all the ups & downs & all the in-between
it’s not perfect but it’s everything i dreamed of
~joy williams

Dear Harrison,

Six months.  Half a year.  Where has the time flown?  & if it flew by this quickly, then I might as well pull out the banners because it feels like tomorrow will be your first birthday.   It sounds so cliche, but I truly cannot believe it has been six months since we first came shattering into each other’s lives.  Some days when I’m rocking you at night, because you have just learned the loveliness that is rocking, I imagine you are fresh home from the hospital as I close my eyes & sniff behind your ear to inhale that baby scent.  But then I realize that you’re legs are already draping down into my lap, your hand is curled around the back of my neck, & while you are still my little boy, you simply are not a fresh newborn anymore.

Which is a relatively new occurrence.  Two weeks ago, you still laid around like an adorable lump with a dimpled smile that cooed occasionally & barfed a lot.  Then on March 27, you sat up independently for the first time & BAM! you became this little man that could wear button-down shirts & is off to Harvard Law like, next week.  Sitting up opened your entire world & this incredible personality flooded out of this tiny, 16-lb body.  Harrison, you are such a sweet little man.  In some ways, it is hard for Momma to say that after all we’ve been through together, but you turning into such a sweet, content boy.  Your face lights up when you see those in your “Circle of Trust,” but you are quick to side-eye anyone you do not recognize.  “Who the hell are you & did I give you permission to exist?” your intense gaze seems to question them.

(Daddy & I are very proud of this particular feature as we believe it makes you a kindred spirit to Stewie Griffen of Family Guy.)

Harrison, my new favorite discovery of you is how FUNNY you are.  Your laughter is absolutely infectious – a deep belly laugh from the soul, mixed with peals of delight.  Every night before bath time, we play our favorite game – I hold you while Daddy sneaks up & tickles your side.  You shriek with joy, giggle, & then throw your arms around my neck as if to playfully say, “Save me, Momma!”

But Harrison…YOU are the one that saves me.   Weekly.  Daily.  Hourly.  On my good days, you are my motivation to succeed at everything I do at work, home, & in my marriage.  On the bad days, you give me reason to survive until the next good day.  Until the next day that your smile will fill my heart with warmth & you squeal for me, knowing that in that moment, I’ll be ready to “save” you.

Have the past six months been perfect?  Absolutely not.  Has it been a classic fairytale of mother & baby?  No.  But it’s our fairytale, Harrison.  & you will always be my little knight in shining armor that saved me.

I love you, for the next six months and the next six hundred years.

Love,
Momma

Harrison, 6 months.