I went for a walk tonight. I had such a good day today emotionally that I just knew I had to walk for therapy. So I hit the pavement at twilight with the cool air & setting sun. My iPod was dead. It was a blessing to just hear my breathing & padding footsteps.
& I thought.
I thought a lot. About life, about Harrison, my family, this blog.
Somewhere during my walk, I noticed rocks on the roads – bigger ones, & then tiny pebbles. I started kicking the big rocks. Kick. Kick. Kick. No matter how hard or soft I kicked those big rocks, they inevitably ran off the road into grass. I kicked the smaller rocks – a more difficult, precise task that took much more concentration. But with that precision & practice, the small rocks stayed on the road. Always.
I kept walking & kicking rocks. & realized that those rocks were my blog.
KICK.
I have been kicking the big rocks. & it shows because my blog has gone off the path. Sometimes I kicked hard, sometimes I kicked gently, but either way, it was the wrong rock & the inevitable happened. I’m off-track. Too much pressure on myself from myself. I’m at a weird place where I still love my blog, but I’ve gone awry. I took down too many boundaries for myself & am feeling the heat.
So I’m going to stop kicking those big rocks. I’m keeping a few things “closer to the vest” as my buddy Bonzer would say, although I still hope that some of my blogging will give insight to the disease that is PPD/PPA/PPeverything. Until further notice, I am no longer taking any new giveaways & reviews. I do have a few commitments still hanging out there that I am excited about, & I cannot tell you how many emails I have responded regretfully to this week. Of course, I will still be working with my sponsors. But this is for the best. & I hope you enjoy what will come of it, as I am sure it will lead to better writing & a better me, & therefore a better time reading our crazy antics for you.
Also, I am not made of stone – when you tell me to not have children anymore, that I’m a terrible mother, you’re ramming down the thoughts that I’ve had for months. Ramming them back down my throat. That is RUDE. It’s uncalled for. It’s not constructive. It’s not cute. I’ve been that woman to other women before & I tell you, karma sucks. It will come back at you & when it does, you will be trying to undo it with a vengeance. If you are one of those women that I kicked when they were down before, I’m sorry. The only thing I can say is that motherhood changed me, & I am a better person. I am sorry. I wish I could apologize over a cup of coffee & take back everything I said. But on that note, I do have the right to take down any comments that I deem rude or non-constructive to either my child, other readers, my sponsors, or myself. & as Eddie Murphy said, “This is my house. If you don’t like it, get the eff out.”
I never said this blog would always be fun. Or pretty. Or funny. It’s a woman in progress, so it is unfair to think that I will always stay the same. Sometimes I will change for the worse. Sometimes, I’ll be better. I’m working on being better for good. You may notice the changes. You may not. My prayer is that I will & that my family will notice.
Because I want more days like today. I want more days where I feel like The One with my little boy. I want more days where I excel at work. More walks at sunset, more giggles in bathtime, more fluffy butts reaching for one more kiss before bed. More cups of tea, more little Ikea lamps that make me smile. I want more days where my husband & I have already met the desired “Kiss Quota” with more promised later.
The little rocks are harder to kick. They take more precision, concentration, & attention. But they stay on course. & that’s what we all need right now.
Stay kicky, Ms. Blair.
And keep writing. 
so glad you are making decisions that will make YOU happy and feel good at the end of the day.
so much love and respect for you over here, lady!
xoxo.
Go on with your bad self
I'll be here if you decide to start writing about…well…whatever you decide to write about.
I'm really glad you had a good day today.
Excellence.
may this be the start of more good days than bad…
Motherhood has made you not only kinder, but wiser. good for you!
I'm a new visitor to your blog but will visit often…this was very heartfelt, very real and very inspiring….we all have ups and downs but it's how we choose to handle them and you seem to have a plan….good luck and nice to meet you!
Keep it up BA!! Love your writing
Beautiful, beautiful! I am so glad you had a good day today! I am sending a million hugs to you!
I think we'd be besties if you lived up here or I lived down there. Keep rockin' BA – I love your songs
Love this post, BA. LOVE IT.
And, so glad you have had a great day. Here's to many, many more!
Thanks for keeping it real.
And, thank you for letting us all share in your adventures.
Enjoy your tea!
This made me cry, both for good and sad reasons. Good because I'm glad you're making progress, and taking time for yourself (and your fam). You deserve it.
