Sean Connery & other forms of human torture.

30 Jun posted by

Today sucked.  Not like a PPD suck, but like an average-run-of-the-mill-human-life suck.  Which is welcomed to some degree that I’m not anywhere near close to needing another psych admission, although the suckitude of this day makes me thankful that it is roughly T-2 hours until bedtime.  News from a friend had my heart both aching & soaring.  My office was freezing to a form of torture throughout the day.  My zipper got stuck in my left breast.  I have pureed turkey in my hair.  & tonight, we got the bill in the mail for my hospital stay.  I’ll spare you the details, but that crashing sound you heard around 6:15pm EST was a part of my soul wailing.

p.s.  consider this an open invitation to anyone who claims I lied about my hospital stay to please step forward & pay said bill.

Obviously, this day pales in comparison to many other days & to many other people & their even worse days.  But I still wanted to drown my sorrows in a plate of cookies & then go see a certain fine piece of jailbait take off his shirt in a certain vampire movie ALL BY MYSELF in a dark theatre.  So that I could pretty much ignore all life-form existence.

But I didn’t.

I went for a run instead.  & then I wrote all of my angry rantings out in a place that you can’t see.  neener neener neener!  & I’m considering going for another run because I don’t feel like my frustration with this day is adequately thwarted.  But at least I’m not 3,000 calories into a plate of chocolate chip cookies & on the phone with my psychiatrist begging for sleeping pills.  That is so two months ago.

o

One redeeming quality to this day?  I realized that the Knights That Say ‘NI’ from Monty Python sound like Sean Connery if he did a tank of helium.

HeirtoBlair500x150 v41 Sean Connery & other forms of human torture.

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Filed Under: BA is effing crazy, Life in General, the uphill battle

You’re pretty.

29 Jun posted by

I really do have the sweetest husband alive.

Last night, we crawled into bed.  I wore a grungy old ADPi tshirt from college, a pair of his boxers, with zit cream & lime-green rollers in my hair (HEY, DON’T JUDGE MY NOD TO 1950, OKAY?!) & he leaned over to kiss me.  “Babe,” he said.  “You’re pretty.”

YOU’RE PRETTY.

I giggled, kissed him, & sat back thoughtfully for a moment.  “Do you think other people find me attractive?” I asked.  Nate looked confused.  “Like, you are REQUIRED by law to worship my stretch marks & think my squinty left eye is kinda cute, but do you think other people look at me & say, ‘she’s pretty?’”

“Yeah,” he drawled.  “I think so.  Because you’re pretty.”

When I was 14, those were the only words I ever wanted to hear from a boy – YOU’RE PRETTY.   I was three years into the hellacious torture that was puberty, but thankfully boys stopped telling me I was ugly to my face after middle school.  But their words still rang in my ears throughout high school & all I wanted, even more than an actual boyfriend, was to hear the words “you’re pretty.”  Like a verbal one night stand.  I wanted validation that I didn’t belong in the dog house, that someone would eventually love & marry me, & that I might, just MIGHT get asked to Homecoming.

I was never asked to Homecoming.  & I never heard the words “you’re pretty” from a boy.  At least, not in high school.

I don’t know what the issue was – The Momma swears it was intimidation, but honestly, I think I just needed to grow into my own skin.  My height embarrassed me, & even though I was slender, I still felt “fat” compared to my size 2 cheerleader counterparts.  I didn’t feel pretty & I swore until a boy told me I was pretty, I wouldn’t feel it.  Oh, the insecure heart of a 14-year-old girl.

I did eventually get a boyfriend.  He was a great first boyfriend.  (He would have been the worst last boyfriend ever.)  & you know what?  I can’t remember if he told me I was pretty.  I’m sure he did.  But by the time that boyfriend rolled around, it didn’t matter.  I had moved past that insecurity & was growing into my role as business student, sorority president, & newly minted lover of 3-inch heels.  I didn’t crave that verbal validation.

& I haven’t in years.  But last night, feeling rather frumpy as a new mom with zit cream & hair rollers, I wanted to know that I was attractive.  Flabby ass & grungy tshirt pajamas be damned.  & thank God that now, I have a boy to tell me that he thinks I’m pretty.  & then tackle me in the sack to prove it.

-

p.s.  this is so not a fish for compliments post.  but the letters to your younger self that everyone was writing yesterday made me think of this.
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Filed Under: All about BA, BA's a nerd, Fears, Life in General, The I Do's

Finding inspiration.

28 Jun posted by

Good Monday morning, y’all.  ::yawns & passes around cups of skinny lattes:: I hope everyone had a wonderful week & weekend!

Last week, I made the commitment to be more hard-core about my diet.  It’s slowly, slowly paying off but I discovered Nutrisystem’s app for the iTouch or iPhone or iWhatever through their website & started logging my food on there.  Makes it SO MUCH EASIER because their food is right there & I just plug it all in.  You know how people always say to write down what you eat & it holds you accountable?  So true.

DSC 0055 1024x685 Finding inspiration.

But with weather like this, it’s hard to get outside & work out, or even hop on the elliptical in the room over the garage (where it is also blistering hot):

Picture 1 Finding inspiration.

By the way, that was taken after 5pm.  AFTER 5PM.  Goodbye, evening walk for the day.  Thankfully, it looks like we’ll get a break around Thursday out of the high 90′s & be back outside after work.

