Dear Girl in TJ Maxx,
I am not quite sure what happened – I was standing there, minding my own business & perusing the baby blanket aisle for a gift for my buddy, when all of a sudden I hear a *huff* & the screeching tires of a stroller about to pop a wheelie or figure eights. & in a blur, you & your stroller & friend blew behind me like a bee stung your ass.
& your friend whispered, “That was pretty rude.” She sounds like a good girl with common sense. You should keep her around because your response was a very, very loud, “Well, her FAT ASS WAS IN MY WAY & she wouldn’t move.”
Emphasis on fat. Emphasis on ass. Emphasis on you looking back at me to make sure I heard it. Me & the rest of the shopping congregation.
Look, honey. I don’t know you. I don’t know your name, where you’re from, or whether or not you were actually raised in a barn (although I have my speculations). I do know that you don’t know me from Joe Blow & that prior to your explosion heard all the way to the register about the enormity of my derriere, there was no request for me to move. There was no subtle cough. There was no coquettish giggle as you apologized & leaned over me to get to the product you desired. There was no brightly chirped “Excuse me!” Nothing that registers polite on Emily Post’s Give-A-Shit-O-Meter.
& even if you did one of these things & I was so immersed in deciding whether this baby should be welcomed in fleece or thermal (which is doubtful) that I didn’t hear you, there was obviously enough room for you to go around me without causing a scene.
But you did cause a scene & the bottom line is, you called me a fat ass today. & it hurt my feelings.
So this is where I sit you down with a cup of coffee & talk to you, Mano a Mano. Woman to woman, mother to mother. QUIT BEING A BITCH. There was absolutely NO NEED for you to yell that I have a fat ass simply because I was doing what customers do – stand in an aisle. Only I am allowed to say that, & even that is only after I’ve eaten a cheeseburger & then decided to try on new jeans. (I also use the word “dumb ass” quite a bit in that situation) There was absolutely no reason for you to say it at all, but you did. At the top of your lungs, with a glance back at me to be sure I heard. TO BE A BITCH. So let me push your bangs out of your face & tell you this – IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Quit the bitch. Tuck that inner cat fight away into a drawer – nay, a coffin – & let her die. She’s not cute, she’s not sassy, & she’s not that weirdly-cute-snobby that can be really funny. She’s obnoxious, hurtful, & she sounds ignorant.
Really? A fat ass? That’s the best you can do? I bet you didn’t know that I just lost 35 lbs. I bet you didn’t know that like you, I just gave life pretty recently. Or that I’m wearing a shirt that is too small for me today because my kid spat oatmeal all over my first outfit today. There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, based on looking at me. That you’ll never know, because you were too busy letting your inner bitch do the talking.
& let’s face it, if I hadn’t let them take my inner bitch away to be composted with my placenta eight months ago, or my anti-psychotics working quite so well in this moment, I would have asked you what number your hair color was so that I could have it permanently banned from the universe.
love,
A (semi) Reformed Bitch
Damn.
New business venture for you: sell comebacks. I'm totally stealing "what number your hair color was so that I could have it permanently banned from the universe" but truth: I'd have paid you good money to use a comeback like that in a time of need.
Oh dear.
I think I just ruined my keyboard with hot coffee. I'm at work. Thanks BA.
Do you keep quiet? or did you say something perfectly witty back? I don't think I would have kept my composure!
Holy Crap!!! You are a better woman than I! When I grow up can I be you? Seriously since having #2 all patience for stupidity and rudeness went out the door!
*hugs* You go Blair! I truly wonder who people think they are when they say & do some of the things they say & do. You should be kind to your fellow mother/father – not tear them down in hopes to feel better about yourself.
LOVE IT!!! I am sorry you were met with a BITCH but this reply is wicked
I wish you could have had time to say this to her in person.
I think you look incredible ♥
Seriously, what is the world coming to when people feel it is completely appropriate to talk to strangers that way. Talk about selfish and self entitled. May the Karma police come and arrest her fat ass.
Your way of sharing this story just cracked me up. Love your classy style.
Wow. Just, wow. I think you ran into some people I know today. What a small world.
again, I just don't understand how in a magical land of bargains and sweet finds such as the Maxx, someone could be such a piss ant.
Just sayin.
Lisa
Blair FTW. More social grace AND wittier insults.
Yowza! You tell em. I mean really, who is that rude, or in that big of a hurry at TJ Maxx. The same stuff will be on the shelf next week honey, no need to to rush! That's when I reply with an overly sweet phrase like, "Oh, I'm sorry, was I in your way? I was just trying to pick out a cute little blanket for an adorable baby and I must not have heard you," just to make them feel foolish.
I love you. This seals the deal. I am both slightly embarrassed, titillated, and amused reading this post. A lift to keep me from drowning in this never-ending project.
oh, you're a better woman than i am because i probably would have punched a bitch, right in front of her baby. that doesn't make me any better i guess. but why the hell are people so mean?!
Bravo! Some people drive me batty, thinking they have the right to be rude to a stranger for no reason. Good for you for not letting her get to you!
What Jenny said.
Very well put. I'll throatpunch her if you want me to. I've got your back, yo.
What the hell is wrong with people? I just don't get it!
Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if some women weren't bitches and some men weren't jackasses?
How great would that be?!
Love the…is that all you got…line. Totally love it!!
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Please tell me you had a witty response!