It made me sad because I'm right there with you, needing to re-evaluate and take a step back, and I just don't know if I can make those decisions.
I do love the rock analogy though. It hit me right in the gut.
Hang in there mama, and keep your chin up. I'm glad you had a great day
What a great post. I'm so happy and proud for you! I hope you have many more days like today soon and often!
you do what you gots to do, my friend. Rock on with your BA self. you are wonderful. I'll be reading no matter what you write about because I enjoy your writing and I enjoy YOU!
good days are awesome. i had one this week after a hellacious (is that even a word?) day and it was SO needed. do what you need to make your life the best you possibly can. i have to admit, at first i didn't fall into the hype of your blog, but recently i have really started liking it – a lot. i will still be reading too!
Good for you!!!!!! I love this post. Keep your chin up! Here's to many more wonderful days!!! <3
Never give up writing… it is where you started. Just take a deep breath and get back to basics.
Remember the days when you had ZERO comments but how good it felt to just WRITE!
I think as bloggers we all need to do that. We get caught up in "writing obligations" and forget about WHY we do this in the first place.
xoxoxo
I love you Blair! I so needed to read this for my own life (((hugs)))
First, you know how much I have appreciated you and turned to you and leaned on you in the past and recently! I have to say, the change in you has been amazing, and it hasn't been a bad change! I mean going through something bad is one thing…but I feel like….well like I want to hug you (remember that hug that one time, just repeat it mmmmk).
And this "I’ve been that woman to other women before & I tell you, karma sucks. It will come back at you & when it does, you will be trying to undo it with a vengeance." I feel like I am living this every single day. I feel that way, I wish I could undo the people I verbally attacked and was rude to for no real reason. But we can't, I can't. I can apologize, I can try to move on. But, *we* both know that some people haven't learned the lesson and continue that way. And they are missing out, and their karma? So much worse for them.
I'm honestly glad to read this, and I am glad that you came to this realization. I will continue to keep reading regardless of what you are writing, but I am so happy that you are going to keep somethings between you and your family.
So glad to hear you are feeling better.
I think you are awesome and I love reading your blog. You are trully an inspiration
I'm glad you're going to keep writing – what you write doesn't make a difference to me. I love it all.
I think you've come to a good place making these decisions. In my own way, I've been there before. Blogging isn't something that's black and white. It's different for everyone, and it sucks that you have to figure out your way with everyone reading and criticizing all your mistakes.
I think you'll find you open a lot more doors for growth and fun with this place when you cut back on the giveaways. Trust me, I was there this time last year. I was honestly doing it for my readers, many times giving things away I never even got to review. I thought it was a good way to reward those who read what I had to say. Turned out, they didn't want to read about giveaways and the best thing I could do was get back to saying what I had to say and not giving them free things. I still do promos and giveaways, as you know, but they have to be super special to carve out that time in my life that it takes to run them.
I'm proud of you, Beth Anne. I know it's tough to look at yourself and realize you've changed. Again, been there. Karma? I know what that's all about.
And yes, please, this is YOUR house. I don't think it does anyone any good to allow comments that are blatantly bashing you and not adding anything to the conversation to stick around. Delete them and be done with it.
((hugs))
I "know" you from the bump and often watched you berate others for petty things on the tri boards (me only once on 1st tri for posting a lunchmeat question, deservedly so) and then saw you soften when H was born. You are brave for putting your struggles out there like you do and I find myself thinking about you and hoping you find your way. So glad you are a kinda, softer "Blair." All the best to you!
Thanks for sharing. This is a great post and one that's been true for me and I think probably all of us in the boggy world. Prioritizing is something that requires both reflection and intentionality. And, being at a humble place where one just recognizes weakness, that is a powerful place where change can begin–I believe it is the same place where heaven meets earth. I'm still learning. Who isn't a work in progress? Yuck. So sorry for having to deal with those rude comments. Good for you taking them down. And, when others take the time to be honest about our own weaknesses, doesn't it just breath life into your being–cause we all have them. It makes you know you're not alone. We're all learning. It's not about perfection, but perspective. Being transparent. That's awesome. Thanks for letting us see into that part of you, so that we could even learn too.
