I cannot do everything. ugh. I hate admitting that. I like to pretend that I wear this SuperMom cape that leaps mountains with a single bound, but really, I’m just sort of skirting around them.
Hey, guess what? I’m human. I can’t spin the world on my pinky. I can’t be a working mother & desperate housewife all at the same time. (also, sometimes I fart. it’s a true story, but don’t tell Nate) I cannot be full-time at everything I do. No matter how hard I resist that fact. The other Type-A OCD folks reading this are nodding their heads. They know what it’s like to be unable to say “no,” to place boundaries & limits on yourself.
Something has to give. I feel stretched to the max. But what can you give up when you love all of it AND all of it is a priority?
- motherhood
- marriage
- career work
- blog, aka “me” time
- housework
- life in general
It’s just…TIME. TIME IS THE ENEMY, PEOPLE. Seriously, BAD IDEA to only put 24 hours in a day. Who did that? Ben Franklin, was it you? We’re going to HAVE WORDS.
oh, it was you, God? Never mind then. 24 hors is PERFECT. ::awkward pause::
Here’s where I’m struggling this week. ALWAYS struggling – how to fit it all in.
I’ve tried outsourcing my housekeeping. For a few weeks, it was glorious. Then they got lazy. They broke a vase, didn’t clean the desk, stove, & stole my sedatives.
side note in case said housekeepers are reading: YOU STOLE TWO PILLS. When there were only 3 1/2 in there. You should have taken the entire bottle so I would have been all I’M THE IDIOT THAT LOSES PRESCRIPTIONS. Not to mention, that’s only enough to put you out for like, 8 hours MAX.
Not a great experience. I just don’t feel comfortable handing strangers a key to my house & leaving them there for hours while I’m at work. & I hated forking over the cash for something I am still physically capable of doing myself. So that convenience flew right out the window, but it also leaves me with a dirty house – do I sacrifice weekend time to clean in one swoop, or do I sacrifice time in the evenings to clean slowly? Nate helps, of course, but he needs a break after work, too.
Do I take one room at a time per day? One task per day? I pondered this when I was pregnant, wondering how it would all pan out. & I STILL DON’T HAVE IT FIGURED OUT.
Maybe I need to give Fly Lady another chance. But honestly? She stresses me out. Rules about shining your sink?! I just need to get the damn dishes OUT OF THE SINK first. In my head, it works out perfectly – we get home, we play with Harrison & put him to bed. That actually happen per routine every night. Where it falls apart is AFTER Harry is in bed – typically, we grab a quick microwave-heated dinner, then I sit down to blog while Nate peruses his golf boards in quiet happiness. I should plow through a cleaning task, a load of laundry, & work in the yard. I should go for a run & cook a nutritious dinner & make baby food. But I don’t. I collapse at my desk, trying to unwind for an hour before it’s time to get ready for bed & tussle with the husband.
& honestly, I feel like if I cram in all the things I “should” do, then I really will become a desperate housewife who does nothing but work & keep house with no sense of self or individual hobby. (because unfortunately, working out is so not a hobby or “me time.” that’s like saying going to the dentist is “me time.”)
Note to self: make dental appointment.
So, what works for you?
I know I’ve asked this before. But I’m going to keep asking & keep trying different things until they work.
Do you clean in one swoop on the weekends? Does your husband help or does he watch the baby while you clean? If he helps, what do you do with the baby?
Or do you clean here & there on the weekdays with specific tasks? Or specific rooms assigned? I’m kind of thinking of doing one room per night.
Or MAYBE (& this is where I spin off into a thousand different directions, so stay with me), I create a very specific weekday schedule.
Monday: Harry, dinner, bathrooms, laundry.
Tuesday: Harry, dinner, workout, NO BLOG, dust/mop downstairs.
Wednesday: Harry, dinner, kitchen, blog.
Thursday: Harry, dinner, PPD Support group, wee blogging.
Friday: Harry, work out, Date Night In with Nate, NO BLOG. NO HOUSEWORK.
& then clean the rest & garden & yard work on Saturday? ::sigh:: I don’t know. I do know, however, that Tuesday & Friday nights are officially becoming NO BLOG nights. No blogging, no answering emails. The blog is to me what Nate’s golf boards are to him – relaxing, a wind-down. But I’m going to have to give it up on an every night basis to do what needs to be done. & that’s a good thing.
