I cannot do everything. ugh. I hate admitting that. I like to pretend that I wear this SuperMom cape that leaps mountains with a single bound, but really, I’m just sort of skirting around them.
Hey, guess what? I’m human. I can’t spin the world on my pinky. I can’t be a working mother & desperate housewife all at the same time. (also, sometimes I fart. it’s a true story, but don’t tell Nate) I cannot be full-time at everything I do. No matter how hard I resist that fact. The other Type-A OCD folks reading this are nodding their heads. They know what it’s like to be unable to say “no,” to place boundaries & limits on yourself.
Something has to give. I feel stretched to the max. But what can you give up when you love all of it AND all of it is a priority?
- motherhood
- marriage
- career work
- blog, aka “me” time
- housework
- life in general
It’s just…TIME. TIME IS THE ENEMY, PEOPLE. Seriously, BAD IDEA to only put 24 hours in a day. Who did that? Ben Franklin, was it you? We’re going to HAVE WORDS.
oh, it was you, God? Never mind then. 24 hors is PERFECT. ::awkward pause::
Here’s where I’m struggling this week. ALWAYS struggling – how to fit it all in.
I’ve tried outsourcing my housekeeping. For a few weeks, it was glorious. Then they got lazy. They broke a vase, didn’t clean the desk, stove, & stole my sedatives.
side note in case said housekeepers are reading: YOU STOLE TWO PILLS. When there were only 3 1/2 in there. You should have taken the entire bottle so I would have been all I’M THE IDIOT THAT LOSES PRESCRIPTIONS. Not to mention, that’s only enough to put you out for like, 8 hours MAX.
Not a great experience. I just don’t feel comfortable handing strangers a key to my house & leaving them there for hours while I’m at work. & I hated forking over the cash for something I am still physically capable of doing myself. So that convenience flew right out the window, but it also leaves me with a dirty house – do I sacrifice weekend time to clean in one swoop, or do I sacrifice time in the evenings to clean slowly? Nate helps, of course, but he needs a break after work, too.
Do I take one room at a time per day? One task per day? I pondered this when I was pregnant, wondering how it would all pan out. & I STILL DON’T HAVE IT FIGURED OUT.
Maybe I need to give Fly Lady another chance. But honestly? She stresses me out. Rules about shining your sink?! I just need to get the damn dishes OUT OF THE SINK first. In my head, it works out perfectly – we get home, we play with Harrison & put him to bed. That actually happen per routine every night. Where it falls apart is AFTER Harry is in bed – typically, we grab a quick microwave-heated dinner, then I sit down to blog while Nate peruses his golf boards in quiet happiness. I should plow through a cleaning task, a load of laundry, & work in the yard. I should go for a run & cook a nutritious dinner & make baby food. But I don’t. I collapse at my desk, trying to unwind for an hour before it’s time to get ready for bed & tussle with the husband.
& honestly, I feel like if I cram in all the things I “should” do, then I really will become a desperate housewife who does nothing but work & keep house with no sense of self or individual hobby. (because unfortunately, working out is so not a hobby or “me time.” that’s like saying going to the dentist is “me time.”)
Note to self: make dental appointment.
So, what works for you?
I know I’ve asked this before. But I’m going to keep asking & keep trying different things until they work.
Do you clean in one swoop on the weekends? Does your husband help or does he watch the baby while you clean? If he helps, what do you do with the baby?
Or do you clean here & there on the weekdays with specific tasks? Or specific rooms assigned? I’m kind of thinking of doing one room per night.
Or MAYBE (& this is where I spin off into a thousand different directions, so stay with me), I create a very specific weekday schedule.
Monday: Harry, dinner, bathrooms, laundry.
Tuesday: Harry, dinner, workout, NO BLOG, dust/mop downstairs.
Wednesday: Harry, dinner, kitchen, blog.
Thursday: Harry, dinner, PPD Support group, wee blogging.
Friday: Harry, work out, Date Night In with Nate, NO BLOG. NO HOUSEWORK.
& then clean the rest & garden & yard work on Saturday? ::sigh:: I don’t know. I do know, however, that Tuesday & Friday nights are officially becoming NO BLOG nights. No blogging, no answering emails. The blog is to me what Nate’s golf boards are to him – relaxing, a wind-down. But I’m going to have to give it up on an every night basis to do what needs to be done. & that’s a good thing.
Also, has anyone kept a big cooler in their trunk for cold goods so you can grocery shop on your lunch break? Does that work, or do people think you’re hiding a body?
Almost seven months in, & I am nowhere near figuring out this whole mom-schedule thing.
I haven't gotten it figured out yet either. I try to do laundry here and there when I have time; Brett takes care of the lawn and the garden; I take care of the floors and dusting (not as much as I should). Thank God we have a dish washer so I can hide the dirties. Right now the weather here is CRAP, so I don't mind being inside and getting things done, but when it finally decides to warm up, I'm going to want to spend time outside with Bowen. Then I might have to come up with more of schedule, but right now, we sort of just wing it!
Coming up with a cleaning schedule was effing horrible. I don't really do anything during the week except possibly vacuum the carpet or sweep up the floor after dinner. On the weekend during B's morning nap I try to do the things that really need it, Laundry, dusting, clearning the bathroom. My H is a clean freak so he helps too and that helps me a lot. After B goes to bed at night I might blog really quick, work out, and then the hubs and I relax for about an hour before bed. I figure keeping my house clean isn't as important as spending time with my family!
You might find Totally Together Journal (http://www.totallytogetherjournal.com/) more manageable than Fly Lady (and considerably less cheesy).
I feel like I'm in the same boat wearing a different flotation device…does that even make any sense? Or maybe we're in the same boat with rooms on different levels?! An email is coming your way.
You sound a lot like my mother in regards to cleaning (it's a good thing.) I suppose it just isn't that important to me. I saw this thing on Wife Swap before where the woman was a working mom (I think a doctor?) and she took 15 minutes a day to clean something. I mean, I'm sure you can't scrub your place clean in that amount of time, but it seems good enough to dust some stuff off or put the dishes away.
I don't work and I feel the housework build up around me. A schedule might work, but sometimes certain things just don't need to be cleaned. When my mother worked, she never cleaned anything aside from the kitchen/dishes during the week. Sunday was her cleaning day and she'd manage to do everything in 4-5 hours. I suppose it's a matter of preference. Some people only like to do a little at a time. Others (like me) get into manic cleaning mode.
Blair I think you were reading my mind!! I was JUST thinking about how I could come up with a better cleaning schedule. I have no advice, becasue I'm in the same boat as you, I'm just excited to hear what others have to say.
About the cooler though, I think that is a great idea! I often times try and drop my son off early at daycare and run to Target right when it open at 8 before I go to work. I never have a cooler so I only buy things that don't need to stay cold, but it saves me so much time and there is *nothing* like having a whole Target to yourself…pure bliss!
I do a hybrid. Right now, I'm going through some anxiety/OCD/depression issues and my home is feeling the pain but on "normal" days I:
-do dishes on a daily basis (we have ant issues that I finally got rid of so I need my kitchen cleaned every night
-do laundry as it is needed weekly and wash all clothes every Sunday
-leave the majority of the stuff to clean on the weekends
As for the man, he once made a HUGE mistake in telling me that he LOVES to clean the bathrooms so he's been on bathroom duties ever since. That's his 'task' on Sundays. I used to leave the baby in the jumperoo but now that she's too 'grown' for it *tears* we plop her in the PNP with some toys.
My home is tiny though so it's easy to do it all in one swoop. My real goal is to make sure that it is guest ready every day and then I have to remind myself that my guests never include Oprah, the Obamas, or Brangelina. It's our bffs and our family members. It's totally ok if the toilet paper is sitting on the counter or that we have one too many magazines on the coffee table. They really couldn't care less so I don't have to make a huge effort every day.
I could have written this post. Seriously. Replace "golf boards" with "NFL boards" and "blogging me time" with "Facebook/reading me time" and we have the exact same life. I do try to grocery shop on my lunch break (we have refrigerators in all of our break rooms at work so I leave the groceries in there and just have to stick "DON'T FORGET FOOD IN FRIDGE!!!!!!" post-its all over my desk so I remember to take it when I leave). But I never want to clean or work out when I get home. I want to relax. I've been considering the "clean one room per night" plan for a long time, but I think next week (it's always "next week," isn't it? Ha) I might really start doing it. MIL watches my son at her house while we're at work, but starting in Sept, she'll be watching him at OUR house, and I feel like when that day comes I will want to have a spotless house every day so she doesn't judge me (because she's a big-time judger). So yeah, I need to figure things out before then. DS is almost 6 months old and I beat myself up every day over not having things all figured out yet. I so want to be Super Mom too, and super everything else. Ugh. Sorry for the novel, but this post totally resonated with me. I look forward to hearing what others have to say!
I definitely don't have any ideas as how to make it work. Because logically it can't. Even if there were more hours in the day, we still wouldn't have enough time. But I HATE putting cleaning on the back burner… it makes me feel gross. Right now I just do random chores throughout the week and do the serious cleaning on the weekends… well some weekends… yeah I'm sinking in this area too. So just know you aren't alone and there isn't some magical way to fix it. I'm not saying give up hope, but realize there's no "right" way to do it. Gosh I don't think this is coming out how I wanted it to… lol… Hang in there Blair!