I so love this post. I love that this is something you are doing for you and on your own terms. I love that you are apologizing for things (Lord knows we have all said things on the interwebs that we wish we could take back) and I love that you had such a beautiful moment today with your family. I hope you have many, many more of those to come!!!
Awesome!
Another wonderful post! I love reading your blog and you are an inspiration!
this is fantastic. Truly, completely, entirely the post I have been DYING For you to write, DYING to finally read. Thank you YOU, Thank You Harrison for getting you to this point. Thank you to your dr's that are working so hard to get you better. THIS is the first post that says to me , no, SCREAMS to me, she's really getting better!
I'm so happy I could shit one of those puppy filled rainbows of earlier this week mention. Ecstatic. You are going to be okay and now I know it.
And hells yes I got an honorary mention on the blog! awesome!
Have a great weekend, get some sunshine, maybe some moonshine, maybe some sky rocket in flight afternoon delight, maybe an overpriced starschmucks latte. Whatever it is, go get it, bask in it, roll in it, crush it up and snort it if you have to.
I love this post and it literally made my week.
I love everything about this. And I stand behind you.
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
-Martin Luther King, Jr."
I've heard this quote a million times, but I just saw someone post it on FB and thought this was fitting.
I agree with Aly. You used to be quite the 'mean girl' on the bump at times. I can tell you are a much nicer person now. I'm so glad! This Blair is much more pleasant to 'be around'. I'm happy that your starting to get things figured out!
This made me happy. Good for you. Put yourself, your family, your healing first. Everything else will follow.
I love this post. It honestly feels the most real and like you that I've seen in…months?
I'm not a mommy blogger – I have a food blog – but I can relate, because people can be just as mean in the world of food. Many of my friends face criticisms I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and only because people don't like their decisions/choices. It's fine for people to offer their opinions, but being mean/rude/hateful is just cowardly. I think you make a wise decision to block hateful comments. It is YOUR blog. Good for you.
AMEN. It's a blog. A blog with hundreds of readers that don't even know you. A blog with readers who make judgments about you based only on what private aspects of your life YOU allow to be seen into. And, if in doing so, mean and hurtful comments arise, then who can blame you for not wanting to open up? Again, this is a blog… It's not real life. I don't think there will ever come a day when you will look back and wish you had devoted more time to blogging… more time to people you don't know… taken more advise from strangers who hide behind fake names. Do what you need to do to be healthy and happy…. whatever it takes. And for those who don't understand… well, they aren't worth explaining it to.
Love you Blair. I really do. I've been with you since you were pregnant with H-dog, and as soon as I found you, I told all my friends to keep up with you. We all love you and are rooting for you. In fact, she has PPD also. Your blog has helped her so much, and I hope knowing that helps you so much.
You are a wonderful and beautiful woman, wife, and mother. Believe that.
You couldn't have done better with this post. Sometimes just stripping down to the bare minimum is needed to get you back to the center of your life and what's truly fundamental. Take care of yourself!
As someone who I have seen you make fun of, mock, and say rude thugs about in the past, I really appreciate reading this post an dislike you less and less.
I adore you and your honesty. I think you should do whatever is best for you and your family. Keeping you in my T&Ps. (((hugs)))
I just love you Blair. You are so real, honest, and wonderful. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I wish that I lived near you. I think we'd be friends. PPD sucks. It's a total ass-kicker- and people who don't get it, and don't get you as a result can suck it. You are a wonderful mother. It's a learning process and anyone who claims that it isn't, is a LIAR! Hang in there. You are great! Harry isn't going to remember these hard times. And honestly, it's so much easier the second time around… DId I mention that people who are saying mean things about you not having more kids can suck it??
Love you Blair. You are fabulous!
I wanted to send you an e-mail advising you to delete the bat shit crazy attacks and turn on the comment moderation, but I didn't because who wants to be told how to run their blog? You know what you're doing.
I blogged about something very personal in my marriage, and while most readers were very supportive, some were NOT. I thought blogging about it would be a way to reach out to other wives going through it and hopefully be an encouragement–instead the negative comments tore out chunks of my soul. I stopped blogging about it, wrote a post similar to this one, and deleted ALL of my past posts. Yep…2 years worth of good stuff…GONE.
I guess I learned that a blog isn't meant to be a diary. Some problems and thoughts should only go in my journal under my bed, or be trusted with people who love me.