Also, has anyone kept a big cooler in their trunk for cold goods so you can grocery shop on your lunch break? Does that work, or do people think you’re hiding a body?
Almost seven months in, & I am nowhere near figuring out this whole mom-schedule thing.
Maybe I would be feeling more of what you expressed if my 6 1/2-month-old baby went to bed at a reasonable hour! He is a horrible napper, too, so when I have my days off I basically just try to get small tasks done while he is in a good mood. Our house has had moments of clean, but in general, I feel so behind and frustrated I try not to even focus on it. I keep saying getting the cleaning done will get easier soon… I hope so!!
Groceries: I order online. Done.
Dishes and laundry – as we can. Sometimes I throw a load in in the morning before work, he gets it out, I fold it 3 days later.
Everything else – I live by this: A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. It's hard to let go… but now is not my time to be the perfect housekeeper.
I could have written the 1st two paragraphs myself today. Reading those words made be cry (again, 3rd time in 2 days) because I can't handle it all. I have no kids (well, 3 cats, but you know) so I can't even compare me to you except to say i completely understand and I can't do everything either. What a bummer it is to type, to say, and to realize. And calming I guess at the same time. This human thing is annoying sometimes. lol
oh, and yes, order your groceries online. The one thing I can tell you that works like a charm. They will even bring the groceries into your kitchen. How awesomely cool is that, especially if you have a bunch of steps out front.
Two words. Real Simple. Every month they have 5 minute ways to clean one room in your house. Amazing. I can get the bathroom done before jumping in the shower on a Saturday and not feel like I gave up my whole morning. That and taking the little one to the grocery store on Sunday mornings before the man is up. Gets it out of the way, and he has to be up when we get back to help with the unloading. There is NO ONE at the grocery store at 8am on Sunday. Only takes about half an hour.
That and now she is old enough (18m) to think it is fun to follow me around the house with a cloth to 'clean' while I do. Makes it more amusing, if not actually fun…
So glad to meet you! Thanks for entering my Gussy giveaway! I'm so excited to follow you now because we sound like we're in the exact same place even if I'm not brave enough to admit it sometimes! Have a great week!
After our 7 month old goes down for bed (around 645 or 7pm) and after dinner each night, (ok most nights), I look at the clock and say "GO!" 15 minutes to clean up dishes, bottles (if needed, we bought like 15 so that it can go like 2 days without a problem, just rinse/empty them after each use). Pick up all the baby toys and put in basket. When 15 minutes is up, I break without guilt. You will find that if you do this each day, then you get faster and faster, and then you are 10 minutes leaving you time to go further like put away shoes, hang clothes, etc.
For other cleaning, I try to follow this schedule:
Toilets Tuesdays (we have 3 ugh!)
Windex Wednesdays (mirrors, the glass doors that dogs like to paw at, etc)
Floors Fridays (swiffer floors, one of us takes baby out side while other vacuums) I used to vacuum daily, it is an obsession, but it falls to once maybe twice a week now.
Surfaces Saturdays- (dusting, bathroom counters, kitchen counters)
Strip the Sheets Sundays (ok, maybe every other Sunday, I hate remaking the bed!)
Those as well I have gotten pretty fast at, and can do in about 10 minutes.
Baseboards and ceiling fans and getting all "Tony Danza moving the couches while vacuuming" have fallen into the category of "things to do when it is daylight savings weekend"
I also read a book called "The Happiness Project", and it advises the 15 minute daily clean up. But also advises the one-minute rule. If it takes less than one minute, just do it. Hanging up your coat, putting your shoes in the hall closet, putting dishes directly in the dishwasher instead of sink.
I also obsess about when the bottle is heating up in the microwave for 20 seconds in the morning, how many dishes can I put away in the dishwasher. I just make games out of it. I am really thinking I need help now that I have put this all in writing!
Sweetie there is an easier solution to all of this: don't use a shoddy cleaning service. Google it my darling blair with wicked internet skills. Call some national people like Merry Maids or an apartment complex and ask them about cleaning services. Decent ones are out there. This is going to sound totally elitist, but the first thing that is going once Steven gets a real job and isn't a student anymore is me cleaning my own house.
I've done the cooler in the trunk in the summer when it is hot and I am shoppin around town. Not a big deal in my opinion. I typically am a clean it all in one swoop person,BUT I have recently learned that a little each day makes it a LOT better. I would definitely space it out over the week and then Saturday/Sunday you just finish up what needs to be done! I always come home and plop down because I am EXHAUSTED at the end of my work day and I need quiet me time. I completely get it.
