When I was 13, my life changed.
I know, dramatic statement of the year, right? But I can tell you that not even having marriage, or a baby, or PPD has come close to touching the way the events starting in 1996 altered my life.
To make a long story short, we received news that my two cousins would need to be re-homed with family or face long-term foster care. You know that line in the movie Armageddon where Owen Wilson is asking about the asteroid & says, “Okay, scariest environment imaginable. That’s all you had to say. Scariest environment imaginable.” That was their environment. You name the abuse, it was occurring. So my parents battled in a completely different state & gained custody of my cousins, despite the fact that both biological parents still lived. Boy was 9 years old. (he is not an integral part of this story anymore) Sister was 5 years old.
I was elated! I always wanted a little sister! I helped paint her room pink. I drug out all of my Barbies & toy ponies, dusted them off, & lined them up properly on her shelves along with Dr. Suess. & waited several long months as the custody battle wore down. Waited eagerly for my little sister to arrive, after years of praying for such a miracle.
I still remember the day my parents came home from Ohio with Boy & Sister. I remember watching the minivan pull into the driveway, my heart hammering all the way down to my stomach. I clutched Middle’s hand as we peered out my bedroom window & watched my father lift my little “sister” out of the backseat.
Five years old. Beautiful. Broken beyond imagination.
You know that saying, “Be careful what you wish for?” Yeah. Write that down.
I watched my family change. It is impossible to describe what it’s like for two completely dysfunctional human beings to be immediately immersed into a normal family life after over half a decade of abuse. Dinners, which used to be an amazing time of family bonding, became a war over food, purposefully spilled milk, & eating disorders. I used to plug earphones into my stereo to drown out Sister screeching over bath time while I tried to learn Algebra. Years of therapy, night terrors, disciplining. & a six year old little girl, who one night when I was left babysitting, screamed at me that she couldn’t wait for me to leave & die, so it would be her & my mother alone, just like it was always meant to be.
I was 14 when she said this at me. It felt like my life ripped in two, hearing those words. In hindsight, it only causes me pain to comprehend what level of torture a little girl must have gone through to have & articulate such hate. But in the moment, Middle & I sat on the floor of my bedroom & cried together while Sister screamed in her room.
I hated her for how she hurt me. I hated both of them for how they changed my family. I resented my parents for bringing them into our family, even though it was the right choice to make for the children. By the time I was 15, I simply wanted my biological family of five back – my mother, my father. My brothers, & me as the only baby girl.
Oldest had already gone off to college. So basically, it was just me & Middle as the years plowed on, warring against two outlanders in our family. Two Musketeers, missing their Athos as the world around them changed.
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I promise, this story has a very, very sweet & happy ending. The hardest part of this story is almost over, but it is important to spread the knowledge of abuse. This happens. This is reality. It is not a movie, it is not television. Ways you can help? Become a Guardian ad Litem. Sister owes her GAL her life & I am forever thankful for that volunteer in Ohio.
Another way to help? Justice Juels, owned & operated by a new internet friend, Chelsea. She is a National Ambassador for Stop Child Trafficking Now (www.sctnow.org) & they are the top organization that Chelsea’s business donates to. Over 50% of profits are donated to these organizations. Her goal is to raise $1 million for the cause & her fantastic line of jewelry that supports the cause to end human trafficking. You can read more about Chelsea & her work here.
I am sorry Blair,
Thats a horrible story.
(@ the risk of sounding too southern) bless your heart!
It saddens me daily to think of all the little innocent children that have to deal with abusive families. They go through so much and have no choice but to deal with it. But what is sad and scary is those abused little kids grow up to be abused preteens, young adults, and adults. The actual abuse may stop at some point but it leaves a scar that can never go away.
Yesterday my daughter wanted to watch some alien movie that my husband left on. I said no it has to much violence in it. So I turned it off. She says to me "Mommy what is violence?" I tried to explain this to a 5 year old but she just looked confused. Then I thought to myself wouldn't the world be such a beautiful place if we all didn't know what violence was. Or at least wouldn't it beautiful if all little innocent children didn't have to know or experience violence.
wow, B. Just wow. =( I'm ready for the happy ending, whenever you can crank it out.
where's the rest of the blog? That's it…it's like half written & then you go into sponsors & that's it??? So confused…
Those aren't sponsors. At all. They are links to education on abuse & ways to help, either through volunteer work or financial support.