Big hugs to you! You were very brave to blog about something so personal, and you did a great job handling the haters!
Just wanted to say I love you and will support you no matter what. Hugs to you and that sweet baby boy!
Can't wait to keep following you on your journey. "Rock" on Blair!
I'm a new reader and just gotta say…keep it up, sister! I love the quote you put on the post.
In with the good, out with the bad!
Great post – it's wonderful your able to prioritize and take back control, to define your path and stay on course. Please know that even if you're not sharing intimate details of your PPeverything, you can still do worlds of good just by being you and getting it, and writing from that place of understanding.
Here's to more days like today!!!
big puffy pink hearts being farted out a unicorn's bottom
Blair, I've been reading for a while, I'm a sometime Bumpie. Anyway, reading this post tonight, my heart broke at the thought that people would say things like that to you. You are not a horrible mother, your baby, your husband and your family know that and that's all that matters. Hang in there and there will be more good days.
I wish for you and your family that you spend the rest of your life feeling as good or as better as you felt today. You are such a strong woman and an excellent mother and wife. Please keep writing even if it is intermittently, I'll still be here to read, even fluff.
How do you do it everyday?! Everyday I read your blog. Whenever you post it leaves me nodding my head and saying "You know she's right" Your writing is so much more than a mommy blog or even a PPD blog, it's a woman's blog and God Bless Your Heart for it! You are welcome into my house for some sweet tea anytime!
Damn girl you can write your ass off. So impressed with the way you have been handling yourself. There is no one way to act for ANY mental illness. If there was then everyone could be cured overnight. Keep your eye on the prize. The prize being YOUR life. Thanks for sharing. I'll pick up a little stone tomorrow and put it on my dresser for you. <3
i'm sorry. depression sucks the big one, i've been there. hard. and anyone who tells you to not have children should shove something up their backside. and this is coming from the self-proclaimed "one and done" chick.
I'm glad that you're making decisions that feel right for you and your family.
So much of this entry resonates with me. I've said some really regretful stuff online as well. I have offered my apologies, but with some people, the damage has been done. That's life. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and do it differently next time. Motherhood has made me a lot kinder, too. Plus I just don't have the energy for drama anymore. Life is too damn short.
I let a lot of stuff out on my blog, especially this past year. I know that I've lost readers, but I don't care. I never blogged because I wanted an audience anyway. I figure the ones who matter are the ones who stick around. I get a lot less comments than I used to, but I don't really care about that either. Again, motherhood has changed me in this way. I need to say what I need to say. People can read it, or not. Because it's my blog. My house.
I think you are awesome. So glad you had a great day.
PPD changes you. Forever. It is up to us to let it change us in a positive way.
Of course you love your son, of course you are the ONE to him.
And I totally agree about what you said about Karma.
I think we all just hope when we are down and out with something, someone will say "It's ok, I still love you, your still a good person, and God will still stand by you and hold you."
I have just gotten beyond PPD. I had a baby almost the exact same time as you, and a miscarriage almost to the day you did. (due a week before you were) So I have followed you with interest.
All I can say is PPD will lift off your life like a vale, leaving you changed, but also a better Mom. Because you will know you worked damn hard to be who you are. Who God wanted you to be. A mother, a wife, a child, and a PPD survivor. God bless.
I had no idea people wrote negative comments to you. I have enjoyed the honesty of your blog for a while now, and hoped you got nothing but encouragement from everyone who reads it. People who feel the need to judge you or your life need to not read your blog, or anyone's for that matter.
I am sending you all my good energy and encouragement.
Moms need to stick together its tough out there! Your strength encourages me.
I am so glad for you. I have been reading since I saw you on the first tri boards. I too, noticed you soften once you had Harrison, then, as I noticed you had, I realized I had also softened. I wish so much that women would support eachother instead of tearing eachother up. We are all going through so many of the same things, it would be nice to have friends, instead of enemies.
Your posts are so full of emotion I do find myself tearing up when I read. I am so glad you are starting to feel better, and I am really glad that you wrote this post.
I sincerely wish you the best, and will always be around to read, whatever it is you are writing about
xo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6w5szlpedY
This song was a HUGE inspiration to me, just as I found myself in the midst of recovering from PPD. Enjoy.
Good for you.
