In case you missed it, I was over at Exploits of a Military Mama today. Follow her. Love her. She’s a DOLL FACE. This is my post, edited a wee bit as all blogs are continuous works in progress.
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When Mrs. Trophy Wife asked me if I would be lucky enough to guest blog for her, I immediately screamed “YES!” in all caps over Gmail. Like, dotted with hearts & stars. Because in so many respects, we are so similar. Southern to our core. Over-sharing is our love language. We heart alcohol & Jesus. Probably because we both have reflux babies. & we’re sisters.
Sisters of Alpha Delta Pi. Different schools, different years, but sisters nonetheless.
May you think we’re not really sisters & that our identical diamond badges don’t give us a bond. Maybe you’re reflecting back to the drunken sororities of Hollywood. Animal House, Van Wilder, House Bunny. The stereotypes are out there. Perhaps you think we “paid for our friends?”
If that is the case, I can gaurantee it was the best money I spent until paying Harrison’s hospital bill. Because I gained a sisterhood.
A group of woman, sharing a bond of ritual & goals. Striving for excellence academically, holding each other accountabe for responsiiblity & ethics. We swore to protect, nurture, & defend each other. To love, support, & cherish the ties that bound us in a quest for wisdom and a better life.
A sisterhood in every sense of the word.
Needless to say, I loved my sorority. I served on the Executive Board for three years & my senior year, I had the honor of chapter President. I loved the friendship, the camaraderie, the laughs & tears. It taught me leadership, responsibility, & compassion that was tempered with humility. & even as an adult 8 years after my first birthday, I still yearn & search for that feeling. Because I love women & the fellowship women provide in the most heterosexual way EVER. I LOVE WOMEN. & I yearn for their friendship.
Which leads me to this…why can’t we mothers be our own sorority? We already are – we just have to embrace it. Ritual? Pregnancy. Check! Initiation? Childbirth. Check! So why do we fall flat on the remainder? Why do we not swear to hold each other accountable with love, to protect & cherish the friendships we make? Why do we not reach out to other moms, “recruit” them into our sisterhood (as in, befriend them. not convince them to trick their husband’s into knocking them up. LET ME BE DISTINCT ABOUT THAT. the only way that ends is B-A-D). I’ve been a “lion” in motherhood, holding myself up in arrogance & biting sarcasm that eat another mother in a flash. I have been guilty in the past of not holding myself accountable as a mother, or cherishing other mothers. Trust me – it is NOT the way to be. I have also grown a lot in the past six months. Birth changed me. Motherhood & PPD continue to change me.
Mrs. Trophy Wife is still my sister. She’s my sister in ADPi & she’s my sister in motherhood. She’s my shoulder to cry on after a bad day of reflux or work. She’s a warm voice over video or the phone telling me that I can make it one more day & reminding me that our lots are all tough. She holds me accountable to be a better mother & I strive to be more like her in so many ways.
So, I challenge you…make a sister. Make a sister in motherhood. Make two. Make two hundred. & cherish the bond we share.
I couldn't agree more
Amen, Sister! Mothers need to start loving on each other rather than bashing and judging…
"you don't breastfeed? GASP!"
"You don't co-sleep? Double-Gasp!"
(I do neither of those things btw).
Get over it ladies, different things work for different people
Why can't we be friends…why can't we be friends. ::sings and sways::
I love my sorority sisters! We've been through so much together, college, first real jobs, getting married, buying houses. Now we are entereing into the baby phase. Some of us work, some stay at home, but it is so nice to have the support of your friends with no judgment for making different choices.
Very well written. I will be a part of your sisterhood of mothers, especially mothers with PPD. I have really been encouraged by you and feel connected through our PPD. Thank you.
I love my sorority sisters too. It's a special bond that takes being one to understand fully.
And what a neat post. I think about that a lot – we are all mothers working towards such similar goals in life. Posts like yours make us all stop and think about how to be closer and more supportive.
<3
A fellow Southerner… now I know for sure I love you almost as much as I love my fried Okra and sweet, iced tea!
And I love this entry into your blog and am here to rally around you, as your sister in motherhood, regardless of our sisterhood being virtual!