Ah ok…and now I realize my comment about them being "sponsors" may have come across as snotty – not meant that way!
It's defnitely life changing for everyone involved.
Anyway, would love to hear the rest of the story when you have a chance. I also have cousins who went thru a situation like that & my aunt ended up adopting them
The 14 year old my husband and I are getting custody of (hopefully next week) sounds like he came from the same type of abuse as your cousins. I'm also I'm due to deliver a baby 5 weeks from today. Life is about to change big time. If you have any words of wisdom I'll take em. We have no idea how different & difficult things are gonna be, but I guess, like your family, we'll just figure it all out. Thanks for sharing such an important story!
Thank you for shining the spotlight on such a traumatic subject. We were foster parents for many years and I was a Forensic Sexual Abuse Investigator on a task force that saw the worst of the worst. The things that parents will do to their own children is horrifying. So many people bury their heads in the sand because the subject matter is so hard to deal with. So thank you.
You are a hero in my book!
Thanks for continuing to share your experiences through your blog
Oh my God, I have a lump in my throat. How heartbreaking for all of you.
This is what I do for a living; I am a social worker and have been for over 10 years in Child Welfare. I am currently a supervisor, but the most important part of my job is a Youth Board Coordinator for youth exiting foster care…check out our website. My youth always tell me it is so much better when family raises us vs. strangers
Our foster parents are amazing, but so are our relative providers that turn their life upside down to help their cousins, nieces, nephews, brothers or sisters!
Great story because this is a reality for many youth!
Thank you for sharing this story, in all it’s sadness and difficulty. It’s important.
I think this explains a lot about you. And I don't mean that in a snarky way. These are profound events, and even though those children went through so much more, the effect on you is undeniable. Your parents did what had to be done but at a huge cost to their own family. I'm glad you have been through therapy because this kind of trauma takes a long time to process. I feel like I am finally getting to know who you are.
I can't wait to hear the rest of the story – when I was 18 my parents brough two cousins into our family… I can relate to a lot of what you are saying but fortunately 9 years later things have evened out and I enjoy my family as God has arranged it.
Oh blair your poor sister. Having Emily now it totally rips me up to think of another sweet little girl being subjected to that reality. God bless your parents!
The hubs and I are finishing our last training classes to become foster parents. The children we are ready to welcome in our home will come from backgrounds like the one you described. We pray daily for the children whose lives we will touch and their families as well.
My Mom did the same thing for my stepdad's family. There were 3 innocent children being compeletly neglected. I was already married and out of the house when they got them but I am very close with my mom and helped her out on a daily basis i.e. taking to/from school doing weekend things etc. The kids were so screwed up mentally that it is the sadest hardest thing to see. Unfortunately our story does not have a happy ending. DCF gave custody back to the mother and she now has 2 more kids. She is now neglecting 5 kids. It has been an ongoing battle my mom had custody twice of them and yet the Courts continue to give the mom custody of her children. The children are now messed up more than ever. I pray for those kids on a daily basis. Ages 10, 8, 4, 2 and 2 months and still no tubes tied so a matter of time before another one comes.
Can't wait to read the happy ending. I love happy endings to bad stories.
New low Blair. I hope you have your cousin/sisters approval to post her picture and story. That poor child and you use this story to pimp out your blog. Poor Blair. Whoa is Blair like always. If you want to be an advocate for abuse, your whoa is me attitude isn't helping. I hope your friends stage an intervention soon. You have officially lost it.
::rolls eyes:: You are missing the point. Completely.
& yes, she is aware of this, as is the rest of my family.
Is this Joey from Blossom? "WHOA!"
It's "woe", moron.
"Whoa is me" is that how Keanu Reeves would say it? I love snark spelled incorrectly.