Blair,
Beautiful post, and very similar to what I've been thinking lately. I don't have PPD, and I haven't been blogging for very long, but I've been feeling like I've been focusing too much on everything else instead of my family. I've been feeling so overwhelmed and cranky with my husband and my boys. Part of me would like to just quit everything and just focus on being a great wife and mother, but I feel like I can't just quit everything else. I feel like I have to try and make some extra income because we are so tight on just DH income. I'm beginning to resent that, even though the things I've been doing are things I really used to enjoy. Maybe it's the fact of having 3 kids now with the third only 9 months old. I don't remember feeling quite like this with just the other two. Anyway, you are right. We need to focus on the little rocks, we need to focus on the most important things and then everything else will fall into place.
I've seen some of the negative and rude comments, and it's not okay. We don't always need to speak or write what we are thinking about someone. If it's going to hurt someone and it's not being spoken out of love, then it shouldn't be said! If I don't like someones blog or post then I just leave and don't read anymore. I think more people need to just do that.
Anyway, Thank you for this post!
well said!
When you put yourself out there, and bare your soul to the world like you have done, it opens you up to everyone's criticism. And sometimes people are not so nice. Downright nasty in fact. You do not deserve some of the comments that you received.
We read your blog because we like hearing what you have to say. You don't need to bare your soul, or load on giveaways for us to stick around. At least not for me. You've helped me more than you know. I am back on the road to being the mother I want to be for my babies because I saw the strength you had and it inspired me to dig down deep and find my own strength to seek help. Thank you for that.
I'm glad you had a good day, and I hope for more and more of those for you!
Yay you!!!
Kick whatever rocks you want to kick… we'll all be here to help clear the road if you want us!
So glad to see this. I know I don't know you, but as a frequent reader of your blog I often found myself wanting to give you a big hug and tell you that you don't have to keep so many balls in the air. And as someone who frequented the Bump during your tri days, I appreciate and admire your apology. I hope you and your sweet boy keep having all kinds of fun together.
Blair, I am horrified that someone could tell you that you are a bad mother. You are a good mom. You got help when you needed it. I appreciate your honesty. It must be so hard to put your ppd out there so openly, but I know that it has helped a lot of people. Me included.
Amber
Good for you!! Do what works best for you! And PPD is no reason for not having more children or for people saying you are a bad mother. I believe that your son will look back on these posts and this experience of yours & be thankful for a mom who worked HARD to overcome something that MANY women struggle with. It takes courage to open up about it and courage to face it head on.
I feel like I've been saying this for a long time now…get off the internet.
Do you know people who spend excessive amounts of time on the internet have higher levels of depression than people who don't?
Let it go. You are relying on the opinions and support of a bunch of nameless, faceless individuals. You talk about the time it takes to write an entry, but in reality, let's talk about the emotional time and investment this blog has been in your life.
It's okay to let it go. I worry that the legions of sycophantic followers are simply a bunch of 'yes' men (women?) hoping you write for their sake. There have been haters, yes, and that's because when you put it out there, you have to expect to get it back. It unreasonable to expect everyone to be supportive and appropriate (though it would be nice) all of the time.
Please, please, please (again) invest your time in the people who really matter. The people who know your last name, how you take your coffee, and the ones that can give Harrison lots of real kisses and snuggles. Ignore the rest. And remember, you can always turn off the computer and just walk away from it. Best to you.
So glad you're deciding what's best for you and your family – we'll be here throughout that!
i rarely comment on here – mostly because others say what i think and mostly say it better : ) but today i wanted to add to the voices so that they might become a shout…you are a caring, flawed, funny, and yes possibly a little bit crazy woman…it's why we all tune in…and yes i "knew" you from the bump and at times i found you hysterical, and other times unecessarily mean…but who isn't both those things at points? don't kill yourself for your past…you have learned from it and as far as i can tell you make a concerted effort to better yourself everyday…you got sick (through no fault of your own) and you have done everything in your power to make yourself well…you are striving to be the best person, mother, career woman, wife, etc. that you can be…there is no shame in not having been perfect…there is no shame in not being perfect…you are working on it…and that is more that a lot of people do…good luck blair…and ps…a friend of mine has ppd and because i read this blog i realized the things she was telling me were not just normal frustrations…they were a sign of something more…she went to her dr and is now on meds and working to change her life…she is happier than she has been in a long time and you had a part in that…your honestly helped me help her…so while i understand and applaud your desire to keep things private and write what makes you happy…don't regret being honest…it has been worthwhile…
I'm pretty sure we will all enjoy your posts no matter what.
