Infertility affects one in eight people.
Shock you?
I wish it shocked me. I wish that years ago before any of us started talking children, I didn’t know that at least a few of the besties would fight it. I wish Meredith had not lost four babies & two years, even if it resulted in a beautiful little girl. I wish that Jenny did not have two babes in Heaven only to continue the fight. I pray every night for peace for Em.
Infertility sucks.
In the words of someone far wiser than me, it is a loss of privacy, self, intimacy, confidence as a woman, & often times…faith. Yet those suffering infertility are expected to “just relax?”
So start talking about it. Talk about how difficult, time-consuming, emotionally draining, & DAMN expensive adoption is to stop the casual “Why don’t you just adopt?” bombs. Talk to your sons about how they can prevent infertility in their spouse by practicing safe sex to prevent HPV. Educate people that IVF is not a cure-all fix. & if you have friends going through it, be there for them.
Want your eyes to open? Follow the hashtag #infertility on Twitter. It will change your life, break your heart, & make you thankful for the people in your life.
If you still don’t get it, read this. Consider it IFComm 101.
Blair, well said. I have several friends struggling with infertility and it is extremely difficult. I think validating other women that their pain in waiting or in the disappointment or in the utter grief is helpful in the process of going through it all. Also, it's a great reminder to those of us with kids that even on the diaper-explosion-tantrum-to-the-seventh-power-hair-pulling parenting days, to just be grateful. period. And, I'm all for raising awareness of important issues, like helping prevent infertility through awareness of preventing HPV. Great job.
Is this every woman's biggest fear? Because it is mine. We haven't started trying yet, but we will soon, and I fear that I will be like my relatives (I have 3) who have had infertility issues.
I am 27. Almost 28. And what if we go to do this and I can't? What if I should have been trying all this time, even if it wasn't the "right" timing by my insane, controlling life time-line?
Why can random 16 year olds get pregnant on MTV and people who deserve to, can't?
I wish God would give us the answers.
Blair, thank you for writing this. I am struggling with TTC and it's not easy to talk about with people. They ask when we are having babies and I tell them its not that easy and mention my two miscarriages. Immediate response,"Well what's wrong with you?" That saying always brings me down even lower than I already was. Again thanks for posting this!
Thank you for posting about the beast that is INFERTILITY. You're right, it sucks. DH (25) & I (26) are on cycle #14 of TTC our first. (This doesn't count the surprise BFP / Chemical Pregnancy before we officially tried to get pregnant…)
Each month is a cycle of heartbreak when AF comes… then there's the hope that maybe, just maybe I'll ovulate this month… And that maybe DH's little swimmers made it all the way! Then comes the progesterone tests that start the heartache all over again. I cannot believe that we've done this for over a year. I have an appointment with the RE and well, I'm terrified.
Bless your heart for being so gracious in your words and thoughts.
This was a wonderfully sweet and well written post. Although I am still 2 years from TTC, infertility is something that scares me. The only thing I can do is arm myself with as much knowledge as possible so that I am able to face it if it happens to me.
Wonderful post. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you for posting this – on behalf of myself, and every other woman who has ever suffered infertility. Thank you.
I suffer from PCOS. 80% of PCOS women need IVF to get pregnant. We got pregnant from our first cycle of Clomid. We were lucky – and I barely feel like calling myself infertile some days, because I know SO many women deal with SO much more difficulty than we did.
You can never understand the pain unless you've lived it – but having more people sensitive to it will help a lot of women.
You don't know infertility until a pregnant belly can send you sobbing out of a grocery store…
My husband and I have been married 5 years, we've done clomid, injectables, IUI's, IVF, and frozen egg transfers…and now I am taking a "ME" break. I lost ME.
Do I really honestly want a break? no. But financially, we really need one. and my excuse to everyone who asks…
I am taking a break.
Because not only is explaining infertility hard, but explaining we spent 48k last year trying, and we have no money left is harder,,,cause the moment I speak those words, it becomes real. We simply can't afford to keep trying
Confused yet? so am I
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Infertility sucks, but it is helpful to have people like you to help make it less taboo. Thank you!
Wonderful post.
I'm 23 and not even dating (and saving myself for marriage), so children is way off for me. Unfortunately, I already know that odds are stacked against me, both getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
I have PCOS; insulin resistance; a tilted uterus; have been on BC since I was 14– which in and of itself could be a major problem when I start TTC (they say taking bc for an extended amount of time can prevent fertility); my mother had to take Clomid, miscarried 3 pregnancies, but one was a set of twins (at 19 weeks), and she delivered my brother 6 weeks early (with a cerclage) and me 2 (with a cerclage); my grandmother also miscarried twins and another pregnancy, and also struggled to conceive. My doctor has already told me that conceiving with no medical assistance will be a miracle.
Lovely news for a person who has wanted to be a mom and experience pregnancy since she was 4 and knew what it meant. Who has a tinge of jealously whenever she hears of someone else being pregnant. I'm just praying my karma with the Good Lord is better than medicine thinks
And, sadly, as you said, it is way too common of a problem. Heartbreaking. Thank you for posting this
I also wanted to add that it is not just women suffering with this…it is husbands and future husbands as well.