I try to do 1 weekend a day – I have it written down and hanging on my refrigerator.
I have Saturday as my "off" day and don't usually do anything, but the dishes for the day.
Good luck!!!
I reserve a task a day, that way I don't feel as if I've lost an entire day to cleaning. That said…I still feel overwhelmed some days. Especially as Jack gets older, takes less naps, and is teething. Even with only a part time job, I feel like there are days that I get nothing accomplished. Fine example…I blog maybe once a week. I have a continuous blog running in my head, but I never actually find the time to sit down and put it to er, screen. Anyways…I digress. Here is my cleaning schedule. I keep it posted on our fridge. Since the hubs and I have irregular schedules, the rule is whoever is off does the task and if we both work, we both do it to get it done faster.
Monday-Laundry Day
Tuesday-Bathrooms
Wednesday-Dust all rooms
Thursday-Vacuum
Friday-Change Sheets/Mop floors
Of course daily we keep the common areas picked up, run the dishwasher, and take the garbage out. I've been cleaning like this since the baby was born and honestly it works for us! Good Luck to you!
My 750sq ft apartment is in a constant state of disaster. I have no kids, no pets, and a 15 minute commute. I don't have a physically strenuous job. I have no excuse. (Although, I do work about 47 hours in a 4 day span. And that exhausts me. But still, I have those 3 other days.)
Oh, and I don't volunteer. But I do recycle!
We only clean when we have company coming over. I kid you not.
I'm only 3 months in, back to work about a month ago, and I'm trying to get back into Fly Lady after defecting for a couple of years. I say keep what you like, throw out what you don't. So far her routines help keep the house somewhat presentable. And my hubby helps out with a lot of the big stuff too. Parts of our house are still disgusting though, but I'm too tired on the weekends to give a crap. Good luck.
We have no children, and enjoy a lot of lazy time but working fulltime+ hours sometimes it's hard to get it all done. Honestly yard work is probably our last priority. We don't garden more than shrubs/perennials and the lawn only needs mowing once every 3 or three weeks.
On a daily basis kitchen counters/dishwasher and picking up around the house.
-Sheets/towels washed on sunday.
-Vacuum and wash floors once a week.
-Laundry twice week (only one load) and honestly sometimes it gets thrown in the wash one day and in the dryer the next (ick I know) and folded the next.
-Bathroom cleaned in spurts. Tub one day, sink and toilet the next and the floors get cleaned when the rest of the floors do.
-Garbage/recycles/empties on Thursdays
-Dusting on Fridays since we usually have company at some point over the weekend.
I find that spreading chores out over the week (each chore takes less than an hour if we both work on them) makes it less daunting than taking 4 or 5 hours all on one day.
Holy Comments! Honestly? Working a full-time job & having twin babies & special-needs dog means I just barely get through each day. If everyone is fed, alive, and the house hasn't burnt down I call it a success. I would pound myself on the chest in triumph if I had the energy.
This isn't really helpful but we do the bare minimum to get by. Laundry, dishes, and vacuuming when the floor looks too gross. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
No advice for you. Just wanted to let you know this was exactly today's topic in my therapy session. Now I am going to read all the comments and try to learn the secrets of moms who have advice on this whole thing (7 months here too)
Yeah, I remember when my mom hired housekeepers that were highly recommended. Then I tattled they just mopped with water, and once I came home to find a piece of my grandmother's WWII china under a potted plant as 'decoration'. Yeah, outta there.
I totally hear you on this one. I am also almost 7 months in and have not figured this out either. I feel like my house is a constant mess, no matter how hard I try, and it is quite frustrating. I've tried cleaning everything on the weekends, but then I feel like I don't get any time to just sit down and relax with my little girl and my husband. And being a working mom yourself, you know how precious family time is.
I've considered hiring a housekeeper, but I also am not comfortable with a stranger in my house. And then I think to myself, "quit being lazy, your house is not that big, why pay for someone to do something you could easily do yourself?"