I still haven't figured this out, my kid is year old, AND I stay at home! WTF?! I tried the cleaning schedule thing, but my motivation, for, uh, life in general went out the window after giving birth (working on that) so it didn't work for more than two weeks. I try to just clean as I go. I specifically clean the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, and I get a lot of other stuff done while my husband gives the baby a bath after dinner/before bedtime.
Thank you for writing this! I so agree. And the FlyLady makes me nuts too!
I'm thinking the 'daily' schedule might work best for me, but I have yet to implement it. But I am going to try it a bit different. Since most of our house is already fairly clean, and I confess to not really caring if it is spotless (we live in it for gosh sakes with my landscaping husband – Hello Dirt!). I want to tidy it up every night but leave the grit/grime cleaning to the weekend. Clean the bathroom every weekend and save one other room for a deep cleaning. We only have five rooms besides the two bathrooms so I think this would be most doable.
What has everyone said about the cooler? Good idea or no?
I'm currently laid off so temporarily SAHM, and I still struggle. When I get the luxury of her nap time I don't feel like doing a damn thing. While I cherish the time I have had with her since being unemployed, I know that SAHM is not for me, and I think she will do great in daycare again. So, when I go back to work, we will hire a housekeeper, for sure.
I am SO glad I'm not the only one thinking these things. Just this weekend my Type A personality kicked into overdrive and sent me into panic mode over how to find a way to do everything I want to do (hobbies, etc . . . ), those things I have to do (housework, bills, blah, blah, blah), manage my career and still find time to spend time lovin' on my husband and little dude! I'm SO over spending my weekends cleaning and doing laundry, but the last thing I want to do during the week is either, so I don't (for the most part.) So, far though, I've found that doing all the laundry on Thursday evenings works best . . . of course, I cheat and use the quick cycle on the front load washer to speed things up. that definitely helps! I fold laundry at random times, usually in front of the TV just before bedtime or on the floor while the little guy plays in under his playmat. We try to cook in bulk at least one meal a weekend and freeze the leftovers, using our handy dandy Foodsaver. If you don't have one – get one, they are fabulous! As for cleaning, we split the chores – hubby dusts and mops and I vacuum and de-clutter, he does the kitchen, I do the baths. We fit the cleaning in when we can on the weekends, which means we aren't always doing it at the same time, but it gets done and we TRY our hardest to keep messes and clutter at bay otherwise, so we don't have to spend ALL our free time in cleaning land. Good quality time for myself? I'm still trying to figure that one out too. I spend my time after work with the family and try my hardest to wait until Liam is asleep before diving into emails, writing projects, etc . . .but there is simply NOT enough time to do it all and for me that is beyond frustrating! If we spend time out of the house on the weekends, hiking and dabbling in other adventures, etc . . . I feel guilty for not being home and visa versa.
Anyhow, what I was trying to say with all that babbling, was that I'm a working mom too, trying to find a healthy balance like you are and I very much appreciate knowing that I am not the only one who struggles with these things! I'm very much looking forward to other's comments – I might just have to steal any and all advice they deliver
My house is probably not nearly as clean as yours, despite having a husband who is OCD about cleanliness. So, you might come into my house and think, "ugh, gross." But what works for us is this:
I wash and fold a load of laundry each day (sometimes it works out that I skip a day b/c we don't have enough to justify a whole load). The labor-intensive part, folding and putting away clothes, takes about 10-15 minutes, TOPS, right? That's something I can do each day and that way I don't get stuck washing/folding laundry for 1/2 a day on the weekend.
My DS is almost 1 year, so he's been taking longer naps for a while. If I keep our kitchen and bathrooms relatively clean during the week (by just wiping down each day), I can easily knock out cleaning them during one of his naps on the weekends, with time to spare. Husband is normally outside taking care of the yardwork during this time.
One night a week I vaccuum our carpeted downstairs. One night a week I swiffer our hardwood floor surfaces (the majority of the house). Each of these tasks takes 15 minutes tops.
Husband will freak out about dust and polish our furniture once every 2 months. In between, I dust furniture/blinds during a nap on the weekends.
I do our grocery shopping on the weekends, and DS comes with me. It's a fun activity for him, and I really feel like we spend a lot of time talking and hanging out.
GL. Again, this is what is working for me . . . but our house still might not be up to your standards.
I have to admit- getting a cleaning lady was the BEST decision I ever made!!! I use someone that came highly recommended and trusted from family members. That being said- there's still a lot to do! I keep a strict schedule (laundry on Wednesdays and Saturdays, groceries on Sundays) you get the picture. That way when I get home from work every day I have a little bit of work to do then its play time with my son. When the husband gets home I cook dinner, fold laundry…. whatever I can only do without a toddler destroying things!
when i was working ft, H and i would do what we could w/o stressing about it during the week. maybe a load of dishes one night. a load of laundry the next. but on saturdays we'd do "massive cleaning." we'd put the baby in a bouncer or clean during her nap. we'd both put the petal to metal and book it cleaning as mush as we could. you REALLY can get a lot done if the two of you are both working on it at the same time. we'd typically get the whole house done in about an hour. including vacuuming, dusting, cleaning, etc. if you can at least do a little during the week for things that are continual, such as dishes, laundry, etc, then you can get a lot more done on the weekends. then on sundays we didn't do a single house chore. tada!
oh, and yes, i've totally gone grocery shopping during my lunch hour and kept a cooler in the car. i also noticed the more errands i could do during the week during my lunch the more free time i had to be w/ LO. i mean, that's like adding another 5 hours to your week, which a lot!!
Not that I have it all figured out or anything, but here is what I've got:
From one "obsessive planner" to another, I can tell you that the hardest part is that your schedule will always change. As soon as you find something that works, something else comes along and throws everything off. So try to remember to be flexible. In the three years since our oldest daughter was born, our "schedule" has changed about 804 times.
There will NEVER be enough hours. Ever. Seriously, not to be a Debbie downer, but there are just not enough hours for a mom to do everything she needs to do. So you just have to prioritize.
Just list your top priorities, make sure those get done, and let everything else slide if you have to. Just rotate which things you let slide, so they at least get done every once in a while.
First, I have to admit… I'm not OCD. I am Type-A, but I've seriously lowered my standards for a clean house after the baby.
Here's what I've been doing for an entire 5 days and it's working!
Feed baby. Bathe baby (every other night or if he's uber cranky/we need to kill time so he doesn't go to bed at 6pm). Give baby bottle. Put baby in bed. We eat (hubby cooks while i feed or vice versa). Then i read blogs (hubby relaxes too), veg on the couch, wind down/relax. Then at or around 9pm, i set the timer for 20 minutes. In those 20 minutes I clean whatever feels like it's the most important. Usually the dishes come first and then whatever else needs cleaning/tidying after that. The rest gets put off until the next day or the weekend and I shut my brain down. Jump into bed with hubs, watch a Hulu'd show and lights out (Usually around 10:30).
I am a type A OCD struggling with PPD part time working mama and I still wish there were more hours in the day. I def hear you on cleaning services, the thought of a stranger in my house touching my things just creeps me out! I try to clean on the weekends when DD is napping in the morning. She usually sleeps for ab 2 hours so the hubs and I try to power clean the house as much as we possibly can. During the week hubs throws in a load of laundry, dishes in the dishwasher, etc and I finish the chore. I work at night so when usually on Fridays when I get out at 9, I do the grocery shopping, less people, no lines=an hour of sanity for me.
I'm a SAHM and right now it's hard to keep up with the baby AND the house! I don't know how moms who work outside the home do it all! You're all superwomen in my eyes.
Now, I tend to keep a few cleaning/house goals per day and do a little bit at a time. Sometimes one of the goals is just getting a load of laundry folded after my son goes down for the night. Other times, it's getting the dishwasher emptied before dinner, or vacuuming before my husband gets home. It helps if I put some sort of time limit on it!
However, when I worked I found that one big cleaning day really helped. My husband and I (he is a super-helper! We pretty much split everything 50/50) would go on a cleaning spree on Saturday mornings after breakfast. He'd tackle the kitchen, while I dusted, de-cluttered and vacuumed the family room. I'd do laundry while he cleaned the bathroom, etc. And after about an hour we'd really have things well under control. Then, Sunday afternoons were for grocery shopping and food prep for the week. We still do the shopping on Sundays. Now if we have a marathon cleaning session on the weekends (it's a little less marathon since I am able to get some things done during the week), we usually wait until our son is able to occupy himself in the bouncy seat for a little bit and we still both clean at the same time!
For me, doing a little bit every day when I didn't have a lot of at home time would have driven me nuts! It would have felt like I was constantly doing work instead of relaxing and enjoying my family!
I think (and I'm working on this myself) every mother needs to work on accepting the fact that everything doesn't have to be perfect ALLLL the time! It's hard to let some things sit, but it's okay. The world won't end and your husband won't look at you like you're lazy <– what I unnecessarily worry about…
Good Luck! I'm sure you'll find something that works for you!