Speechless,
First, have you noticed you are THE ONLY ONE that has anything discouraging to say about this post? Even those that normally guzzle the haterade have enough class not to comment. "For realsies", YOU have lost it.
Blair, thank you for sharing, and I am waiting with anticipation for the conclusion to this story. I have a young step-daughter, and although she does not suffer physical abuse, I believe she suffers mental abuse on a daily basis. She is completely defeated before she even begins a task, has a horrible self image, and her mother refuses to allow any help. We hope to someday win custody of her, because it is an unhealthy situation, and we don't want her to end up as broken as you describe Sister.
Waiting
P.S. Speechless – you were looking for the phrase WOE is me. Unless, of course, you think Blair is a horse, then WHOA would be appropriate (since you obviously think she should stop). Grammar, punctuation, and spelling are very important life skills. Bless your heart.
Oh so 'The Momma' knows about the blog now? Why not get her to guest blog about her experience then?
Can we address your improper usage of Whoa and Woe first?
Its a good thing there is no spell check on your blog otherwise your 'fans' would have a hard time coming up with something to say.
It's a good thing there is no red "x" at the top corner of your screen, or an unsubscribe button. Otherwise you wouldn't be forced to read my blog.
Woe is you!
Spell check only catches spelling errors, not improper usage of properly spelled words.
But good comeback!
Blair…a horse…perfect. Its kind of fitting! Thanks!
Since you are so fond of horses, you can snag the title of horse's ass! Even more fitting!
So does The Momma know?
Of course she knows.
I guess reading and comprehension isn't a strong area for you either?
I'm quoting Blair here: "& yes, she is aware of this, as is the rest of my family."
You already asked that, and she already answered you. Keep up the good work!
Speechless isn't the ONLY one. I was also taken aback by Blair "conveniently" having sponsors in her story. And who cares about the Whoa, Blair has confessed her blog is full of spelling and grammatical errors. I even caught the "effect" in her Thankful Thursday.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ::holds sides with laughter::
"Speechless" and "Over it" have the same IP address. & you think I've lost it?
Uh-huh….Multiple Personality Disorder?
I care about the "Whoa" because now I know it bugs you. Joey.
And this is why I love you – for realsies!
Sorry no can do. Good try Blair.
I assume Speechless is referring to her reading and comprehension again.
I don't know about the IP address, but I know I'm not Speechless. But based on her comments, I think I like her!
That's good. You both have something in common: horrible reading skills. They aren't sponsors at the end of the story.
Hooked on Phonics might work for you both. Maybe you can split the cost.
Split the cost between split personalities. That has a nice duality to it, don't you think?
Speechless/Over it – let me try to explain the IP address to you in simple terms, since you obviously don't get it. An IP address is basically your address on the internet. Meaning that when you both have the same IP address, you are located at the same computer (gasp!). Maybe you should talk to each other and come up with some better snark.
Oh, & Blair? I love you "for realsies", too. Smoochies!
Before I became a SAHM, I used to work for CASA, which is essentially the same thing as GAL. It is so awesome to read this story because it often felt like we weren't making a difference at all.
I normally don't read the comments on many of your posts, but felt compelled to read these because I was so touched by your story.
And then so appalled and flabbergasted at the hurtful and judgmental things some people can say.
Change, in any family, for any reason, is always tough, and I wonder if I could be brave enough to do what your family did for your cousins.
I'll be waiting for Parts 3,4,5, infinity!!
You know why I started reading your blog Blair? Because you're so open with your writing and you truly share your life with us. And to top it off? You don't hide the negative comments, you don't delete them after they appear. You let people know it's ok to not like you because you are a mature, secure, and amazing woman who doesn't need everyone to say positive things every time you post. It's absolutely inappropriate for negative comments when posting something so personal of this nature. And for the record I don't care if they paid you 19623962976249147 trillion dollars to post links to those websites. If even one person donates to the cause because you put their link on your blog then it's worth the cost. Thank you for finding the strength to share something so personal and obviously traumatic with the world. To hell with anyone too immature to look at the big picture and get over their jealous that no one reads their blogs.