Life is just busy know. And I keep waiting for the moment when I realize how to fit EVERYTHING in one day. I'll let you know when that happens…
I have been thinking this same thing for weeks! 24 hours are just not enough – but I don't have an answer either. I'm just waiting for the day my son is old enough to help with chores…
Hi Blair! I have struggled with keeping my house clean since before my daughter (9 months old) was born. I love a clean house but lack motivation to get it done:) I recently came across the Motivated Moms planner. You should be able to find it if you google it. It is a yearlong planner offered in a variety of layouts. I think I paid $7 for it. You download it and print it out. It is essentially a checklist to follow. It includes daily chores as well as chores that need to be done weekly, monthly, etc. I really love being able to check things off a list and this helps me remember random tasks, such as changing the air filter:) If I don't get something done, I work on it the next day:) You should definitely check it out:) Good luck!
Amanda
You've touched on one of my worries. Little dude will arrive in July, and I'm wondering how it will all work out. I work from home (real estate Broker), and even I thought that I would be able to keep up with the house better when I made that transition about a year and 1/2 ago. Wrong! Work is work no matter where you are.
Anyway… we tend to do things gradually. I'll throw a load of laundry to wash in the morning and then dry/put away some time (days…whatever) later. I'm a schedule person, so anything that can be on a schedule is great. Dishwasher always starts after breakfast and then gets put away before dinner. Floors are done on the wkend, but not every wkend. I've had to get past my neatnik (perfectionist) ways.
I've also been really disappointed with housekeeping services. I've tried 4 different companies/people for clients and it never impresses. I mean… if you're PAYING, you expect it to be incredibly spotless and sparkly, right?? Not even close.
Hi Blair- is there any chance that you can talk to your boss about working from home one day a week? At my office, everyone is allowed to work from home one day per week (usually same day each week). I picked Mondays and it has saved my sanity! In the morning, I help get the baby fed, changed, and off to daycare with the hubs, then I tidy up the living room and usually go for a jog/walk around the neighborhood before logging onto my laptop at 9. I take mini breaks throughout the day to throw in laundry, rotate it, and fold/put away. At lunch I usually do shopping/errands- either grocery store, BRU, or a much needed mani/pedi.
Then at 5, I log off, prep dinner, and pick the baby up from daycare. It has turned into my favorite work day of the week and the one day where I feel like a supermom. I have literally not taken a sick/mental health day since our work-at-home policy started 2 years ago! There's something really calming about being home alone too. You can be so productive!
ahh, nothing like a "work at home'er" giving the impression that work at home mom means, Stay at home mom with a paycheck. Aye yay yay.
Ha! I just wrote about this yesterday:
http://disastersindomesticity.wordpress.com/2010/…
Basically it boils down to two things for me:
1) Do things a little at a time. Like I do 1 load of laundry every day so it doesn't pile up and become overwhelming. I clean the bathroom while I'm getting ready in the morning. I do a "15 minute pick-up" before bed. And then one or two chores each day.
2) I have accepted a level of clean that would have been unacceptable before. Not that the place is "dirty", but more cluttered than I would like. I got used to this when I was on bed rest the last 1/2 of my pregnancy. For instance the Spawn's high chair gets wiped down every evening, but only scrubbed once a week. Same with the kitchen. And if something doesn't get done one week, it'll get done the next, like vacuuming the guest room.
Good luck! You'll have it down soon! And if you don't it's ok. It's only housework
I think general weekly schedule is a great idea, but you have to give yourself wiggle room! You have a bajillion suggestions here so what I'm going to say will be nothing new to you. But, I struggle with the stress of my house not being clean and my time management flying out the window with my clean house scent. It leaves flies and a musty smell behind- no fun.
I do the best I can. When it gets too dirty, the hubs and I take the baby to Gmas and spend a Saturday morning cleaning followed by a romp in the sack. It makes for a glorious Saturday morning. Pick up child & commence happy family time. =)
BTW, are you going to get email subscriptions up and running? I always catch your posts a day after the fact and it's driving me bonkers!!
Oh- did I mention I'm an idiot?
((saw the email subscrip box on the sidebar- please tell me that's new and I haven't completely lost my mind?))
It's new!! It's only been up a few days
I don't have it figured out and I do not have a kiddo yet! I try to do one or two tasks per night. Right now? Water garden every night. I actually cook every night and usually fit in a load of laundry/dishes, taking the dogs out, bedtime routine with an hour (or two) of sofa surfing in there after a rough day. I feel guilty for sitting down at all anymore but I'm exhausted.
