. Teenage boys are gross & so mean. It took a long time for me to come into my own. I am lucky I have such a wonderful husband that thinks I am gorgeous even when my hair resembles Diana Ross circa 1971.
I am 25. I am married. My husband tells me I'm attractive, but never came onto me like that when we were dating. I have never been hit on by a male. A lot of women have come on to me, though none of them have called me attractive either. I once said I would screw anyone who called me pretty. My husband told me every day for a week I was pretty. I wish that someday, without provocation, a random somebody will tell me I'm hot or pretty.
I think you have touched all our hearts, I relate to every single word you said. I'm so glad I'm not in the odd 14 year old girl stage anymore!
So cute.
Hooray for an awesome hubby.
aww what a sweet husband. My husband too surprises me time to time with cute compliments. Doesnt it just make your heart melt?