I don't have a cleaning schedule….we try to tidy as we go, but usually do a mad twenty minute scramble before anyone arrives. having an older kid that likes to "help" makes it a bit better, but she usually helps by putting one thing away and pulling another out.
To be honest, i dont know how you working moms do it. I am the most clean, organized person on the planet and i have my cleaning schedule down to an art. BUT, i am a stay at home mom. I have allll day to spread out my tasks and priorities. I totally understand why you are stressed about not doing it all. If i lost 8 hours out of my day to not do those things, i have no idea how i would do them either. You are an amazing mother, a great worker and really, your house can suffer. You are doing a great thing by putting your family first. Not sure if this will help but here is my post about how i clean my house in less than an hour a day.
(spread out of course)
http://www.thetarrpit.com/2010/03/clean-house-in-…
These are my suggestions:
– Pick up the house/do dishes every night, but save the major cleaning (vacuuming, bathrooms) for the weekends. Every other weekend. Garden on the weekends you are not working inside.
– Don't make baby food. I know it's something you want to do, but if time is a consideration, shelf this one. It just makes a bigger mess and takes more time when there are great options in your grocery store.
– Date night 2x/month. Can you combine your workouts with date night, i.e you and Nate go to the gym? Not super romantic, but you can kill two birds with one stone.
– Blog 2x/week. I know you won't like this, but if it's between you & Nate time, and blogging, pick your husband. Or just vegging in front of TV or talking. You can always blog more when your schedule has calmed down.
HTH.
I am an OCD cleaning freak. That said- I only work on Mon. Thurs. & Fri. So technically I have 4 days off altogether.
On Tues & Wed which are my weekdays off, I try to get as much down & dirty cleaning done as I can. (Baby does NOT like to nap, so sometimes this is a challenge.)
When I work, I come home, pick up here & there. (That keeps the clutter down and my day off days less mess to clean up.) Maybe a load of laundry. Play with baby & put him to bed.
Weekends I try to relax, but my OCD always kicks and I end up cleaning some more.
I think since you work everyday you would be better off making the schedule for certain days like you said. At least, that's what I would do if I didn't have Tues & Wed off.
even before Z we used struggle keeping the house clean, we would fight about it :p. So we got a cleaning service, which was great, I would have them come during lunch and I'd come home and eat while they cleaned. So maybe you could still have a cleaning service but have them come while you're home somehow? You could spend time with Harrison while they clean
. Right now we can't afford a cleaning service, I work 32 hours a week, Monday thru Thursday and Friday I spend time with Z, and while he naps that day, I clean like a mad woman, start with the main house area people see and then do the bedrooms if there's time. That way weekends/evenings are still reserved free time.
Sometimes I do one big clean on the weekends but mostly I just try to clear big messes out of the way one at a time during the week. If there are dishes in the sink, a pile of laundry in the laundry room, fur balls all over the rug, windows that need to be cleaned, tables that need to be dusted….
I think to myself on Monday night after work "Ok, dishes NEED to be cleaned because they will smell and attract ants." So I do the dishes and then if I want I move on, if I'm done – I'm done for the night.
Then on Tuesday I'll say "Ok, I need my black pants for work tomorrow – must do at least one complete load of laundry." Then if I want, I move on to another load, if I'm done, I'm done.
I just keep it simple – I make sure I DO something so I feel like I'm not neglecting the house but I don't feel the need to make the house sparkle before I fall asleep each night.
I still struggle with this two – adding another kid really threw off my easy schedule. Sheesh.
I try to do a little each night – keep it simple and REALISTIC. Some things just have to happen every night. Like dishes and cleaning up the sink, packing lunches, etc. Then, after that, you do one thing every night. So, after the priority stuff is done – Monday you vacuum the lower level. Tuesday you clean one bathroom, wednesday you clean the other, Thursday you dust, Friday you wipe the kitchen counters, Saturday you do laundry…you get the point? That is how we make it work for us. Perhaps its not the best for everyone, but I can make myself do one thing a night.
Then, I go to bed feeling like I accomplished something AND things are ready for the next day.
Hope that helps.
Can't you eat dinner with Harrison eats? Or is he not eating solids for dinner yet? We eat with the baby so I don't have to make dinner later.
I also do clean one room each day and then do a few hours of cleaning on Saturday. My husband works every other weekend so I clean for the 2-3 alone. Some times I clean when the baby sleeps. But is she won't go down, I just put her on the floor in the room I am cleaning and go for it. I interact with her to keep her busy but I can normally get everything done I need to.
I have a list of what I clean in my blog (http://goodwifeinthekitchen.blogspot.com/) if you want to check it out.
Then on Sunday I try and make a few meals or baby food ahead of time. This only takes an hour or so and again, I do it while the baby sleeps.
Oh, and if you're ever looking to relieve some of that blog time with a guest blogger – you know where to find me. LOL. Email coming your way shortly.
This blog also helped me some – http://www.younghouselove.com/2009/09/email-answe…
I don't have a cleaning schedule. I don't think it would ever work. My husband is a God send when it comes to helping me around the house. Sometimes when I'm having a depressive episode I am unable to do much so it's nice that he jumps in w/o me asking.
Our house is tiny and I can't even keep 1000 sq ft clean. I can't imagine what will happen when we finally move to a bigger house. The disaster will probably just be more spread out.
Idk Blair, your blog is more than just a little bit of "you" time – you are running a business in addition to working FT. Give yourself the credit deserved. I imagine it puts a lot of demands on you, more than you describe in this post. You should feel justified or maybe even obligated to make adjustments in your life to allow for it. I would reconsider the housekeeper thing. You could look at it as letting go of the reins for this part of your life temporarily, to make room for something really special. Maybe get some recs for a more trustworthy service? I am totally going this route once some bills are knocked out. I work PT (4 days a week) and still don't have time for it all – since my day off is for time with DS not housework! I say, something's gotta give!
When you figure this out, please fill me in.
I would LOVE to know how to get it all done.
I struggled with getting all in as well. But I have to learn to let it go a little. We schedule things in like grocery shopping and lawn mowing. I have to say I have the biggest help ever is my DH. He does the cooking and the dishes every night. I try to do the laundry during the week so it gives us more relaxing time. I did try to do the whole one room a night thing but I couldn't seem to keep to the schedule because something always came up. In the evening DD doesn't like to be put down most times. She wants to play and be sung too. Then comes her whole nightime routine. So maybe after she is finish with all that I get a hour. I need that hour to decompress. I do try to to squeeze in some type of chore here and there..but the house is never going to be as clean as I like it to be. I ask myself this question..are we healthy and happy? … if yes…then I have to let it go.
Toys and general clutter is picked up every night in the Sparks' house.
Bathrooms, floors, and dusting are a Saturday affair.
Laundry is as-needed, usually folded in front of the TV on Saturday night.
Flowers/gardening is a Saturday affair, too. As is garbage.
Saturdays suck.
I am the worst housekeeper everrrrrrrrrrrr. My only advice is to get a different cleaning service, and to "straigthen up" on Saturdays. : ) p.s. at least your not a hoarder, have you seen that show??!
This is why I love your blog. I so relate to this post.
I know I can't eliminate the fun/me/couple time or I'll be miserable. I can't skimp on sleep (the little I get – ha!) or I'll be miserable. So I'm trying to learn to have lower standards about housekeeping (ew! gross! but something's gotta give).
I do a cleaning attack early on sat or sun morning. Otherwise, it feels like you're constantly cleaning. My husband watches the child while I do inside cleaning, I watch the babe while he does the outside stuff. The second thing, exercise is my 'me' time. I train for races w friends so it is my fun time, but it's my only non work/baby hobby.
I am far from figuring it out as well. Just like you I am 7 months in. Up until 2 weeks ago my house was a chaotic mess. Something had to give. So I came up with a cleaning schedule. Sunday is laundry day and what ever is left over from the week that needs to be cleaned up. Monday is finish laundry. Because Monday is well Monday I leave it with very little. Tuesday I clean the living room: wash tables, sweep floor, clean cat hair off couches, dust desk and entertainment center. Wednesday is the bath room (like you we have the mold issue so I dread the bathroom). Thursday is Kitchen since it's garbage night. Friday is grocery night on pay weeks. Saturday if needed is deep cleaning and outside work. My husband does help with some of the cleaning and most of the yard work. Also every night I pick up scatter toys and laundry. Since most of our living is in our living room I try to clean up the coffee and end tables every night.
Do what works best for you. It's all trial and error. My house is cleaner and not chaotic anymore but there are still days I look at it like what happened in here? I also try and get as much done on my scheduled days off. Not fun for a day off but I feel so accomplished when I have a clean house and a happy baby and husband.
Oh I meant to add, I do all of the cleaning once Isabelle is down for the night. She is in bed fairly early which leaves me with a couple hours of cleaning and an hour to unwind still.
I, too, am a schedule/list kinda gal so I love your scheduled days for cleaning specific rooms, etc. I have a suggestion to keep you from getting overwhelmed in work and to give yourself your "you" time as well.