Great post – and what better forum to give such a HUGELY important topic a wide broadcast.
One in eight sounds a lot doesn't it? Then you start to think about everyone you know who's affected by IF and then, yeah, no.
Hugs to everyone TTC.
LOVE this post! You really don't realize HOW MANY women are already suffering from infertility issues until you read about, hear about, or someone in your family has it. I really do believe that people need to be more aware of it, what causes it, whether its genetic, hereditary, or HPV. This is a WONDERFUL post Blair, Thank You! <3
Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. Fertile Myrtles across the world should strive to be as understanding and gracious as you. <3
Amen to that post! I never realized it until I started having my own kids…I count my blessings daily and pray for the ones that have difficulties conceiving…sometimes it is just not fair!
AMEN.
That is all I have to say. You shame me for not mentioning National Infertility Awareness Week on my own site. I will remedy that shortly.
I wish I could e-mail this to all of my friends that just don't get it. Granted, I am one of the firsts of the group to start trying, but wow… they really don't even get how girls end up pregnant. It makes me want to punch them in the ovary.
So, thank you for this. And one day, when I am really mad I will send them this link.
Thanks for this post Blair – sometimes its hard to watch the "mommy bloggers" move on with their lives while we're stuck at the starting line, but it's comforting to know that at least you "get it" – even if you aren't infertile. Thanks!
Thank you. (Hugs)
From someone who is currently struggling with IF, thank you.
Thank you for bringing light to this. My godmother is facing this right now and she's been trying for years. It breaks my heart because I know her and my godfather would be amazing parents. This is a good reminder to everyone of what a battle IF is.
AMEN SISTER!
There are not many people who get "it"…it is heartbreaking and frustrating and brings you to one of the darkest places you can ever go. You question yourself, your spouse, your faith, and just about everything you do in life.
2 years of trying, we are labeled with unexplained IF and it was a heartbreaking thing to hear. If they knew what was wrong with us maybe then I could fix it, but they can't even find what is wrong.
Insurance doesn't cover any kind of IF procedures, and it is so expensive. And it makes you so bitter to know that for some this comes so easy. I hate the feelings of jealousy, the feeling of being broken, and it robs happiness from most occasions and holidays.
No one talks about it, or really takes it seriously. They tell you to relax, not try anymore and it will happen, put your legs up, etc…etc…etc.
Thank you for talking about this subject and knowing that sometimes you just need someone to be there…
If it were socially acceptable to choke everyone who told me to, "just relax and it will happen" there would be a lot of people with hand marks around their neck.
I echo a lot of Cyndi's comments..unexplained fertility, 2.5 years of trying, no insurance coverage for IF, jealousy, feeling broken, etc. It is a horrible feeling and tears you up inside and you become much more aware of pregnant people and new babies everywhere.
We, by some miracle, were able to get pregnant. Then people had the nerve to say, "see, I told you if you relaxed it would happen." Really? You think I suddenly forgot about IF? That I stopped thinking about the thing that has consumed me for 2.5 years? No, we got lucky and I thank God every day for that!!
Thanks for the post Blair!!
Thank you, from the bottom of my infertile heart, for this post. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read and to perhaps remove the shame we feel while going through IF.
I am someone who has been TTC for a long time and was recently told, after many invasive tests, that our chances of conceiving a child are incredibly low. I find myself hiding my "secret" and pretending like everything is fine.
I don't tell people because I don't know what to say.
I don't tell people because I'm afraid of what they will say.
Most of all, I don't tell people because I feel ashamed.
Why? I really don't know. What I do know is that the more we talk about it, the better. I have been waiting for a long time to "come out" about our IF struggles and what better than during infertility awareness week?
I just linked your post to my facebook page. Thank you blair (beth anne). Your blod has made me laugh and cry and spit coffee out! So, thank you.
Thank you for bringing attention to this disease that affects so many women and men. People who say "just adopt" have no idea what adoption truly entails and it is one of my biggest pet peeves. If everyone had to go through the approval process (interviews, training, financial reviews, medical reviews, etc., etc., etc.) not to mention the waiting and the expense to have children, we'd have a population crisis on our hands.
Blair,
I've been reading your blog for over a year now & this post gave me reason to leave my first comment.
THANK YOU for posting this. Though we are at the beginning of our IF journey (first IUI tomorrow), I wish many of my friends & relatives would realize how hurtful some of the things they say are – mainly whole "you're trying too hard" and "you need to relax".
During a time of everyone around me getting knocked up and giving birth, it is comforting to be reminded that I'm not alone.
Thank you!
UPDATE to my earlier comment: 3 people copied the link to your blog from my facebook post! People that I didn't know had suffered from IF…or perhaps just some really supportive friends! So, you are making the rounds with my friendS!
Great post! My husband and I struggled with infertility because of PCOS but fortunately medication worked for us and we have a beautiful baby boy. Looking back it surprised me just how embarrassed I was to talk about our struggles to conceive. It almost felt like I must have done something wrong or was being punished. Now I am *almost* thankful for our struggles. It makes me appreciate my son that much more.