I’m sad to look back through photo albums & realize HOW FEW pictures there are of me & Sister together. It only makes sense, of course. She spit out words at me, I ignored her to my best ability, & there was no way in hell we’d smush into a camera screen together unless we absolutely HAD to. There is an entire gap between my freshman year of college & this past year where I cannot stumble across a single picture. In many ways, that breaks my heart for both of us.
Last year, after her 18th birthday, Sister left home for a few months. I will leave out the details, as that is her story to tell, not mine. Initially, I did not miss her or her drama. I was thankful for peace, especially because it coincided with the end of my pregnancy when I had zero tolerance for anything, including emails from Pampers. (remember that? when I went batshitcrazy on them & replied “EFF YOU!” to an email at 40 weeks pregnant? not my crowning moment in life, for sure). One thing that sticks out in my mind the first day after Harrison’s birth – Sister called me. SHE CALLED ME. This was monumental. This was…incredible. She was reaching out to me. & I didn’t pick up the phone.
I’m a bitch. Say it. I’ll say it with you – I AM A BITCH.
But in all fairness, I simply did not know what to do with the gesture after 13 years of rejection. I brushed it off, but at Thanksgiving, staring at her empty seat…I missed her. I missed her a lot. I missed her weird, deep laugh. I missed the grin that stretched all the way up to her cheeks. I missed her sharp, biting humor. I missed her sweet heart under the hard shell she put around herself. & I realized for the first time in 13 years – SHE BELONGED WITH US. When she moved back home in January, I still remember that first hug – I walked into my parent’s kitchen & saw her standing there. Looking beautiful & alive & right where she should be. & we folded each other into a bear hug.
She was home.
A few weeks later, I returned to work & Harrison began “daycare” with The Momma. We had ALWAYS planned on keeping him out of daycare through January to help fight off flu season since he was too wee for the vaccines. Of course, Sister was there. She helped out with Harrison, learned to change his diaper, learned to feed him a bottle. After January ended, The Momma asked me, “What do you think about Sister keeping him a few more months now that she’s home?” I had to think about it. Leaving my son with someone I barely tolerated for half of my life? I talked to Nate about it. We prayed about it. We drank beer about it. & jumping out on a limb, I wrote my first check to my sister as Harrison’s nanny.
Whether you believe in God, karma, or flowers…they all work in mysterious ways. & Harrison became the tie that bound us. She became my lifeline to my son during the day. Harrison helped mold her further into responsibility, & bringing out that sweet spirit she hid for so long. & one morning over coffee, we cried together as we realized how similar our paths are through depression & life. How in so many ways, Sister is the only one who I feel understands what it is like to freeze for hours, because you don’t know what to do with yourself. She realized I wasn’t perfect. I finally understood the places she felt in her soul. & when we stood up from that kitchen table hours later, I knew that God had answered my prayer over a long, hard, 13-year wait – I had a sister.
One that is beautiful. That is fragile at times. That is strong in the face of every adversity life threw at her. That has a deep, funny laugh & her own sense of style. One that is learning the woman she wants to become. She’s perfect, just the way she is.
At Easter this year, I wrapped my arm around her for the first picture we took together where we WANTED to be together. & I think it shows:
I even think we’re starting to look alike. Now, we are sisters.
Not by blood. Not by marriage. Not by duty. But because we choose to be.
& I cannot imagine anything better. I look forward to so many sweeter years to blot out the past pain. To reconcile our differences, to celebrate each other, & to really learn & love each other as sisters. Because we have a lifetime together.
That just gave me goosebumps! What a wonderful story!
I was so hoping for this kind of ending. Wonderful story! So glad you found a great nanny, and, more importantly, a great sister
What a great ending to story (or beginning, really). Life is so amazing like that.
and when did the header change? LOVE it!
What a happy ending BA! I'm so glad y'all have reconciled! Having a bond with a sister is a truly wonderful thing and I know that y'alls relationship will only continue to get stronger.
Aw I'm tearing up over here. I'm so glad this story has a happy ending!
What an awesome story. My only sibling, a sister, is six years older than me. For the first part of my life, I was the annoying little sister who broke her stuff and invaded her space. The second part of my life, she was the controlling older sister who took away my childhood with all her rebellious teenage ways. But now that we are both adults with children, we are realizing the bond that we have shared over the past 27 years is stronger than most other relationships that we have with other people. She is the one I call when I'm having a bad day. She is the one I call when I have a secret that I just have to tell. She is the only one I call sister, and I'm glad.
I was hoping it would read this way, LOVE it. You are both so beautiful – and I agree – I do see where you two resemble each other.
I am totally crying as I read this. My relationship with my sister is definitely not what I would like it to be so this really hits home. I am so glad that this story has such a wonderful ending!
Great ending (or beginning) for both of you. I never connected the dots when your tweets talked about your sister watching H until I started to read this today. I was like, ah ha! This is going to end really really good. I'm so happy for both of you.