Use the schedule you made (or something like it) only do it bi-weekly. You can either break it up to every other day doing housework or every other week (where you would do all chores one week and then have the next week for yourself).
This keeps the house from getting too dirty and allows you to keep your sanity as well. Save yard work for the weekend (again, every other) and try to find a way for you all to be outside together. Whether you play with Harry in the yard while Nate does work or vice versa. Or even just pull up a folding chair and chat while one of you works, or make Harry do the yard work while you and Nate drink beer in lawn chairs, whatev, just try to make it a family thing.
And regardless of anything else going on, keep those Friday nights free! Good luck!
don't beat yourself up over this one, I'm 10 months in and a SAHM and I still have trouble keeping up!
We do have designated chores though and it really helps. I do dinner while my husband feeds the boy, then he plays in his highchair while we eat dinner and afterwards DH does the dishes. We try our best to keep things clean as we go so that in the evenings we can do small tasks like sort the laundry and on the weekends do bigger tasks like scrubbing down the bathroom or yard work.
You'll find something that works for you eventually!
I do things throughout the week as needed–dishes, keeping living room clean, etc. Rarely do I do laundry or deep clean during the week because I'm too exahusted after the day.
Saturday or Sunday, whenever the mood strikes me (and it always does) then I do it all. I do the bathrooms first, dust the whole house, then do the kitchen while the husband vacuums. He offers to do more, but I am very very picky. Plus, we have a lot of carpeting, so I'm usually done with the kitchen by the time he finishes. Laundry is done throughout the day. I usually have one special project a week–our closet one week, the storage closet the next, the kitchen shelves the next, so that it gets organized on a fairly routine basis, but is cycled so that it isn't focused on every week.
I can't do it all, so I don't even try – SERIOUSLY rethink the housekeeper thing. It sounds like you had a bad one (or a service? I don't even bother with those). Get a recommendation for someone that someone you know has used for awhile and likes – a good one will change. your. life. I used to have "issues" with giving strangers a key to my house – now I look forward to Cleaning Day like it's Christmas!!
We pickup every night – laundry folded (not put away – that's a once a week deal!), dishes done, sink clean (not sparkling, but clean!), toys put up, shoes put away, and bathrooms we used wiped down with a Lysol wipe. We "deep clean" every two weeks or so. I usually sweep (we have all hardwoods) every other day in the main living areas and once a week in the bedrooms and everywhere else. I throw the sheets in the laundry on Sunday before church, put them in the dryer when we come home and we put them on the bed later that night. Our house is not perfect, but it's orderly and acceptable most of the time. And that's enough.
I don't do outside yardwork until the weekends, and even then, it's pitiful at best. We have accepted we are "that house" in the neighborhood and are totally okay with that. I think we will start outsourcing the yardwork when school gets out to a neighborhood kid. They can mow and pull weeds for me.
I only work until 2:30, so I have a few extra hours every night. I only go grocery shopping twice a month. Target once a month. Costco, once a month (or less). I order as much as I can online. I'm willing to pay a little more to have stuff delivered than to have to go into a store. I think, between gas, the latte I always end up getting and the extra stuff I buy, the shipping is probably cheaper anyway.
We eat dinner as a family at the table at about 6:00, put the baby (7 months) down at 7:30, hang out until 9:30, pickup and head upstairs and are asleep by 10:30. I get up at 5:30 to run and start getting ready. It works for us most of the time.
Good luck. I think flexibility is key here.
I've been a SAHM for just about 3 years and to let you know how much I do not have this down, I just read through the comments looking for some help, something that I can actually stick with. Ha!
Honestly, I'm just ok with a little filth and a lot of clutter. Huge area I need to improve on since it means a lot to my husband to have a nice, clean, picked-up house.
Maybe I'll get in a good routine one of these days. Maybe after my 3rd is born this fall…. riiiiiight.
I'm a SAHM, so in a bit of a different situation… but we all struggle for balance! My #1 priority is taking care of my son, so I feel gulity if I leave him to play on his own (which he does very well) so I can scrub the bathroom! And during nap time, I NEED to shower, so it's hard to get it all done… housework, yardwork, dinner etc. Then when my hubby gets home from work, the house is a mess and he's great at pitching in, but I feel like it's my JOB to take care of the house… So then there is more guilt!
All that being said, I try and do a daily cleaning list… that way I can get 1 or 2 things done during nap time, and hopefully still grab a quick shower
Oh, and I read this quote somewhere… "cleaning your house while your kids are still growing, is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing"
I want to do it all, feel like a failure because I can't juggle being a wife/mom/housekeeper/marthastewart/employee/ME. I feel like a failure because I am spread so thin I can ever do everything the way I want to. It seems like as soon as I hit a groove with one thing, then a ball is dropping somewhere else. It frustrates me to NO END.
That said, in the last month or so, I feel like I have finally found a routine that is starting to work for me. It goes something like this:
I clean the kitchen (wipe down counters, sink, and sweep, if necessary every night after a meal)
Thursday: Do load of baby laundry, one load of our laundry (usually the load of whites, because its smaller!)- includes washing, drying, folding, put away. I do this while watching my Thurs. night line up of shows
Friday: Change and wash sheets, wash another load of laundry (usually darks), and wash towels (Towels usually only make it as far as the dryer and then I fold and put away saturday morning)
Saturday: Addie is usually easiest in the morning, so Mr. P does the yard work, I do bathrooms, vacuum, mop kitchen and bathrooms, dust (confession: I only dust every other week! Gasp!), and general picking up. This takes me until around noon-ish. Then we eat lunch together and spend the afternoon doing what we want: play with Addie, run errands, lounge around, etc.
This leaves Sundays open for doing things we want, be it day trips, watching a movie in the afternoon, visiting with family, etc. (or, if we have plans on Saturday, we flip the days)
I do get a house keep once every other month (or sometimes once a month, depending on how bad the house is or if we are having company over, etc) to do the deep clean. The cleaning I do is a general up-keep and very surface level to keep us going and happy in our home. Its taken me every single day of the last seven months to adjust to the fact that my house just isn't going to look like I want it to, and that I have to let it go. I'm still not all the way there yet, but I'm trying!
Happy to do a more detailed schedule of events if you want me to send to you via email. Or we can just hug it out!
If you figure out what the secret to this is, please share!
oh and ps- I make all of Addie's baby food. Not hard, not time consuming and totally worth it (SUPER CHEAP!!!). Happy to help with that too!
Our situations are a tad different, but one thing that I always have trouble with is keeping the house clean. I am a SAHM to two boys under the age of two who also works from home full-time. No matter how many times I vacuum and mop all the floors or pick up all the toys, these terrors do what they do best – make a mess. After speaking to numerous mothers, some who are SAHM and others who work, I have come to the conclusion that when you have young kids, it is nearly impossible to keep the house looking clean all the time. I used to stay up until 2 in the morning doing homework and cleaning, but I abandoned that plan after going for months with very little sleep mostly because the house was still not always clean.
This is what I do every day: dishes, clean all floors, clean the kitchen, and one load of laundry. Depending on how I am feeling, I will start cleaning one room or do another load of laundry. There is not one day that the entire house is clean, but I only do what I can. You will know what your limits are. The best part is that everyone who has children understands. You are the only one who is being hard on yourself over this.
Do you have a front loading washer with a timer? I usually toss a load of clothes in before work, set the timer, and they are ready for the dryer when I get home.
My husband handles the dishes, so I don't have to worry about that one.
Other than that, we just try and do some light picking up every evening. I usually pick up in the dining room and den while dinner is cooking and my husband will take care of the cat litter then.
This is so weird. I had this conversation with my husband this morning about getting a housekeeper. He started traveling more and I told him…I CAN"T DO IT ALL! Housework is the one thing I don't mind giving up. That and grocery shopping which I might start using Lowes to go with that handy new list you just recommended!
Really I think you should just switch housekeepers. It is all about finding someone you trust. It can take a long time but I think it is worth it. It is like a babysitter. YOu need that same trust. And most people work off recommendations. If you have first hand knew someone that used them and their house doesn't look great then don't hire them. Or ask for a list of people you can call and get honest opinions.
Well, this might have been said already but you have so many replies that I can't read them all!
Unfortunately, my standards are pretty low. I love a clean house but there are not enough minutes in a day to keep it the way I like it. Basically what I try to do is pick up clutter each night before I go to bed, and that goes a long way to keeping things looking neat. Then on Friday night I (and sometimes my DH if he is not working) do a deep-clean immediately after the kid is put to bed. I know it is so the last thing anyone wants to do on a Friday night after working 40+ hours, but if I've done a good job with the picking up during the week, the cleaning is relatively easy. Then, I have the entire weekend to relax and not feel guilty. If DH is home, it takes us maybe an hour because we divide and conquer. If DH is working, it takes me maybe 1.5 hours because I do most of the hard-core cleaning anyway, even when he's home. Then it's 9:30 latest and I/we can collapse on the couch and catch up on our DVR or watch a movie or whatever.