I’ve been having a “rough go” of it diet-wise the past few weeks.  Some weight gain, some plateaus, some general “blah” feelings about it & learning to balance happiness while not equating it with food consumption.  As in, being happy does not give me license to pound back a bag of pretzel M&M’s.  For those of us that struggle with weight our entire lives, or even after an event, we know how hard it is.  So many of y’all have told me that you find me inspiring, which is so mind-blowing to me.  But thank you.  Because while I never dream to be inspiring MYSELF, I do dream of McFatty Monday as a whole to be inspiring to others the way it motivates me.

& so I thought I’d do a new segment – other McFatty’s (said with love) that are inspiring.  Others that are changing their lives.  They’ll get a little interview, or maybe do a video.  Before & after pictures.  & without further delay, please meet Alena of Charmingly Chandler, our

Featured McFatty.

1.  What weight loss/get fit program are you following?  Why did you choose it?

I am on Nutrisystem,  closing in on the end of the 2nd month (I’d love to keep doing it through the end the of summer, but funds and such).  Truthfully I chose it after seeing you and how amazing the results were.  It was the best decision for me to lose weight!

2.  Rude Question of the Day.  How much weight have you lost?

18 pounds! Of course I always gain a pound or two on the weekends.  I’m hoping to reach an even 20 by Friday!!

3.  What is your favorite part about weight loss so far?

How I look from the side.  Is that vain or what?!  Like when I walk by a mirror and I glance over I am always excited and happy!  Oh and that most of my skinny jeans go up and button and there’s not (much of) a muffin top!

4.  What is the hardest part about staying motivated?

Making food for Cody and not eating it.  That was SO HARD. I was really really strict the first month, but I’ve been more lax this month because I knew I’d quit if I didn’t.  Thus the cheating on the weekends!  I still don’t eat CRAP on the weekends, but we go out to eat and I’ll eat more/worse than the weekdays. Oh and giving up Milo’s Tea.

5.  If you were stranded on an island, what person object food would you like to be stranded with?

Do I have a way to cook this food? Steak. I’m sure ever vegan/vegetarian reading just cringed. But now more than ever I crave steak.  Forget pizza!!

6.  Cats or Dogs?

Dogs.

7.  Now say something motivational.

You can dooo it!  But seriously.  Life it too short to be sad every time you get dressed or look at family pictures.  You should be happy with how you look.  If you need to push yourself to look at the mirror and like what you see…then that’s what you need to do.  So chop chop!  Get to it!

beforeandafter 1024x883 Finding inspiration.

Alena, you are awesome. So…WHAT IS INSPIRING ABOUT YOU & YOUR JOURNEY?!  Tell me.  BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF.  Tell me what you’ve done that’s amazing, that you have never done before, that you’re proud of.

Mine:  I realized the other day that even for my wedding, this is the most weight I have EVER lost at one time.  Which means I can lose weight.  I’ve said it before, but this is HUGE for my mental makeover on weightloss & getting fit.  Next week?  We talk about working out, running, & tutus.  Oh, indeed.

required disclaimer: i am being supplied with nutrisystem food by nutrisystem, free of cost to me.  sweet, right?  but i assure you, i began nutrisystem on my own in january, spent my own money for 4 months, & fully endorse the program.  i’m just thankful that they’ll be helping me out on my last leg of the journey!  to join me on the Nutrisystem program and to receive a special offer, call 1-877-704-0597 or click here.

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Filed Under: McFatty Monday

I slathered myself in SPF 50 & still got a little burned. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

27 Jun posted by

We have these amazing friends that have a boat & these amazing parents that babysit so we can get away for the day.

meJenny 1024x403 I slathered myself in SPF 50 & still got a little burned. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

You know, to relax, to celebrate our upcoming anniversary, & to hug the neck of a friend who is changing the world three embryos at a time.  & to get silly in the water, float on rafts, get a wee bit sunburned, watch the World Cup from a restaurant that you park your boat at, & still remain indecisive if I can rock the movie-star sunglasses.

meonboat 1024x768 I slathered myself in SPF 50 & still got a little burned. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

I’m thinking not.  But they’re still kinda fun.  & with gorgeous weather, homemade salsa, & good friends, it really didn’t matter.

onboat 1024x768 I slathered myself in SPF 50 & still got a little burned. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

oh, & this guy by my side.  I just love the snot out of him.

We’re a little sunburned & a lot tired.  & we missed our baby.  & apparently he’s standing & WALKING in his walker now.  Not just scooting.  This new development occurred while we were away, so remind me to never leave his side again or else I’ll come home one day & find him married to one of Jenny’s triplets & be a grandma, okay?

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Filed Under: I have real-life friends, Life in General, Outsourcing Parenting Skills

Parents are creepy.

25 Jun posted by

I thought about this as I watched Nate crawl out of Harrison’s room last night.

No, really.  He CRAWLED out on his hands & knees because when he went in for one last check before bed, Harry popped up on his elbows.  Looked around like, “Hey, WTF?!”  & Nate hit the floor before he could be seen.  & as our son grunted & tried to go back to sleep, his father army-crawled out of his room in silence while his mother buried her face in a pillow to stifle the laughter.

But really.  It’s meant out of love, but I’d totally be creeped out if I knew someone was standing over me in the dark, silently watching me sleep, analyzing every breath for five minutes straight.

& damn, now I can’t get that song out of my head now.  “I always feel like, somebody’s waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatching me!”

51 Comments
Filed Under: BA is effing crazy, Random
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