Very well-written!
YAAAAY! I have to say, this is the first time since you had Harrison that I'm reading your blog and thinking there is a happy person in there somewhere
I just hope you keep letting your little light shine. Seems you are on the way up my friend 
I think you had an epiphany. So excited for what's to come. Hang in there!
Blair you are so amazing! I don't know if you feel amazing right now, but you ARE.
Just think about this for a second – why would you spend time on something that you hated? Ok. So just imagine how petty and miserable those haters are. If they hate what you say so much, why do they waste time reading? Exactly.
Keep your head up, Blair. You rock. (no pun intended)
Good for you. Staying true to ourselves is one of the hardest things.
Good for you Blair – I'm glad you're keeping your heart safe. Keep on keepin' on. *hugs*
I am a long time reader but not sure if I have posted a comment. Our babies are both about the same age. I have enjoyed reading your blog not only on the days that are light and fun (fluff). But also the days you write about serious topics such as PPD. I think that it is refreshing to read such honesty and I am sickened that anyone would judge you by what is said here on Heir to Blair. I think you are doing a wonderful job with Harrison. Motherhood is such a difficult job and I never would have believed it even if someone would have told me. I have had days just like you where I wanted to be somewhere else. I respect your decision to hold back a little more with the blog. But just know there are people out there like me who are SUPER supportive and are hoping only for the best for you. And I see more children in your future. How could you not? Harrison is one handsome dude! I would love to see a little handsome/adorable sibling for him. Hang in there! You give me hope for the future and something to look forward to each day with your posts!!
Blair,
You are amazing! What you are going through it so normal, and your honesty is palpable. Every one of us questions the things we have done and the path we have taken. Sometimes we need rocks to KICK us back into shape.
If there is any way we can help, please let us know. If you need a break, we'll help. Sometimes, it takes some time away to get perspective.
Respectfully yours,
Sarah Baron
Blair,
I just wanted to say a few things. I have been following you since the bump, and I must say have always been entertained by you,and yeah sometimes I did think you were hurtful to some that really didn't deserve it, but hey you live and learn Right? When I saw you had a blog, I was like omg no way I have to follow her, she is so freaking hilarious. Anyways are far as people saying that your a bad mother, I think they can suck it, I mean who the hell are they to make such a judgement? You have been so honest and open about your pesonal life, I guess it is bound to happen, but you have stayed so strong through your whole ppd ordeal. You are such an inspiration to me and I'm sure others as well. SO please don't let the negatives get you down. Keep your chin up girl. Your #1 fan(okay maybe not #1 But #2 for sure):)
Blair, you seem very sensitive to what people write on here. Which is surprising considering you have always paraded your "E-Feelings DON'T EXIST" attitude. I guess you are changing for the better but I think you are getting eaten alive by the comments on your blog and that is really sad.
Please, get back to the fluff, you don't need to be a barter for PPD.
I have been reading your blog for about a year now, and love it! I have sent others to read it too. keep your head up! we love you and you make us laugh. thanks for the smiles!
I had my second child in December 2009, so I was on the trimester boards and remember you from The Bump. I have to be honest here – for a while, i viewed you as one of the "mean girls" from The Bump. You weren't the only one, there were several on there who seemed to berate and belittle anyone who asked anything deemed as a "stupid" question. Even going through a pregnancy a second time, I thought you, and others, were way too harsh on first time moms asking questions, even if they were obvious ones. To be honest, if I had been a first time mom with questions about pregnancy, I would have never posted them on there for fear of being mocked. That's not a good feeling. I know people's feelings were hurt. A lot. I started following your blog after H was born, and I remember thinking, "this is NOT the person who was on the Bump." You seemed so much more personable, so much sweeter, on your blog. I'm not sure what was going on on those message boards. I'm not sure if that was just a persona, or if you just got caught up in the group mentality that happened on those boards (it happened a lot with a lot of people it seems) Anyway, I'm not trying to make you feel worse, or ram anything down your throat. No matter what you did/said, you don't need to take people's comments to heart. When you put yourself out there like this in the internet world, you are going to have people who love you and hate, who have wonderful and supportive things to say to you, and who have horrible things to say to you. It's almost like a version of tabloids for celebrities.