I religiously grocery shop on Thursdays on which DH and I get paid, and DH comes with me, which makes it much more enjoyable. I used to do all the grocery shopping on Thursday nights pre-DS, but now that DS has to be in bed at 8 (bedtime routine starts at 7), that's not possible. So I'll come home from work, get my list scribbled down and we're out the door. It's hectic, but the relief I feel at getting it done w/o braving the grocery store on Saturday morning is so worth it. Plus, it's family together time, which I love.
Any other errands I do on my lunch hour. It's a crazy life, but this hectic work-week schedule frees my weekends up so I can usually do what I want to do instead of feeling guilty for having a nasty house and a bare fridge. Good luck, and if you stumble upon any tricks that really work, let me know!
P.S. The Fly Lady makes me feel guilty too. She really seems to be geared at SAHMs anyway.
What worked for me was lowering my standards.
Pre-baby clean is not the same as post baby clean.
My house is always tidy, after that, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Last weekend it was our shower floor that needed some scrubbing, so I scrubbed it. I didn't clean the whole bathroom because the rest of it I did a few days ago. That was the only cleaning I did all weekend!
I only clean from top to bottom when I have company coming over. So, I schedule a bbq or pool party once a month, my house gets a big cleaning with the hubs' help, and then I get to enjoy the party afterwards. I just can't clean every night, I'd rather play with my kids. When they get older it might change, but for now, unless it is screaming at me, it can wait!
We've divided up the tasks, and we do them as they fit into our schedules. Granted, we have a small apartment and no kids, but it doesn't seem so daunting if say all I have to do today is clean the 2 bathrooms and do 1 load of laundry. I like to clean the bathroom post-workout but pre-shower. Works perfect. Divide and conquer = )
2 words.
Cleaning ladies.
Best money we spend. Have them come once a week and do a full clean…then you dont have to stress about it and get quality time with your baby. When he gets older, then you will have more time……….
xo
So…. try again with the housekeepers. You just didn't have a good one. Ask around for recommendations and have them come once a month, that will at least take the edge off the insanity. Trust me, as a fellow working mom there are some things too trivial to take up precious free time/family time, and housework is one of them. We have a 2000 sq. foot house and pay $60 for our 2 cleaning ladies to come. Same two ladies every time, if that helps. Go to Angieslist.com to find reviews and recommendations. That's my advice!
Oh and laundry? I just throw it all in together, no sorting… towels, baby clothes, my clothes, underwear, everything. Wash it cold and call it a day. Hubby does his own laundry because… well, he's a gorwn up.
I haven't read all of the comments, but here is what I do in my home and it really seems to work. I currently stay home with my daughter so I break up big cleaning tasks daily(i.e., Monday=Laundry and Bathrooms Tuesday=Floors, etc.). Everyday once little girl is in bed, I set a timer(yes I really do set a timer!) for 15 minutes and focus only on cleaning for those 15 minutes. I do dishes, straighten up, water the plants, just make the house look clean. You will be amazed at how much you can really get done when you have 15 focused minutes on just cleaning/straightening up and you aren't stopping to check emails, read, etc. And when the 15 minutes are up, I'm done!
Even pre-baby when I worked fulltime, I split the tasks up throughout the week….there was always something very overwhelming to me about everything being done on one day and I liked to spend my weekends relaxing.
Good luck getting into a routine that works for you and your family!
I feel incredibly fortunate that the OCD gene doesn't plague me. As long as I can organize the chaos through the week, I'm happy. I've decided that having a house with floors so clean I can eat off of them is the thing I'm willing to let go of. I'm not going to try and keep a perfect house. Perfection is a myth.
Something I think I'm going to implement is the 15 minute timer. I like the idea of having a timer set to go off after 15 minutes and in that 15 minutes, it doesn't matter WHAT'S getting cleaned, as long as something is. And as long as we're both cleaning something. That, I think, would be a great compromise for you and Nate since it sounds like your house already stays pretty clean thanks to your OCD tendencies (said with all kinds of love!). Spending 15 minutes an evening cleaning/straightening would probably go a long way toward you feeling like you have a clean house. Then you can save the major things (sweeping, mopping, vacuuming) for the weekend.
What I've found that what works best for me right now is:
Laundry on the weekends. –If this means I wash four or five loads on Saturday and Sunday, then so be it. I'm not worrying about it at 7:00 at night through the week. Plus, the laundry room is right next to the nursery, so I don't want to risk waking the baby. I might throw in a load of J's clothes through the week, or the occasional load of towels, but I try to limit my laundry to the weekends.
Dishes–The husband and I tag-team the dishes each night. Or, one of us will do dishes while the other cooks dinner. Regardless, we get them done together.
We try to maintain a certain level of "order" in the main living areas of the house so that it's live-able and easily cleaned up in the event of company. We allow our office to be our "messy space" that we just don't talk about.
Whenever we deep clean, we do it together on the weekends. He dusts while I sweep. I clean the vanities while he cleans the toilets. And we don't do these things at the same time unless we do them during nap time. He might clean the toilets while I entertain J. Then I'll clean the vanities while he entertains J. If we're in the kitchen, I'll clean one side of the counters while he cleans the others. Then he'll sweep the floor while I wipe down the stove. But the "rule" is that we do it together.
When we do it together, we get it done faster, and no one complains that the other person is doing all of the work.
Any time I *can* help in the yard, I do, but it's hard now that J is walking and the yard isn't fenced. So, the trade-off is that since I do the laundry, he mows the grass.
and I forgot to add, have them come when you're home on the weekend! That's what we do – no stressing about stolen/broken goods etc. plan a Saturday morning in jammies with coffee, they are in and out within 2 hours, or you can use that time to get something else done around the house or outside if you must.
Sadly, even us desperate housewives don't have time for it all
I use the flylady system but I've completely made it my own (i.e. I rarely shine my sink before bed. My "shiny sink" is making my bed every day. No matter what. Even when my husband's sick as a dog and wants to sleep in it. Whatever works, right?)
It's important for a Type A to remember to let go of perfection (which is flylady's main point). My motto? Do what you can when you can. This applies to housework, exercise, and all other time consuming activities. I clean the shower while I'm in there – every day. I vacuum every day…because I have 4 kids, y'all! Also almost every day is laundry and dinner and some form of exercise. But don't be TOO hard on yourself. You're doing great! As long as you don't forget to, say, feed the baby (true story – but I swear it only happened once!) all is well. It's true that all of those things in your life ARE a priority, that doesn't mean they can't shift a bit from time to time.
And I TOTALLY count going to the dentist as "me" time. I do, however, draw the line at counting the gynecologist as such…
I'm with you – blog / internet time is my nightly wind-down. As such, my housework suffers in a pretty big way. It's been 16 months and I've grown used to passing a sink of dirty dishes as I head to bed.
We do our regular groceries on the weekend, but I'll often pick up a few necessities on my lunch hour and stick the perishable items in the office fridge for the afternoon.
When I worked, I did housework on the weekends. DH takes care of the outside work, and I would do the inside. I still had to do laundry a couple of times a week, though. I made numerous lists and felt accomplished checking things off, so they were really specific lists (like the schedule you listed.) Good luck; you have a ton on your plate and it seems like you use your allotted 24 hours very well
I don't know how to do it all. I still have help with the housework. But I do know…based on my experiences compared with some friend's experiences in outsourcing the housework…that I probably wouldn't go with a company to do the housework. Ask around, see if you or your mom has friends that have just hired someone privately for one day a week. The woman that helps us also helped my mom, so it was a no brainer. And I find that because she knows us, she's much more particular about the job she does. Does stuff still break every now and then? Sure. But I NEVER worry about her being at the house. So don't totally throw the idea out the window, but maybe look for a different solution than the one you used before.
Isn't it liberating though to agree, realize, accept it–we cannot do it all. It feels good. It feels freeing.
I used to have a handle on things when I had just one. Just one, and I could handle the laundry, have the house sparkling. Now, running after two, it's crazy. Somedays the house shines, other days, it looks like a tornado went through it.
I try to do a little each day, I also try to NOT do something every moment of the day. If I can take a nap, occasionally I do, If I can sometimes take that bubble bath–yes mostly at night when the kids are asleep, even if it's just once a week, giving myself some time to remember that I have needs too, then I have more energy to get the rest done. Somedays, I drink a cup of coffee and run around seeing how much can get done during a nap, or while the kids are playing and I'm tripping over toys. But you know what, spend all that time cleaning and it only gets dirty in a few hours.
Point is, prioritize most important things to get done–including a break for mommy somewhere in the day. including kisses from kids. including the eating and pooping. Around that, all else can wait.
Will we really remember 20 years from now that there were weeks when there was more laundry outside of the closet than inside?
You're doing great blair. Enjoy that massage.
I have found that a weekly list works out great. My husband and I each have one job per night. THis only takes up about twenty minutes a night and the house stays clean!
Sunday me change/wash sheets H all garbages, recycling, cat litter
Monday me: babies laundry, wipe down bathrooms
H: Vacuums
Tuesday: me dust H mop kitchen floor and go through mail
Wed. me laundry clean our bedroom (dust/swiffer) H litter box, garbages
Thursday me: clean boys' room H vacuum
Friday: Me wipe down bathrooms H laundry
Saturday: anything else that needs more attention.