Weekends are all work: clean house, errands, yardwork etc. We are lucky if we get one night of rented movies.
Eh, I suck at housekeeping too. I just do the best I can. I like lists/checklists so I try to use Motivated moms. http://www.motivatedmoms.com/ . That way, I at least feel some satisfaction when I can check stuff off. I don't think I've ever checked everything off for one day (except Sat or Sun where there's only one thing!)
Girl, I am SO similar to you trying to schedule, make time and get everything in its perfect little place. I am a working mom of a 3 month old. You know what i have figured out…chill the f**k out! I stress myself out thinking about how to get it all done. The dishes will wait, the dust can stay there, and good LORD laundry will only pile up. No harm done! Enjoy baby H, enjoy your husband. Take care of yourself and your family, and do things you love to do- you will always have a to-do list, you wont always have a beautiful little baby boy! Deep breaths and lots of moments of things you enjoy doing!
1. Crock pot dinners and menu planning
On Friday mornings (my first day off) I'd sit down with the cookbooks for 15 minutes and my morning coffee and pick out dinners for the week. I'd also write the grocery list as I went. I do my grocery shopping and errands all on Friday.
Then, the night before, I'd throw the ingredients in the crock pot and shove it in the fridge (cutting veges and making dinner at 6 am sucks–do it the night before!). Then I came home from work and only had one dirty crock pot and normal dinner dishes to clean.
Life saver.
2. Stagger the laundry
I always had a load in the washer. I'd throw it in the washer before bed, then the next morning on my way out the door I'd stop in the laundry room and throw the wet stuff in the dryer. 8 hours in the washer didn't bother me–it might other people. I'd also work out and run loads of laundry at the same time (I was in the same room anyway). By the time Sat. rolled around, the laundry wasn't an issue.
3. Clean the bathroom during bath time
My daughter was 3, so I could turn my back on her. I HATED sitting on the toilet playing life guard while she splashed around, until it finally hit me that I could get up and…you know…CLEAN. Just keep you bathroom cleaning stuff in the bathroom closet and you can hit sink, toilet, floors, etc. 2 or 3 times a week during Harrison's bath time.
4. Dishwasher
Fill it up during the day, run it every night, and (this is key) empty it first thing in the morning while you're drinking your coffee or packing your lunch. If I didn't empty it, I'd be tired after dinner and then feel discouraged because I couldn't clean the kitchen until I emptied the dishwasher and OH SCREW IT I'm tired!
5. One of those sponges attached to a stick full of dishwashing liquid
I don't know what it's called. It's in the cleaning section. Anyway, it's PERFECT for cleaning pots and pans or random dishes really fast. No need to fill up a sink full of dishwater!
I'm actually in the process of writing about this same thing on my blog. ha I'm a single mom of a 4.5 month old baby girl. Right now I'm living with my parents and younger sister but my dad has been working out of town since november for the first time in 34 years, so most of the time its just my mom, sister, baby and me. So I've kind of taken on the role as the other "parent" I guess you could call it.
I'm not working right now because I graduated from cosmetology school 1.5 months before my daughter was born and didn't have a job yet. But its now time for me to get a job but between helping out my mom and doing housework and also taking care of my daughter who has had some health scares in the last month and a half, the only thing I have been able to do is put together my resume. I've been wanting to take it in to some salons but just never have time! My moms busy with her stuff and my sister so its hard for me to just leave the baby with her so I can go do my thing…even though shes going to be watching her once I go back to work. Not only that…where I live you have to drive 20 mins just to go into town where all the businesses and salons are!
So I know just how you feel with not having enough time and its going to be even crazier once I start working!
If you do but one thing, FIND ANOTHER (better) CLEANING SERVICE. I'm on month 2 with mine (only took me 10 months post-baby to figure it out, duh) and I love her. Seriously told my husband I would leave him for her. She even cleans my TOASTER. Love does not describe it.
Ask around to find someone that isn't a "corporate" cleaning biz. Mine is a friend of a friend who does it for extra cash and the woman is like a machine. Have her come to your house before you leave for work and lock up on her way out (no key!).
We don't even have kids and I have this same dilemma. We are talking about a cleaning service, just make sure that you get one that is licensed and insured. My Momma had a house cleaner for years, and as a kid I always thought she was being lazy. Now I think she was being brilliant. There aren't enough hours in the day to waste my time with a mop and a dust pan when there is a husband to cuddle!