Dear Harrison,
I struggle to begin this letter because all I want it to say is “I love you. & everything I do, I do it for you.” But a) that’s too cheesy & b) I’m pretty sure Bryan Adams would take issue on a copyright rampage. Harrison, sometimes it breaks my heart knowing how much of your life I have already missed, thanks to PPD, work, & hospitilization. I feel an overwhelming sense of grief & anger at how fast the time flies, but then I look down at your sweet face & know how steadfast & resilient you are (just like your Daddy) & I know that everything will be okay.
Baby, I know I’ve told you this before, but what has happened to me is NOT YOUR FAULT. I will tell you all about it one day, or you may read this, but know that while the past week has been hard on your little heart that’s only been beating a little over a year, I did this out of love, keeping my promise that I will do anything to keep you safe, happy, & to have a mother that can give you 150% of her being.
Because, Harry, I love you. & everything I do, I do it for you.
Love,
Momma
Harrison, 7 months.
p.s. you amaze me every day. you’re crawling, pulling up, & even CRUISING on furniture at times until i want to knock you down & say “not so fast, buster!” but instead, i’m cheering you on with open arms & a cheesy smile, glowing with pride at your ability to crawl & say “babababababa” at the same time. p.p.s. when i’m 99.9 ears old & crawling around while gurgling “bababababa,” i hope you return the favor & cheer me on with pride. p.s.p.s. (or whatever the next thing is after p.p.s.) you’re still allergic to dairy. damn it.
You are so brave and one day Harry will say thank you for being so brave you are the best mom anyone can hope for. I love your letters to your son they are inspiring to me and reading your blog makes me a better mom.
Blair, I have missed you! Your letter brought real tears to my eyes! Your love is so true and genuine! Don't beat yourself up honey, Harrison will love you no matter what! We all love you!! I have been praying for you and your family & will continue to do so!! You are a brave strong person, this is nothing but another obstacle to help build your testimony. You are helping thousands of women by being so open about this! And for that we all thank you!!
Your son is beautiful, and honey so are you. Harry will grow up knowing how hard his momma worked to be an amazing, healthy woman. You are so brave. You asking for help, knowing your limitations and ADMITTING them for the world to see. Bravo and ((hugs))
You. Rock.
That is beautiful. They grow up way too fast. My daughter is 9 months and it's just INSANITY!! Your son is a handsome little guy.
so sweet. he is absolutely ADORABLE!
beautiful as always.
♥ beautiful
what a sweet, adorable boy!
What a hunk.
I'm so happy you are feeling better.
He's so cute & growing up so fast! Another great letter BA!
SO handsome! He looks wonderfully happy and I'm sure he knows his mama loves him.
wow, blair. i am literally crying right now. my son is also 7mo and i am pretty sure I have PPD but I dont have insurance right now (long story). I am just trying to cope but my husband does not understand. I just try to make it everyday and make sure my baby is smiling and that helps,.
I love your letter to Harrison and I feel the same way to my son (minus the allergy)
thanks
I am so proud of you and my heart goes out to you and your family. You have been dealt a really rough hand and your courage and honesty with this is admirable. Best wishes for your continued recovery, and T&P that you find the inner peace you are seeking.
I'm crying. I hope that deep inside, you know what an amazing mother you are. Because only an amazing mother would take the time and write such beautiful letters to her child. I'm sure it's going to be a long road yet for you, and we'll be praying for you the whole way.
PS: Yay Harry! Welcome to the small freedom of mobility!!
You are so brave and made me cry!! Harrison loves you unconditionally and knows that you love him!! Good luck on your road to ‘normal’.
First, the letter is beautiful. Second, dairy allergies BLOW GIANT CHUNKS. Nutramigen and Alimentum are so expensive they should be available via prescription so my insurance could help cover the cost. Because, I mean, the babe has to eat, right!?!?!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that in addition to not being alone with the PPD/PPA, you’re also not alone with the dairy-sucks thing. Have you tried soy formula yet? We were able to switch J from Nutramigen to Up & Up Soy with no trouble when he was around Harry’s age. So, if you haven’t tried it yet, it might be worth a shot. (I know you mentioned trying milk-based formula in an earlier post, so I thought I’d throw soy out there as an option…)
Aw happy 7 months Harrison! You’re getting so handsome and you have the best mom – I hope you know that. She’s a superwoman!
I know sometimes you don’t feel like you are, but you are a GREAT mama. For loving and protecting your son like you do. Just so you know.
Incredible photo – he just keeps getting cuter!
He's a doll and you're a gem…a perfect match….here's to all happy times ahead
he gets more and more adorable
I agree dairy allergies suck… you are not alone. LO can not have soy or dairy and is on neocate… hang in there
There is sooo much to come and he will know that you are there for him!
And dairy allergies suck giant donkey balls! I BF DD (now almost 2, gah) and I didn't eat/drink a lot of dairy. So when we tried to switch to whole milk, projectile vomit, hives, and diarrhea set in. Her diet is still not so fun to manage. I have to check restaurant menus and allergy lists before we go out, casseroles/comfort food in witner are just plain impossible, and c'mon….no ice cream! I hope Harrison outgrows it quicker than my DD!
Oh my, he's such a cutie! Beautiful letter.
What a great mommy!
Oh, B. I have, too, dug myself out from under a pile of shit that was stuck to the bottom of the barrell. You can do it!! There are still days where all I can do is take care of Jackson and crawl in bed. I’m sure mine is at a manageable level because I never stopped taking meds while I was pregnant. One day at a time my friend. Just let go.
Ps. Is that a Post-It note stuck to H covering your last initial??
He is beautiful Blair!! It is apparent through your letter that he is your everything and you love him so!!
now that song is stuck in my head. thanks a lot.
such a cute baby – his eyes are sooooooooooo blue!!!
He is so handsome BA! Happy 7 Months Harry!
beautiful lover
haha wow I need to think and read before I go and send things off. I meant to say
Beautiful letter
He looks just like you in this picture, Beth Anne. <3
So much preciousness.
Love that Brian Adams song! Take care & please let me know if there is anything I can do (even if you are a few states away). You have my email- Gini
What a handsome little chap! You're such a sweet mom. Lucky, lucky boy you have there!
Blair, I also have boys with food allergies. When Harrison is old enough, and if he starts begging for chocolate, you’re going to have to try this place: http://www.pattycakeveganbakery.com/. I have no affiliation to the bakery, it’s just I know how tricky food allergies can be. Plus, this bakery has some of the best baked goods I’ve ever tried, and it allows my boys to actually have birthday cakes at their parties. (You can mail-order, I think.)
Also, a friend of mine has a blog (www.thecelebrationshoppe) with a great section about baking for kids with food allergies…you might want to check it out!
Best wishes!
Thank you, Maura!!!!!
Yeah, soy was a no-go for us as well to all other comments! I wish!
We're looking at trying re-introduction again at 12 months.