It makes the house feel so much cleaner and is quick!
Wow, like everyone else, I completely understand and have the same issue. If you ever DO figure it out, please share!
I play a "15 minutes to clean" game with myself – I give myself 15 minutes to do as much as I can, and then make myself quit and move on to "me time" or "husband time" or something else. Although a clean house is nice, it isn't worth driving yourself crazy over!
I also occasionally have a friend of my younger brother's come and clean, when I'm in over my head…I don't mind having her in the house when I'm not there because I know her and trust her – you could try asking around for cleaning person recommendations or try to think if you know someone who could use some extra cash, that you trust. I think that outsourcing is the answer, if you can afford it and can find a situation you're comfortable with. Your time/efforts are definitely better spent with Harrison and the hubby!
One big cleaning swoop on Saturday or Sunday afternoon (or morning) when my son is napping. At the same time, my husband does the yard work. It only takes about two hours to get it all done and then we still have time to play with Lucas.
During the week I make sure to pick up the house before going to bed. I also dump his bottles in a tub of hot water and soap overnight and then my husband drains and puts on drying rack in the morning when he's making the bottle. In the mornign, I make sure most things are picked up … breakfast, baby stuff, bedroom and bathroom before goign to work. It adds and extra 10-15 minutes to the mornign, but it's worth coming home to a clean house and going to bed with a clean house.
Baby food making … I'm sure you've made some already, but I made one big batch for about 45 minutes one Sunday afternoon and it's lasted me about a month so far (and I'm only half way through it.) Lucas played in his exersaucer while I steamed, pureed and froze fruits and veggies.
Me time: usually workout (job/walk) with baby for an hour … or do the elliptical and weights at home with him playing on the ground in front of me or taking a little cat nap. Lucas goes to bed around 7:30 or 8, so I feel like I get time with him between bath, eating, then snuggling on couch while he falls asleep. I still coinsider this me time because I'm really just watching TV while he's laying with me. Then I do computer/e-mails/ cleanup, etc. after I put him in crib (for about an hour)
If a cleaning service is out of the question, you have to outsource something else. My recommendations on things to off load: all the yard work (nobody has to be in your house), buy baby food (if you are set on it being home made ask a SAHM friend who would like some spending cash and is doing it for herself already if she would double her batches), and use a service like Peapod for groceries.
Saturday mornings (every other week) during our little guy's nap are when my husband and I tackle cleaning. I make the list and he chooses half. I consider it a minor concession for the help. When we're done, we have the whole weekend to look forward to. We stick with just the list and if there are other things that need to be done, it gets added to the next Saturday cleaning list or if it is less than 20 minutes agreed upon who will do it during the week night maintenance.
Sunday nights (opposite weeks) I spend 30-45 minutes picking up the entire house and making it look like cleaning people had been there sans actual dusting/vacuuming/etc.
Tuesday and Thursday nights we spend 20-30 minutes (after the little guy's in bed and we've had dinner/done dishes/made bottles, but before we start doing our own thing) ticking items off the ongoing to do list (folding/putting away laundry, paying bills, cleaning up a mess, touching up the bathroom). We have the responsibilities divided between us, but do them together/at the same time so as to have automatic accountability.
I'm a list person, so it is a list driven process. My husband (though once dreaded) has come to appreciate the lists. It makes it easy for him to pitch in and help without feeling bossed around. Plus it gives him choices in what he does.
You're going to hate me for my reply. Or, it will all make sense. Either way, I in NO WAY am saying anything that is intended to be insulting. If we were on the phone my tone would not be snide, so read this like we were having a phone interview or something, not like I was snapping back with sarcastic questions.
How messy is your house really? it's just you, nate the baby and the dog. Harrison is only 7 IMMOBILE months old, so if he's making a mess, it's a mess you guys are leaving behind, not one that he's creating by flinging his shit all over the place.
How long does dinner take to eat? If you're nuking your food at night, that's what, like 3 minutes? Then to actually consume it? Another what, like 8 minutes? Rinse the dish, put it in the dishwasher, the end.
Do you have peapod in your area? Its a grocery delivery service. look into it.
I understand not wanting someone to clean your house. I feel the same way and I find cleaning cathartic and not something I'm willing to give up.
Do you wear Harrison? I get a lot done with my lil chubbers in the beco, buzzing around the garden with me. Bring his exersaucer TO the garden, let him sit in it under an umbrella and pull weeds.
You need to figure out a way to have Harrison around and involved in what you're doing, because you live a very busy life that he needs to be a part of.
You don't nee to stop being "type-A", you just need to multi-task better and I think Nate could maybe pitch in more. OR, hire a neighborhood kid to water the garden, mulch, pull weeds. Then some weird beard isn't in your home, something is getting checked off the list, and it costs a fraction of a house cleaner.
Saturdays pack up the kid, the hubs, the dog, and hit up a farmers market. Buy your fresh fresh fruit and veggies there for the week. On Sundays, take a whole whopping HOUR out of the day and make baby food. I guarantee you that you and Nate will actually bond over this, because it's really fun once you start doing it and knowing just how healthy your baby is eating.
You have to find one hour everynight before sexy time, blog time, or anything else and pull the house together. Get the dishwasher started, a load of wash going, dust the furniture ( how long does that REALLY take? 20 minutes? ) Pack lunches, clean counters, sweep floors, whatever.
I find that my house needs a once a week douching. You know, dusting, toilets, floors, windows, etc… and then daily tidying. I am done straightening up and have a presentable home and it only takes about 45 minutes at night… which I drink a glass of wine during. Which is also ME time, and I crank up my ipod while cleaning and imbibing. Again, multi tasking. Multi Tasking.
Baby wearing is a great way to exercise. Nothing like 20 pounds of kid strapped to you during a hike to maximize the burn!
I am a work at home business owner with 4 cats, an asshole of a dog, a 2.5 year old, a 6 month old, a very messy husband and 2400 square feet of mayhem to maintain plus a 2 acre yard that needs constant grooming.
It's a juggle. It's do-able though. You just find your groove and never lose it.
I will say this and this will piss off most of the moms on here but I don't really care.
The whole " desperate housewife, losing your identity" thing? BULLSHIT
You had a baby, you have a NEW identity, and part of it is called MOM. So, if ANYONE expects to retain their full self while being a mom of an under 3 year old, they are fucking crazy. Kids are only this little once and the first year is such a critical time period developmentally. It's not about fitting in date nights, or tai chi, or 4 day long scrapbooking seminars. You've all had 20-30 years of "YOU" time up until your baby and once they hit 3-4, you'll have 40-60 more years… so get over it. It's one fucking year of sacrificing "yourself" for your kid. Being a mom is a sacrifice, not a punishment, not martyrdom, not identity theft. Sure we all need to cut loose once in a while, go out without any kids, whatever.. but if that is a weekly priority? something is wrong when your kid isn't even 1.
I just don't do it. Housework, that is. I certainly blog and tweet and read and comment plenty, although occasionally I take a day off to reconnect with my computer-game addicted husband. But housework? Blah. Who has the time or the energy? If you wanted a real breakdown it goes like this:
Monday: Make sure there are enough clean pots & pans for dinner. Check for smelly spoiled leftover in fridge.
Tuesday: Swiffer floors so they don't crunch when I walk across them. Realize I have no more clean baby clothes, start laundry.
Wednesday: Remember I was GOING to write a meal plan on Monday but forgot. Write meal plan, realize I have none of the ingredients to make said meal plan.
Thursday: Give up. Order pizza. Try not to trip over 40,000 toys on the floor.
Friday: Finish laundry. Make bed for the first time this week.
Saturday: Attempt to garden. Pull weeds only to discover they're really flowers. Run dishwasher.
Sunday: Yell at husband about the mess, finally get things almost clean – I do counters and appliances, he does floors.
It's not a great plan but I never look back on my week and think "I wish I had spent more time playing on the floor with my kid". And no one ever wished they spent more time cleaning the toilet.
Well, realizing that you can't do it all is step 1…
Hubs and I both work full time too. As soon as we get home we're getting dinner ready…this can be one of us, or both of us, depending on how fussy Mady wants to be and what we're making. We try to all eat dinner together (you will enjoy this so much when Harrison starts eating table foods!!) and then…well then it depends.
Right now we're doing some renovations to our house, so after dinner, Hubs is off to rip out flooring or knock down a wall or LORD KNOWS WHAT, so Mady and I play together. I almost always throw a load of clothes in the door as soon as I get home, that is the only way I can keep up with the laundry (and we cloth diaper too, so something is always dirty!) Actually, in the mornings before I leave I normally set the washer so that it's finishing right when I get home. Timers on washing machines are MARVELOUS. If Mady is in a good mood and okay with playing independently, I'll dust or clean the floors or just tidy up around the house. If not, well, then she needs me more than I need to declutter. Then it's bath, bottle, and bed, then folding laundry or just collapsing on the couch, depending on the day.