I do believe in Karma and hopefully this will come full circle. If not, at least the daydreaming about her ass doubling in size overnight is fun.
Yeah, in about 5 years that girl will be wider than the doorway. It'll come back to bite her, trust me.
Oh yeah, and if you are a fat ass I am absolutely terrified for what I would be.
hahahahhahahahha I love you. Can we be friends?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh – i would have turned around and given her a square slap on the tush. seriously. oh, and then maybe slapped her cheek [face] too. and then said "Jesus Loves you + so do i, but you should stop calling people names."
…and now we can only hope that she is a reader.
Oh shiz! No she didn't! I would tell you to ignore that little hussy and move on, but I think you already have. Your letter was probably therapy enough. Mean girls come in all ages – little girls, teenagers, and (unfortunately) even new mommies.
this was awesome. and very BA. nice work. why do women have to be sooo bitchy to one another? UGG!
OMG I love this post! I would have said something…so proud of you for your restraint! But yes, I agree, I hope she is a reader, lol.
HAHA! I kind of love you, B!
Your ass is just fine the way it is! I say she was jealous.
I probably would have said F U and moved on. Ha! However, I had something similar happen to me in my head as I was jogging (waddling, huffing and puffing) down the blacktop the other day and a car load of teens wizzed by – in my mind they were screaming out the window "Run Fatty Run" (to the tune of Run Forest Run).
YEAH. You can take the girl out of the trailer but………….
Kudos to you for being calm enough to let it go. Just know that the karma bus is going to park on her face shortly, and hopefully it will stay there a good while.
Excuse me, but people who were raised in barns actually have better manners than that. Just sayin'
BA you were WAY nicer than I would've been. I'm so hormonal I'll cut a bitch! You look great!
Kisses,
Amy
You're a better woman than I. I would have spouted off the comeback just as loud as she spouted off her comment.
I'm not nice to people who aren't nice to me. Plain and simple.
My god! I wish I could be one of those people who say they would have punched a bitch or said something back, but truthfully I would have been too shocked and hurt to respond. I might have even cried a little bit when I got to the car. I don't do good with comments about my booty, as licious as my husband thinks it is..
let me congratulate you for not running her over with your cart, pulling her hair, and then spitting in her face. because that's what she deserved.
Good job hun! You did a good job holding back…I don't know if I could have!
As always, you handled yourself with class and dignity in tact, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for that rude biotch! I seriously don't know how people like that live with themsemves!
I also want to give you a pat on the back for not beating a bitch's ass. I would have pulled a "Listen here, bitch…" and then probably would have told her where to go or stoop to her level. I really am working on not doing just that so big props to you girl!
Oh Blair, you are a classy woman! AND hilarious to boot. So sorry that happened to you but good job keeping your cool!! I can only imagine how I would have reacted in that situation!
I think if some of these women knew you from your bump days, they would realize what that women said to you in person was nothing compared to what you said to others via the internet. I always wondered if those that were awful simply because they were masked by anonymity were awful IRL.
I know you have mellowed. I can sense that in your blog now vs then. But part of me thinks this is YOUR karma.
Maybe she's just hormonal and not thinking properly? That happens to me sometimes (even when I'm not postpartum). Either way, the fact of the matter is, you're right. You can't possibly know someone else's life story and it doesn't pay to judge or call names. LET IT GO. It ain't easy, but you're a much better person for it (and I'm referring to the b*tch who called you a name, not YOU).
And people like Courtney? Can suck it!
Great Post!! What a loser! she was prolly some stringy white trash snot who had horrible roots with her dye job!! good thing u were alone cuz i bet if you have one of yoru friends with you they would have made a comment back!
karma will bite her in the ass someday.. just she wait
WOW. Even though I come across the same type of people, it still astonishes me. By the way, you are in great shape and I am jealous of your 35 lbs!
Hahaha what a terrible person, just feel bad for whoever married her. if she will call a stranger that name what does she call him. All I can say karmas a bitch and she is building up some bad karma.
Rock on Blair. Your ass is not fat, and that chick needs a reality check.
Let me know when your planning on going back to TJ Maxx so I know when to start driving your way and I'll be sure to bring my NY attitude with me. With that combo that biotch won't stand a chance.
you know. I've been her before, and I've been you. And I can honestly say this, There have been times when I'm out in public and I'm just DONE with the general population. People don't hold open doors, people smashing your achilles with their cart, people walking right in front of you on their cell phone OBLIVIOUS to life actually happening around them.
And then, one last person just gets in your way. Just a little. ( For example, did you ever see the movie " Falling Down where Michael Douglas just flips the fuck out?)
and that person gets the brunt of all of it. The dude that cut you off in the parking lot, the whore that stole your shopping cart, the asshole that threw a lit cigarette on the ground right where you have to walk. So you just snap and say something you don't mean, and probably would never say. And it feels good to just snap.
kind of like a primal scream. Only, hurtful.
Maybe that's what she had going on. Let's assume so and as we NY'ers say, fuggedaboudit. Your ass isnt' fat and she didn't mean it. She just needed someone to lash out on.
Oh dear. Girls are so mean. I loved the letter. I honestly dunno how I would have handled the situation espesh since I'm no good at comebacks. But that's why you're my hero in siutations like these
Keep it up gurl
She probably was born and raised in a born and she is probably still living there. That is why she is so nasty. Im the same way, I won't say anything to them but I get so irritated after