PS. Love the new look of your site too.
This made me cry. You are more sisters now that some people will ever be. So glad you shared.
And also? I love love love the new header!!
Yay!!! You made me cry at work! Thanks so much for finishing the story! Sorry that I got so involved in it that I was begging you to post the rest. It was worth the wait and I'm so happy for you and Sister!
But now I want to know about Brother!
Blair you are a tear jerker! Seriously though, I think good writers are the ones whose writing can make me both laugh out loud and get tears in my eyes, and you do both.
It's so great that you and your sister reconciled, especially since it means that now she and Harrison get to have a relationship too.
Thank you for making me cry before my first cup of coffee.
This kind of resonates with me because my daughter brought my sister and I together. We became her legal guardians my sophomore( her junior) year of high school. We were friends before, but we fell apart. I was an only child, her siblings all lived a state away. we were both spoiled brats.
Then I got married. She was invited, and came ( which was surprising at the time) but wasn't in the wedding party.
I got pregnant and miscarried. I got pregnant again. We moved, I changed doctors and suddenly, when I would text her that we were in the town she lived in, she would respond. When I got farther into my pregnancy and would have contractions after every visit, she invited us to stay at her house. When I went in the hospital, she came to visit and stayed for the birth. In the room with us. She saw my daughter be born. And it tied us together.
Now we see each other every time we go to the big city, she's talking about spending some of the summer at my house. And when she talks about grad school moving her across the country, my heart breaks a little.
Thank you for sharing your sister story and making me reflect on my own.
Love this story and you told it so well. Thank you for sharing!
Great ending to the story. I am so glad you have someone that you can trust to watch over little Harrison. She will now have a wonderful aunt/nephew bond! I babysat my nephew for an entire year so my sister wouldn't have to put in him daycare. (He has DS, and it was important to her that he be at home where his developmentalist, etc. could come and work with him.) I swear he likes me more than other family members because of it!
BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so happy you have found the best nanny ever. What an amazing story.
Wow Blair. I'm crying reading your story! I am so happy for you and your sister. It's amazing how babies can bring women together. I have felt so much closer to my mom and sister since Lulu was born. I hope your relationship with your sister continues to grow.
Totally have tears in my eyes.
I love this story. ::sniff:;
*does a happy dance* babies bring us together and heal us more than we can ever know. They teach us about unconditional love, don't they? I'm so very happy to read this about you and your sister. What a lovely extra gift Harrison gave the both of you!
Queue the tears! I'm happy for you B.
What a touching story! As a middle sister, I definitely understand how hard it is to have a good relationship w/ a sister, especially when personalities are so different. My oldest sister & I have struggled to have a good relationship for the past 10 years, but after reading your post, I have hope that this will be the year that we mend our rocky relationship. We are each mothers to two boys who are struggling to stay in our relationships, and as a result, battle depression.
Thank you for sharing and opening my eyes.
What a wonderful thing to bring the two of you together! So happy for you that you are finally able to enjoy each other. I hope your relationship continues to grow!
Ok…crying at my desk. That was beautifully written, and I am so happy that you now have a relationship with your sister.
PS: love, LOVE your new blog header. Way cute.
That made me cry. Honestly, real sisters are no different. I am 6 years younger than mine and we have fought, hated each other, been jealous of each other and still resent each other at times.
We are NIGHT and DAY different but in the end, we are still sisters and we have our moments. Good and Bad.
That's what family is. It just took you awhile to figure it out.
This was a beautiful story. I am so glad that you two became friends, which was obviously the first step in you becoming true sisters. Family can be tough at times, but nearly always worth the trouble.
P.S. Love the new header!
Oh how I love a happy ending! I also love this: "We prayed about it. We drank beer about it." Such a fabulous juxtaposition…and I adore it.
You brought tears to my eyes. Love your blog.
This was absoluely beautiful. I loved reading about the progression of your relationship, and am so glad it's in such a wonderful place.
My little sister and I, too, had our differences growing up. We were close, and then hated each other, back and forth. When I moved to CA, she was a senior in high school, and I missed her graduation. Instead of being sad or angry, she made me this collage. This beautiful collage of she and I when we were little, pictures of us growing up. In the middle, she had scrawled a line from Wicked: "So much of me is made from what I learned from you."
I can't so much as hear, think, or see those words without bursting into tears. Although she and I are 2200 miles apart, we are closer than we have ever been. Thank you for reminding me of my love for her.
What a fantastic ending to this story. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully shared. Such life stories as these are what helps us come together as women, relate and speak about openly; the good and the bad. (And the ugly.) Not to mention the cathartic healing, as an author you must get. I myself have a broken relationship with my middle sister, heartbreaking as it is, as she has 4 children whom I love dearly and wish to see more of. It's just such a messy, ugly story; having a lot to do with her mean, controlling, ignorant husband (I could go on) – and her choice to stay. No one can say or do anything, as has been done in the past, or we are 'forbidden', to see them.