If it has been one of those weeks where I can't get anything done during the day, I reserve 2 hours on Saturday morning to get the house straightened up. Hubs takes Mady to do something, or they just hang around the house and try to stay out of my way
Sure, there are weeks when everything flows smoothly. And there are weeks when Hubs and I look at each other like "oh! hi! I forgot what you looked like!" We know that we could change our lifestyle, save some money, and I could stay at home…but that's not what we want. We want to provide a great future for our children, and to do that we both need to work, and to do what is necessary. So, sometimes there are dishes in the sink. Sometimes the clean laundry is piled up in a basket in the closet, and sometimes there are little people handprints on the window. My family is happy and healthy, and that's what is most important.
Maybe this will help?
http://modernmessymama.blogspot.com/
Scroll down to see the monthly/yearly schedules. Struck me as overkill, but it might work for someone.
I grocery shop on my lunch it works out great!
Can you outsource something else besides the inside housework? Like maybe the yard work?
i second bonzer-christina!!!
I grocery shop at lunch! But I put the cold stuff in our fridge at work… and more often than not I forget to take home for at least two days. And the housework? HAHA! I just went home for lunch and started slamming things around b/c its dirty there and I'm unhappy about it.
I've tried a cleaning schedule but it really bothers me not to have everything clean at once. So I hired housekeepers and I "supplement" during the week. It's so hard. If you find the magic formula? SHARE!
one more thought, before you ban me from your blog for life. LOL!
Why not ask your sister? now that she's watching Harrison, maybe once a week the two of them could go do your target run, or your grocery run, or throw some laundry in for you… can she watch him at your house? IT would make things easier. she could do some of those things you can't get done while he naps, and you might come home to some sanity
i can tell you what i'm doing, can't really say if it's working.
the hubs claims to clean. i disagree. although he does do a few things, usually after i ask. repeatedly.
i'm attempting to work out (before work if it's a late day, take jack for a walk afterwards if it's an early day – weather providing), work, then i come home and am on mommy duty. i don't have time for maritals, let alone cleaning. so the weekends are a mad dash of cleaning while jack's napping. ugh! i had sort of set up a monthly deep cleaning thing (cat nails, fish tank, mopping – the big yucky stuff) and kept my weekend chaos to laundry, lysol wipes and de-cluttering – the basics. and that's PLENTY.
i wish there were more time in the day. but do i want to spend that time cleaning? no. i should use the extra time to spend w/my hubby and baby b/c those are the things that matter. i constantly need to remind myself that it does. not. really. matter. if my house is not spotless. no, really, it doesn't.
GL. if you figure it out, please let me know.
This is EXACTLY what my blog is about. I feel the SAME pain, and am constantly fighting it. I never feel like I get to sit down, but I compelled to clean, make cookies, paint porch furniture and still be a kick ass business woman and mother. I think we all take on too much, but I blame it all on pop culture. DAmn you, June Cleaver!!
P.S. I'm a friend of BossHossMoss…saw her in your pics. Love her.
This has been stressing me out a lot too. My solution until now has been to just accept that the house is messy. But, and I hate to break it to you, but once they start crawling it gets worse. Because before it wasn't going to hurt anyone if the house was messy. But now? Now it just might. And seeing MJ chew on dust bunnies is just too much for me. The solution, I think, is to find a house cleaner who comes recommended. When you know other people for whom they clean, not only does it give you peace of mind but it means that if they do anything they know you'll tell their other clients. If you do find the magic bullet promise you'll share it, mm-kay?
I struggled with this too for a long time. But now that my son has a set bedtime and sleeps all night, things are easier. He didn't sleep all night until he was 11 months old and he is now 16 months old.
I am usually home by 6. I cook a quick meal and we eat. Then we all play together. We start getting Harrison ready for bed around 7:45. He goes to bed at 8 and so does my husband (my husband delivers newspapers in the mornings as a second job, so he gets up at 2:30 am). After that I do all the dishes from the day and pick up all the rooms. I do it as fast as I can and it usually only takes about 30 minutes since I do it everyday. Then I have "me" time until 10.
Then the only thing left on the weekends is the "deep" cleaning. I usually do that during Harrison's first nap on Saturday. I do the toliet scrubbing, mopping, dusting, ect. I also work on laundry. Sometimes I will get some done during the week, but usually it is a weekend task. We have always rented, so we don't have yard work.
I do grocery shop on my lunch break sometimes. I usually bring the cold stuff in and put it in the office fridge. I think a cooler would work great though.
We do it all in one swoop. Saturday mornings tend to be cleaning day. I start when the kids (3 of them) get up and have had their breakfast. Usually I allow the t.v. to entertain the kiddos so hubby and I can clean. The t.v. only works for about 1 or 2 cartoons then the kids come help (generally not really help but they try) or hubs or I take a break and play with the kids while the other one cleans then we rotate! Generally the cleaning can get done in about 1 1/2 – 2 hours. By 9:00-9:30 AM we are done for the week!!! I am really lucky, the hubs helps out a ton (he won't dust though) so that is all me! Of course laundry is an all day event or broken up into 2 days. Yes, we allow our children to help and we don't care if the clothes aren't folded perfectly. We are just happy to have them pitch in!!!
Hope this helps. Don't beat yourself up. You have to do what works best for you and your family. I so wish we had the extra funds to hire help but reality is we don't so we have to rely on the t.v. to babysit for a while. No one has it all figured out (mom, wife, housecleaner, etc) if they *say* they do, they are just lying!!! Chin up girl.
Is there anyway you can hire someone you trust to clean your house. Family or friends?
Some of these posts are coming off all "my life is prefect, you must be doing it all of it wrong"…these people need to get over themselves. Don't try to aim for prefection and try not to sweat the small stuff. We know your struggles and we are right there with you.
I don't have kids yet, but I do grocery shop at lunch when I can. I bring things that need to be frozen into work and put them in the work freezer. I think a cooler would work just fine for anything that just needs to stay somewhat cool. Your milk and stuff won't go bad just because it hasn't been perfectly refrigerated for 5 hours.
And for cleaning……GET A ROOMBA. I'm not kidding. It rocks. Also, I have someone come in once a month and do a deep cleaning/dusting/mopping/etc. I still have to clean in between visits, but it helps SO MUCH. You do have to find someone you can trust, though. There are tons of good people out there, though, I promise.
I think not blogging/emails for at least two days a week is a great start!
I started doing that too and it really helps. Now I would rather be working on photo projects and be on the boards, but if I look at all the time I am on that, it adds up. I could be throwing a few loads in the washer and actually cleaning the kitchen instead of just hiding all the dishes under a dish towel…hoping the fairies will come put them away. lol! I clean the house and do laundry on those nights. Now, it's not SUPER clean like I do on the weekends but it doesn't leave me stressed out. Thankfully you have your hubby to help you. Mine uh, doesn't. He lifts his feet when I am vacuuming. lol! However, he does cook all the time so that helps. One less thing I have to worry about. If you are the only one who cooks, maybe switch it up with Nate? You do Mondays, and then he cooks Tuesdays, etc. One thing at a time sweetie.
xoxo miss ya!
jackie (mrsmacias)
Hi! I seriously just had this convo with the huz yesterday. He laughed and said he'd help more. Don't give up on the housekeeper yet though. I got one when I got pregnant due to long hours huz and I were both working. She was AWFUL. She broke blinds, a big flowerpot, did an awful job, then asked for a raise. Needless to say, I fired her haha. I was starting to get overwhelmed though after having Ella (6 month old cutie), so we asked around and found a SAHM whose kids had just started going to elementary school and was cleaning houses. She is AWESOME. Cleans our house like it's her own. Don't give up! I'd just ask around and see if you can find someone with a good rep. I'm sure there's someone out there! One last warning – I still don't feel I get enough hours in the day, but the housecleaner does really take one stress off the list. It's worth every penny.
I am far from having anything "figured out" but we have a system that works for us. We usually have tasks that are mine and ones that are hubbys (he works from home), and a general task that whoever has time does.
Daily: de-clutter downstairs (10 min). Me: wipe down granite in kitchen and quick wipe stove. Unload dishwasher in morning (20 min). Hubs: load dishwasher at night (5-10 min).
M-W-F: sweep & swiffer kitchen (time: 10 minutes). Me: load washer, fold/hang clothes in dryer, clean all kitchen appliances (30 min). Hubs: dust entire downstairs (we live in arizona, MAJOR dust!). Clean back slider (we have a dog who makes out with it daily). (20 min)
Tues & Sat: Me: polish granite, quick clean bathrooms (30 min). Hubs: Vacuum downstairs both days, upstairs and stairs Sat only (30 min).
Sun: Me: wash our sheets and crib sheets, all towels. Wipe down kitchen cabinets (again, dust issues!). (30 min-1 hour) Hubs: empty diaper gene, clean dog poop, clip coupons, grocrey/meal list, sweep back patio (1-2 hours).
Thursdays change every week for us. We have 4 "bigger" tasks that get done once a month, so the first thursday is task 1, second task 2, etc.
1: deep clean bathrooms, clean laundry room, check fire alarms
2: clean inside of fridge, microwave & toaster. clean cycles on stove, dishwasher, and washer.
