Last night, we had swim class.  Duh.

side note: I change into my swimsuit in my office.  Dear Security – please, please be joking about the occasional hidden camera in offices.

Since we carpool, The Momma takes Harrison & I over to class & Nate meets us there after he gets off work.  & to save time & risk of accidents, we typically change Harrison in the car.   Usually, not a big deal.

Except last night.

When I picked him up at The Momma’s, Harrison let out THE NASTIEST FART EVER.  Like…old dog fart.

side note #2:  as I’m writing this, I’m re-smelling the fart.  sick.

He talked up a storm on the way to class.  The wave of dog fart kept blowing with the air conditioning.  “SICK, Harry!  What did you eat, son?!” I said, as I pulled him out of his carseat.   He gave me a toothless grin in return.  I laid him on the seat with a towel and undid his diaper.

Oh, dear God.  He did poop.  HE POOPED FORWARDS.  HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!  & why, on the sweet green Earth, did it happen when we had NO BABY WIPES?!  My baby, with poop stuffed up his manly bits, & no wipes to attend the mess.  I figured it was karma for thinking that my client’s shoes were ugly (but they were, I promise).  The Momma snaps her fingers & says, “You know, I have some old nursing wipes in the trunk.”  Old being the key word.  Dry being the other key word.

It was like trying to wipe rubber paste off cashmere with sandpaper.

& then Harry peed.  Right in his own face.

I sighed & wiped it off with my towel while The Momma ran inside to wet the old wipes.  The wind blew the dirty diaper open & as I scurried to contain that mess,  Harrison peed again.  Spluttering right into his own face, dripping pee off his eyelashes.

How do I know the Celexa is working?  I laughed.  I laughed until I had tears running down my face.  & when I didn’t think I could laugh harder, Harry joined in.  & like his momma, he laughed until he peed.

Right in his face.  For the third time.  So there we were, me in a bikini with stretch marks in the parking lot, attending my naked baby with shredded old wipes stuck to his butt, that had pee dripping off his face & hair, both laughing hysterically.

Because sometimes, there’s nothing else you can do.