Reading your journey with your sister gives, me SOME semblance of hope, although the situations are entirely different – perhaps one day we can be a part of each-others lives. More importantly she and her children will lead happier, healthier lives. Hopefully before it's too late.
Revel in this love momma!
Wow, what a truly great story. And a very happy ending!
I definitely love the header!
So I have been following this particular story in your blog because my family took in my cousins as well and it was hell at first and slowly but surely the one that has remained with us, belongs with us, she is one of us. It is so nice to see that your story had a nice ending and thank God for parents who put up with us when we resent there decisions.
What a great story BA! I cried reading it just like everyone else. The picture of you two is precious.
I love this story. I'm so glad God answered your prayers. He works in mysterious ways
I totally teared up…beautiful story!
What a wonderful story about your sister! I have a sister that is 7 years younger than me and she was born the day after my birthday. So for years, I had to share my birthday and bedroom with this little brat. But now that I am 25 and she is 18, those 7 years don't seem like so much anymore and we are the best of friends! We go out on "sister dates" and have our own little birthday celebrations just the 2 of us. She is graduating from highschool this May and there was a slight chance that she was going to move 6 hours away to go to college. But thank God, she has decided to stay local! I don't know what I would do without her! And after I had my little boy, our bond got even stronger. She is a wonderful Aunt and adores Austin! There is nothing like a sister and I hope you and your sister continue to grow stronger together!
That's wonderful, Blair!!! So beautiful and touching! I am so glad for the both of you. There's nothing like a sister!
thanks for sharing this story of reconciliation. So often we feel justified in our anger and don't consider forgiveness and healing.
PS love the new header
I love this almost as much as I love you. xoxoxoxo
YAY!! so glad for this new ending
I'm a sucker for happy, tear filled endings and you've accomplished it.. I"m sitting at my desk crying….
*HUGS*
exgf
Perfect, perfect, perfect! =)
Beautiful story, fantastic!
Also loving the header!
Brought tears to my eyes. Happy, touching story!
beautiful!
Just a quick summary of this article:
'I’m a bitch.'
That's pretty much all the facts here.
::checks mascara, gains composure:: Beautiful ending! Babies do bring blessings in so many ways. Just wait until she has children of her own and can identify more with the plight of motherhood…the bond will continue to strengthen.
Such a great, heartwarming story, BA! So glad to hear that she's back in your life, and y'all can actually be SISTERS now!
GWB, you're an idiot.
It's been nice to see a new side of you. I've really enjoyed this story and I'm so happy for your great ending!
Beautiful story BA!
chills over and over. what a beautiful ending to a story. sisters are the best; sometimes tough to get along with, but there for you no matter what. yay for this blooming relationship…
I'm a bit slow… Just noticed your new header! Love it!
Great ending to your series… As promised! Family is awesome… Glad you gained a sister!
I'm so glad you finally have your sister! xoxo
I love that babies can bring family back together. And yay for Harrison not having to go to daycare and being cared for by someone who loves him as much as you do. A wonderful ending, and thanks for not making us wait weeks and weeks for it!
This is so similar to the story of me & my sister! I was an AWFUL big sister… total bitch to her growing up. It wasn't until my daughter was born and my sister moved heaven and earth to be at my side for her birth that we really came together. Before, we talked only a few times a year… now its at least a few times a week! I am so thankful for restoration of relationships like these! Loved reading your story!
What a beautiful story – I'm so glad you're able to finally get that sister bond!
It's worth the wait.
That just gave me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing!
here I sit writing my research paper on PPD and I am all depressed about it (no irony intended) and I come here for a laugh and you make me cry…..I PPH this…
STOP MAKING ME CRY!
How wonderful! Thanks you for sharing, I hope that one day I can have that with my brother.
Great Story. My sister & I are best friends. There is nothing like being close with your sister. I hope you guys will continue re-building your relationship
I love that you shared this because I kind of thought you were perfect. Not sure where that notion came from, but I tend to judge people's outsides with how I feel on the inside. This showed me not to judge a book by its cover. I came from a home like your sisters, so I could empathize with her side of the story. But hearing it from your side helped me to understand that everyone struggles, even the so-called perfect families, the ones who are doing the helping. We are all human and this made that concept a little more clear.
and good writing as always…
Chrisa
Beautiful – what a lovely ending. I'm so glad Harrison ended up bringing you two so close – what a neat story for him to hear as he grows up.
That is so awesome! Perfect timing to mend the wounds too with Harrison here.
So what happened to the boy? Wasn't there a brother in this situation that was also brought in?
There was. Long story short, he decided not to be a member of the family after he turned 18.
That is so beautiful. I'm so happy for you
I am so happy you have reunited. I hope I can get there with my dysfunctional family. New site is gorgeous btw.
Wow. What a touching story.