Mothers are overly critical of themselves, just as you so eloquently put it, but are the hardest on other mothers and it's a tragedy. We could make the experience of motherhood so much more enjoyable if we instead encouraged one another, rooted for each other, and rallied around each other in our times of need.
You inspire me!
Soo well written, Blair. This really changed the way I look at others who happen to be mothers. This is a great admonishment to not be judgemental.
I want to be your sister in this 'hood.
I wasn't in a society when I went to school, it just never spoke to me, but I love the way it obviously spoke to me. I love the idea of having a motherhood sisterhood – great post.
amber
a fellow adpi? no wonder why i like your blog
it’s interesting the way motherhood is very much like sisterhood. i even joined a meetup group for moms. and i pay dues. old habits die hard.
i’m gonna head on over and check out her blog!
Beautiful.
Commented on the blog this was on- but it bares repeating- great post. I just went through my senior sendoff ceremony for my chapter this last Sunday & have been feeling pretty down about it being behind me.
Oh, & can I just say I felt like I knew some "inside info" when you referenced lions because I knew that was the ADPi mascot? Haha, they have a chapter at my campus.
Amen, sister! I will be "re-initiated" into the club today (!) and can't wait to share my story and joy with other sisters
Amen, sister! Motherhood is a hard, hard "job" and I can use all of the uplifting encouragement that I can get (especially after the night I had – puke at 1AM – film at 11!),
I can never, ever understand why other moms feel the need to constantly nit-pick at other mothers (parents) and their choices. Sure, everyone has an opinion – their way of doing things – but that doesn't make it right for everyone. BUT it took me a looooong time to come to that conclusion. Because I have a lot of opinions. And I'm not afraid to voice them. But I've learned to do it with compassion and respect for the other person. You're doing a great job – with Harrison and your blog voice. Please, keep it up!
KISSES Blair!
I feel like we were all just sitting in the locker room and you were giving us the big pep talk right before the championship game.
Loved it.
I am not a mom yet… but man, we are trying. HARD. Practice makes perfect, right?
Amen, sister. Somewhere along the way a lot of us become judgmental and competitive when we could be supporting and learning from each other… We gotta work on that!
first, finest, forever my dear.
i agree- mom's can be so mean to each other, when we really need to be supporting each other! that's why i'm no longer a part of the message boards on baby websites- i couldn't stand seeing how some of those "ladies" talked to one another. i admit, that sometimes i too can be critical, as if becoming a mom has made me an expert on mommyhood, but i usually keep my thoughts to myself, and i only give advice if asked, and i appreciate the same! we're all in this together.
oh, and i wish my sorority had been as cool. although several of my good friends from college were in my sorority, i didn't meet them through the sorority. my sorority = FAIL
Blair -
I have been reading your blog since you were pregnant (my baby was born a week after yours), and I never really understood why I keep reading it until now. We are so very different (I'm a breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, vegetarian mama) and you would have had to drag me over hot coals to join a sorority at university. But now I see – we are the same. We really are sisters. Holy crap, I'm in a sorority!
Fellow ADPi!
I'm so proud of how well you're doing with Harrison, and you inspire me!
I'm on the Alumnae officer's board locally now, and I love meeting new sisters from other schools around the U.S.!
Dawn
Pi love to ya, sista! I KNEW there was a reason I loved you. I was in Delta Delta Chapter, intiated in 1992! That was some good times. I heart you because you are honest and also because you are proud of being Southern and love you some sweet tea! Amen to that.
Best of luck to you and your family!
Robin
Blair –
I have been reading your blog since you were pregnant (my baby was born a week after yours), and I never really understood why I keep reading it until now. We are so very different (I'm a breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, vegetarian mama) and you would have had to drag me over hot coals to join a sorority at university. But now I see – we are the same. We really are sisters. Holy crap, I'm in a sorority!
Alot of my friends are ADPis. I love them. They really are the girls you bring home to mama. If I could of afforded it I would have pledged them.
She's a DMB Fan?!? Sold!
Blair –
I have been reading your blog since you were pregnant (my baby was born a week after yours), and I never really understood why I keep reading it until now. We are so very different (I'm a breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, vegetarian mama) and you would have had to drag me over hot coals to join a sorority at university. But now I see – we are the same. We really are sisters. Holy crap, I'm in a sorority!