3: Dust all blinds, fans, top of fridge, book shalves, stair rails, etc. Vacuum couch, vents, and inside dryer lint trap.
4: Mop all tile with pine sol, clean insides of all trash cans, sweep out garage, wash all rugs.
Whew! This works for us, but again our schedule isnt the same as a lot of people. We usually have the other watch the babe while one is completing their tasks, or do it when she is napping or content playing with her toys.
Hi Blair,
We have a cleaning schedule that breaks down into about a total of 1 hour (or less) of work each day, with Fridays (or whatever day you pick) off. I'll try to remember to email it to you tonight, but it's really very helpful to us, especially since I work full time as well. It is nice that the Boy is getting older (almost 2 1/2 now) so he's able to help tidy things up a bit in the living room. Hang in there! My mantra (also helpful in me battling my own depression, though it isn't PPD) is "Everything is temporary." It helps me to relinquish control because it isn't going to last forever. Also, meds help. But you knew that.
. (hugs)
Tena
I agree that making your own baby food shld be dropped. They have great organic and affordable options out there. Also, drop the high maintenance landscaping! Buy some evergreenish stuff, plant some bulbs this fall and it's done! No mother of babies needs landscaping that requires weekly upkeep beyond mowing.
one more one more thing.
There is one day a week that I say FUCK IT to any kind of cleaning, cooking , grocery shopping, etc.
Thursdays.
I watch Survivor on Thursday nights, and the Office. And I keep both kids home all day on Thursdays so the house is trashed come bedtime.
Friday is my "douche the house" day, so I don't care if I wake up to a toddler tornado.
And if I'm one of those people that are being referred to as coming off as my "life is all perfect and I have it all figured out" it's far from that.
It takes a while to get a routine that works, and it takes even longer to realize that your life, your standards of clean and your priorities all have to change in order to make this "family" thing work. That's all.
And having 2 under 2 has taught me all of this and then some, so I'm just trying to help, not come off like some hoity toity bitch that does it all and looks fabulous doing so.
go back to the cleaning service. even if they dont do the job 100% it will be your time! We got a cleaning lady when C was 4 months old. We have her once a month Its the best $$ spent. At first I stayed home with her (I am a SAHM, so I could do that) now I just let her in and leave and go to the park. my 2 cents.
I have a Brazilian woman clean for me every other week. She is my 2nd Brazilian in 9 years. They are super religious and very honest. I trust her 110%. She does a nice job too. I work FT and have a 4 mo – I have so little time – I'm not going to spend it cleaning.
I've felt the exact same before – too much to do, not enough time. But, once I started a routine, things got so much better:
Each morning: I put a load of clothes is the washer before I leave for work
When I get home from work:
-I put said clothes in dryer (doing one load a day keeps the laundry from piling up!)
-Noah gets juice in his exersaucer; Cole or I wash bottles and make them for the next day
-Then, one of us feeds Noah his dinner while the other folds clothes/tidies up
-Next, one of us gives Noah his bath while the other walks the dog (because she is crazy if we don’t)
-Then, we both enjoy playtime with Noah
- At 6:30, one of us gives Noah his bottle, while the other fixes dinner/straightens up/puts clothes away
- By 7:00, we've read to Noah and put him to bed – the rest of the night is ours!
After Noah is in bed:
-We eat dinner
-Some nights, we workout (separately or together)
- Some nights, I feel motivated and full of energy… so I clean or get crafty
- Some nights, I feel tired or lazy… so I lay around on the couch
Whatever it is – it's our time to do what will make us happy and feel relaxed.
The key, for us, is that one of us is always doing something productive from the time we get home from work to the time Noah is in bed. We BOTH work, Noah is BOTH of our responsibility, and we BOTH live in the house… so we try to divide all tasks pretty equally because, one person CANNOT do it all!
I think the important thing to remember is that, although having a clean house probably does make you feel better, it's not what defines you as a successful mom – or person. In the scheme of things – none of that really matters. You’re never going to look back and think, “Man, I wish I had kept my house cleaner!” Well, at least I won’t! Either way – just get done what you can, and try not to worry about the rest. You are amazing – you work, you manage an awesome blog, you keep a happy marriage, you are a mommy, and you’re getting healthy and losing weight like a champ …. All while battling PPD. That's amazing!
Now that Rowan is mobile, I'm lucky if I have enough time to bathe myself, let alone clean the house
But I struggled with this big time when I was pregnant, working a bazillion hours a week with my husband gone all summer. Help was nonexistent, so I had to figure something out.
The key is to ask yourself what it takes to get your house "clean enough." With a 7 month old, a dog and a husband, there's just no way its going to be spotless all the time. I'm completely OCD/Type A about my house being clean, but something always needs to give. So, I clean on the go.
So after I shower/brush teeth/fix hair, I give the bathroom a wipe-down. Sinks, mirror, etc. Nothing extreme, just enough to get the toothpaste spots off the mirror and sinks, give the toilet a quick scrub with the brush, wipe down the shower door and call it good. That all takes about 5 minutes.
When I cook, I clean pots and pans as I go, and put them away right away. Then, the only dishes you have in your sink are the last pot or pan you used and your plates and silverware. Makes cleanup 100 times faster after dinner. I don't follow FlyLady, but I will say that having an empty (not sparkling) sink at the end of the night is really satisfying.
I have 2 dogs, but I only vacuum once a week, MAX. One thing that helps me all over the house is having a Dirt Devil cordless handheld vac. That thing ROCKS and it makes quick cleanups of dog hair (or my hair in the bathroom!) super fast and easy.
I've found that if you take the 5 extra minutes to do it as you go, schedules aren't really necessary. The other thing that helps is to have a few cleaning supplies in several areas of the house. I keep a small bottle of windex & all-purpose cleaner with paper towels in each bathroom. I have dusting supplies upstairs in our laundry room and downstairs in one of the kitchen cupboards.
Also, alternate Sundays… maybe spend one Sunday in the yard/garden, then the next Sunday making big batches of baby food.
I don't know… you'll figure out what works for you. It's a lot of trial and error, to be honest. Chin up, every mama has a dirty house
Oh also? I do one load of laundry a day. And I put Rowan's clothes in with ours! His stuff is so tiny, it's silly to do a whole separate load for him. Put it in before you leave for work, take it out to dry when you get home, then fold when you watch a movie or sit in front of the computer. Then, ask the hubs to put it away!
I recommend getting a cleaning service, like many people on here. Seriously, it helps.
If you just can't give in to having your house cleaned by a service, then you can do what I did: I made laminated lists of "Weekly To Do's". I am a fan of checklists because they make me feel productive, so that's what I made. I made four weekly lists and then divvied up the various chores among those lists. For example, the kitchen gets a vicious clean down every other week (weeks 2 and 4), but the guest room really only needs to be cleaned 1x a month (week 3). I vacuum the major areas every two weeks, but only mop once a month… etc, etc. It's nice because if I'm feeling energetic, I might get two or three things knocked off the list, but if it's been a bad day, nothing gets done and I pick up the slack later. Since every day is different a weekly to do list doesn't make me feel like a slacker like a rigid schedule would.
Hey Blair, I made this schedule for myself when I was becoming a tad to lazy with the housework (although I'm 7 months pregnant right now, so I deserve some slack) I have done alot better since I made it and I keep it on my fridge to remind me to do it:
M: laundry, deep clean kitchen
T: bathrooms, sheets
W: dust and declutter, laundry
TH: floors= sweep, mop, vacuum
F: laundry, sort and file mail, meal plan
Everyday: sink, declutter
Sat and Sun: nothing!
Hope this helps
I really should read through all the comments, as I could use some help in this department as well, but eh, I'm lazy.
I am a SAHM, and I used to think that meant that I would have a nice clean house and all the chores would be done, but it is the exact opposite of that. It's pretty rare that I get it all done. I've stopped trying to be Supermom. It's just not going to happen. I make a to do list for the week and then each day I make a list of everything I've done. Making the lists of what I've done makes me feel awesome and is a great pick-me-up for when I'm bashing myself for failing at everything.
I'm not sure if this will help at all, but try reading this article. I like it a lot.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/wayoflife/05/03/o….
I know you're not exactly talking about how you're not doing enough, but perhaps this will help you think about why you feel compelled to have it all/get it all done in the first place.
I'll let you know when I find the secret key, sis. ;o)
I need to read through all 92 comments to see if I can pick up any pointers, but I have to say: went to FlyLady – and X'd it just as quick as I opened it – just the layout made me stress… EEKS!
My MIL has a close friend who has a cleaning lady who has been with her for 12 years. I got her name, interviewed her, and booked her permanently to come half a day every other Tuesday and do my vacuuming, dusting, bathroom cleaning, floor mopping, and then I do touch ups/other tasks when I have time. She's been with me for three years now, usually comes when I'm at work, and I'm very happy with her. Do you know someone you trust to be straight with you who has someone helping them? I think this is the best way to hire someone to clean for you. My lady doesn't advertise as far as I know, and she's fully bonded and insured. Try asking some people you know if they know of anyone trustworthy who cleans if you decide the rethink that issue.