If YOU still enjoy doing your blog, and if it makes YOU happy, then by all means, keep on keepin' on, and ignore what people may say. If it all becomes too much for you, and it starts to hinder in your rehabilitation from PPD, then I think it's time to take a break from it. But, do it for YOU, whatever you decide.
I think you are going to look back on that post in a couple of months and understand why you got the reaction that you did. Similar to your post about it being easier to be a SAHM. I couldn't relate to the great expectations thing, but would never be mean about it. A lot of people don't understand mental illness, I think it was bound to get wacko responses. Probably for the best to keep some of the more personal struggles like that for your family and psychiatrist. Or even a PPD support website? As I was reading the responses, there was a big divide between those suffering from PPD and those who aren't. And don't feel as though you have to defend yourself and your feelings; it's YOUR blog.
I thought I posted this last night but I guess not… I adored this post, I adore you and this is hands down the most Beth Anne that Blair gas ever been! Keep up your fight girl, you will be victorious!
Sorry gas = has
Whatever you decide to write, whenever you decide to write it….do what's best for YOU! Like I have said before-eff the haters and take care of yourself!
I am so sorry that there are people out there who feel the need to say hurtful things. I truly feel like it is a privilege to read your blog. As far as I'm concerned, you go, girl!
Blair – I've been a long time reader and fan of yours. Probably over a year now, though I think this is only the 3rd time I've commented.
THIS post, is the Blair that drew me in and kept me reading for so long. If you don't mind my honesty several of your recent posts I just felt so disconnected from. After reading your Expectations post, the post itself and comments left me bothered for many, many hours. But like you said it is YOUR blog, YOUR place to put your feelings, and write whatever the hell YOU want to. But I was so bothered that I "unsubscribed" you from my Reader for the first time in over a year. You wouldn't miss little old me, you have enough of a following. For myself I needed to escape some of the upset feelings I had from the post and comments that were eating me up inside.
However, I couldn't help but sneak back today, and see what you're up to. I'm glad I did. No matter what Blair, I hope you keep doing whatever works for you and is best for you. You'll come out on top no matter what.
Love her or hate her, Dooce is a perfect example of how one woman who had really incredible, devastating PPD can be perfectly (or perhaps imperfectly) fine the next time. Don't ever let anybody bring you down.
Blog what you want. With this many commenters comes negativity – sadly that's the way the game goes. But it's still a great outlet. Just don't let it BE you.
I wanted to cry when you announced your miscarriage on the bump. Then I was disgusted at how vicious you became to other first time moms. Humilating and berating a preganant woman for using the word "preggo"..then mocking anyone that defended her??? I felt sorry for your unborn child when you announced your second pregnancy. But I'm glad you are finally seeing the errors in your ways. good luck to you blair or whatever your name is.
I still maintain that preggo is an extremely silly word
But you're right, I was a bitch. I'm sorry about that.
This is the most beautiful thing you have written. I've been a lurker on your blog a long time, we were pregnant "together" on the bump. (My little guy is a couple weeks younger than Harrison.) I've seen your transformation and it is amazing. You are a beautiful human being, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. My prayers are with you as you fight your battles, because the good guys should always win.
Blair, I just wanted to tell you that you're doing FINE. Being honest about PPD is what drew me to your site, as a fellow survivor. And anyone who says don't have another kid, tell 'em to suck it. In fact, after reading a recent post of yours about being real and not lying to mothers, I wrote something about that exact thing. I was told some of what I wrote during my experience was/is too honest, too, but it's what I needed to wrote, so it worked for me. I'm pregnant now with my third, after PPD with the second, and as scared as I sometimes feel… my baby is the ONE. well, the Third part of the ONE. I wouldn't call the kids the holy trinity or anything, LOL, but they make MY life better and worthwhile.
Keep at your rocks, write what you need. I'm reading and feeling it.
I have to give you "mad props" for this one, for tackling the PPD so early on in Harrison's life, and for being so willing to share all of it here. It took the birth of our 2nd son when our 1st was 22 months for me to FINALLY be able to start bonding with our oldest. I wish I had the guts you did to admit to others and sometimes myself that I did have really bad PPD…it doesn't help after the fact. Here's to hoping you have many more good days like this!!